Hi All,
Belle, my dog, died 2 weeks ago on a Sunday. She was a beautiful 4 and a half year old yellow labrador.

I've been reading this site since her death and I was starting to improve, but yesterday I went to pick up her ashes from the Vet and all my emotions came crashing back on me. I have all these feeling bottled up inside and I just need to express some of my thoughts. I don't expect anyone to read this or reply to this, as it's more of me just "releasing" my thoughts. It's very long and probably unreadable since I'm writing this while in a fog of emotions ranging from grief, to anger, to guilt.

We thought of Belle as our baby. She was like the daughter we never had, and we treated her like exactly as that (i.e. a princess). It's seems so strange, even to me, that there is such sorrow is in my heart for her. As I sit here in at my desk I can't get my mind to concentrate on anything but her.

Her death that day is still clear in my head, yet strangely in a fog since it seems so unreal to me. Every Sunday our family would go out and have a nice walk in the park. Sometimes we'd go to a small local park, and other times we would go to a larger park with a big lake in it. Belle loved these walks and she always has the uncanny ability to know when it was Sunday. Every Sunday she would make "bratty" little barks just as I woke up to express her excitement about going to the park that day; she would never do this any other day, even when I took extra days off from work she would only be like this on Sunday.

Well that Sunday was no different and she was excited as ever. We were excited as well because this would be the first trip that she would take in our brand new SUV (a vehicle we bought 2 weeks ago specifically for her). As we got into the SUV she jumped up into the back and her paws left a big scratch in the bumper; something that at that moment, I was pretty upset about...

Arriving at the park at 10:30AM, things were still relatively cool. In the past, we've occasionally gone in the afternoon when it much hotter, so the temperature at this time seemed perfect to us. As always, Belle was so happy to be at the park, she was wagging her tail frantically and running all about. At times we would let the leash drop and she would be off and running, but she would never go farther then 20 feet from us. Belle would always would stop and turn her head to see if we were folowing her, only to run off again as we came close. During our walk we saw a few people and two other dogs walking along the same path as well. After one hour of walking we decided to go home and we headed back to our vehicle, which about perhaps 15 minutes away. Up until this point everything was normal and fun for the three of us.

However, on the return to the SUV things started to go strangely. As we walked back to the vehicle Belle became very tired and she wanted to sit down every few steps. After 5 minutes of this we decided that we'd let her rest and that we'd bring the vehicle around to her. But when I came back with the SUV, she had no strength to jump in so we had to carry her into the vehicle. With the air conditioning on full blast we made our way home and I could see her sitting up in the back drooling all over the seats.

We got home around noon but Belle was listless so we had to carry her into the house and we placed her in front of the fan to cool her off as she was still panting heavily. During the next two hours we continued cooling Belle with the fan and water and she started to become more alert, occasionally raising her head to look at us. However, her body was still listless and while laying there she soiled herself so we knew something was wrong and we decided to go to the veterinarian. From this point it all goes downhill (in the span of a few minutes).


*** This next part describes the moments up to her death and is sort of graphic. If you read this far, it's probably best if you skip the next paragraph... but I need to express it for myself ***
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The vet was only a few miles away, but during the trip there I saw that Belle was literally dying. I sat in the back to keep her company, but I saw that her eyes had glazed over and she had much difficulty breathing; a vast difference from just a few moments before when I could see the glimmer of life and love in her eyes. By the time we carried her into the Vet (5 minutes after we left our house), Belle no longer had control of any of her bodily functions and she was gasping for her last breaths of air. Fluid was now oozing from her mouth, which appeared to have blood in it, and when I opened her jaws to help her breath I saw that her tongue had turned blue. I was in disbelief that things could have gone SO WRONG in the short amount of time since left our house. The vet took Belle into the back room but came back half an hour later with the sad news that he could not save her. (She died of heat exhaustion/heat stroke). The vet asked if we would like to see her one last time but we could not bring ourselves to see her like that. We asked the vet to take care of her with an individual cremation, and have her ashes retuned to us in a wooden urn.
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*** That was the sad and tragic end of Belle's life ***


I'm still in shock over the whole incident. How could going for a walk (the one thing Belle loves the most to do) end up with her dying? She was only 4 and a half years old!?!

