I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. I JUST FOUND THIS SIGHT AND I AM HOPING IT WILL HELP ME WITH WHAT I FEEL TO BE A GREAT LOSS. ON APRIL 28, 2008 I MADE THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE, TO PUT DOWN MY FAITHFULL COMPANION OF 14 YRS. MY BELOVED SASHA.
SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME SINCE SHE WAS 8 WEEKS OLD. AND SPENT EACH AND EVERY NIGHT SNUGGLED UP SLEEPING BY MY SIDE.I KEEP TELLING MYSELF IT WAS FOR THE BEST AS SHE WAS GETTING OLD AND FEBEL. BUT I HAVE SO MUCH GUILT QUESTIONING IF I DID THE RIGHT THING.
I JUST CAN'T GET A GRIP AND THINK OF HER 24/7 WITH TEARS IN MY EYES. I FIND IT SO HARD TO GET ANY SLEEP AT NIGHT WITHOUT HER BY MY SIDE. I HOPE MY BABY IS SAVE AND CAN REST IN PEACE

Making that decision IS the hardest thing we ever do and because being pet lovers, we usually find ourselves getting another in the future, that decision will always be there. It is the price we pay for the many wonderful years we spend with our special ones.

Your is very recent and so this is the time of the most intense sadness and pain and all you can do is try and do things that help you. Some people write a note here to their baby and tell them how much they miss them. Some put pictures around their home so they feel the special one is there in a way. 14 years is a very long time and shows you took good care of her for her to have been with you that long. But we all know that no matter how long we have them, it is never long enough.

I asked a vet one time...how do I know when to make that decision and his answer was..when I felt there was no quality of life..I always used that as a guide and also still asked vets their opinion because I didn't want to make that decision alone.

I found when I had more than one in my home...it helped when one had to leave. When my last one left and the home was empty....when I accepted my special one was really gone and it wasn't just a bad dream....I went to a local shelter and rescued one who has no home and no one to love. By opening my home and heart to my new shelter boy...it helps fill the hole in my heart and he is happy running around my home instead of being in the shelter with so many others.

We never stop missing them or grieving for them but eventually we do accept they are physically gone..but still forever remain in our hearts..and in time the sadness is not so overwhelming. It just never goes away completely. I think a lot of what we do miss is that unconditional love they give us. They are always by our side, watching us and there is love in those eyes.

Someday you will open your heart and home to another and you will find yourself telling the new one all about Sasha. A new one never replaces what we lost because what we lost is irreplaceable but sometimes we need the distraction to help us defeat the sadness that can be so overwhelming at times, especially when the loss is so recent.

Use your topic here as an outlet and post your feelings and your thoughts..sometimes just putting them in writing helps. You can tell stories about Sasha. It is difficult when you are reminded each night of your loss and that's why at first whatever you feel like doing as an outlet can be the right thing to do. We cry, we ramble, we rant...just trying to get the hurt feelings out of us. But once that final decision was made, it is final and from that point on.....we wait for time to help us heal. And some of us need the distraction of a new baby to hold and help the emptiness we feel inside when we lose one so special.

Take Care and know you are not alone in grieving. That's one of the things in this forum that people share...the pain...and also the understanding.

You made a decision for Sasha out of the love you have for her in your heart. Because you took on her pain and made it yours, you showed the most ultimate kind of love where there is with no selfishness. The grief and sadness that follows the passing of one loved so much is very difficult, to say the least. We all have guilt when we lose a loved one. Constantly we ask "maybe I shoulda...coulda..woulda. We look to ourselves to see if we missed something or did something wrong. You did the right thing for Sasha. She will forever remain in your heart because your heart in bound with hers. That never changes. But in time, you will become able to smile and remember all the memories the two of you made together over her lifetime. You were so blessed in having known such a special little doggie named Sasha.

I too miss my Goliath very much. He was my teddybear every night of his life as we slept so close together. For the longest time after he passed away, I had to hold a small pillow and hold his quilt so I could fall asleep at all. It is at bedtime that I still miss him the most. He was, and still is, the light of my life and the curve in my smile. Goliath is alive and well in my heart til the end of the eternity. I will love him til the day after forever.

I was lost when I came to this site in January of this year. The devastation and grief I was feeling seemed as though I had also died, except I was sure I must have gone straight to hell. With time, I began to recover and heal. The people in this forum are very loving and understanding. It is here that we come to help each other through the most difficult of times and also share the good and happy times. Together we can share our hopes and our dreams and find a way back to a happy and fulfilling life.

Keep coming back. You will find understanding, inspiration, and the courage to go on.

Much love and comfort is sent to you from my heart.

thank you both for ur kind words. i hope in time i will be able to smile and remember all the good times and love we shared. until then i will try to find the strength to move on as i know sasha hated to see me upset and crying. but right now i just find the pain so hard to bare. i know its going to take time and i am so glad i found this sight.
thank you all

I am so gald you found this site too Sue. The pain is very hard to endure, I know. At first after Goliath passed away, I couldn't even imagine living without him. Give yourself time and the strength to accept what has happened. One day you will catch yourself smiling when you remember a happy moment the two of you shared. It will come when you least expect it to.

