Duncan i miss your gratefullness when you licked my hand or wanted a hug everytime i gave you food or water
Duncan i miss your wagging tail everytime i called your name
Duncan i miss the sound from your squeak toys
Duncan i miss your bark everytime you wanted something
Duncan i miss your darting up and down the basement stairs
Duncan i miss your smile everytime i said 'lets go for a walk'
Duncan i miss seeing you always trying to steal Jessie's toy
Duncan i miss seeing you chase deers in the woods
Duncan i miss your unconditional love and affection even after i scolded you
Duncan i miss calling you buddy boy
Duncan, Dolly, Jessie and i miss you

Duncan i'm sorely sorry i wasn't there for you at your dyer hour
Duncan i'm sorry i didn't do more for you
Duncan i'm sorry i didn't give you as much affection as you gave me
Duncan i'm sorry, rest in peace buddy and i pray to see you again in heaven

-------------------------------------

I buried my best friend Duncan last Friday, undoubtedly the hardest thing i've done in my life to date..even harder than burying my parents and two brothers. Though misty eyed, it wasn't until i picked up the shovel to start the burial that the tears flowed freely. At that point the realization hit me that i'll never see my best friend again.
I still see and hear him out of the corner of my eye but when i look he's not there. Maybe its his spirit trying to reassure me somehow. Maybe he's trying to ease my grieving somehow. I'm sure he would not want me in this pain i'm feeling.

About 6 months ago Duncan developed an eye problem which led to blindness in one of his eyes. The eye specialist back then was not a 100% positive but they thought it was a tumor near his iris. They recommended removing the eye and check for malignancy. I refused as i didn't want to put a 10 year old dog through that painful process. I fear i might have made the wrong decision which is laying heavy on me at this point. He had two seizures over the last couple weeks that lasted a few hours and he was good as new the next day. He had his final seizure last Thursday of which i found him passed the next morning. Words cannot express how i felt when i found him laying there lifeless.
At least my other two dogs Dolly and Jessie were with him at his final hour.

This is a great site. Since i live alone with my dogs out in the country there's not much opportunity to express all this. The mere act of typing this post has already done a lot to ease the grieving.

So far Dolly and Jessie seem to be holding up well but they seem to be easing into a lathargic state little by little. I was especially worried about Jessie as she and Duncan were inseparable. By the way Jessie was Duncan's common law wife! Dolly is also starting to worry me as she seems to be eating less in addition to being less active. Duncan and Dolly have been togather for 10 years and when Duncan had to spend a couple days at the hospital for heartworm treatment a few years ago, Dolly outright refused to eat until i brought Duncan back home from the hospital.

Is there anything i can do for my remaining two dogs to ease their grieving process?


-Ken

It was the same with us when we buried Matilda, the Aussie Terrier, with her favorite toys. Despair and helplessness.

Hold onto that last thought,"I'm sure he would not want me in this pain i'm feeling."..it will help you a lot in the weeks and months to come.

I am the person in my extended family who has to bury everyone..parents, accident-killed BIL, etc. and I agree that somehow burying a furfriend is much worse.

I still see darting shadows out of the corner of my eye,too, two months after Miles died, all in her favorite places, but they are becoming less frequent. it is nice in a way but very disturbing in others...

We're with you Ken. You found the right place. I am so sorry about the recent loss of Duncan. These are the hardest times ever. The agonizing pain that we go through when one so loved passes away is unbearable. Continuing to come here is what helped me the most in my joourney of healing. Through the exchanges we make with others about the sadness as well as the joys helps to mend our broken hearts. Even though we never stop missing our furloves, the special connection we have made with them is bound forever.

Dolly and Jessie are certain to miss Duncan just as much as you do. I know when my Goliath passed away so suddenly and unexpected my Gidget mourned for him in the same way I did. The only difference between her and I was that I knew Goliath had passed into God's loving hands. Gidget looked high and low for a few months for Goliath. When she was finished making the rounds around the house and decks, she would stand in front of closet doors and ask me to open them. Watching her do this search for Goliath many times throughout the day absolutely broke my heart. As I began to accept Goliath's death, she did too.

I can completely understand when you say Duncan's death hit you deeper than any other loss in your life. While I loved my parents and grandparents very much, it was not the kind of love I had for my very special Goliath. Never have I mourned a loss such as his before in my entire life. Though I knew he had gone to Heaven I felt as though I had died too, except I had gone straight to hell.

