Hi everyone. I know I haven't been posting very regularly lately. I'm sorry. I just don't even know what all I have been doing, but somehow I felt I needed a little break. I am still so sad most of the time. I hope to get back on the site and post more. I have read a lot of the posts, and they just break my heart, and I haven't been up to responding to all of them. I see you all are so faithful and true in supporting all of our heartbroken new members.

I need your input into my situation. I was looking for a house to rent, but they are too expensive, so I looked at some apartments. I found a really neat one on the ground floor. (I'm on the 3rd floor now in an old house --- 3 flights of stairs, getting very weary of climbing). But, I don't know if moving right now is a good idea. I don't really want to leave Hannah's home and Babe's home -- the last place they lived. Their old familiar places bring me comfort, for one thing. I don't know if they will know where I've gone, if I leave. The other apartment would also save me a lot of money. But, I'm afraid. Maybe it will just create too much stress too. I'm more concerned though about them wondering where I've gone and also not being able to look around and think, "Hannah waited for me there," etc. Like her following me into THIS bathroom, this kitchen, her food was THERE. Opening the door and seeing her THERE on the comforter by the bed THERE. . . Then there's the matter of the big oak trees casting a shadow on the tin roof next door that looks just like Hannah every morning between 9 and 10 a.m. I noticed it the very next day after she was gone. . .

Also, Hannah used to go almost everywhere with me, but strangely enough, only one friend still lives where he lived while I had Hannah. My brother recently moved, my aunt did too, and also my cousins.

Could some of you let me know your thoughts on this, please?
Marcia

Hi, Marcia. I can understand your feelings about leaving the familiar, comforting memories behind. But I think that those who have gone on ahead of us, whether people or animals, would always know where we are, and are always present in our hearts. And I think when you move your familiar things with you, your comforter, all the things that had special meaning, you won't lose the memories. If you can save money and not have to climb 3 flights of stairs, that sounds really good. I know the wrenching feeling of moving away from a home with lots of land, where I had to leave two tiny graves behind. I believe with my whole heart that our little pets want us to be happy - I know mine were happiest when I was happy, used to be concerned when I cried about something or was sick, so I think Hannah and Babe would want to see you happy and comfortable too. I think fate takes a hand, and perhaps fate has shown you this new apartment to move on to another stage of life. But Hannah and Babe will be in your heart forever, wherever you live. Good luck with your decision.

and outstanding reply! actually the whole thing is, but i particularly enjoyed that part.

I agree with Athena. Your Hannah and Babe are not confined in our earthbound way. If you moved to Hong Kong they would be with you! I am the type of person who likes change and yet I do enjoy my tangible proof that Ginger was here--so if it were me I would move but I would still take the "things" I have kept. I would no doubt welcome the change of scenery but we are all different and we have our different ideas.
Let us know what you decide!

Hi Marcia:

I agree with Athena as well.

Hannah and Babe.........your two precious kids will forever live on in you....
IN YOUR HEART AND IN YOUR MEMORIES!!!!!!!!!

Less rent money, and you found a place that you really sound like you like..........
I'd say........GO FOR IT!!!

Love, Denise

I'll throw my hat into the ring on this one too, Marcia. Your little ones will always know where you are and they will always be with you in your heart. You - YOU - have a life to live and it is up to you to see that you do what is right for you. Of course, only you can make this decision, but I can see that it just might be of some benefit to not be reminded at every turn of the places where your precious babies were. It might just be the thing to help you work through your grief.

Every turn in the road of life that we experience closes some doors while it opens others. Perhaps this move would start you on a new path that you can't even imagine right now?!

Just my 2 cents worth.

I'm in agreement with all of the above wise souls!

Not only are Hannah and Babe still with you (not physically, of course) and therefore would be moving with you, but they want what's best for you.

Good luck.

Thanks once again for your helpfulness. I am going to take the apartment. I think I will be better off there, especially when winter comes. If I were here this winter where Hannah and Babe and I lived, I just think it would be too sad for me. I always get a little depressed (SAD) in the winter anyway, and I would probably just stay up here missing them even more.

I haven't been on the site much. I just have had to distance myself from all the pain and sadness. It's a good thing everyone's not like that. I see the loving help you are all giving and sharing.

I just haven't been wanting to feel the pain and loss and sadness. I doubt that's good, but I just CAN'T right now. I miss them so much. Having the two others doesn't help much. I am trying to find a home for the puppy. He's just too much for me. I am planning on keeping Maggie. Right now though, I can do nothing with or for either of them that doesn't remind me of my little Hannah.

But I am trying to accept all of this somehow. I am trying to get my head and my heart to know that I was truly blessed and to remember all the love and not the loss, as so many of you have suggested and are also trying to do. I have been helping one of the animal groups around here whose main purpose is spay and neuter to prevent unwanted litters.

