I woke up this morning missing my girl so terribly I could barely stand it again. I've been SO stupidly busy of late, preparing for an immanent trip, and just yesterday was putting away irreplaceable, precious valuables in safer places for my time away, most of which have to do with my kidlets. I'd also just had a horribly upsetting exchange with a woman I know, about her laughing over dog meat being served in the Chinese diet (oh yes, she's been written off my list of people to have any contact with anymore!) - it was totally disgusting and another painful reminder of how so many people just don't 'get' it, despite liking to call themselves "animal lovers"! That was part of why I felt so out-of-sorts when I got up, as if more parts of my girl (and guy) were missing and no one would ever really understand or care.

And then I remembered it was also Mother's Day today, and that, typically I can expect no acknowledgments, no gifts, no nothing. It's been this way for the last 2 years, effectively 'stomping out of existence' the fact that I WAS a Mother for almost 20 years, and belying the fact that I will always BE one, damn it! I'd hinted this year about a particular T-shirt for sale, a grey one, with a pink heart that says, "World's Best Cat Mom"...but it's looking like I'll have to order it myself, FOR myself. Well....all this just adds another layer of sorrow, emptiness and frustration, among many other feelings, of course.

So with the heaviest of hearts, I then did what I do every morning now. I clicked on my daily reminder from the Animal Rescue Site, to give a portion of a bowl of food for homeless animals in shelters.....and my breath was taken right away!

There was MY GIRL staring right back at me! I SWEAR!! It was just like I'd found a NEW picture of her, one I hadn't known I even had!! Take a look for yourselves, here. (scroll down to "Bojangles" story on page 5 to see the cat featured that day) I was stunned, as it's always been SO VERY hard to ever find pics of my Little Nis's likeness anywhere, and frankly, this one is too exact a replica for words! It's my burnish-cheeked girl! ~ dainty of paw, long of tail, slim, 'solid' sheeny-grey, amber-green of oriental-shaped eye....giving me that exact "look"!!

Mother's Day is depressing as hell, especially when you've told those around you that you'd like some of these things to be done for you on each Mother's Day, but no one responds.

But just as it often was in times past, my GIRL did, even if no one else bothered. I used to get a mousie, or some other lovely gift from her. And now, my NISSAKINS made SURE to STILL send me her love and to honour the place I had in her life.....on Mother's Day. And so I sit, in awe of how she never seems to fail to come through to support and love me, no matter that she's not physically here. I LOVE HER, LOVE HER, LOVE HER, as I've loved no other! And so it is, and so it will always be.

My girl.....I miss you so much, each and every day....but THANK YOU for always being there for me, just as you've always been.... It's stillyou and me, my Galski, part of this world, but not entirely "of" it. You've saved me yet again.....and I'll ALWAYS call myself your Mother.

dear F`s Mom
thank you for sharing the beautiful photo of your precious little daughter Nissa.
yours
Eva

You're welcome, Eva. Stupidly, I just realized that if anyone viewed that link to the Animal Rescue Site (to see my gal's sign/likeness), it would have only made sense ON May 11th, because each day the featured picture and rescue story attached changes and you can't save the pic from one day to another. Stupid me! Oh well....suffice it to say that the attached pic of Nissa and the one that was at the site yesterday were pretty much identical, even down to their respective poses.

And one addendum to my ramblings yesterday:
After a lot of tears and heartache, I found out HOURS later that I will actually be receiving that "Mom" T-shirt after all! For some very strange reason, my H had forgotten all about having ordered it for me earlier this week, even when he saw me feeling upset about the Day. So at least there was some acknowledgment this year, albeit in very odd/late timing.

What a wonderful story...I wish I'd seen it sooner. For what it may be worth ...I'd say there can be no doubt that , tee-shirt or not, you are the world's greatest cat-Mom. And Nissa's devotion to you proves it.

I've just fixed the link I'd provided to the featured rescue animal that appeared on the Animal Rescue Site on Mother's Day, after having found all the animals listed under their "Rescued Animal Stories" section. So now (if you scroll to "Bojangles" as instructed above in my original post) you can see the completely uncanny likeness between this cat's pic and my girl's.

And thank-you, Dayna, for what you said. That's as good as 'hearing' it right from my girl herself.

My T-shirts were waiting for me in the mail when we arrived home from our recent trip and I can't wait until it's reliably warm enough to start wearing them around. My H ordered 3, actually, so I'll be giving one to his mom, as a belated Mom's Day gift, when we make the trip back home later this week (a trip I'm dreading, since that's where our own little family first began, for the first 4 years of Nissa's and Sabin's lives....and the place they and I hated to leave behind). His mom has 2 cat-kids herself, whom I look forward to playing with and helping while I'm there -- bringing some homemade toys and 'nip to get the ball rolling!