I've read other stories here about beloved furbabies dying and I completely understand the pain that everyone goes through. However, many stories talk about pets being 14+ years old (or older) and I have to think that people must receive bit of comfort knowing that their furbaby is "in a better place" and not suffering any longer... However, that notion does not apply to my baby. She could have easily lived another 9-13 years, with many of those years free from any health problems. I also can't take any comfort that this was an accident, as it was not... her death was the direct result of our 1-hour walk. I killed my baby and I'm not sure I can get over that guilt.

I'm feeling all sorts of mixed emotions... Extreme sadness over her death; Anger at myself for possibly not doing the right things at the right times; and, most of all, Guilt over her death.

I constantly question myself with questions. Did we wait too long to take her to the vet? Or was she in a state of shock and moving her caused her to die? I also blame myself for perhaps walking too long, but then I remember all the long and fun walks (like this walk) that we've done many times in the past... What made this walk different? It's just not FAIR! She was still young with many years left to live.

After her death I researched "heat exhaustion / heat stroke" in dogs and found this to be a emergency situation that can kill a dog quickly. I just wonder why I never heard about it before... I've heard all the warnings about chocolate or chicken bones, but no one ever talks about heat exhaustion, which upon my research sounds to be very common (Just search for "dog heat stroke" to see articles). I now know that dogs can not release heat like their human parents, and that dogs will quickly overheat when playing in the sun... I just wished I knew this earlier. If anything, I hope anyone reading this would spread the word to help people protect their furbabies from the same fate as Belle's.

Now I gaze at the scratch on the SUV's bumper, which initially was something that I was upset about, but now I'd give anything for her to be here to make more. I come home to a house that seems empty and it's like a huge part of my life is now missing. It's strange that Belle didn't occupy all my time before, but now she is all that I can think about... Again with the feelings of sadness, anger, and mostly guilt.

I've probably written enough for now (and writing this has been therapeutic for me). If you read this far then I thank you for listening to me.

I would say that listening is what we do - but we're here for much more than that... We're also here to understand - and we do.

Heat exhaustion (in both humans AND animals) can kill quickly. You had no way to know, especially considering how well pets can mask their discomfort.

My fuzzy boys were 8 when they died. And while Jesse died of cancer (even though euthanasia was the cause, it was cancer that drove us to it) - Edgar died of a heart attack, brought on by the toxins from an abcessed tooth. A TOOTH!!

I spent a lot of time blaming myself for that - what if I'd taken better care of his teeth? What if I'd paid more attention to him and noticed the swelling in his cheek sooner? What if I had been a better parent? Why didn't I give him more attention while he was here with us? WHY DID I TAKE HIM FOR GRANTED SO OFTEN?

The point is - we aren't any more perfect than anyone else. We need to learn to forgive ourselves the way we urge others to do so. And no matter what we did or didn't do, there would always be a way for us to find "justification" for our guilt. Some of us blame ourselves, some of us blame our vets, our spouses or God. It's a very human response to a situation that is completely out of our control.

I think you know that even if Belle had been 18, you would still feel the same way. Nothing would change. The only thing to do now is understand that you loved Belle - and that what happened was an accident - and that she will always have a place in your heart.

Dear Noryen,

My name is Patti. I have been coming here since mid June when my significant other drove over my cat Ginger with his truck in our driveway. Ginger had surgery and lived (if you can call it that) in ICU for one week at the hospital. All my hopes were dashed, Ginger did not survive. I was extremely close to Ginger, he too was like a "kid" to me.

All through your post I kept thinking about the individual cir%%stances that bring us all here. In everyone's case, without exception, when we lose our beloved pets it is indeed a "lightning strike"--in your case all the more so! One moment was full of happiness and the next tragedy. My heart breaks for you!!

If you have been reading here you have probably read about all the GUILT each one of us feels when our pets die. We have come to a consensus that there are no cir%%stances where you wouldn't have felt guilt. None.

I got my cat to the vet as fast as I possibly could. I paid a huge sum for emergency care, transfusions and surgery. I did everything "right" according to what I could do and yet I still lost Ginger. and I still felt gigantic guilt (I am angry with myself for not getting out of the truck to check to make sure Ginger wasn't there). It is unlikely your vet could have saved her if you would have gotten Belle there sooner. But, let's just say for argument's sake that you did get her there sooner and the vet provided a miracle. You wouldn't have been able to keep Belle in a protected environment where she might not run again and have the same thing happen. For whatever reason, Belle was delicate and this "overexertion" did her in.

