This post is part thank you and part a remembrance for my cat Pushkin. I had to make the hardest decision of my life last week and put down my kitty Pushkin. When I got home from the vet's office ( I live alone w/one other kitty), I went right to my computer and this site was such a relief for me. It took a huge burden off me to read everyone's story.
I'm going to write a bit about my kitty Pushkin because it is a bit of therapy for me and a little memorial for her. By writing this, somehow I feel it respects the life she had.
I've had Pushkin for little over 16 1/2 years. She was such a cute kitten, but was a bit of a challenge from the get go. Mostly, in that she preferred only me, and didn't want anyone else's attention. She was a tough little cat...she definitely had her opinions about what she would put up with or not. However, she was one of those cats who was always around me...she loved to be petted and had the best purr.
So in April she had a bout of throwing up. It was really small amounts for a day or so. And it was someone normal for her to throw up, but this time it was different. No food in it etc. Then one night it got much worse; she did not stop throwing up and ended up having a seizure.
After taking her to the vet and checking her kidneys, it appeared at the time that was the problem along with a possible mass by her liver (this is what the vet said). I started then to give her fluids daily. Since Pushkin is such a touchy cat and an elderly cat, I decided just to treat her symptoms and not to have surgery. She spent about a week eating little to nothing and then bounced back after days of coaxing her to eat. So...she rallied. I ended up checking her kidneys again about a month later, and their levels were normal (this was good news, but a bit confusing).
I was happy, though stressed for 3 more months. She really was interested in eating. Pushkin ate often, but very small amounts. This last month she had a really hard time defecating. So, I took her to the vet again, and my vet felt a mass in Pushkin's intestines. Again, I didn't want to put Pushkin through surgery, so to treat her symptoms, my vet added potassium to the fluids hoping this would help.. This seemed to help. Her spine wasn't quite as bony feeling. However, her weight was definitely too low.
Finally, this past week or two I noticed that Pushkin was struggling. Her vision was bad since she was born cross-eyed, but her site was almost gone this past April. Now, I believed it was completely gone. She seemed more confused, using the walls to guide her, etc. Finally, she started to fall off my bed (her favorite place to be). But the worse thing was her weight loss and that she was clearly uncomfortable laying down. She started to moan more often.
The best I could do, was step up and end this decline. I read a cat owner's manual guide that I purchased back when Pushkin was a kitten. It had an excellent list regarding euthanasia that guided my decision. I really wanted to make sure I didn't go to far with letting her health decline. Since this illness had gone on so long, I was concerned that the dying process could be too painful or traumatic for her. I wanted to the process to be to limit her pain.
I made a appointment with my vet (who has very limited hours). I wanted to make sure her passing was the most comforting situation possible. However, I had no idea how gut-wrenching this decision would be. My mind was so overly an-alytical. I would watch her every move looking for a reason to change my mind...yet I really knew I had to stay with this decision. The hours before the appointment were so long. Yet, every moment I had with her during time was so special. I really tried to relish the moments.
This past Friday, I went into my vet's with help from my mom. When I entered the room, the vet tech asked me if this was a quality of life appointment. I said, trying to stay composed, that I was there to put her down. So, the next step was to weigh my kitty. She was only 7 pounds. At this point, I just exclaimed...I am right. Pushkin's normal weight was pushing 12 pounds. So this information really helped me stayed focused. My goal was to keep myself together. I had to make sure that Pushkin felt calm and love at this time. Not my breakdown. So the process continued normally after this. Pushkin was gone. I was so surprised at the wave of relief I felt. The process went as best as I could hope for. She left peacefully.
So, finally I get home. To all these people who have shared this most difficult moment, I thank you for reaching out to help others. It really helped me.