And further to my girl, while on our recent trip, I wasn't finding anything much, clothes-wise, that I'd wanted to buy while away......EXCEPT for being immediately directed, by my girl I'm SURE, to the first thing I'd hoped to find, but with an added bonus. I'd been looking for some 'sparkly'-type T-shirts for summer, and the very first one I found at the very first stand I stopped at, had a silhouette of an elegant cat shape (like my short-haired, oriental-type kids themselves), along with the words "Baby Girl"!! How PURRRFECT is that?!! I managed to get myself THREE, and one of them in PINK, with silver studding, in memory of Nissa (my Little Grey Pinkie) as well as one in black, with silver studding, for my boy, Sabin. And this turned out to be only one of MANY signs she made sure to send me on this trip, as I'd asked her to! She also sent particularly meaningful songs when I least expected them, we stumbled upon a statue of a flamingo named.......PINKIE! , and all sorts of other serendipitous signs that held great meaning to me. There was almost one/day!

And even when we got home, my girl sent my bestest feline girlfriend over the very first day that I had some time after unpacking/cleaning up, in order to play and play and play....for 3 days in a row, when I hadn't seen her over here in MONTHS! She spent the entire day with me (until about 9pm) on 2 of those days, before heading back home, so that I didn't have to suffer that dreadful feeling of once again coming back from a trip to a Nissa-less house. Yup......my girl was with me, albeit using another cat's body to do so.

So if I'm one of the world's best cat moms, my GIRL is definitely the World's Bestest Girl!!!! .......and I LOVE HER, LOVE HER, LOVE HER for all she keeps doing for her dear, ol' Mom!!!

The likeness between Bojangles and Nissa is incredibly remarkable just as you said! It seems as though Nissa has been sending you some hellos lately. Somebody very special is sure looking out to send you some happiness...that's for sure.

I'm glad you had 3 days in a row with your furry girlfriend and enjoyed each other's company so much. It always feels so good to receive a warm welcome when returning home, especially when one has been gone for awhile. Enjoy wearing your Baby Girl teeshirt.

Welcome back to LS........glad to hear you had a great trip!

Isn't it, though?! Thanks for checking it out! For some reason, I'm not always getting notifications of replies since the site was overhauled, so I'm glad I checked back here for "new posts".

Next trip (soon) is back home, to where we were ALL born and raised (adopted our kids from the Human Society there at about 9 wks. old). They only spent the first 4 yrs. or so there and yet I've always thought of it as their "main" home, because they loved it so (and not as much here, by comparison). It's going to be incredibly emotional a time for me, as I've been the only one to even go back (briefly and only for family illness and deaths) in all these years. Nissa was left in her Daddy's care at the time. So it seems SO flat-out wrong for me and their Daddy to ever be there together, without our beloved kids!!!!

I don't have the heart to even drive anywhere near our house, as I just know I'd totally fall apart. (and yet, would my kids have a message waiting for me there???) When we left it back then, I had to tear Nissa and Sabin away from their early morning jaunt in the yard and field beyond (yes, with us right there) because the new owner showed up earlier than she was supposed to, and just cried buckets, both for making us leave our home and for the confused and, I swear, sad looks on their faces. They knew darn well we were leaving, and for years I felt so guilty it was terrible. Sabin got a tumor on his paw w/i weeks of us moving (luckily benign;removed), so I know he, in particular, was very upset about the whole deal. They lost a good deal of safety and freedom to run (supervised) there, versus here, and we had to re-start a whole yard from pretty much scratch here, whereas at home they already had sizable trees to climb, a much larger yard, a fabulous cat-friendly fence they could easily climb (horizontal slats), and warmer nights for us all to stay out that much longer in. It took years for me to recreate, and for them to wait patiently for anything nearly as good here. I STILL feel badly about it, actually!

My "home" is now filled with so many sad and bittersweet memories that although I'm excited about seeing an old friend and my in-laws (and their kidlets), I'm also terrified of what I know darn well is going to come up inside. I wouldn't even be going back yet if not for the anniversary we're going for. I just hope I'm not crying myself to sleep every night. My feline-in-laws won't be curling up with me to soothe me, either, because one of them never normally sleeps with anybody, and the other has JUST started sleeping with his mom (my MIL), after YEARS of her waiting for it already. Plus, they wouldn't even let me curl up next to them anywhere the last couple of times I was there. That'll just make me feel my losses even more, I know. And the last time I was there, was because my Mother had died. So man, it's gonna be tough.

Guess I'll just have to work hard on giving those furkids good reason to change their feline minds! The 'nip and homemade 'snakes' with feathers I've got ready are admittedly a great, big bribe! If it works, I may just forgo half of our plans just to Stay & Play instead!

i favor bribery insuch situations myself. Good luck and let us know how it went.