Hi everyone,

I found this website in the midst of searching for consolation after I had to put my best little man down this past Saturday. I cannot describe how lost and lonely I feel. He found me, when I was not looking for another cat. I had just lost a baby 1 year prior, and I also have another that I've had for 18 + years, (still alive and kicking)! He ended up being such a miracle in my life, showing me love that I never thought was possible from a cat. This makes it so much harder, as I got a gift from God.

He detiorated so fast. It started out as a limp which we thought would go away. After a week, I took him to the vet and she told me he had extreme muscle loss in his right leg. After bringing him home that day waiting for blood work results, he seemed to act differently. The next day, I got the results, blood work was clean! All of a sudden he couldn't stand up, go to the litter box, or eat like he used to.

After a week on Prednisone, he didn't get any better. He just layed in the same spot day and night, and started to pee all the time. I saw the look in his eyes, he felt so sad that he couldn't be himself. We made the decision to let him go and be free. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

If anyone is reading this, please help. I hurt so much.

geese,

I too had to put to sleep my beloved Raggs on the 6th..For 15 years he was my best (only) little man.

I too hurt so much...That is why i dont think i can gather the words together in order to offer you some comfort...

The look of which you described from your little guy...Although it was not the same, I too recieved a look from my Raggs on the morning of the 6th..A look which made my heart drop...A look which made me sick to my stomach.

Just know that you are not alone and that their are people on this board that will soon enough, provide you with words of comfort...

Best wishes.

Just me,

Thank you for replying. I feel that no one can understand my pain. I am sorry for your loss also.

Geese

geese,

Right now..I too feel like no one can understand my pain...
And i too found this board out of pure desperation.

Right now...This is my life line. The people on this board are...Well words cant describe.
Reading people's replies to my posts...I am very slowly beginning to realise that...
Other's can understand my pain...

If anything geese,
Please try to find some comfort in knowing that their is someone in the UK right now completley lost and in pieces, me.
Going down the same road you are...Just like many others.

I dont know what else to say, i'm sorry.

Most all of us here have had a loss of some sort. We are all brought together here to comfort one another. Sometimes we can understand when pther people do not. Some people just don't share the kind of love we share for our pets.
My loss of Sissycat was June 5, 2008 so it is still pretty fresh. I was in your spot. I was beside my self with grief and pain. I didn't speak, eat, or sleep for over a week. Until I found this web site. They helped me so very much and I now have friends from all over the place.
There are many stages of grief and we all take it at different paces. Don't let anyone rush you. I am not healed. Probably never will be completely, but I am better than I was. I can smile when I look at her pictures instead of bursting into tears. It will all come in time. We are all here to listen so please post stories and pictures we are glad to read them. POsting here has also helped me a great deal.

Many Hugs to You!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Sissycat,

I thank you also for responding to me. I too am sorry for your loss. I think time will heal, maybe each day getting a little easier to accept this loss. I want to get over feeling like I let him down, and to begin to remember and cherish all the wonderful things he has given me.

Much love to you....

Geese

That feeling is just one of the many stages. For me guilt was really bad. I blamed myself for her death. (still have that thought in the back of my mind) As each day passes the pain is still there, but it won't be as intense. We somehow make it one day at a time. As someone stated to me It is like a roller coaster. Many ups and downs then someday will be smooth again. Yesterday was a bad day for me.

Hugs!!!!!!

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Wow, you just brought back hugh memories for me. I too had an 18yr old. I found a stray in my backyard that I took in and she too showed me that kind of love. That was 16yrs ago and I never thought I could love another or be loved by another. But it happend with my Arthur. Only 2 1/2 short years with him. It's been 46 long tearfull days without him. He had a severe tail pull injury. We had to let him go. His insides suffered too much nerve damage for him to ever be healthy again. We know in our hearts it's the right thing to do. But the head battles, could we have tried something esle. And when they are sick like yours was, they give you this look, I can't describe it, but my Daisy gave me that look 3 days b4 I lost her. They're trying to tell us they are not well, and they are sorry they have to leave us. I believe that. You know what's so strange about this site, is when you read these stories, you forget about yours for a while, you still cry, but it's not for your own greif, it's for someone else. I just find that you can talk back and forth and no one will judge, cuz we all know the feeling. For me it's rather comforting. Here it is 3a.m and I'm still on. I hope your hurt doesn't last too long. Ann (and Arthur)

It is. When they KNOW, it is time. Then they are free, but we are not.
Unlike us, they live for the moment in innocence. We know we will get sick and die someday, and we live with the knowledge.
We don't like it, so maybe that is why we rarely give someone total love, like they do.
When they find out about it, they have had a wonderful carefree life until that last day. So they love us totally and they are our clowns who cheer us up.
But it is our terrible job to make the decision they cannot. We have those wonderful years with them, but the bill comes at the end and we have tp pay it.