The only thing I can tell you that will help with Jessie and Dolly is to love them with all you have in you. Duncan is with you and lives in your heart. Your loss is recent and it will take time for all of you to adjust. I didn't think I would be able to ever return to a happy and fulfilled life again............but I did over time. Be patient with yourself as well as Jessie and Dolly. Life is certain to be quite different without Duncan's presence. No doubt when Duncan came into your life he also made a difference. How special we are when we are blessed in having a love such as this. The memories we have after one so loved passes away is what is left.

May you find comfort, restoration of peace, and happiness again in your life. One day you will see Duncan again in a place where nothing but love lasts and lives for eternity.

God bless you.............May His face shine upon you and grant you peace.

Duncan's Daddy,

I can completely understand your pain my friend. I had to bury my cat of 12 years last Tuesday, he died while we were out to dinner, he was all alone in our bedroom. I still run thru the what ifs in my mind, but I think I'm finally coming to terms with the idea that things happened the way they did for a reason. I know its painful but I believe it was Duncan's time to leave, just as it was my kitty Kota's time to leave when he did. Things happen for a reason, it may not be apparent today or even tomorrow, but there is a reason Duncan left when he did, be thankful for all the fond memories of love and happiness you had with him.

As far as your other dogs, all I can tell you is to give them extra extra extra love and attention, continue to reassure them and remind them how much you love them. They grieve and mourn just as humans do, they just do it in their own way. If you find they are not eating well you may want to see your vet to find options, but I think they will eventually come around as long as you keep showering them with love and show them its okay and that life will go on.

I hope the pain you feel eases and you find it easier to think of fond memories of your Duncan, pain eases with time, but how much time varies from person to person. Coming here has helped me more than I ever thought it would, so continue to post your pain, frustration and concerns. We all know what your going thru, we have experienced the pain of loss, and are here to lend one another support to make it thru.

Peace be with you.

Thanks Jon, goliath and Alex for your kind and sympathetic words!
Whats starting to really concern me at this point are my two surviving dogs who initially seemed to take Duncan's departure well. However, they both appear to be deteriorating over time. Both Jessie and Dolly had their own unique attachments to Duncan. It seems to me that they're slowly realizing he's not gonna be back. Both of them are still eating adequately but are not as active or peppy as usual. If it gets to the point where they refuse to eat, i'll definitely seek out my vets' advice.

A common point mentioned in the threads i've read and per your comments is the death of a be-loved pet is sometimes harder to take than a family member's death. As i mentioned this is also the case with Duncan's passing. I got to thinking why that could be.
The only thing i can come up with is the concept of a soul. From what i understand according to Christian theology, animals do not have a soul. If thats the case, then we humans perhaps subconsciously and for a lack of a better term absorb our pet's 'being' into our own soul. This could be the reason why i particularly feel a part of me has died along with Duncan. It also could be that if one accepts that our pets have no soul or afterlife, then its over for eternity which could be another reason for the extreme grieving process.

On the other hand, i find it hard to accept the concept that our pets have no soul. My dogs including Mr. Duncan which i sometimes called him have intelligence and human-like emotions such as happiness, shame, sadness, sorrow, guilt, etc. in addition to be able to communicate to us humans in their own way.
I personally believe our pets, soul or no soul, when the time comes will be there to greet us at heaven's gate which is also helping to comfort my grieving.
-Ken

Dearest Ken,

The attachment and deeper kind of love that comes with the relationship with a household member is quite different, at least for me. They are the ones in our everyday life and our constant companion. So it makes sense that you are much closer to Duncan than you may have been with other family.

There is no doubt in my mind they have the purest kind of soul and they do go to Heaven. All of God's creatures, great and small, He hath made them all. Every creature on earth returns to His loving hands. When you and Duncan were joined by your hearts he became a permanent part of you and will stay with you forever. This is a binding love connection that cannot be broken and will be eternal.

As for Jessie and Dolly...............Give them time. Just as you need time, they do too. I can tell you that it took Gidget a couple of months before she started to become more her normal self. She was depressed just as I was and demonstrated much of your description of how Jessie and Dolly are behaving. Gidget even started peeing in the house after Goliath passed away. Eventually she stopped doing that too. Part of it may be that Jessie and Dolly feel your pain and sadness as well. Just like when you are happy, they are too. As I got to feeling better............So did Gidget.