When I was in high school a boy I grew up with, Randy Navin, inexplicably collapsed during a physical ed class. He was a young, seemingly fit young man who was trying out for the team. He was all smiles and suddenly fell to the ground after a couple of sprints. An ambulance was summoned and paramedics worked on him--later we were all stunned beyond belief because he died. According to your logic either his parents (or perhaps his coach on the field?) is "responsible" for Randy's death. Think about that, do you really believe they are? Randy, like your Belle, showed no signs of anything but vigor prior to that day. He was a strapping fun loving youngster. Should his mother have kept him from trying out for the team? How could she have known?? Do you see what I am driving at? If you can have some compassion for Randy's mother, I hope you will try to see your way clear to doing the same for yourself. We have to try to sort through the rational versus the irrational.

It is still very very early for you. Your emotions are still raw. Losing a special pet is as traumatic on the richter scale as losing a human! Everyone here on this board knows that. I am further along the compendium than you are right now. When I was where you were I kept re-playing things over and over in my mind and felt in a surreal haze. I did come here to this website alot and without it I don't know how I would have fared.

You are among friends here, noryen. Your pain will never be minimized here. You are allowed to think it through with us at your pace. In the meantime please know in your heart that your beautiful Belle (even though she left you so young) is indeed playing and cavorting at the rainbow bridge. She has no pain there, she is in a perfect place and you will be reunited with her one day, just as I will be reunited with Ginger. Love is the door to eternity. Love does not die with the body and nothing in heaven or on earth can keep apart those who love.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NORYEN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Patti

P.S. I loved that Belle knew what day Sunday was.

I'm so sorry for you loss. It just breaks my heart to hear of Belle. So young and full of life.

My baby had just turned nine when she died. Not as young as Belle, but she was a medium sized dog (35 pounds), and had at least 4 more years of life ahead of her, so I've had to deal with a lot of your feelings of that the death was too soon.

Please take care of yourself.

Dear Noryen,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog Belle. What a tragedy to be taken so young! I know all about the cremains bringing up all kinds of feelings. My cat Solas died on June 10th after 16 wonderful years with us. The first few weeks were so awful. It does get better with time, but every now and then something comes up that reminds you of "them" and the tears begin again.

You are feeling so guilty right now. It's only natural, but all I read about was a good mommy who took her darling dog for a walk. You didn't do anything wrong. It reminded me of something that happened to me when I was a young mother.

My son, Sean, was 14 months old. He had just mastered toddling around and was begining to pick up speed. One day as we were getting out of the van, he took off. He was heading right for the street! I scooped him up and lifted him over the hedge so that he could walk on the grass, figuring it would slow him down some. He landed funny and fell over on his side and started to cry. I took him inside and held him for a while, but he wouldn't stop crying. Later my husband noticed that he wasn't putting any weight down on one foot. We called the doctor and he said to take him to the emergency room if we wanted to be extra sure, but that he thought that he had sprained his ankle. Can you imagine how I felt when the doctor told us that he had broken his leg in 3 places!!! I burst right into tears! For days I hammered myself with guilt. Until one day I thought, "I love this little guy more than anything in the world, I would never do anything to hurt him". I realised it was an accident and I was able to forgive myself.

Of course it's a bit different because my baby's leg healed and you have suffered the greatest loss, but I hope that one day you'll be able to see that it was just a freak thing. That here you were taking your dog to a park, when some owners ignore or even abuse their animals. You were being a good mommy. Belle got to spend her last moments with the person she loved best doing what she loved to do. We should all be so lucky.

Sending you a hug,
I hope this helps.
Ariel

Hi DJ, gingerspal, Steph, and Solasmom,
Thank you for the kind words. I'm so sorry about the loss that all of us have experienced in our lives. It's nice to know that we're not alone in our feelings for our furbabies.

I know that I shouldn't hold myself at fault for Belle's death, but I guess it's human nature to do so. I only wish that I could get the picture of her laying on her side out of my mind now. I saw her there and it never occured to me that she was dying... and now that thought haunts me, because I know I could have taken her to the vet sooner. And while that might not have changed the outcome, at least I could be at peace with myself knowing that I did everything I could to save her.

