Three weeks ago my beautiful seven month old kitten Purdy died. She had spend weeks in intensive care, as her immune system was attacking her bone marrow. She became severely anaemic, and although it seemed that she was getting better, she passed away during the night.

My heart is broken. I live alone, and have suffered from depression for years. Purdy made such a huge difference to my life. She was the only thing that had made me feel truly happy in years. Purdy was the sweetest cat that I could ever have wished for. She followed me everywhere and I adored her. I can't believe that I am never going to see her again, it has all been such a shock. I thought we had years together.

I might find this easier to accept if she was an old cat that had lived her life, but she was just a baby. I am also devastated that I didn't get to say goodbye properly and wasn't there when she died. Every time I think of her struggling for breath at the end my heart breaks all over again. I never, ever wanted her to suffer.

The day before she died I went into hospital to see her as usual, but she was very grumpy and distressed and wouldn't let me touch her. I get upset every time I think about it because I didn't get to hold her one last time.

I haven't been at work since she went into hospital nearly two months ago. I just can't stop crying and nobody seems to understand what I have lost. I have been so lonely without her. I went back to the charity that I got her from and I am adopting two kittens from them a week on friday. I feel so guilty about that too. They'll never replace her.

I keep finding her fur everywhere which sets me off crying, and can't bear to hoover up. Its as if I would be removing any evidence that she was ever here.

Its four weeks now since she passed away, and the pain isn't getting easier. I can't accept her death and just wan't her back so much that it physically hurts.

Lynsey, I am deeply sorry for your loss of Purdy. Thank you for sharing her picture with us....she is beautiful.

We will never understand why some fur babies have to leave at such a young age. Purdy sounds like she tried hard to get well...but her body just gave out. When I read your post I could feel the pain that you are going through. Grief is a process and it will take time for you to feel better. I know it's hard to put the difficult memories behind you. But I do hope, that the happy memories you shared will come flowing through and heal your heart.

Those two kitties have no idea what a wonderful and loving home they are going to. I am glad that you decided to adopt them. And you are right no kitty will replace Purdy. We can never replace a pet that we lost. We cherish the memories we shared with them, and learn from the lessons they taught us. I believe that every pet has a purpose besides being a loyal companion. They love us unconditionally and teach us valuable life lessons. We are all truly blessed with each and every pet that comes into our lives.

I hope that your heart mends from your loss, and that you smile when you hold your new kitties.

Lynsey, I am so sorry to hear about your sweet little Purdy. You picked a beautiful name for her. The coloring in her coat is quite gorgeous and her eyes are mesmerizing. I can see why you picked the name Purdy for her.

The grief that accompanies the death of a loved furbaby is dreadful. I fell into a deep depression after Goliath passed away and never thought I would ever know happiness again. Since you said you had been suffering for depression for years, it must be even more difficult for you.

You came to the right place when you found this site. There are many understanding and wonderful people here who will help you learn to cope and accept your loss of Purdy. Had it not been for this site and the people here I would never have found my way back to a content and fulfilling life. Because they helped me so much, I will forever be grateful that they were here with their love, understanding, and compassion.

It is here that we help each other through our exchanges of dialogue in our replies to each other. You never have to be alone because someone is always here, or will be here in a short amount of time.

No matter how many other kittens you bring into your home, none can ever take Purdy's place. Each new love that makes a home with us is unique and brings another kind of happiness and companionship. I think it's wonderful that you are bringing two new additions into your family. You have opened your heart to two kitttyloves that need a good home. All 3 of you will soon realize what a great decision you have made in doing this.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Lynsey at this painful time of your life. May you find the comfort you are seeking. This is a place of healing so I hope you continue to come back. Miracles made out of love happen here.

She is beautiful. I know it is horrible but the best thing you did was to get the kittens. Two of them will keep you occupied with their crazy nonstop funny antics.
I was in horrible shape when I lost my sweet old catwife, but even the thought of my new "Hire" has helped me a lot. It gave me something to focus on rather than be confronted with Milesey's fur and old toys all the time. It has been almost two months now, and missing her has not gotten better, but hoping for a new friend has helped me greatly.