Hugs to you Sue. Keep coming back where we can all continue to help each other heal our wounds.

thank you goliath. you seem to give everyone such good support.
i just wanted to let you all know it was like i got a sign from sasha today.
it was pouring rain and i was feeling bad and felt such guilt as if i had done the right thing,
when all of a sudden the sun pooped out and there was the most beatiful and brightest
rainbow i'd ever seen. it was like she was letting me know she was at rainbows bridge.
here's a pic i just had to run out and take.

Surely it was a sign from Sasha. You and she shared all your feelings while she was here on earth. The special love connection the two of have together is never broken, not even in death. There is no doubt in my mind that this beautiful bright rainbow was sent to you by special delivery to let you know she is well. Sasha knows she will forever remain in your heart.

Keep coming back and sharing Sue.

i will keep coming back goliath,
i'm glad you think it was a sign to.
your compassion means so much.
i've read alot of things you've posted on here
and you always speak from your heart.
may i ask where in mi. you are at.

Hi Sue,

I speak from my heart because that is where Goliath lives. The sunshine he brings makes me happy and bright. When I pass my heart around to others his legacy continues and others share his love as well. Then they in turn pass the sunshine to another and another and another. This is what nurtures my very being.

I don't mind telling you at all that I live in White Lake, MI. We live on a private lake and are surrounded by all kinds of wildlife. Often I watch the sun come up and just take in the beauty all around me and think of Goliath and just how much I love him. Life is good and I am at peace.

It took me some time to feel this way Sue. But the more I came here, the better I began to feel. Soon after I came in January of this year, I came to realize that Goliath left me far more than grief when the angels took him to Heaven. I have a treasure chest full of the wonderful memories he and I built over the years together.

Hang on to your happy memories of Sasha, for those treasures are yours to last you for the rest of your life.

thank you,
and i surely will treasure our memories.
white lake huh? i don't think thats to far from us
were in st. clair county

That is a beautiful rainbow picture. You captured it so perfectly. It does sound like an answer to what you were feeling at the time. It's as if Sasha was saying....don't be sad..where I am is beautiful and I wanted to share this beauty with you so here is a rainbow so that every time you see one...you will think of me.

I would frame that special picture and put it right next to your favorite one of Sasha.

thank you for your kind words love them.
i was thinking the same thing.
and yes i am going to some how put the pic. in a rememberance of some kind with her.
i took a few of them here is another

When my husband and I left the funeral home with Sadie's ashes...we saw a double rainbow. The same people had also cremated my magnificent Mack...just a little over a year earlier.

Hugs to all
Dayna

did you also feel that this was somehow a sign?

I believe with all my heart it was. Rainbows are not that common here, and double ones are very rare. I believe Sadie, especially, would have wanted her Daddy to know that they were ok, and together.

Dayna

my sweet baby,
it has been a week today since we parted and i miss you so much, everywhere i look i see you.
I LOVE YOU AND WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.
THERE IS SUCH A VOID IN MY HEART

Awwwwwwwwww Sue. I remember that void so well. For the longest time, when awakening in the morning after Goliath passed away, I kept hoping all of it was just a horrible nightmare. My tears were endless and I got so depressed I quit eating. I can truly feel the pain you are in for it touches my pain as well that lies deep down inside of me.

Trust me when I tell you somewhere at sometime you will start to feel more joy. Those feelings of grief are just covering up your happiness and joy right now. Soon the fond memories you have of your sweet little Sasha will begin to surface. You will feel her warmth and love in your heart and find comfort.

Hugs to you Sue.

thanks for your kind words goliath,
the pain is so bad at time like i was just stabbed with a knife.
i really hope i can begin to heal, it's so hard to even smile right now
i have lost my best friend.
thank you so much for being there and showing such compassion and support

I am always here for you Sue whenever you need a shoulder to lean on.

Hugs to you,
Beth

The first long hard week without your baby...Terrible,I know but peace comes in small doses, from unexpected places. I'm in your corner w/Beth and others. Hang in there.

Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

You mentioned feeling the pain felt like being stabbed with a knife. I had just recently wrote on another thread about how when our sweet ones hurt and are gone it feels like a knife piercing our hearts. That's what we mean when we talk about understanding each other pain and suffering as we are there, have been there, and will go there again for so many of us just cannot not open our hearts and home in the future to another who needs us and we find we do need them also. It becomes a win-win situation.

For now, you are in the most overwhelming painful time of it all. A week is not long enough for any of the pain to have lessened. In fact, this is when it will be the greatest since the loss itself. And it does take time to lessen it. It never truly goes away completely as it is deep inside us forever...just like our special friend is in our heart forever. Over time we manage to push the pain down and when it threatens to surface, we force ourselves to remember the good and happy, healthy times we had together. There are times we can just let go and cry until we are cried out....sometimes we just need to do that.

So many people here have posted so many meaningful lines that I write down the ones I want to read again because they just help me to cope with things..in some special way.

One of my favorites is the "mom" here who said: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

One way to help the healing process is when we are in pain is to force our minds to remember a happy moment with our special one.
The more we remember the happy moments the more the pain begins to fade and we start to be more in control of ourselves instead of that pain controlling us.