Attached below is my last picture of her. It's the two of us at that same park (2 weeks prior to her death). She's wearing a harness because she was always so excited to go on walks that she would literally choke herself in a collar trying run ahead.

Pictured are Belle and Cindy (mommy) with Dan (daddy) taking the picture.

noreyn--what a beautiful photograph! thank you for sharing it with us!
Belle is indeed a beauty! She is so big and beautiful, her very presence "filled up" your home I am sure. Now she will fill up your thoughts quite continually. (I know I am not telling you a thing that you don't already know). After a while your thoughts will become more positive, but in the meantime just know that I am thinking of you and hoping that you will take some comfort in knowing that all of us who post here understand how very painful and traumatic this is for you.
My heart goes out to you!
love
Patti

Noreyn - I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story brings tears to my eyes because I lost Arnold - no, not quite that fast, but his illness developed from the time we left him in the a.m. to the time we saw him in the p.m. And we, too, beat ourselves up thinking we should have insisted on blood tests right away, or we should have somehow known this was life-threatening rather than bacterial; or we should have somehow outsmarted the vet and gotten him to the hospital sooner. Arnold was my last child at home. Arnold was my baby. The weekend he died was the most traumatic I have experienced since my son left the nest. 3 weeks later we are learning to live with our loss, but it will hurt for a long, long time. I understand your feelings of guilt; I felt it too. And it makes me cry from deep in my heart when I think of my baby perhaps feeling we didn't do it right, or didn't do it fast enough, or didn't make the right decision. But, the fact is - we loved him sooooo much - everything we did was out of love for him. And realistically, in Arnold's world I doubt he had that level of thought. I'm sad that Arnold was frightened and I wasn't there to comfort him (when he was with the Vet); and I'm sad that I wasn't there for Arnold's last breath; but I KNOW that I loved him with my whole heart and everything we did for him we did with good intent, and I KNOW that he knew he was well-loved. Cast away the guilt!

Arnold, too, would get so excited about going for our walks - we reveled in his joy - - - you did the same. There is no cause for guilt there - unless you are superhuman, or a goddess of some sort.

Please, think about all the love you had for Belle. Surely, Belle knew how much you loved her!

Nanci

Hi Noryen:

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful & precious Belle!!

A beauty??? She surely was that!!

Your quote, from your post on 8/12/2004 @ 10:34am......

We humans are great at putting guilt onto ourselves............with the, "Well, I should have", or "Why didn't I??", "What if I did x, y & z"??"........ The list could go on & on....

You didn't kill your baby girl!!! No, it isn't fair, not at all!! She was just a young pup! But, things happen that
are awful, and out of our control!!

I read through your whole post.............and, as Ariel said, (Solas mom), ".....but all I read about was a good mommy
who took her darling dog for a walk... You didn't do anything wrong."

The "vision" that you want to get out of your mind right now......unfortunately, that may be there for awhile.....
But, please believe me that one day in the not to distant future.....that vision will be replaced with all of the happy
memories that you and Belle shared together.....
That "vision" WILL BE REPLACED WITH HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!

I absolutely LOVE the picture that you shared with us of you and your girl.......... A wonderful & happy day!!!

I know, our furkids are soooooooooooooo precious ---

Please know that Belle loved you so very, very much!!! And, right now over Rainbow''s Bridge.....she is happy now.
There is no pain, no suffering............ She's running free with her new friends that she has made!!

I take comfort in knowing that Ernestine (our furkitty), has hooked up with all of the wonderful babies of everyone
here on Lightning-Strike......... That makes me happy... She's not alone and she is definitely not in pain....

One day, we will all be reunited with our babies..... But, that will be in the future....

Please know that you did everything in your power that you could on that Sunday, for Belle...

I know exactly what you mean about the "scratch on your SUV".... How you wish she was here to make more of them.

PLEASE, KEEP COMING HERE TO WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS............... I KNOW THAT IT HELPS, AND YOU DID
MENTION THAT "IT WAS THERAPEUTIC FOR YOU"..... Just getting your feelings out; it is very helpful!!

I have always found that to help me, writing in journals, getting my thoughts out on paper.

