Monday night our eleven year old boy Roman went to the vet for emergency surgery. Tuesday morning we learned he passed away during the night. We got him from the animal shelter as a malnourished, heart worm poisitive four year old. We were just going to foster him for our local Doberman Rescue while he got treatment and a suitable home could be found. But after a few weeks we realized that we couldnt let him go anywhere. He was our dog. Just one of the many things he brought to our family was that he helped raise our insolent, spolied little puppy. She was about eight months old when we brought him home and he taught her all the things he felt she needed to know. He kept her in line, and kept her safe. He took his big brother role very seriously. One time we went to pick them up from being boarded at the vet and were informed that Roman had nipped a new vet tech on the butt. We were shocked and embarresed. Roman was not the bitting kind. They just said that the new guy went to get them from the kennel they shared and tried to get Julie out first, but they all knew you have to take roman out first cuz he didnt like people messin with his sister. Thats just the kinda guy he was. Obviously the guy was fine, didnt break the skin or anything. Just got his point across. So fast forward and our spoiled little girl is now a seven year old Dobe. And Roman is gone. And she wont stop looking for him. Pacing back and forth between windows and doors. And we cant seem to stop crying for long enough periods of time to get anything done. We have been paying more attention to her, long evening walks and lots of time with us but even the puppy prozac (yup, thats right our dog is now on anti-depressants) hasnt seemed to help. And my partner and I are emotional wrecks. Spontanious bouts of sobbing uncontrollably. ANd watching Julian just makes it worse. Its like an endless cycle of grief and loss. Any advice?

Thanks
Monica

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to put my golden retriever, Falkor, to sleep last Friday, so I'm pretty much a mess myself. I do have some advice for your other dog because four years ago my Falkor went into a depression when my other dog died suddenly: get your surviving dog some new toys that don't have Roman's scent on them. I noticed that Falkor did not want to touch anything that he had shared with Luba. I know it's hard, but find a tiny bit of joy in yourselves, and play with Julian a bit. She's picking up on your mood, and even you just play for a tiny little while - it will help all of you.

Keep me posted on how it's going.

Hi, Monica, I am so sorry for your loss of Roman. When we lose a beloved furchild it is like a knife has stabbed us through the heart and ripped it out. Roman sounds like a precious soul. I can relate to what you're going through with Julian. When my number one kitty son, Eli, died almost 2 years ago, his adopted little kitty brother Noah was just beside himself with grief. In fact, there was a period of time when he was very angry with me because the last time he saw Eli was when I was taking him back to the vet for our final journey together. Eli had always come back from the vet, but not this time, and Noah was just grieving very deeply. For months he would look for Eli through the house as well as when he was outside on his tether. So, to help Noah, I kept Eli's blankets and towels out so that Noah could snuggle down in them. And I tell Noah every night how proud I am of him for being such a wonderful little kitty brother to Eli, and that I love him very much and miss Eli, too. The good news was that Noah was still eating and taking care of himself. Over recent weeks, Noah has begun to sleep with me at night instead of snuggling down in Eli's blankets and towels. I know he still misses his kitty brother, but he does have his littermate sister Abbygayle and his big doggie brother, Oslo, to keep him company in addition to me, and I think he is now coming to understanding that although Eli is no longer physically with us he is not forgotten. It just takes time to get through this awful grieving journey, and unfortunately it cannot be rushed. It's a one day at a time journey - - there's no fast forward button or turning to the end of the novel to hurry the process. The loss of a beloved furchild does change the dynamics of the family unit and the atmosphere in the home. Along with coping with the tremendous void in your hearts and lives with the physical absence of Roman you also have the adjustment to different routines to make - - - another reminder of the physical absence of Roman. But I promise each of you will get through this, and there will come a time when Julian will be more at peace, as well as you and your partner. Clinical studies have shown that it takes up to a year to process a loss, and there are many different stages of grief to go through before you get to the point where you reach what is referred to as "acceptance" of the loss. Your grief journey has just begun, Monica, and it's just going to take time for you and all members of your household to work through it. The good news is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here does know first hand what it is like to travel this very difficult road, and we are here for you for as long as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Monica, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

I am so sorry to hear about Roman. He sounds like a wonderful friend. As far as your other baby, one Mom here (Goliath was her baby) lost her boy and his sister Gidget had a tough time. She has a wonderful explanation of what worked for her. It is in
this Section in the topic called "My Bonnie and Clyde have gone to Doggie Heaven". Here is the direct link to it..if I did
this right:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4726

I think you will find some wonderful suggestions and comments there.

I think the extra attention you are giving to Julian is wonderful. You also mention you and your partner still being very upset.
We know our babies react to what they sense in us and maybe when you are able to feel more in control (which I know is extremely difficult)...that may get Julian to calm down more. All she knows right now is Roman is gone and you two are very very upset...so
she is upset.

If that doesn't work......just maybe what Beth (Goliath's mom) did might work for Julian. I found when I lost my last one and was alone....I need a distraction to help me and so I adopted one from my local SPCA and it worked for me. Maybe Julian needs one too...I don't know...but it is a thought.