Be patient and shower them with love. Try and take them out for good long walks. It will be good for all of you. The activity helps to relieve some of the pent up stress and grief.

Goliath's soul flies amongst the angels. One day he and I will reunite once again. I will love him til the day after forever. Have faith and trust..............God has a plan for all of His marvelous and wondrous creations.

Rather than make you follow a link, here is a post from another thread. As usual, your belief system will vary the interpretations, but I had found these references on a web search some time ago:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



It depends.

Heh. Tiptoeing between and avoiding Jesuit and Talmudic- like debates!

Some sources cite Scripture that "proves" animal have no souls.

However, some sources cite these:

ROMANS 8:19-21 "the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God, because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the *** of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God."
(KJV).

LUKE 3:6 And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.'" (NKJ)

ACTS 3:21 Whom the heaven must receive until the times of restitution of all things, which God hath spoken by the mouth of all his holy prophets since the world began. (KJV)

REV. 21:5 And He that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And He said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. (KJV)

ECCLESIASTES 3:18 I said in my heart, "Concerning the condition of the sons of men, God tests them, that they may see that they themselves are like animals”. (NKJ)

ECCLESIASTES 3:19-20 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath, man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust and to dust all return. (NIV)

LUKE 3:6 "all flesh shall see the salvation of God." (KJV)

PSALM 36:6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your judgments are like the great deep; you save humans and animals alike, O LORD. (NRS)

GENESIS 1:30 and to every animal of the earth, and to every fowl of the heavens, and to everything that creepeth on the earth, in which is a living soul, every green herb for food. And it was so. (DBY)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My personal "take" on it is that when we form a close bond with an animal we become "Soulmates". We imprint a part of our soul and personality on the animal, and there is an interaction. It is like a mutual programming.
Friends of mine say it is an open question whether I trained Miles or she trained me.

Therefore, cutting through all of it, and avoiding being anywhere near Aquinas or Akiba, she has become an honorary human and is an integral part of my gestalt soul.
If that is wrong, I am prepared to take it up with The Boss someday.

Thanks Jon for siting this scripture for Ken. I was praying you would show up and site these as I have to leave for work in just a very few minutes.

Peace be with both of you.

Beth

Jon, i thank you also for posting those scripture quotes. They have helped me and hopefully others here.


Very well said, thankyou!

As far as my grieving of 4 days now, it seems to be subsiding a bit. I run my dogs everyday in my woods where i also buried Duncan. I felt he would want to be laid to rest there as that was his favorite place to be.
This morning while out with Dolly and Jessie for their daily romp in the woods, for the first time hardly a tear was shed when i visited Duncan's grave.
Instead our best and sometimes humorous memories flashed before my eyes. Like the time Duncan ran up the back porch stairs, couldn't stop in time and ran right through the bottom panel of the screen door. He ended up in the kitchen with a real puzzled look on his face. Instead of getting mad at door i now had to fix, all i could do was laugh! And i laughed on and off that whole day even while i was repairing the door! Thankyou Duncan!
Perhaps this is the first step in the healing process. When dwelling on the loss starts to give way to the memories and how our pets have enriched our own lives.

There is no doubt in my mind being able to discuss this here with you all has played a large part in coping with Duncan's passing.
Thank you all again, and thanks for this forum.
-Ken

Amen. Experiencing the first recollection of happier days with our loved ones feels doggone great. I'm glad to hear you, Jessie and Dolly were all out there visiting Duncan together. Better yet, it brings me smiles of happiness to know that your visit brought you smiles and laughter of remembrance. I can just imagine the perplexed look on Duncan's face right after arriving on the other side of that door.

The very first time I was able to think of Goliath without falling apart was in my computer room. A few months after Goliath had passed away I noticed for the first time in a long time the wood chest I keep in there. Many years ago Goliath chewed the left hand corner off of it when he was just a puppy. Though I wasn't particularly happy about it at that time.......................I busted out in a grin from ear to ear. I am so glad he did that! This wooden chest is just one of Goliath's mementos he left behind for me to smile about. Every so often I come across something else of Goliath's or hear something someone says that triggers a happy memory. I call these events "the little hellos" from him. They remind me that his love is in me and with me at all times.

Keep coming and sharing your wonderful stories Ken. You are so right when you say by doing so it helps toward healing our broken hearts.

I agree with all the wonderful advice you have been given about Jessie and Dolly. Extra love and attention never hurt anyone.

