My husband has been going through some depression or I don't know what, but he had been being
awfully mean and nasty lately. Last Wednesday he told me I had to get rid of my cats or he was
leaving. Why couldn't I have stood up to him and told him to just go. My 8 year old son is still sooo
heartbroken and so am I. Over the weekend hubby decided he was wrong and told me to go get my
baby cat...he was just a year old....the other one was too mean to bring back ( she was hissing and
biting other kids). I called them to see if he was still there and they told me they had put both of them
down. I don't know what to do or who to talk to, I feel so bad. It's all my fault....i'm not that worried
about me, I deserve to feel horrible, but how do I help my son?

good morning guilty:
The only thing i can think of at the moment is what a sad situation.
I personally have nothing against cats, in fact i'd keep one around to keep the mice down if it were'nt for my dogs who would have a field day with it.
Having said that, i'll lay it on the line and i apologize in advance if the following disturbs anyone here.... some guys just don't like cats to the point where they can't stand em. Trust me, i've known a few. I've also known a few over the years who tortured and yes killed cats and then had the nerve to even brag about it. Sad, you bet, especially if there's a cat lover in the house.
I don't know if your husband falls in that category or not but my fear is that history might repeat itself if you acquire another cat.

As far as your son and husband, would you consider a dog instead? I know of no boy or man who doesn't like dogs. There's something about a bond between a guy and an especially more 'macho' type of dog! Go figure!
Only a suggestion and take care,
-Ken

Guilty,


My Dad wasn't especially fond of cats...but he loved my Mother and me, and so he tolerated and was even kind to, our cats. I'd say your family has bigger issues than cats, and you all could benefit from some counseling. Meanwhile maybe you and your son could volunteer at a shelter, or participate in some community service benefiting homeless animals. It might make you both feel better.


Wishing you and yours well,
Dayna

This is a very sad situation for all parties involved. I can't imagine just how overwhelmed and confused your 8 year old son is about all of this and more. I agree with Dayna's advice in suggesting to you family counseling as well as working with a homeless shelter or a fund raiser for the humane society.

There is a group of young children in my neighborhood who sell lemonade and donate all of their proceeds to our local Humane Society. A few of the older children also volunteer their services in helping to set up on adoption days as well as feeding and grooming homeless animals. Often I see Moms with their younger children helping to get the smaller dogs out and exercise them. There are many ways to give of yourself while teaching your son the responsibilities that go along with having a pet.

May your family come together and get well together.

I do realize we have bigger issues, have been trying for years to get him to talk or get
help. I didn't tell my son all about the cats, I told him that I took them to a lady that
would find them a good home. I know I will just die if he ever finds out different. Thanks
for trying to help, as I just feel so helpless right now. My son and I went to the pet store
and got him a hamster, not sure if this is going to help, but I know he needs a buddy or
something, and hope it's not too soon. Forgot to say the reasons on the cat issues too.
My little one was spraying and it was getting pretty bad, I had him neutered but it did not
seem to help. The older cat was biting and scratching other kids, so I knew eventually I
would have to give her up...we have been married for a long time and he has always put
up with my cats before. Just feels so empty here right now...

Guilty,

Having recently lost one of my beloved kitties, I can sympathize whole heartedly with the empty feeling in the house. Even though we have 5 other animals wandering around the house, it still seems empty without Kota here.

I would have to agree with the others here that it sounds like there may be some deeper issues involved in your situation that need addressing, these deeper issues may also intensify your feelings of guilt and loss. But please rest assured that you have friends here who have experienced your pain, so if you ever feel alone or like no one understands what your going thru, just post here, we are good at listening and offering support.

Dear guilty, sorry to hear that, this is got to be very hard on you but I am more concern about you and your son, to tell you the truth if I was in your situation I will take the husband to get some help 'cause he had not only pushed a side your kitties that I am sure you loved very dearly but yet he also is making you feel horrible and guilty for what you did even though he wanted you to bring them back when it was to late, sorry am not trying to be cold nor cruel here but you are not the one to blame and not your son eather, I wish you the best to all of you and I know you going to have to tell your son about the trush some day soon becouse it will be better that way that him finding out later from some other sourse, God Bless, Buster and Jorge.

I humbly apologize if I sounded either flippant or judgmental. Of course you know what your issues are. I'm concerned about all three of you. Your son is eight, he needs his father. You had to bear the burden of trying to keep your family together. I don't think you deserve to feel horrible for deciding in favor of that. I don't blame you for protecting your son from the truth at this stage either.

Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

My prayers are with you and your family as you struggle to work toward a happier and fulfilling kind of life together. Your son never needs to know what happened. I hope he finds his new little hamster to be a great and loving kind of little friend.

Wishing you happiness in all your days,
Beth

Oh I can not believe, the hamster has escaped last night, I am hoping we can find him
tonight as he seems to get up around 9 or 10 for food and running......I just seem to
be doing all the wrong things this past week....Trying so hard to keep up hope and
seem like all is well for my son, but every time I am alone, all I do is cry...

Good morning guilty:
Being a guy, historically about the only time i've shed tears is when a family member has passed. Never cried at sappy movies with either a happy or sad ending, weddings or anything else along those lines. And years ago before my dogs came into my life would i ever think i would shed so many tears when one of them would pass away...but i did.

The crying phenomenon by us humans is still not fully understood by science as we are the only known species on the planet that sheds emotional tears.
We humans can trigger crying events from trauma, prolonged stress, loneliness, pain and daily hassles. Yet, most people cry of happiness, joy, relief and loss. An individual's tendency to cry is dependant on genetics, hormones, sleep depravation and other factors in our daily lives.

Crying is very important to our physical and emotional health. Crying can give a sense of relief from the unlying stress which triggered it in the first place which can be beneficial for emotional health. Crying can also be beneficial for physical health as emotionally-shed tears are known to contain toxic stress hormones which are eliminated from the body. These stress hormones especially from a prolonged stress event can have very negative affects for the health of virtually all of bodily functions. Crying is nature's way of relieving the detrimental aspects of stress.

I geuss what i'm trying to say is sob away and hopefully the crying events will lessen over time. Also if you're not already, take some vitamin supplements during this period of grief and eat properly to further aid against any physical problems which might arise from prolonged stress.
Take care,
-Ken

If your husband won't go to counseling, you should consider going on your own. The cruelty that you described will leave permanent scars on you and your son if not addressed.

I am very sorry for your family.

How horrible, I'm sorry this happened. Please try not to beat yourself up. You did what you thought was best for your marriage. I wish I had the words that could comfort you and your son. I am not sure how old your son is, but sitting down with him and explained what happened might be best, as it is important that he learns about pets and shelters. But depends on his age.

Again, I'm so sorry.