I guess that's why some of us turn to pictures of happy times....a picture is something we can focus on stronger and for a longer time than a memory so between the combination of using both to fill our minds with the happy times we shared with our best friend, the less we are overwhelmed by the pain of losing them. And I have read where some who get involved in really concentrating on the positive memories then find that without thinking......a good memory appears instead of a painful one. That is the healing process slowly beginning to work.

When it is so soon, the pain is so overwhelming....it gets exhausting...and you can wonder if it will ever end. That's the purpose of deciding to take control of what is happening and think about the wonderful times you had together and know that as painful as you feel right now, you would never trade knowing your best friend....to avoid the sadness that is inevitable. Their unconditional love is a gift we are blessed with and we are forever thankful for that and for having them be a wonderul part of our lives.

Especially also when it is all so recent, this can be a good time to come back here and post about how you feel...anytime.
Anything you can do that helps you is the right thing to do. Some people write a letter here to their baby, telling their feelings.
Some post pictures of happy times...believe it or not...a picture can produce a smile.

Just keep in touch and remember you are not alone in how you feel......many here understand exactly what you are going through and all advice is offered from the heart.

thank you all for your thoughts and kind words during this difficult time in my life. it sure does help knowing there are others who feel my pain even though i still feel so broken inside.

What a beautiful little girl!
I do feel for you in your loss, I lost my girl, Ebby, when she was 17 years, which is a long time to have someone, only to lose them, but, although you are grieving now, DO NOT play the "What If" game, DO NOT let Guilt mire you in the misery that it can do.
The decision you made was based on love, only, YOU took on an enormous burden of pain to ease that which your little girl was feeling. You do not deserve to feel the unhappiness that you do, but, you voluntarily took that on when you let your little girl go.It is NOT FAIR that you have to suffer as you are doing when all you wanted was to ease the pain your little one was bearing, BUT, you know, we, here, all know that it was done out of LOVE, and therefore you should NOT be beating yourself up. WE know that you did everything in your power to help Sasha, but, there is only so much that you can do, and your little girl would have made her peace, and been ready to cross over when her time came.
She will be waiting for you at The Rainbow Bridge, her bright eyes checking out all the new arrivals, for she will know the decisions you made on her behalf were made with love, and that is all we , mere mortals, can do.
I spend hours thinking that if I had only done this different, or done that, then my Ebby would still be with me, it does NOT ease the pain, and it DOES stop me from moving on, I know that as a result, I am witholding love from our new little girl...a rescue... which Ebby would not like me to do.

sashasue,
afraid i am not of much help as i am only 4 days in mourning but i wanted you to know that i understand a great deal. broken is a good way to describe it.

thank you maree, yes she was my beautiful baby, and thanks for the advice i am trying hard to think that way.

My sweet babygirl,
It has been 3 weeks today since you've been gone and it still hurts me so deeply.
I miss you so much even though I know you are in a better place now and you would not want me to be sad, i know this cause if ever i would cry you would howl and cry also. I just want you to kow how much I love you and miss you and I am always t6hinking of you and the times we shared.

Hi Sue..................I wish you comfort as you miss Sasha so much. The sadness is unbearable I know in missing her. Never in my life have I grieved the loss of someone I loved so much as I did Goliath. There is just something so special and uniquely different in this kind of bonded love. The strings that bind us to them are forever.

May you be blessed with comfort and peace of mind as you remember Sasha and all the joy she brought into your life.

Much love,
Beth

jamie ann is with you now and i hope you can comfort each other as she was taken so tragically from us. be with her til we meet again and let her know we will all be there for her kids.
love and miss u

Jamie Ann has to be the friend you told me about Sue. Your story was one of tragedy that I thought long and hard about. My thoughts and prayers were with you.

May God bless you for watching over her children as only a true friend would.

My hope is that sometime soon you will find peace and happiness again. Be well my friend.

Sending you comfort and hugs,
Beth

I've been thinking of you. From your post I gather that you have suffered another loss? When you can, let us know.

Dayna

sashasue am very sorry for your loss hope you are doing fine, was looking at your baby girl's pix and looks so sweet and beautiful and am sure you gave her your best love and sure she appreciated it deeply, she is now in a special place looking down and thanking you for all the love she resived from you, God Bless you, Buster and Jorge .

yes dayna i have, unfortunatly last weekend my bestfriend was taken from me. she was fatally shot in the head by her boyfriend who then took his own life. so yes it has been a very tragic thing.
god bless you all.

OH NO! All I can say is I'm so sorry. That happened to a girl I worked with many years ago. Her kids had loving grandparents and lots of family support, but still...

I know you will do what you can to help her kids. I hope we can be of help to you.

Dayna

Sashasue - I lost my baby Sierra about 24 hours ago. I know how painful this time can be.
My thoughts are with you.
Jill

I have thought of you often Sue and wonder how you are holding up. You have been through so much. Whenever you are ready, we can still get together and talk.

Take care and may God bless and touch you with His comfort.
Beth

thank you all for your support and compassion in this time of need.