You said: Perhaps this is the first step in the healing process. When dwelling on the loss starts to give way to the memories and how our pets have enriched our own lives.

I agree with you that you are starting the healing process. What you described is part of that process. It all takes time but when we recognize things happen that are out of our control...it helps accept what happens.

These special ones that come into our lives...we will love them forever and miss them forever but we are also forever thankful they were part of our lives. Their pictures and good memories remain with us.

As far as earlier when you spoke about the pain being different than losing a human and wondered why that is so. My own explanation for that is simply that these wonderful babies are the only beings in life that give us unconditional love. They accept us 100% for who we are at all times. To them, we have no faults. They never judge us. They are simply so very happy just to be near us. We will never find this in the human world and the pain we feel losing that daily dose of unconditional love would naturally be much more intense than a human loss. We mourn differently because what we have received was different. That makes what we have lost..different. Both types of losses have their own pain and sadness...but I cannot compare what each type meant in my life...they are just too different.

I also must say that your letter to Duncan is one of the most beautiful I have ever read. Words written with love are simply priceless.

You said writing here has helped you. That's what this forum is here for. We all share the same pain when losing such a special one and our hands reach out to each other...trying to help another move forward out of the darkness of recent overwhelming sadness.
We also know we must think of good memories to heal and we share them also with each other...because a smile that is passed around will come back to us and we really need to smile at the good memories to overcome the sad ones. Thank goodness we have more good ones to remember.

So write whenever you feel you want to because there are always many here ....listening.

Here's another one:

" And every creature which is in heaven, and under the earth, and in the sea, and all that are in them heard I saying, 'Blessings and power, glory and honor, be unto him that sits upon the throne, and to the lamb for ever and ever. ' " REV 5:13

I so sorry about your Duncan, most of us, are here because in one way or another we need some other outlet for our sorrow over the loss of our furries. Glad you found us.

Dayna

I would like to offer my sympathy to you in the loss of your pal Duncan. As you can see we all know what you are going through.

I am glad to hear that you are taking Dolly and Jessie out to romp in the woods. Exercise and fresh air will help them through the grieving process. It will take awhile for them to feel and act perky and happy again.

But I am so happy to hear, that you are smiling when you think of the fun memories with Duncan. Cherish those memories and live them over and over again in your mind. You'll find yourself laughing at times too. When that happens just say "Thanks Duncan." It might sound crazy but I look up at the stars at night and thank Lizzy. This usually brings tears to my eyes...but then a smile will come when I picture her face.

My lab Lizzy's cancer wasn't found until it was quite advanced. The news was devastating as she still played like a puppy at 9. My other lab Elly was very close to Liz. When Liz became weak and in pain I had to take her to be put to sleep. Elly was lost without her pal. We tried to play but it just wasn't the same. We were quite sad to say the least. But then I began throwing her ball saying "This ones in memory of Liz." At first I saw Liz everywhere. It was especially hard being in the yard where she loved to play. But I reminded myself that Liz loved life, and I treated her like the queen that she was.

After a few months I adopted another white lab named Mandy. She was like a ray of sunshine coming into our lives. She and Elly play all the time and do everything together. It's amazing how much she looks like Liz. She also has a few of Liz's personality traits.

Dolly and Jessie will comfort each other through their grief. Animals are truly amazing creatures. They teach us so much about life...and give unconditional love. They never judge us or get mad at us. They comfort us in good times and bad. They give us so much that no human being could ever offer.

I wish you comfort and peace.

Interesting you mentioned that story! While going upstairs from the basement just today, i noticed where years ago when Duncan was just a youngin would scratch the basement plaster board wall with his paws when he knew it was time to go outside to fertilize the bushes. I've been meaning to repair those old deep scrathes of Duncan's for a couple years now but they're going to stay.
Thanks for the opportunity to share some of these memories...it helps.

myhrtisbrkn,
I'm glad i found this forum also. As i mentioned earlier, in my particular case there's very little opportunity to share the grief i'm feeling especially with people who are/have been going through it also.


I agree whole heartedly. But unfortunately, IMO some pet owners are just not worthy of owning a pet.
For example, i adopted Jessie my black lab a couple years ago. Its a long long story but she showed up on my property one day as a stray and took a real romantic liking to Duncan. Now Jessie was the spittin image of my neighbors dog who was out of town for a two week vacation. I figured it was their dog and would feed Jessie til the neighbors returned. Eventually i found out Jessie was not the neighbors dog.