We were so devoted to each other. She used to demand to be present when I took a bath or shower, to 'Protect" me, and if she was not invited, she would wait, then open the door herself and let the cold air in.
She liked the heat and moisture, too, I think. But every time now, I miss her all over again.

I know what you mean. Poor Purdy used to wait patiently beside the bath for me. Every now and then I'd look over the side and see her big beautiful eyes staring back at me. I had to let her in otherwise she would miaw outside the door and scratch it until I came out!! Bless her. It was those little things that made me love her all the more. The fact that she'd rather lie beside the bath just to be near me, than play with her toys in another room.

You have been given some wonderful advice here and it is all so true.

I am sorry that it was Purdy's time to go, especially at such a young age. That's a part of life I will never be able to understand. I think all we can do is try and learn to deal with it as best we can.

I am glad to hear you are getting your 2 new babies. They really will help distract you from some of the pain. Of course, they will not replace Purdy. Purdy was her own, unique, special self and has a place in your heart that is hers alone. We do not replace our special friends when we get another. The new one is there to form new memories and give us that gift of unconditional love it is hard to do without once you have had it and for us to give them our love and have them be a part of our lives which they need and so do we.

In fact, I really think when we do get another, that is because of what our special ones have taught us and we honor them with the highest form of respect for what they gave us.....by being willing to open our hearts and home to another who needs us.

You mention seeing the fur and feeling like cleaning it up is like removing all traces of her. Here's what I did. First I took some fur of my special ones, wherever I could find it, usually on a brush, and I took their favorite toy and I put these in a sealed ziplock type of bag with a note about them (I did have 3). Then I would always have a real physical part of them that I could touch and the fur does stay soft. I keep these small bags in a dresser drawer and I know they are always there should I need them. I also put pictures of my special ones in every room I go into so that I can always look into their eyes and smile at the memory of having taken that particular picture at a time they were healthy and happy and it is a good memory looking back at me. I may go up and touch that beautiful face and tell them I miss them....the pictures allow me to do that.

I love your Picture of Purdy and am so glad you took it. I didn't take too many of mine as kittens because I always felt there was time then I see that maybe it is a good idea to always keep a camera handy. Pictures take on more meaning as time goes by. I am grateful for every picture I did take.

When you talk about her waiting beside the bathtub to be with you....that's the part of these babies that is so special...the fact that they make us feel as though we are the most important thing in their lives....and they mean it. It's what we call ...unconditional love...and they are the only ones we are able to get that blessed gift from...and we will thank them and remember them the rest of our lives as being a part of our life that we never wanted to do without and we would keep them with us forever if we were allowed to.

It is hard to accept when they are taken away...we never want to let go....so we do the best we can knowing that someday some power decides they are to leave and we cannot prevent it when it is their time. Actually, I believe deep down we can accept the fact they are no longer with us physically but I also believe that deep inside...we really do never let them go.

Take Care and I wish you peace and hope you find things here that help you. Writing and knowing you are not alone...that you are listened to by ones who completely understand where you are...as we have all been in those "shoes" and it is not something one ever forgets.

Again, I am so glad you are getting those 2 kittens and I hope you tell us about them in the future, as well as any thoughts or stories about Purdy (like your bathtub one) you want to share...that's what special memories are all about.



.

Lynsey, I am so sorry to hear of your losing Purdy. A wonderful photo of a beautiful kitty. I know how you loved her. Your coming here is testament to that. Others here have said we may never know the why. I don't know if we will or not. When I lost my Tigerpaws the void was big dark and painful for two reasons. First because of a devastating loss and secondly because I had no fourlegged to love. I chose the Anatole France quote for my tagline for a purpose, because it is true, so when our fourlegged friends die aside from the loss of a dear friend we hurt because our souls need to love an animal to feel truly awake. Do not feel guilty about the 2 new kitties, Purdy wants you to be whole as you were with her and will be with the new little ones. She also knows the little ones are not replacing her, they are bringing you wholeness. I am sure Purdy is smiling beause you will love the new kitties. After all I believe that is who you are.