Full Version: My Kitty-- Gone 4 Days Now
Hi, beth, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympahies in the loss of your beloved Pushkin. Making the decision to euthanize is a very agonizing one. It is very similar to deciding to stop life support for a loved human family member or friend. But it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they may join the angels with their dignity still intact. I can very well relate to how empty your life feels right now. It is a major adjustment to live our lives without the physical presence of our furkids. But we are their legacy as we continue on our journey until it is our appropriate time to join them in heaven's perfect garden. And as the pain of losing their physical presence eventually subsides, we do come to realize that we haven't lost them because their sweet living Spirit is forever with us in our hearts and memories. Knowing that our furkids are no longer in pain and no longer suffering is a relief to us in the midst of our aching hearts in having to let them go. Beth, you did the very best you could for Pushkin, and she knows that you love her with all your heart. She loves you, too, for letting her go so that she could now be healed to her former days of feline glory. And when you see her again at your appropriate time just think of the joy of this glorious reunion when you will always be together for all eternity!! Beth, please know that you are not alone in your grief journey - - we remain here for you for as long as you need us.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Beth:
I am so sorry about Pushkin. My Little Guy too, was a little over 16 1/2 when it was his time to go, as an emergency.
I am so glad you came here and read posts that helped you. I am glad you researched about the quality of life and making
that final decision. I know all these actions were of help to you...that is a comforting thought.
I'm also glad you decided to come here and tell your story about Pushkin. I admire your words about how you thought everything out and handled it all. I can tell you know you did the right thing for her.
When you said: I would watch her every move looking for a reason to change my mind...yet I really knew I had to stay with this decision.
I have been there more than one time and never fail to look for that reason and never fail to know I had to stay with the decision also.
That is what has always helped me.....remembering WHY the decision was made. With my Little Guy, I was too upset at the emergency decision but I did call the vet a couple days later and we spent an hour talking about everything that happened and she was able to give me her opinion that she was so glad I made that decision and said she was not allowed to say that at the time but that if he had been her kitty...she would have had to make the same decision. I was able to tape record that conversation and it helped me later on ..dealing with the pain...to listen to her calm voice again and to what she said and know that I was right at the time when I felt I had no choice. It didn't make it easier but it did help to accept it.
We hope you post again here in your topic and tell us your thoughts and feelings and maybe share some more good memories of Pushkin and even a photo anytime you feel ready.
Thanks for saying this forum has helped you so much. That means a lot to all here who try to do that.
You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings when you come here.
We are always listening.
Hugs to you, Pushkin and your other kitty
I am so sorry about Pushkin. My Little Guy too, was a little over 16 1/2 when it was his time to go, as an emergency.
I am so glad you came here and read posts that helped you. I am glad you researched about the quality of life and making
that final decision. I know all these actions were of help to you...that is a comforting thought.
I'm also glad you decided to come here and tell your story about Pushkin. I admire your words about how you thought everything out and handled it all. I can tell you know you did the right thing for her.
When you said: I would watch her every move looking for a reason to change my mind...yet I really knew I had to stay with this decision.
I have been there more than one time and never fail to look for that reason and never fail to know I had to stay with the decision also.
That is what has always helped me.....remembering WHY the decision was made. With my Little Guy, I was too upset at the emergency decision but I did call the vet a couple days later and we spent an hour talking about everything that happened and she was able to give me her opinion that she was so glad I made that decision and said she was not allowed to say that at the time but that if he had been her kitty...she would have had to make the same decision. I was able to tape record that conversation and it helped me later on ..dealing with the pain...to listen to her calm voice again and to what she said and know that I was right at the time when I felt I had no choice. It didn't make it easier but it did help to accept it.
We hope you post again here in your topic and tell us your thoughts and feelings and maybe share some more good memories of Pushkin and even a photo anytime you feel ready.
Thanks for saying this forum has helped you so much. That means a lot to all here who try to do that.
You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings when you come here.
We are always listening.
Hugs to you, Pushkin and your other kitty
I am so sorry to hear of your Pushkin. Such a great gift you gave to let her go in peace. I made that decision about 6 six years ago. It is so very hard, but we somehow know it is for the best. No more pain and suffering.
Would love to see pictures of your girl sometime. Bet you have many great memories of her.
Continue to tell us stories as it helps you and us all to heal.
Many hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would love to see pictures of your girl sometime. Bet you have many great memories of her.