We are all here to help you............to listen, and to give love & comfort.... And, I want to let you know that "I care
about you & your family very, very much"........ ---- As we all do here, at Lightning-Strike...
If you had to come to any pet-grief site at all, I'm very happy that you chose this one; though, I am sorry that you had
to come to one at all!!!

Truthfully, I am not sure where I would be if I didn't have a place to come to in the very early hours of 2/8/2004....
Our sweet Ernie-Bird (a furkitty), was put to sleep on 2/7/2004... Everyone here has been so wonderfully awesome, and I will forever be soooooooooo grateful!!!

Your sweet & precious Belle, she will forever & forever be in your heart..... ALWAYS!!!! Please remember that!
Sometimes, writing a letter to her is helpful as well.... Just getting your feelings out of your aching heart and onto
paper helps in the healing process.

And, please, let those tears fall. They will heal you.

Goodnight & God Bless you, Noryen...

You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers..

Love, Denise

Hello Noyren,
First and mostly important....
I AM TRUELY VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!
I know exactly what your going through.
Two weeks ago TODAY, i had to put down my 4 yr. 8 mo. old doberman dog A.J.
It was the HARDEST thing ive ever had to do in my entire life.
I am still having a difficult time to this day.
This support group had helped me alot.
See, A.J had a heart disese called DCM. It conjested heart failure.
He was diginosed in December of 2003. They told me that ususlly dogs this young dont get it this early but for some reason, my A.J did. They told me 6 months to a year.
He was doing great. You would of never known he was sick.
But all of a sudden things started to change.
He was loosing all his muscle mass, he wouldnt eat as much, he had a hard time laying down because of the fluid that was building up in him, he wouldnt really play anymore....it was bad.
Now i see it... but at the time i didnt.
I had to make a choice and to this day i still dont accept what i did by putting him down but i know it was the best from him.
Now he is no longer suffering.
I did also get his ashes. I feel like he still needs to be here w/me.
Its not fair that i only had him for 4 yrs.!!!
He had many years left if it wasnt for that stupid self-fish disese!!!!
I still have mixed emotions.....guilt,anger,sadness,greive.
I want him back soo much!!
So, i do know how you feel.....if i could of done this or maybe done that,what did i do wrong?!
I remember picking up the ashes at the vet and i couldnt breathe! I need to get out of there!
I couldnt control my tears. I like had a breakdown in my car.
I was bad.
Now, i still cry....i still miss him SO much....
Ive made a scrap book and collage frame and put it all by his ashes w/his favorite toy and its up on the shelf in the family room where he used to always be. That was HIS room!
(i havent lost my mind yet )
But it made me feel better.
You will always miss your baby. And she will always be w/you and in your heart.
Again, i am truely sorry for your loss.
Jamie
(dobielover)

Hi Gingerspal, Arnold, Muffins, dobielover,
Thanks again for your words of support and encouragement, I really appreciate it.

Now that she's back home with me I’m trying to spend more time grieving over her loss instead of blaming myself for her death. It's just hard when I look around the house and see reminders of her everywhere I look.

I miss her so much and I'm not exaggerating when I say this is the most devastating loss I've ever experienced in my life. My grandparents and several distant relatives have died during my life, but I've never been so distraught as I am with Belle.

As dobielover has suggested, I think I’ll make a tribute to Belle. I think that sounds nice and it might help me through these sad times.

Again, thank you all for "listening" to us,
Cindy & Dan

Noyren,
I cannot believe how you said
quote...
I miss her so much and I'm not exaggerating when I say this is the most devastating loss I've ever experienced in my life. My grandparents and several distant relatives have died during my life, but I've never been so distraught as I am with Belle.

I said the SAME thing!
I never cried or felt so sick before over a death!
Ive lost family members who were very close to me, but did not react the same.
THAT IS SO WEIRD!
But we are in the same boat of greiving.
I miss A.J sssssooooooo much.
I cried AGAIN today.
And i probably will for awhile.
I wish i could have him back.
The thoughts go CRAZY in my mind about so many different things i should have/could have done.
Well keep posting here, it will help.
It has really helped me alot.
Jamie
(dobielover)

I am sorry for your loss, noryen. Belle was a blessing in your life, and it is very hard to say goodbye. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Belle would not want to see you blaming yourself.