Hugs to all of you.....again...I am so very sorry about your loss. we here know exactly how you are feeling because our pain never really leaves forever.

Thanks for all the support everyone. When things settle down here we have decided to get Julie a new friend from rescue. And we are taking a trip together today to petsmart to pick out some new toys. I erally do appreciate having a place to come and talk.

Also, my partners name is Megan. ;-)

Monica and Megan:

Wonderful news....I am so glad you two will be getting a new baby from rescue.

A new one has always worked for me..when I have been alone after losing one of these sweethearts. I always think of it as
a win-win situation.....they give me something I need and they get love and a home which they need. How could that not
work?

Please keep us updated about how you two are doing, how Julie is doing, and....all about your new rescue when the time comes!

Hugs to you all....we all share the same pain and it is good when we can share something good too.

...............that's a hug for each of you!

Hi, am so sorry too about your Boy Roman passing, I too, lost my Son Buster last June 20th and am still a mess. Our former next door neighbor's female Dog [now mine] Trixie went into a deep depression for a week and our Vet told me to get her a new brother and so I did and now she is doing much better, again am so sorry for your loss and please give extra attention to beautiful Julie and if possible a soon Brother or a Sister? all of you always in my thoughts, Jorge Buster,Click to view attachment born May 20th, 1997 - died June 20th, 2008.

Hi Monica,

I am saddened for you, as well as Megan and Julian. Your story of how Julian is behaving right now reminds me so much of how my Gidget mourned so long for her big brother, Goliath. The many ways she displayed her emotions really took it's toll on me. She literally was as distraught as I was when Goliath passed away so suddenly this last November.

In Bonnie & Clyde's thread I read and responded to a very similar story of how her surviving dog was behaving. I can relate to both of you so well. Please read there what my advice would be. You need to understand though, that Julian will more than likely continue to show a different kind of behavior whether you bring another puppy into your heart and home or not. Working through grief is a long and painful journey for you and Megan as well as Julian. He isn't going to forget about Roman any more than you are.

As you continue to find comfort and acceptance, may you all be blessed in the beautiful memories you made together. Yours hearts are bound by the true connection in love you have for each other. This kind of bond can never be severed ever.........not even in death....... for the loving spirit lives on.

Hugs of comfort to all of you,
Beth

Hi, Monica, bringing in a new baby can surely help ease the sorrow in one's heart. This doesn't mean at all that you're replacing or forgetting the loved one who has crossed the Bridge, - - it just means that your beloved angel is guiding you to share your love with another furchild who needs your tender loving care. Please let us know how you're doing, how things go, and when you have your new furbaby.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Thank you all so much for the support. Things are going OK over here. Jules is stuill in a miserable funk, but rather than looking for him constantly she has now become a "velcro dobe". Velcro to our sides at all time. She used to be pretty independent (she just bugged him alot) now she requires constant reassurance and attention. I can live with that. Kinda nice sometimes. :-) we are OK too. Its on a day by day basis. Saturday was all about Jules, we went to the park to run and then petsmart and then got a bath and played with our new toys. The evenings are harder for us. Sometimes we are fine, and other times I feel like someone ripped my heart right out of my chest. The degree of raw emotions I actually find shocking. Megan is having a more difficult time than I am and in a sick, selfish way Im using that. Not that shes hurting but that I need to make sure she and Jule are OK so that helps me. (wow, that sounds awful) It also helps to know that eventually there will be another rescue in the house. Not to replace Roman (nothing could ever do that) but to share his spirit. And to take up some of the very noticably empty space on the porch. :-) Thanks again

First off Monica, I am very sorry for your loss. I wish I had advise other than time heals wounds. I try to think of happy thoughts on my Candy, whom I lost a month ago, but I'm still at that stage of when I think of her, I still feel very sad and miss deeply. Just give your other baby lots of hugz and hopefully after some time, you won't feel as sad. But know that we all understand what you are going through and I'm so sorry for this difficult time you and your partner are dealing with.

All my best

Candy's Dad
Hal

Monica,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my little Fleetwood kitty back in Feb. and still feel the pain today. Although it has gotten better, I still missing him very much. Our calico still looks for her little brother every day and often lays on the spot where Fleetwood died. At first I would cry every time I saw her laying there, but then I realized she is just spending time with her brother. Just continue to give attention to Julian and confort her and you will find she will confort you as well.

Time slowly heals the wound.

Mark

People who do not have pets are always amazed that they grieve just like we do. We had a Burmese cat .. When her father died, she was inconsolable. She was forever looking for him, meowing at closet doors, looking under furniture, and it just never stopped. As bad as we felt, she felt worse, and did not understand.
In desperation, we went to the shelter and got a kitten who looked vaguely like her father. Not only did Minka quiet down and have someone to "manage", she went on to live an amazing 23 years.
Dogs are more social than cats, and the loss may affect them worse, so do not rule out hiring a new friend for her. As everyone will say, the friend is not and can never be a "replacement"..that would be cold, to think that way. We can never "replace" a friend. But the dog also has a huge amount of love left over that has no place to go at the moment, and I really think it will do wonders for her. It would also distract you a little, too, but it starts out as mostly for the pet, because at least you undertsand what has happened.