Continue to tell us stories as it helps you and us all to heal.
Many hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QUOTE (beth26 @ Aug 5 2008, 03:21 PM) 
This post is part thank you and part a remembrance for my cat Pushkin. I had to make the hardest decision of my life last week and put down my kitty Pushkin. When I got home from the vet's office ( I live alone w/one other kitty), I went right to my computer and this site was such a relief for me. It took a huge burden off me to read everyone's story.
I'm going to write a bit about my kitty Pushkin because it is a bit of therapy for me and a little memorial for her. By writing this, somehow I feel it respects the life she had.
I've had Pushkin for little over 16 1/2 years. She was such a cute kitten, but was a bit of a challenge from the get go. Mostly, in that she preferred only me, and didn't want anyone else's attention. She was a tough little cat...she definitely had her opinions about what she would put up with or not. However, she was one of those cats who was always around me...she loved to be petted and had the best purr.
So in April she had a bout of throwing up. It was really small amounts for a day or so. And it was someone normal for her to throw up, but this time it was different. No food in it etc. Then one night it got much worse; she did not stop throwing up and ended up having a seizure.
After taking her to the vet and checking her kidneys, it appeared at the time that was the problem along with a possible mass by her liver (this is what the vet said). I started then to give her fluids daily. Since Pushkin is such a touchy cat and an elderly cat, I decided just to treat her symptoms and not to have surgery. She spent about a week eating little to nothing and then bounced back after days of coaxing her to eat. So...she rallied. I ended up checking her kidneys again about a month later, and their levels were normal (this was good news, but a bit confusing).
I was happy, though stressed for 3 more months. She really was interested in eating. Pushkin ate often, but very small amounts. This last month she had a really hard time defecating. So, I took her to the vet again, and my vet felt a mass in Pushkin's intestines. Again, I didn't want to put Pushkin through surgery, so to treat her symptoms, my vet added potassium to the fluids hoping this would help.. This seemed to help. Her spine wasn't quite as bony feeling. However, her weight was definitely too low.
Finally, this past week or two I noticed that Pushkin was struggling. Her vision was bad since she was born cross-eyed, but her site was almost gone this past April. Now, I believed it was completely gone. She seemed more confused, using the walls to guide her, etc. Finally, she started to fall off my bed (her favorite place to be). But the worse thing was her weight loss and that she was clearly uncomfortable laying down. She started to moan more often.
The best I could do, was step up and end this decline. I read a cat owner's manual guide that I purchased back when Pushkin was a kitten. It had an excellent list regarding euthanasia that guided my decision. I really wanted to make sure I didn't go to far with letting her health decline. Since this illness had gone on so long, I was concerned that the dying process could be too painful or traumatic for her. I wanted to the process to be to limit her pain.
I made a appointment with my vet (who has very limited hours). I wanted to make sure her passing was the most comforting situation possible. However, I had no idea how gut-wrenching this decision would be. My mind was so overly an-alytical. I would watch her every move looking for a reason to change my mind...yet I really knew I had to stay with this decision. The hours before the appointment were so long. Yet, every moment I had with her during time was so special. I really tried to relish the moments.
This past Friday, I went into my vet's with help from my mom. When I entered the room, the vet tech asked me if this was a quality of life appointment. I said, trying to stay composed, that I was there to put her down. So, the next step was to weigh my kitty. She was only 7 pounds. At this point, I just exclaimed...I am right. Pushkin's normal weight was pushing 12 pounds. So this information really helped me stayed focused. My goal was to keep myself together. I had to make sure that Pushkin felt calm and love at this time. Not my breakdown. So the process continued normally after this. Pushkin was gone. I was so surprised at the wave of relief I felt. The process went as best as I could hope for. She left peacefully.
So, finally I get home. To all these people who have shared this most difficult moment, I thank you for reaching out to help others. It really helped me.
I'm going to write a bit about my kitty Pushkin because it is a bit of therapy for me and a little memorial for her. By writing this, somehow I feel it respects the life she had.