I wish you well
I wish you peace
I wish you love

Mark

Lend Me a Kitten
I will lend to you for awhile a kitten, God said.
For you to love while she lives, and mourn when she's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring his charms to gladden you and, should her stay be brief
You'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

I fancied that I heard them say 'Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done'
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may.
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call her back much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of her whom we loved, please help us while we grieve.
When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.

Author Unknown

There is some peace in reading these thoughts you have brought through this author's letter from God. This kind of love we share with our furry kids has to be Godsent. Where else could such a pure love come from? It's true for me that during their lives here on earth, whether longlived or shortlived, bring us many lessons of how to love.

I am truly grateful for all the happiness Goliath and I knew and lived so well. Though I miss him each and everyday, I will always give thanks. His teachings are with me everyday as I share with others by demonstrating what I have learned in everything I do as well as each person I come in contact with.

I feel so blessed that God chose me to love and cherish my Goliath. His and my love are forever bound by our hearts until one day he and I come full circle and meet again. I will love Goliath til the day after forever.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Purdy was a beautiful kitten and treasured for the wonderful little being she was. I lost my cat Sherry suddenly a month ago and am still grieving a lot. I too have another kitten Phoebe and 6 older cats. Each one is unique in their own special way and cannot be replaced but it does help to be able to share all your love with another furbaby while we still cry and miss our beloved furbabies who are no longer here but at the rainbow bridge just waiting until it's our time to get there.

Rena (Sherry's and Daisy's mom)

Lynsey,
I am so sorry for your loss of Purdy-She is so beautiful. I am reading your post through tears. We never can understand why such young furbabies are taken from us and it just is so counterintuitive for our human brains to comprehend. But I like to believe that there is a reason for everything and that perhaps Purdy had some higher business to take care of elsewhere. Whatever the case, she sure left her mark here and will continue to live on in your heart throughout your life. The pain will ebb and flow-sometimes will be harder than others. It has been 8 months for me and this morning, I feel like it just happened. It's just the process of grief, I guess.
I hope that you can find peace through your grief. Please know that we, here, in this forum, understand and are going through the same thing. We also have the benefit of learning different things from each other so I hope that helps you as it has me.
Hugs to you and those 2 new little lives that you will be sharing soon.
Stephanie

Lynsey: I read your wonderful poem for Purdy in the Tribute Section and replied there. I hope you saw it there and read what I said. Purdy is an angel..her picture is precious and I can understand what you are feeling at this time. Take Care and I wish you peace and healing.

Oh Lynsey,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how you are feeling. A few years ago my girlfriend and I adopted a pretty little kitty that we named Bessie because she had black and white patches like a little cow. She was so precious. She was 9 weeks old and seemed perfectly fine when we got her but within a weeks time she had to be put to sleep for something the vets could never determine. I cried like a baby when we were told she wouldn't make it and had to be put to sleep.

I'm not sure why these little angels are brought into our lives for such a short time and then taken away, but it has to be for a reason. Maybe to teach us something. After Bessie passed on a cute little story came into my mind that helped us laugh a little in all of this sadness. A little girls kitten died and she was beside herself with grief. She asked her mother why her kitten had to die, and her mother, wanting to help her told her that God needed a kitten in Heaven...to which she responded "why can't God get His own kitten?!".

Anyway, I hope that time helps you to heal. I'll be thinking of you.

Take care
John B

Don't forget to come back here to your original thread and read the replies you have received. You are holding onto your grief so tightly...you are posting having a problem bonding to your 2 new kittens. I am going to reply in your new thread about the kittens but I wanted to post here also as a reminder to reread what was said here and open your heart to the thoughts and suggestions given to you by ones who have gone through and are going through the same pain you are having. They put theirs aside for a moment to let you know what has helped them.

Take Care and even though you say you feel alone....you are definitely not alone in your pain. We all feel that same overwhelming pain and are learning how to deal with it because it is a part of us now due to the loss in our lives.