My 6 year old black lab left me yesterday after a very short illness, first indications of which (in retrospect) surfaced two days prior. Sunday night I took her to an emergency animal clinic. Blood work indicated a massive infection, subsequent X-Ray and exploratory surgery revealed irrepairable damage (cause is a mystery) to stomach and other parts of the digestive track.

My world is now terribly empty. Every morning my Shenley would start to stir (slept at the foot of our bed on the floor) at 6 AM. That was my signal it was time to start the daily ritual of frisbee catch in the back yard followed by her breakfast followed by a short nap (both of us). The rest of the day she wouldn't let me out of her sight - if I went outside or to another room, she was right there. She loved riding in my truck and I always took her with me when I went to the store unless the weather was too warm. Weather permitting I'd often take her to a park to play catch, to a nearby pond for a swim or just for a walk. She was the most gentle, kindest "person" I'd ever met. She wouldn't hurt a flea - I remember her coming in from the back yard to get me this past spring, taking me out back with her; there was a baby rabbit sitting on our deck and rather than chase it she sat down and looked at me as to say "what is that, sir".

This morning I dreaded waking up without my Shenley. Gone was the ritual that's started my day for over six years. Gone was the happy, tail wagging, greeting at the door whenever I came home. Gone was the unconditional love she gave me day in and day out.

I am now consumed by terrible guilt - I failed my best friend. If I had just paid more attention and got her to a vet a day earlier, would she still be with me? If I had just noticed subtle differences in her behavior two days earlier would she still be with me?

I pray to God she understands how much I love her, how much joy she has given me and how sorry I am. I pray that dogs go to heaven and they play frisbee there.

I am sorry for your loss. The guilt that goes along with the grieving process is so hard to deal with. Since your dog was so young and healthy to that point, it would not necessarily be something you would normally be looking for. It is so clear how much your loved you dog. That is what was important to her. Sometimes as humans we miss things...or maybe you didn't. It just didn't seem like an emergency at this time.

My loss is fresh too...I'm hoping the guilt part goes with time.

I'm very sorry for your loss of Shenley. We only know too well the level of grief you are going through. I personally believe that they do go to some place special. The level of love we feel for them and the love they give back must live on. I take comfort in that and I hope you can too.

God bless and again, please accept my deepest condolences.

Candy's Dad
Hal

Hi, ShensFriend, please permit me to extend to you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your furchild, Shenley. Please know you did everything you could for Shenley at all times. You took her to the vet as soon as you realized that something was really wrong. Guilt is always a part of the beginning stages of grief - - oh, how well I know. The "what if's" and "why didin't I's" and "should have's" "could have's" etc., can make you feel like you're going crazy. But in reality we don't have the benefit of foreknowledge - - only understanding of the facts and cir%%stances at the time. Therefore you did not let Shenley down. She knows that you loved her and would have moved mountains to protect her and keep her safe, healthy, and happy. And you did do just that - - by taking her to the vet who advised you what needed to be done. Shenley is now healed and safe and happy in heaven's perfect garden because of your great sacrifice to relieve her of her failing physical body. Hopefully in time you will come to know that Shenley is still with you - - her sweet living Spirit lives on in your heart and in your memories which no one and nothing can ever take away from you. But for now you are Shenley's legacy as you continue in your journey. Please rest assured that she is playing frisbee with the angels until you can be with her to resume your rightful place once again. This awful grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, ShensFriend. But please know you are not alone - - we are here for you for as long you need us.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

I am so very sorry to hear about your Shenley. I know from my Little Guy's story what happens when it is an emergency and it is truly the most heart-breaking.

You said:
I am now consumed by terrible guilt - I failed my best friend. If I had just paid more attention and got her to a vet a day earlier, would she still be with me? If I had just noticed subtle differences in her behavior two days earlier would she still be with me?

I can't see how that is possible. Anything that is that serious does not start in 2 days. You really had no warning. There was
absolutely nothing more you could do than what you did. There cannot be any guilt for that. You didn't fail her...you took her in
right away.

You also said: Blood work indicated a massive infection, subsequent X-Ray and exploratory surgery revealed irrepairable damage (cause is a mystery) to stomach and other parts of the digestive track.

Even the vet didn't know what was going on and if he didn't know..he could not cure anything. So you see, even this shows you did
not fail her at all. Bringing her in 2 days earlier would have the same result..as long as a cause is a mystery so is a cure. Again,
please put that feeling of guilt out of your thinking. It just does not belong there.

When things happen fast, the shock is tremendous (I know..I went through my first emergency with my Little Guy). That's why
I think it can be natural to try and second guess it all. I remember rushing to the vet. I remember coming home alone. And
I am reminded every day that my boy is not here any more.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to vent. It can't be helped to feel overwhelmed by devastating pain. It is a horrible feeling.
But...by coming here....you will realize that you are not alone .......we here know your pain....it is a part of our lives too.
You can come here and post your thoughts and feelings...get your sadness out into words. You can also tell us about your best friend. How did you first get her? If she was 6 years old and you had her for 6 years...did you get her as a puppy? What made you pick her out? You can post any thoughts or feelings about her here. We all understand ....we are here to remind you that many feelings you have and will have......will be completely normal. Is she your first special one?

Sometimes people post a letter in their topic here..to their best friend....getting out the thoughts they wish they could say to them.
You are on the first step of a long road to healing. Healing takes time. Healing means not being overwhelmed by the sadness and pain every day....24/7.

