I lost my Sherry 4 wks ago and am having horrible guilt for not taking her to the vet in time. How do you forgive yourself?

Rena

We must not go there.
Miles had a bump on her chest from the last food allergy. The Vet noticed it and said, Keep an eye on that". I did.
I did NOT, however, do cytology on it. It was cancer. By the time there were symptoms or any changes it was too late, and she was riddled with metastases in the lungs and abdomen.

If, if, if. I bet a huge number of people here have thought, "If Only". It is normal, but it is wrong. That takes us into horrible places.

I did not marry my high school sweetheart. I did not know her parents were millionaires.
I did not buy Netscape on its IPO.
I did not buy gold at $400/Ounce.
I did not test the rubber gloves before using HF and losing my fingertips.
If I had waited till the rain stopped, a carload of nuns would not have run me and my motorcycle off the road. (Really happened!)

Do you see the horrid lists we can make to guarantee we will suffer?

You took her to the Vet as soon as you saw trouble. You did what was right, and you are not a vet. Short of using a crystal ball, what options were left for you? Be certain I feel totally miserable over losing Miles six weeks ago, and understand, but we must not make ourselves feel worse than we already do by assuming guilt for something that we are not trained to do. We took them right to the vet as always, and honored our committment to them in the only way we could. We did our jobs, and gave them 100% of ourselves, but our animal friends only THINK we are gods. The truth is, we have limits and make mistakes.

I never mentioned it before, but a bad vet killed my dog Pepper. IF ONLY I had been the one to take him rather than my wife, I would have caught the mistake in time. He was on diuretics because of hypertension. My wife took him for what was essentially a checkup. The vet FORGOT and hydrated him..filled him with saline like a balloon, sent him home, whereupon he died suddenly of a heart attack.
I debated whether to ever mention it simply because we are all upset as it is. I still have violent thoughts when I drive by the place, and that was...?Fifteen? years ago.

It's been long enough now so that if I were to encounter him in his parking lot, I would probably get away with doing some recreational amateur orthopaedics.
So I try not to think about it. We did seriously consider suing him, and discussed it with our Lawyer friend "The Reptile". "The Reptile" took one look at the guy's practice, and told us it was barely in business, anyway.

This is what I meant about Bad Thoughts, and how they do not help. We all feel badly enough already, and it does not help our pets.
After all, they wanted us to be happy, and worked hard for it.

I am so sorry to hear about Sherry. No matter how or why she died, the guilt is part of the grieving. We all look to ourselves and say if only I had.................I should have...................I could have. I too blamed myself for some time when the angels came and took Goliath from my arms. It was so unexpected and sudden since I had just returned from the Emergency Hospital with him where I was told he would be just fine. Within just a few hours he was gone and my life collapsed before my very eyes. In time I knew I had to forgive myself first, so I went to the vet as well as the administration and asked them to help me understand. In my heart I knew something was terribly wrong, yet when she told me he would be just fine, I believed her. The reason I believed her was because I wanted to believe he was going to be okay. We all make mistakes, and that includes vets that miss something important.

When I went to a meeting with the vet and administrators, I took my memory book of pictures and stories of Goliath. As I spoke to them with tears running down my face I showed them this book and all the love it contains. All of them had tears running down their faces as well and I know that the vet who treated Goliath was asking herself, I should have...I could have..............I would have. After leaving I realized that until I could forgive myself there was no forgiveness in me for others. What was important was that Goliath knew how much I loved him and that I would never do anything intentional to harm him.

It takes time after losing a pet loved so much to become able to let go of that horrible guilt. The other feelings that come with guilt compound the hurt we feel inside. That gutwrenching feeling in our stomachs as well as the anxiety can completely imobilize us. For the first two months after the angels took Goliath to Heaven I completely shut down......cutting myself off from others and about drowned in my tears. Then I was led to this forum.

On January 10th of this year, I came to a realization that I could not go on living in this sad and empty state of mind. By this time these feelings of grief had affected my health. I was becoming bankrupt spiritually, mentally, and physically. So, I came and searched the internet for some kind of help. Lo and behold..................it was here, in this forum, where I began to find my way to acceptance and healing my broken heart.

Keep coming Rena and share about Sherry. Tell us about what you did right during Sherry's lifetime. You will be able to forgive yourself eventually. The people here are loving and very understanding. We all walk together through this journey of learning how to cope with a loss so close to our hearts. In the process we learn to let go of those awful feelings and discover the many good and happy memories we have. Those great memories help free us from despair and turn us in the direction of hope, faith, and restoration of ourselves. For me, it began with forgiveness.

May you be comforted and find peace in your heart. We are all here for you and for each other. Miracles happen when loving people come together in a place such as this. Keep coming back!

sorry about ur loss, my heart goes out to you.
i myself am feeling the same guilty, and keep questioning my decision.
i keep telling myself that my sasha lived a happy long live and near the end was just not happy like she should be and it was for the best, but it is still a hard decision to live with.
hopefully we can get past this and i'm sure with the help and compassion from all the loving people hear that one day we might.

For sashasue & Rena.........

I just wanted to say I am so touched by sashasue's reply to Rena. Both of you are feeling much sadness right now because your losses are so close together. Reaching out to one another really does help in healing a broken heart.