Noryen - I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your beautiful Belle, and she truly was a beautiful dog. I definitely
understandall your feelings. I lost my beloved cat of almost 15 years (2 months away from it) 2 weeks ago; and I wasn't sure why, but reading your post - that sounded exactly the way she died. For the last 2 weeks I wasn't sure what happened to her - it was so sudden, but it certainly sounds like heat stroke. She was black, so she was warmer because the color of her coat, she had a heart murmur for several years, so her heart was weak anyway, and she was older and probably tolerated the heat less. It was really warm that morning, so... I didn't even think that!! So you've helped me out so much. I found my cat at 4 in the morning laying on her side with drool all over the side of her face - now I think she was probably on the floor rather than on her chair trying to get where it was cooler. Unfortunately I didn't have the convenience of getting her to a vet because none are open here that early and the nearest emergency clinic is over an hour away, and I couldn't even begin to find it in that city anyway. She had had a couple panting spells a couple months earlier that perhaps were eased by her going to a cooler room. The vet I took her to told me these spells were allergies, though. Why I didn't even think of the heat and warmth that morning - if I had just turned on our air conditioner she could still be alive!! I understand your guilt - I really do. I think most of us here have had our own personal bouts of guilt. Know that you're not alone, and that we're all here feeling what you are and are willing to give a listening ear. I know how hard it is. Please take care.

I am SO sorry to hear about the loss of your precious, beautiful, young girl, Belle. There is just NO WAY we can know everything that might go wrong with our beloved animals. I have even been working on a list of possible dangers to animals, and, regarding heat, I had only listed to be sure not to leave an animal in the car. I realize that even if I make that list a mile long, something will be left out, something that just could not be anticipated. The very sad thing with our animal babies is they can't talk, they can't tell us what hurts and, as we know, that even try to hide that anything is wrong.

You did do everything you could for Belle, and I KNOW she knows that. I too know all about the guilt and the excruciating pain you are experiencing. But, as you said, Belle was your Princess, and in every way, every day, you treated her that way. That was so neat the way she anticipated her Sunday outings! Most babies don't get that kind of love.

I hope you will be kind to yourself and that you will be able to get over the guilt soon. I am still struggling mightily with all the things I wish I had done, feel I should have known, etc. That's just no way to treat ourselves, but I have seemingly been unable to stop myself. I pray that one day, I will find peace. I owe that to Hannah (and my little bird Babe), and to myself. I was so lucky to have had so much love in my life. I know, and you know, and everyone here knows that our babies would not want us to be sad and to blame ourselves for anything. I pray that we all find peace and forgiveness for ourselves and one day are able to remember only the good and all the love we shared.

I saw the subject of your post, and didn't even think I could read it because I have been thinking I couldn't "handle" anymore sadness. I am glad I read your post, although I am so very sorry you had to go through such a sad time. Please keep coming to this site. Everyone here is so good, so understanding and so very helpful. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. Everyone cares and will be here for you.

Gingerspal's story about the young man who died really got to me. Of course, we all have the utmost compassion for his mom. Like Gingerspal said, the mom didn't know, really couldn't have known, but had she known, she would never have let him be there. BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW until it was too late. I do believe things happen for a reason. I have to believe that. I was so fortunate to have had my little Hannah for almost 16 years. Someone here said about her baby, "I was lucky to have had him/her at all." That is true, really. I know you looked forward to so many more years with Belle, and that surely that does add to your broken heart.

Bless you. Belle had a wonderful life with you. She knows she was your Princess, of that I have no doubt. Please take care of yourself.

Marcia
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom

As you can see by the picture of my dog Sonnet, I also had a yellow lab. She had arthritis (from elbow dysplasia) which gradually deteriorated in spite of monthly Adequan injections (which did slow it down) at the vet from the age of 6 until she needed to be released from her pain at age 13. This happened June 12 of this year and it took me about 6 weeks to find this very incredible site. I got the idea from here to make a scrapbook of her with all her obedience class certificates, pictures, etc from this site as a memorial to her and I think it'll help me. This has to be the most devastating thing I've ever lived through so I know what you mean when you say the grief is more than can be imagined. But these people her are very supportive so keep coming! I'm slowly starting to feel like the house isn't so empty, and that I don't "see" or "hear" her around the place like I did at first. I know you loved her very much and she new that!
Sonnet's mom

Noryen-I am so sorry for your loss. I know the great pain of losing a beloved pet. I miss my baby so very much! I don't mean to neglect others that come here with their grief and pain but I have been wallowing in my own grief and pain and forgetting others. I do read and feel great sadness and the pain that others are feeling. I lost my baby 51 days ago......my feline furbaby. I love him so much! I know it's very hard and I went through the what if's, should have, shouldn't have, and the GUILT. I had my baby 17 years from the time he was a kitten. I still cry often and wish I could have him back here with me. There are a lot of wonderful people here that are very helpful, understanding and comforting.