Here is another poem that I hope will bring you all some comfort, as it did me. It echoes many of the thoughts you have all shared with me and others on this site. I am always reminded of what someone here said, "I was so blessed to even have had them at all." So true.

The New Dimension of Love

"I know that they live again, that they live again, my dear ones whom I no longer can see.

You have not taken them into a kingdon--they wouldn't be happy in a kingdom--but you have opened wide for them a place of peace and challenge, where their dreams can be fulfilled.

And this place somehow includes my own small portion of the world. They have not really left me, my dear ones, they are close by me in a way they could never be before.

They know how much I miss them, they know how much I love them. They understand about all things I meant to do for them and didn't, the words I failed to say.

They put their arms around me to comfort me. They tell me, 'It's all right, human love is faulty but for all its faults enduring. It goes beyond such things, it goes beyond even this separation. The loss of the body does not mean the loss of love. There is a new life in which that love is even stronger. For God is love, remember. God is truly love.'

And this I know. This, God, I know: They are with you now--forever. And so with me forever--in this new dimension of love.By Marjorie Holmes
From: I've Got to Talk to Somebody, God -- A Woman's Conversations with God

I AM thinking about you and all the new "members." I care very much about you all and am so sorry it all hurts so very much. You have all been so good to me and helped me and others and each other without fail.

It will be 4 months this coming Monday since Hannah has been gone, and now close to two months for little Babe.

Marcia
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom

Dear Marcia:

I am very, very happy to hear that you will be moving into your new apartment....
Really, that's fantastic!!!!

Thank you for the wonderful poem you included in your post....
I loved it --- It even helps me now, with our two furkids, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster....
I am NOT PERFECT, NOR WILL I EVER BE!!! THAT'S FOR SURE!!!

It's perfectly okay that you are not on the site now......... You went through two major losses Marcia, in
a very short period of time!!!!
You need to take time out --- to heal ---
The fact that you came on here and helped people (while suffering through your own grief)....
You're like an Angel, my friend!!

You are doing a WONDERFUL THING in helping a local animal group in spaying/neutering to prevent unwanted litters.
There are soooooooo many wonderful furkids awaiting adoption at shelters all over the place...
They all desperately need a home....
Kittens & puppies are beautiful & cute, but, they grow up too....

Please know that you have helped me so very much, Marcia!!!
And for that, I will be forever grateful!!

God Bless you my friend!!!

Love Always,
Denise

Dear Marcia,

Denise said it perfectly--you ARE an angel! You helped me immensely and many others here too..now it is time to shift your priorities to yourself and your new surroundings! Keep in touch--you are a very very special person!!
Love,
Patti

Thanks ya'll, very much. I'll be here still, and I may be back as a "regular" before too long. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what's going on with me. My heart hurts still very much. I don't know if I'm not just sort of repressing some of my thoughts or something sometimes. I have been staying busy. Not too much crying, but I think of little Hannah about 90% of the time still. I really feel like I just can't stand crying again right now though. It's difficult to explain.

I still think of so many things I wish I had done for Hannah and for Babe. I am trying not to "beat myself up" so much though. That's why that poem helped me a lot. I'm glad you liked it too. I hope I did help, and I want to keep on helping and staying in touch. I'm working the weekend through Monday, and then I'll be off for several days. If any of you need to talk, please email me or call if you have my number.

Bless you, my friends.
Marcia
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom

I finally sold my precious car last week, no longer will I be able to look in the rear mirror and visualise them putting smear marks across the rear windscreen.

Sure I was upset the day I took my last drive in her but the next day cruising around in my sparkling new car –

Look at what you have and take joy in it, my dogs are no longer in my rear view mirror, one is on my lap and the other is on the seat beside me.

Love you all
Sue

Good for you, Marcia! I wish you the best of everything in your new digs.

I know what you mean about not wanting to cry. Arnold has only been gone just over 2 weeks, but I cried so much I looked like a very old lady that first week, my eyes were so swollen. David and I packed away the last of Arnold's things last night and that did inspire an intense cry, else we've been trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. We talk to Arnold every day in the back yard, and I have dreams about him and how snuggly and loving he was, but we try to go on. Good luck to you!

Nanci

Nanci- Last week I finally packed away the rest of my furkitty's things and like you it brought on an intence cry. I've been having cries but not like it was when I put the rest of my baby's things away. It's one of the hardest things to do during all the grieving and pain. I'm coming a long okay but I do have my setbacks.........especially when my sister's furkitty died a month and 1 day after my baby. I think I cried tons for both of us because her Kitty-that's her name-was so sweet and lovable and just loved her mom to pieces. My sis is the type that hold things in but I'm sure in private the tears are flowing.

I am sorry for your loss.

I miss my baby so much and I talk to him every day! I love my baby so much!


Wanda