I just hate coming home these days. I can't stand opening the door to silence. I hate the fact that I no longer have to carefully open the door to make sure that I didn't bump the door my sweet, deaf old dog, who insisted on lying in front of the door. I hate everything about going home now. Often times I've just delayed going the past few days. I just kind of dawdle around and wait as long as I can before I have to go home.
When I see the mat by the door lying empty I just feel totally gutted. It's so sad.
Full Version: So, Is Anyone Else Avoiding/delaying Going Home?
i definitely felt that way, it took me probably two months to be able to really stay at home and be ok with it (been almost three months now.) i didn't want to sweep let alone care about any extensive stuff like dusting, yard, etc. i have noticed similar topics in your threads with mine (i can't believe this is happening was the title) and i know very much how you feel. you have to get used to a whole new (joyless) life, the colorless mornings, the empty house at night and everything, which feels like a heavy holed-out nothing, in between...
i've gotten alot of overtime at work for sure. once i was standing in the kitchen not long after oliver passed away and i'll never forget the sadness/horror i felt realizing that the cabinet doors weren't ever open when i got home anymore. i always suspected it was him but never could prove it for years and now only after he's gone do i know for sure, as i have three more babies and it hasn't happened once since. you'll get used to it even though you hate the thought but the deep missing i fear will remain.
others here are farther along in the healing and can talk more of happy times (someday i hope i can but i'm still not quite there yet if you can't tell) but i can tell you the raw will subside, and you get through it a little better bit by bit. it just takes alot of time (i really hate to say it but it's true) to adjust to your new routine. hang in there, this place is great for all the facets your grief encompasses. someone here always knows exactly how you feel when you anguish over the physical death or just want to talk about the sadness of an empty impression of someone's seat. when i get mired down, i try to think about the luck we both had at even finding each other, let alone each of us being so thoroughly loved.
i've gotten alot of overtime at work for sure. once i was standing in the kitchen not long after oliver passed away and i'll never forget the sadness/horror i felt realizing that the cabinet doors weren't ever open when i got home anymore. i always suspected it was him but never could prove it for years and now only after he's gone do i know for sure, as i have three more babies and it hasn't happened once since. you'll get used to it even though you hate the thought but the deep missing i fear will remain.
others here are farther along in the healing and can talk more of happy times (someday i hope i can but i'm still not quite there yet if you can't tell) but i can tell you the raw will subside, and you get through it a little better bit by bit. it just takes alot of time (i really hate to say it but it's true) to adjust to your new routine. hang in there, this place is great for all the facets your grief encompasses. someone here always knows exactly how you feel when you anguish over the physical death or just want to talk about the sadness of an empty impression of someone's seat. when i get mired down, i try to think about the luck we both had at even finding each other, let alone each of us being so thoroughly loved.
QUOTE (oliver's mama @ Jul 31 2008, 01:22 AM) 
i definitely felt that way, it took me probably two months to be able to really stay at home and be ok with it (been almost three months now.) i didn't want to sweep let alone care about any extensive stuff like dusting, yard, etc. i have noticed similar topics in your threads with mine (i can't believe this is happening was the title) and i know very much how you feel. you have to get used to a whole new (joyless) life, the colorless mornings, the empty house at night and everything, which feels like a heavy holed-out nothing, in between...
i've gotten alot of overtime at work for sure. once i was standing in the kitchen not long after oliver passed away and i'll never forget the sadness/horror i felt realizing that the cabinet doors weren't ever open when i got home anymore. i always suspected it was him but never could prove it for years and now only after he's gone do i know for sure, as i have three more babies and it hasn't happened once since. you'll get used to it even though you hate the thought but the deep missing i fear will remain.
others here are farther along in the healing and can talk more of happy times (someday i hope i can but i'm still not quite there yet if you can't tell) but i can tell you the raw will subside, and you get through it a little better bit by bit. it just takes alot of time (i really hate to say it but it's true) to adjust to your new routine. hang in there, this place is great for all the facets your grief encompasses. someone here always knows exactly how you feel when you anguish over the physical death or just want to talk about the sadness of an empty impression of someone's seat. when i get mired down, i try to think about the luck we both had at even finding each other, let alone each of us being so thoroughly loved.
i've gotten alot of overtime at work for sure. once i was standing in the kitchen not long after oliver passed away and i'll never forget the sadness/horror i felt realizing that the cabinet doors weren't ever open when i got home anymore. i always suspected it was him but never could prove it for years and now only after he's gone do i know for sure, as i have three more babies and it hasn't happened once since. you'll get used to it even though you hate the thought but the deep missing i fear will remain.
others here are farther along in the healing and can talk more of happy times (someday i hope i can but i'm still not quite there yet if you can't tell) but i can tell you the raw will subside, and you get through it a little better bit by bit. it just takes alot of time (i really hate to say it but it's true) to adjust to your new routine. hang in there, this place is great for all the facets your grief encompasses. someone here always knows exactly how you feel when you anguish over the physical death or just want to talk about the sadness of an empty impression of someone's seat. when i get mired down, i try to think about the luck we both had at even finding each other, let alone each of us being so thoroughly loved.
Hi Steph, I know exactly how your feeling. Arthur lived with my boyfriend and I'd go over everyday to check up on him and play with him b4 work. I still go over now that he's not there, mostly only to get use to it. It's so very hard. I tried to do other things, but I just don't enjoy anything. They cut back the ot at work and I just find myselft sitting on the porch waisting time. And on our days off together we'll have dinner and watch t.v. but I hardly eat, and I don't even pay attetion to what I'm watching. I keep wanting to get up and see if he's on the porch waiting to come in. And I find myself hardly saying two words while I'm there. I love my boyfriend and it's not fair to him. But that emptiness is so overpowering. He just shuts the whole thing out and chances his whole routine. It's not that easy for me. So I know what your going thru. How long this will take to pass depends upon ourselves I guess. L.S. is a good place to just read and write. If you have a story to share and it makes you feel better than by all means do so.. I feel your pain more than you know... Ann
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