It hurts teriibly for a while, then it only hurts a lot, then there are good and bad days that come in waves, then there is a time we can remeber the things they did for us and smile.
Once in a while we find some scratched or chewed woodwork, or an abandoned toy under the couch, and have a strange mixture of despair and happiness at having been loved by them.

Hi, geese. Please accept my sincerest condolences in your loss. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make. It is comparable to deciding to stop life support for a loved human family member or friend. What you did for your precious little man is the final gift of love you can give - - with great sacrifice knowing that you will be temporarily separated from your beloved fur baby. I remember when my number one kitty son was diagnosed with End Stage Lymphoma almost 2 years ago - - his initial blood work also came back clear, but the pathology report on the tumor that was removed through surgery said it all. You gave your precious fur child the gift of leaving this side of eternity with his dignity in tact, and he is now happily playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden while he awaits you to join him. One day when it is your appropriate time you will be reunited with him and all of your other precious furkids. Have you thought about doing a memorial ceremony or scrapbook or garden for him? I know right now thinking about him and the many memories you have must feel like a knife in your heart, but one day - - as you begin to feel stronger - - you will find yourself smiling when you think of your little man, and then you will be able to know your love for each other has not died - - it is as strong as it has ever been. Your physical relationship has only temporarily transformed to another dimension. His spirit and his memory will always be with you in your heart. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam

Geese,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious fur baby. I know that you are in pain now and I hope that you will find some comfort here. The other posters had some wonderful replies that should offer you hope. When you feel lonely or need a friend....visit this board. Often times just reading what others have gone through will help. We have all gone through the pain that you are feeling. Although we lose our babies in different ways...the pain is always similar. Also, people grieve in different ways. I think just knowing that you are not alone with your feelings helps.

Please know that you did not let your baby down in anyway. You gave him a wonderful, loving life. And when he was in pain you saved him from further suffering. From all that I have read, very few animals pass away on their own. They have that survival instict in them...and they stay with us even though they are hurting.

May you be blessed with peace, as you recall all of the happy memories you shared.

I am so sorry you had to let your Little Man go..and not that long ago. I am glad to read you do have your 18 year old kitty. It is nice to have a furbaby to hug...especially at times like this when you feel so low.

You certainly did not let him down in any way. As hard as it is...when we put their distress before our own...that can never be thought of as letting them down.

Maybe you had the feeling of wanting to do more. That I learned a long time ago...is a thought I let go of rather quickly. I have just come to accept the belief that when it is their time to leave us...there is nothing and I mean..nothing..we can do to stop it...all control and ability to help is taken away from us....else it would have happened. In fact, the only "help" left to us is making the final decision which is a decision we make FOR THEM...never for us. The babies who are "lucky" have the type of human who WILL help them when they need it.
You are one of those people and your boy knew you would take care of him as best you could and if the time came..he had to depend on you for that final decision to give him peace.....again...he knew you would take of it for him.

So yes let go of any negative feeling about making the decision. In fact, I guess we who have had to do that ..in a way...are glad we were given the time to arrange that rather than witness the inevitable conscious ending. I am so glad I was home when my Little Guy was in distress and we were able to give him peace..even though I never expected to lose him that day. I am thankful because if we were not home when his problem happened.....he would have suffocated to death...alone. So I can be "thankful" I was there to "help" him when he struggled for help.

So your ideas of remembering the good memories you shared with your Little Man is the right idea and I encourage you to do that as much as possible.

Just remember WHY you made the decision then try to push it out of your mind by deliberately thinking of when he was healthy and happy to feel good and all the little things he did that made him so precious to you.

You also said you feel no one can understand your pain. People here do understand your pain because it is the exact same pain they have, have gotten through, or have been there and know they are going again soon. The cir%%stances may not be identical but believe me, the pain is just as intense, as devastating, as horrible as what you are going through. What helps is KNOWING you are not alone in your pain. We all share that same pain. We grieve in our own way and many grieve similar..many grieve differently but having your heart ripped out...feeling the loneliness...the emptiness....that's all the same. That's why people here are talking to you from the heart....because they do understand. Everytime we read someone is going through what you are, we type through tears because our own pain rises again as we remember how we felt and still do...when we allow the pain to come back.