I've had Pushkin for little over 16 1/2 years. She was such a cute kitten, but was a bit of a challenge from the get go. Mostly, in that she preferred only me, and didn't want anyone else's attention. She was a tough little cat...she definitely had her opinions about what she would put up with or not. However, she was one of those cats who was always around me...she loved to be petted and had the best purr.
So in April she had a bout of throwing up. It was really small amounts for a day or so. And it was someone normal for her to throw up, but this time it was different. No food in it etc. Then one night it got much worse; she did not stop throwing up and ended up having a seizure.
After taking her to the vet and checking her kidneys, it appeared at the time that was the problem along with a possible mass by her liver (this is what the vet said). I started then to give her fluids daily. Since Pushkin is such a touchy cat and an elderly cat, I decided just to treat her symptoms and not to have surgery. She spent about a week eating little to nothing and then bounced back after days of coaxing her to eat. So...she rallied. I ended up checking her kidneys again about a month later, and their levels were normal (this was good news, but a bit confusing).
I was happy, though stressed for 3 more months. She really was interested in eating. Pushkin ate often, but very small amounts. This last month she had a really hard time defecating. So, I took her to the vet again, and my vet felt a mass in Pushkin's intestines. Again, I didn't want to put Pushkin through surgery, so to treat her symptoms, my vet added potassium to the fluids hoping this would help.. This seemed to help. Her spine wasn't quite as bony feeling. However, her weight was definitely too low.
Finally, this past week or two I noticed that Pushkin was struggling. Her vision was bad since she was born cross-eyed, but her site was almost gone this past April. Now, I believed it was completely gone. She seemed more confused, using the walls to guide her, etc. Finally, she started to fall off my bed (her favorite place to be). But the worse thing was her weight loss and that she was clearly uncomfortable laying down. She started to moan more often.
The best I could do, was step up and end this decline. I read a cat owner's manual guide that I purchased back when Pushkin was a kitten. It had an excellent list regarding euthanasia that guided my decision. I really wanted to make sure I didn't go to far with letting her health decline. Since this illness had gone on so long, I was concerned that the dying process could be too painful or traumatic for her. I wanted to the process to be to limit her pain.
I made a appointment with my vet (who has very limited hours). I wanted to make sure her passing was the most comforting situation possible. However, I had no idea how gut-wrenching this decision would be. My mind was so overly an-alytical. I would watch her every move looking for a reason to change my mind...yet I really knew I had to stay with this decision. The hours before the appointment were so long. Yet, every moment I had with her during time was so special. I really tried to relish the moments.
This past Friday, I went into my vet's with help from my mom. When I entered the room, the vet tech asked me if this was a quality of life appointment. I said, trying to stay composed, that I was there to put her down. So, the next step was to weigh my kitty. She was only 7 pounds. At this point, I just exclaimed...I am right. Pushkin's normal weight was pushing 12 pounds. So this information really helped me stayed focused. My goal was to keep myself together. I had to make sure that Pushkin felt calm and love at this time. Not my breakdown. So the process continued normally after this. Pushkin was gone. I was so surprised at the wave of relief I felt. The process went as best as I could hope for. She left peacefully.
So, finally I get home. To all these people who have shared this most difficult moment, I thank you for reaching out to help others. It really helped me.
Hi Beth. I'm so sorry to hear about Pushkin, I can tell how much you loved her. I had to make the same decision myself 3 weeks ago. My beautiful Simba was only 5 yrs. old when he developed an enlarged heart and fluid started filling his lungs. At first we took to one vet and he told us he had developed an allergy to the chemicals the carpet cleaners had used a week ago.
He gave him a steriod shot and said he would be better in the morning. He wouldn't come upstairs to get in bed with me, so I laid down on the floor in the basement with him. After about 3 hrs. he was in such distress, we rushed him to the all night clinic. After giving him air and taking exrays, the vet told us he had never seen such an enlarged heart or the symptoms in such a young cat. He told us if he did survive the surgery he may not live very long and would more than likely suffer more of the same. We talked for a few minutes and tearfully made the heartbreaking decision to end his suffering. I had my arms around him, and told him how much we loved him. It hit us so hard, as he was such a healthy little thing. I couldn't agree with you more about this site, as these kind people were there for me through the worst of it. It's just like the lyrics in that song "the hardest part of love is letting go." I also went to the library and got some books on pet loss and found them helpful. Whenever I have doubts about my decision, I just remember how he looked right before I took him to the vet. The eyes that looked into mine were full of pain, and I know his suffering is over and he went peacefully like your Pushkin. Take care.
Deb
Thank you all for your kind words. Here's a picture of Pushkin in healthier days! She still looks a little cross, but that's how she was sometimes!
hi beth,
please accept my sincerest apologies for your loss. your composure and choice of wording leads me to believe that you absolutely did the right thing for her. i have yet to have been forced to euthanize, my oliver was very quickly gone and my pumpkin i am afraid i made him stay longer than he should have. i only hope that if i am forced to make that decision for any of my babies that i am as clear-headed as you seem to be. again, i am very sorry for your loss. it saddens me to be away from here for a few days and come back to new posts.
incidentally, my max's middle name is pushkin. i have a book of cat names and some months after pumpkin died, i got max and wanted to memorialize pumpkin in a way. pushkin was a top contender name but in the end, he is so much of a max that it won out. and so he became maximillian pushkin (he also answers to fatty and fat.) take care,
sarah (oliver's mama)
please accept my sincerest apologies for your loss. your composure and choice of wording leads me to believe that you absolutely did the right thing for her. i have yet to have been forced to euthanize, my oliver was very quickly gone and my pumpkin i am afraid i made him stay longer than he should have. i only hope that if i am forced to make that decision for any of my babies that i am as clear-headed as you seem to be. again, i am very sorry for your loss. it saddens me to be away from here for a few days and come back to new posts.
incidentally, my max's middle name is pushkin. i have a book of cat names and some months after pumpkin died, i got max and wanted to memorialize pumpkin in a way. pushkin was a top contender name but in the end, he is so much of a max that it won out. and so he became maximillian pushkin (he also answers to fatty and fat.) take care,
sarah (oliver's mama)
Pushkin was a very beautiful cat. Great picture!!
Hugs!!!!!!!!!
Hugs!!!!!!!!!
Hi,
I feel your pain, it is a guttwrenching decision to let them go, even when they look like they want to go.. I just faced the same decision.... only mine was still alert, cute, and affectionate. But he could no longer stand up, pee or other, and could not even stand up to eat. I tried to tell myself that because he looked Ok while he lied there staring at me that it was OK to keep him around for a while. But when I tried to call him to come to me like he usually did in a snap, and could not even muster up the strenght to stand, I knew it was time to let him go. I had him 10 glorious years, and I am sure that you will appreciate every moment of those 16+ years!!!
I am so sorry for your pain, as mine is going on 3 weeks. I have to admit it gets a little easier once you accept that there was nothing better you could have done, but to let your angel go to heaven. I still cry, but it gets a little less every time, as I know he wouldn't want me to continuously suffer over the inevitable......
So, please know this, go with your pain, cry cry and cry all that you need to, be angry, be sad, be relieved, take a deep breath....... your baby knows that you did the right thing, and is looking down at you with that stupid little smile, saying "Mommy, thank you, and I love you"
They are the greatest gift god could give us, as their love is unconditional, pure, and so real... to have it at least once in our lives if the greatest gift of all.......
God bless you, and keep the faith
Geese
I feel your pain, it is a guttwrenching decision to let them go, even when they look like they want to go.. I just faced the same decision.... only mine was still alert, cute, and affectionate. But he could no longer stand up, pee or other, and could not even stand up to eat. I tried to tell myself that because he looked Ok while he lied there staring at me that it was OK to keep him around for a while. But when I tried to call him to come to me like he usually did in a snap, and could not even muster up the strenght to stand, I knew it was time to let him go. I had him 10 glorious years, and I am sure that you will appreciate every moment of those 16+ years!!!
I am so sorry for your pain, as mine is going on 3 weeks. I have to admit it gets a little easier once you accept that there was nothing better you could have done, but to let your angel go to heaven. I still cry, but it gets a little less every time, as I know he wouldn't want me to continuously suffer over the inevitable......
So, please know this, go with your pain, cry cry and cry all that you need to, be angry, be sad, be relieved, take a deep breath....... your baby knows that you did the right thing, and is looking down at you with that stupid little smile, saying "Mommy, thank you, and I love you"
They are the greatest gift god could give us, as their love is unconditional, pure, and so real... to have it at least once in our lives if the greatest gift of all.......
God bless you, and keep the faith
Geese
I read your recent post where you said:
Aug 15 2008, 12:48 PM
I've been ok with feeling sad these past two weeks. But, today has been tough. I kept myself busy that first week she'd been gone, but now I'm home today having time to think. I recently ordered some pics that I only had on my computer to put in a photo album and they came today. When I got them I realized that today was the second week she's been gone. It is weird it feels like it just happened and yet at the same time it feels like she's been gone so long.
What's getting to me now is that things that used to bother me, I can't seem to handle. A disagreement with family or friends or thoughts of inadequacies (normal stuff) that used to be more fleeting seem harder to shake. It is hard to feel so easily emotional. I had my Pushkin throughout so many years. She has been the constant source of comfort. People, even myself, are so random. Sometimes they feel supportive and other times not. I know this is normal, but it seems harder to deal with right now. So, it is so tempting to separate yourself from things that might set you off.
Anyway, I'm a teacher, so the one thing that does feel good is getting my room ready for next year. It seems to be the only thing that puts me in the right mode.
Two weeks is a very short time. You are still hurt and grieving. Having a problem handling some things is very normal when one is in pain. We just can't deal with the whole world all at the same time. We need our time to grieve. If you need time by yourself..there is nothing wrong with that. We have to do what helps us..not what others expect. Your sweetheart is part of you..she always was and always will be. It gets to feeling as though a part of you is truly missing..well, because it is and that is what we have to try and deal with.
I'm glad you have found something that feels positive...that is truly helping you right now. I am sorry it is was Pushkin's time to go. I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring our babies back into our lives..in a healthy state with lots of time on the clock.
Writing here must help. As you can see in your topic here...there are many always listening.
Hugs to you...and a special hug to your Angel and sweetheart forever in your heart....Pushkin
Aug 15 2008, 12:48 PM
I've been ok with feeling sad these past two weeks. But, today has been tough. I kept myself busy that first week she'd been gone, but now I'm home today having time to think. I recently ordered some pics that I only had on my computer to put in a photo album and they came today. When I got them I realized that today was the second week she's been gone. It is weird it feels like it just happened and yet at the same time it feels like she's been gone so long.
What's getting to me now is that things that used to bother me, I can't seem to handle. A disagreement with family or friends or thoughts of inadequacies (normal stuff) that used to be more fleeting seem harder to shake. It is hard to feel so easily emotional. I had my Pushkin throughout so many years. She has been the constant source of comfort. People, even myself, are so random. Sometimes they feel supportive and other times not. I know this is normal, but it seems harder to deal with right now. So, it is so tempting to separate yourself from things that might set you off.
Anyway, I'm a teacher, so the one thing that does feel good is getting my room ready for next year. It seems to be the only thing that puts me in the right mode.
Two weeks is a very short time. You are still hurt and grieving. Having a problem handling some things is very normal when one is in pain. We just can't deal with the whole world all at the same time. We need our time to grieve. If you need time by yourself..there is nothing wrong with that. We have to do what helps us..not what others expect. Your sweetheart is part of you..she always was and always will be. It gets to feeling as though a part of you is truly missing..well, because it is and that is what we have to try and deal with.
I'm glad you have found something that feels positive...that is truly helping you right now. I am sorry it is was Pushkin's time to go. I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring our babies back into our lives..in a healthy state with lots of time on the clock.
Writing here must help. As you can see in your topic here...there are many always listening.
Hugs to you...and a special hug to your Angel and sweetheart forever in your heart....Pushkin
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