What a beautiful picture of Belle!


Wanda

Hi deedee, andrea_m, BabyHannahsMom, sonnet, and Wanda,
Sundays are hard days for me now but I truly appreciate the support everyone has given to me. I thank you all for sharing in my grief for Belle, I know that with the loss that you've all experienced that it's sometimes hard to read another "sad story".

My rational side understands what everyone is telling me. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about her death or even dwell over her last hours, but my emotional side just seems to take over. Sometimes I listen to songs about "loss" to help me grieve over Belle's death. (I'd rather cry and miss her then beat myself up over guilt).

Some songs include:
Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven
Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
Sarah McLachlan - Angel
Faith Hill - There You'll Be
Madonna - I'll Remember
Reba McEntire - If I Had Only Known
Janet Jackson - Together Again -----(This song is upbeat, but the lyrics are nice)

These next two aren't really songs about loss, but they comfort me.
James Ingram and Linda Ronstadt - Somewhere Out There
Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart

Maybe these songs could help someone else grieve as well.

Hi Noryen:

As a musician, I do love your choices of songs, and how they really do help with "loss".....

I "enjoy country music songs-especially the lyrics", but these two songs have definitely helped me to "feel", and
helped me to deal with the loss of my precious girl....

Maybe you've heard of them:

They are: 1..... "The Dance" by Garth Brooks
2.... "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton

If you don't have the lyrics of either one, I will track them down and post them for you......

(Both songs are absolute tear-jerkers - to me - they always have been!!!)

Someone on this site (a few months back), told me how ( ? ) she/he would've gone through the pain 1 million times over, because....................
THEY WOULD HAVE NEVER, EVER WANTED TO MISS 'THE DANCE'..............

19 years and 10 months with my girl, Ernestine...("Ernie-Bird").......4/84 - 2/7/2004........ HOW I LOVED HER SO!!!!

For God to have given us such a long time to spend together, I certainly would go through every pain necessary....
""Ernestine and I""........... We had a lovely, long & beautiful dance. One that I shall never, ever forget!!!!

Our lives together have been permanently "etched" into my mind!!!!

The songs/lyrics you have chosen Noryen, are absolutely beautiful, perfect and fitting.....

God Bless!

Love, Denise

p.s. I hope that with each passing day, you are feeling just a tiny bit better, my friend!!!
Thinking of you and your husband often!!

Dear Noryen,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Belle. Please believe that you did not kill her! I believed for months that I had killed my little chihuahua Pumpkin and tortured myself unmercifully. She was only 7 and woke up on a Saturday morning vomiting and a little lethargic. She had been fine the day before. I called the vet who said not to worry, since there was no fever, diarrhea, abdominal pain or any other symptoms. She asked me to call if she was still vomiting the next day. Pumpkin got better as the day progressed, or at least I thought she was getting better. That evening as she was sleeping on my lap (she was a MAJOR lap dog) she took a deep breath and died. The shock I felt was indescribable. I was sure then that I should have known how sick she was and taken her to the vet. The guilt was so overwhelming, and the grief has been the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. It has been 5 months, and I still break down if I think about her. But, the belief that I killed her has passed... We aren't trained veterinarians, and even if we were, our beloved pets can't tell us how sick they are.
Like you, I had thought that we would have another 5-10 years together and the loss was staggering. This message board has helped immensely, since some of my non-animal loving friends are still puzzled by my grief.
Please be very gentle on yourself - 2 weeks is a very short time. Grief is exhausting both mentally and physically. I have started to believe that like humans, animals have a allotted amount of time on this earth, and a day when they will be taken from us. Belle is now a guardian angel for you. I bought a little chihuahua pin that I wear to remind myself that Pumpkin is still with me . Take care. Linda