Each one of these babies is special and unique in their own way and only they and their human friends have their special bond..but we all have the special bond of loving them and being loved by them....we all have felt that...we all miss that...we all know that no matter how many enter our lives in the future...there is one place in our hearts for each one we have lost that is theirs and theirs alone....forever.

It may help to post pictures of your Little Man, to tell stories that make you smile at the memory, to write him a special note here with your thoughts and feelings...anything you think of that makes you feel better..even for a moment..is the thing to do.

Give your 18 year old old-timer....lots of extra hugs and kisses and let him know he is special....that even though you are hurting terribly inside.....that being able to hug that furbaby means something extra special....especially at this time.

One Mom here said a long time ago: The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

That is a strong thought to keep in mind to help push down that pain that will never leave completely but can be lessened
over time.

Hugs to you and your old baby and to your new Angel.....your Little Man

Thank you Jon. You made some sense and I appreciate your reply to me. My loss is still so raw, it's been the 3rd full day, and I still expect to see his little fuzzy face looking at me when I open the door. But it's not. And I miss him. I try to be Ok all day at work, feeling choked up time and time again. When I get home I let it out. I look at his pictures and sob.

Thanks for being a new friend to talk to.

Geese

i'm so sorry. it is hard to lose such a ray of sunshine. losing my kitty acorn has me feeling exactly the way you do. there would never be a time we are ready to let them go but we do what is best for them out of love. acorn had to be put to sleep 4 days after being diagnosed with f.i.p. he was only 1 year old and i'm still in shock that he is gone and it has been a month. you are not alone. you did a beautiful thing in helping him into peace. my heart is with you.

with love corina and her angels

Geese,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There are many of us here on this site that is feeling your pain and emptiness.
Please feel free to tell stories and share pictures of your Little Man.
You will be with him again.
Much love and support,
Deanna

Dear Openhearted,

Wow, you just brought back memories of my own loss of over 10 years ago, I too had to put a kitty down from F.I.P. which is a rare disease!! He was a little Birman kitten that my husband got for me as a gift for my birthday. I only had him for 8 months when he was diagnosed with FIP. I am very sorry for your loss, as I went through this kind also, to let a baby go..... The look in his blue eyes as they euthanized him killed me.

Please know that I understand your pain, and my heart goes out to you. I am very sorry. God bless you and your little acorn. My little man is waiting for him up there, as he's been there almost 2 weeks now.

Many hugs!!

Geese

Hope you are feeling better as time goes by. It has only been a couple of weeks and it really does take time.

I just read LS Tech Support's suggestion about keeping all posting in our original topic so I thought I better reply to you here as I think it is your original...to keep it active...like he said.

Two weeks is such a short time....it is hard to try and lessen the pain. It is a time to cry, to vent....anything that helps make us feel a little better.

We really will love them forever and miss them forever. They have a part of our hearts where they will never leave us or be taken away from us.

To let them go is definitely the hardest decision. It makes one feel like they are playing God but then if we don't make the decision, who will? I don't believe there is a painless natural death and when I force myself to make that final decision...it is because I don't want them to suffer anymore...when I know there is no hope...no cure...they will never get better. That is so hard to accept but we know it is true.

And so, we are asked to return that unconditional love they have freely given us.....by giving them peace when there is no peace. They only ask one thing of us and that one thing is the hardest thing in the world to do. The only thought that helps me at all is to always remember WHY the decision was made and I can remember....there really was no choice if I put them ahead of my own desire.

Just because we know we made the right decision...never makes any of it any easier to do or to deal with afterwards.

One Mom here said: the pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

That thought helps me more than anything else because it makes me remember I had over 16 years of healthy and happy times with my boy and we had a few weeks of worry and sadness and then devastation. But I wouldn't trade those 16 years to avoid the inevitable. He is worth every tear, every ache. They are all just worth everything to us.

Hugs to you and keep posting here as an outlet for your thoughts and feelings. That does help the time pass and it is time that will eventually lessen the pain so it is not 24/7.

Thank you all for your support. I am going on 3 weeks, am getting better, but still having meltdowns......

All of you are so much help, just knowing I am not the only idiot out here feeling like a helpless fool.....

Thanks so much