Since Jessie was in a heet cycle, i couldn't control 'ol Duncan as he had only one thing on his mind. So now what! I called the county animal control to pick Jessie up. Now during those two weeks i fed Jessie, i kind of got attached to her and likewise with her. She was always at my side or followed me closely.
I decided to stop by the animal control to see if she got adopted yet. To my horror, they were going to put her to sleep the next day along with about another half dozen strays as they typically keep strays for about two weeks. I also found out that she was about a year old and pregnant! Well i decided to adopt her!

Now the point of all this is that since Jessie had a collar and tags, her owner was traced down by animal control. The owner wanted no part of Jessie and in fact he wanted her collar back! Apparently Jessie wouldn't come back when he called her was the reason given.
Now one thing i noticed right off about Jessie is that she was apparently beat, often and probably severely. Everytime i would raise my arm to fix the brim of my cap for example, she would cower and squeal loudly. All i needed to do was to raise my arm above my waist to get that reaction. It took a good couple months for her to realize that she wasn't going to be beaten ever again. Like most labs especially young ones she was frisky, sometimes too frisky. But she has turned out to be the most sweetest, mild tempered affectionate dog i could ever hope for. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. And she comes when i call her. She and Duncan were inseparable and would play togather for hours at a time. I know she misses Duncan also.
-Ken

Ken: You said: But unfortunately, IMO some pet owners are just not worthy of owning a pet.


I agree with that remark wholeheartedly also. I can't say all humans deserve what they get from a pet. I am just thankful to hope that..that type of treatment is in the minority. The world is a cruel place and probably the most humane of species that inhabit it are the animals..they even can treat each other better than some humans will do.

I am glad to hear your story of Jessie with a happy ending. I think giving her a lot of extra attention and love can't hurt anything.
That's one thing about not really knowing an animal's past...is we don't know what treatment we are trying to get them to forget.

I was sent a sweet story about a dog's purpose by a friend and I posted the topic in Tributes..where I am hoping all dog owners get a chance to read it. You might want to stop by there...I think it will make you smile as it did me.

Take Care and write here anytime. We are always listening whether to wonderful stories of happy memories..that helps healing...or just to thoughts and feelings that particular day and moment in time.

There is a lot of caring here as the people truly love animals and we share the memories of love as well as the pain of losing them in our life.

Hugs, Ken.....

LuvLabs,
as a fellow lab owner and you having two of them, and if they're anyting like Jessie, i'm sure you've got your hands full.
Hearing your two dogs play togather brings back memories of Jessie and Duncan playing togather. Duncan would always try to steal Jessies's favorite toy at the moment which almost always led to a tug of war with Duncan winning. Seeing those two playing always brought a smile to my face.

Dolly on the other hand is not the playful type and would just rather be left alone thank you. She'll play with a new toy for a few minutes and then lose interest at which point Duncan and Jessie would race each other to grab the toy. Dolly is a mixed breed and best i can figure, she's got a lot of chow, some collie and a little golden retriever thrown in for good measure. She's 10 years old and has also had her share of problems. She underwent TPLO surgery a few years ago to repair a torn cruciate ligament in one of her rear knees. She also has a couple of what the vet diagnosed as fatty tumors one of which is rather large.

Still those tumors have me concerned considering i believe Duncan died of cancer also.
Duncan's passing was unexpected as the morning before his final seizure or possibly stroke, he was as perky and alert as a puppy. We sometimes have no clue what the next day will bring.

At any rate its good to hear Elly and your new family member Mandy are getting along so great! There's just something about seeing two or more dogs getting along.

LoveThem,
I found that story you mentioned and we dog owners know its all true. Thanks for posting it.
Yes, i'll be checking this forum for a while. I'm leery of replying to other posts at this time as my grieving although tapered off some, is none the less still there and always triggered everytime i see Duncan's picture on my computer's (Window's) desktop. I think having my other two dogs at hand has also made a difference. They have given me the strength and encouragement along with this forum to get through this truamatic experience.

-Ken

Ken,

My Birga, aged almost 13, has those fatty-tumors as well. Each time a new one pops up I have it biopsied, despite the vets reassurances about them. I lost my Mackie-dog to cancer, so I completely understand how disturbing they are to you, but B's have all been completely benign, so harmless they're not worth risking anesthesia to remove them. So have 'em looked at when you can, but try not to worry.

Dayna