Since this site is a place to be totally honest I'll do so: I have been in a serious depression since February. I actually came up north to my mother's to try and get a bit of healing happening, but now my Falkor has passed.
I don't even know if I can heal anymore at this point. Falkor gave me peace and joy - I feel totally dead myself now. To be honest, I wish that I was.

Tomorrow I go home from my mother's. I can't even imagine what it will be like on the journey back, and how I'll cope once I'm back there. I guess one minute at a time.

It does hurt so bad. I am so sorry for that. I wanted to stay at work all the time cause coming home without her waiting for me was just unbearable. I only live 4 blocks from my work, but by the time I'd get home I would just be sobbing. How could I stop, get out of the car, go in? Sort of being like a robot i guess.
We get by one second at a time, then minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years. Some people just take more time than others.

We are here to help.

Wishing you to find some relief to your pain.

Many hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know exactly how you feel. I've had relatives for the past 2 wks visiting. I could have easily distracted myself with them, but I just ran away. I have hardly spoken to them, I didn't even do anything with them. I've been miserable. I went to a JethroTull concert tonight. Didn't even want to go, but I'm thinking, ok, a little distraction. Right? Wrong. I get there, what do I see, a rainbow(rainbow bridge) He sings too old to rock and roll, too young to die, (too young to die). If I can figure out how to have a tearless day, I will gladly pass it along.. Hugs..Ann

Hi, Steph, What you are feeling about going home and dreading being there without Falkor is a normal part of your grief journey. This is normal even when there are other furkids in the household who need our love and attention. Several years ago I lost both my kitty girl Holly-Delilah and my doggie son, Samson MacDougal, within a year's time. Holly was the first to go to the angels and Samson followed. Both furkids had seen me through a very long and traumatic recovery and rehabilitation from serious injuries from an automobile collision which caused the death of my mom (who had just been declared cancer free with her 5-year post-cancer check up). When my Samson died I could not stand to go home - - my home was empty and painful. And in my grief journey I believed that I didn't deserve any happiness at all. But eventually as I healed in my grief I realized that I was wrong, and eventually was blessed with my current canine companion, Oslo, my number one kitty son, Eli (who joined the angels on December 11, 2006), and my kitty kids Noah and Abbygayle. Steph, your clinical depression will be aggravated by your loss of Falkor - - but please hang in here. We are here for you for as long as you need us, Steph. Please know you are not alone. Let us know how you're doing when you get home, okay?

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Steph,

I find it hard to provide comfort to people as i am desperatly trying to find a little for myself at the moment
but, i saw your thread title and i knew that i had to try and say something. So here it goes...

Your right, honesty. I'll do so too...

I've been battling clinical depression on and off since the age of 15 (i'm 22).
And i've been in and out of hospital because of it.

My furry best friend of 15 years passed exactly 1 month tommorow...
For a couple of years it was just he and i.
He was the only special person that brought some base to my life.
And dare i say it, meaning.

I understand that part of you feels dead...Gone.
Because i feel the same.

I just wish that i could say something of real comfort to you..But i'm just lost for words right now.
Just know that...
You are not alone in either your loss of your precious Falkor or your depression...
Their are people here, special people, that will always do their upmost to provide words of comfort...
I too will try to provide some words if and when i am able to muster them.

Take care Steph,
Best wishes.

Hey Steph,
Hang in there ~ I know the sadness and emptiness is almost unbearable with losing Falkor. It's tough to go on with my daily responsibilites, however, I continue to do so, although it's not without "Zoe" on my mind. I miss her so much.
Keep in touch with us,
We care...
Deanna

hi steph,

glad you brought this up because i have thought of it but just never did. one member on here i just knew for sure was so i pm'd her but it's hard to address depression online. i am. i had a long year that encompassed just about everything one can encounter and when oliver died, that was it. not only did (do) i deal with the loss, but it feels like something in me snapped. i curiously took about 10 online tests just to see (although i think that if you suspect you are, the answer is yes) and scored in the mild to moderate range. there were recurring questions that always i answered the same, no. do you enjoy the things you used to, do you have energy for the mundane. and a yes to the change in appetite. i don't wear makeup anymore and can barely wash my hair still. i gave up flossing and haven't gone out with any friends since oliver died. don't get me wrong, i get through the day ok but nothing is ever "soooo much fun." i just don't care enough to have any.

sarah (oliver's mama)