The things you described about her..we never tire of hearing how special a girl or boy is. And, it is very obvious from what you have said about your time with her...especially the story of the bunny.....that she is truly a very very special lady. We can't take away your pain but sometimes we may help you to deal with it. That's what we are all learning to do for ourselves and we pass on what we learn to each other...hoping something we said...eases the pain even for just a moment.

Don't hesitate to answer back here with your replies. Posting will help...anytime you feel like it..we are here listening...

Hugs to you and your special Angel, Shenley

Remember....you are not alone....

"Gone was the happy, tail wagging, greeting at the door whenever I came home. Gone was the unconditional love she gave me day in and day out."

I know the feeling of your sadness regarding the above quote, I know it too well. It's been two months since I lost my best friend, Zoe. It's a terrible emptiness that only gets better with time.

Please know you're not alone.
Much love and support
Deanna

I am sorry for your loss of Shenley.
Everyone's posts say what I would have.
Guilt was very hard for me. It does get easier. Just takes time. For everyone this time is different. We just have to take it one day at a time.

Many hugs to you!!!!!

Thank you all so much for your responses. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear from people who have gone or are going through the pain I am feeling. As time goes on I'll share with the forum my progress with hopes of helping others as you have helped my.

God bless

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to put my golden retriever down on July 25th, and am still pretty much a zombie. Four years ago I lost a border collie to sudden illness like you lost you Shenley. It's so devastating, especially the early stages.
Use this site for support - it's helped me through my worst days, and, hopefully I've helped others too.

Steph:

Thank you, and I extend my sincerest sympathy for your loss. Your experience in dealing with the grief gives me hope.

Today, for some reason, is more difficult than yesterday - I suppose there will be setbacks along the way. Every place I turn there are the fond memories. Where is she when I come home, where is she when I roam from room to room, where is she when I go out in the yard? I can't remember a time when she wasn't there by my side.

This morning I walked into the back yard and could see where she had lain in the flower bed on the shady side trying to cool off just before I took her to the vet - this really set me off with renewed guilt and grief.

Yesterday, I put away all her toys, her bowels and her beds so as to not be reminded.

Thank you again Steph for your kind words.

God bless.

Hi, ShensFriend, putting away Shenley's toys and other things she used can almost feel like you're putting her away - - that you'll somehow forget about her. But that won't ever be possible, ShensFriend. Shenley will always be with you in your heart and in your memories, and there will come a time when thinking about her and looking at favorite things won't be quite so painful. When my number one kitty son Eli died almost 2 years ago I waited a month before I canceled his insurance policy - - because to cancel it meant he didn't need it anymore. The day I called to cancel the policy I could hardly speak with the customer service representative. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, ShensFrieind, and please know you are not alone. We are here for you for as long as you need us.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

My best friend Shenley left me 6 days ago. Every day has had its moments, times when I would be doing something and recall that I couldn't remember when Shenley wasn't by my side. I found a tennis ball under the bed that we had played catch with just last week. I swept the garage with a broom that had chew marks on the handle from when she was a puppy. Sometimes I find it difficult to leave home because she's not with me and I find it difficult to come home because she's not there. I dread waking up in the morning - that was her self assumed job to be my alarm clock. I Dread going to bed because she's not sleeping next to it. I dread going out in the back yard because I can never recall a time when she didn't follow along - I feel so alone out there.

I do find that every day is getting a little easier. I spend less time beating myself up over not somehow saving my Shenley's life. There are more thoughts about the good times and fewer sad thoughts.

Today brought an event that I was dreading but, as it turns out, has provided some peace. I had Shenley cremated and today was the day to pick up the ashes. Shenley loved to ride in my truck so I took the truck to the vets and Shenley rode home where she always rode. It somehow felt good to hold the box containing her ashes close to me - almost as if I were hugging her. The box is well crafted and nicely finished and I set it on a cabinet near the foot of our bed - maybe tonight I'll sleep better knowing she's there.

As I said, the grief is easing but one thing I am sure of is that I'll never forget my best friend Shenley.

I can't thank the kind people of this forum more for helping me through those first terrible days. I'm a long way from being out of the woods but I'll make it. I pray that all of you feeling the pain of losing your best friend will find peace.

God bless.

I'm sorry for your loss Shensfriend. I too lost my dog Omar just last Wednesday. August 6 at 9:50 AM. So hard to bear. I feel your pain. I too feel guilt. Not so much like yours, but guilt that I 'took' his life. Could he have been around longer. Maybe if I started treatment sooner. I know he was 14, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I got comfort in your story of picking up his ashes and bringing him home. I am to pick up Omar's next Monday, and I'm hoping I will feel some comfort having him back in the house. I miss his fur so much though...I could have pet him for hours.

Take care.
Omarmommy
Marcie

ShensFriend, I just read your post from yesterday, and yes, it does feel good to get our furkids' ashes back. It is as though they are back with us, just differently. Some people think and fear that when the intense pain of grieving begins to lessen that they will forget their beloved furchild. It is so wonderful to see that you know that your Shenley will always be with you in your heart and in your memories and can therefore never be forgotten. We can never forget the ones we love deeply and completely. And because they are so much a part of us, this gives us the strength and courage to "go on" with our lives but as better people because they have been, and still are, very much a part of it.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam