I'm not sure I'm doing this right - I've never posted on a board or been involved in a chatroom or anything online. I'm just hurting so much I've spent the last day and a half looking for something to help me. I think this is it. My baby Arnold - 11 yrs old, off-white Shiitzu - passed away on Sunday. It was so fast. We came home from work on Wednesday and he was listless, had wet the sofa (which he would never ordinarily do) and had a fever. We thought it was something bacterial and made an appointment with the vet the next day - late in the day of course because we both work. The vet gave him a shot and sent him home. Next day we couldn't get the antibiotic pills down him and he wouldn't eat or drink. Another vet visit late in the day. This time I learn my baby is very very sick and should stay the night for blood work. I'm still angry that the vet didn't call that night or early the next day to tell me how seriously ill my Arnold was. He had autoimmune hemolytic anemia and was spiraling fast - he needed a blood transfusion. My significant other was helping his daughter move so we wasted another hour by phone trying to find out just what the problem was, what the cost was, wondering how we could afford it, etc. And when we decided we had to give our punkin a chance no matter the cost, we picked him up at the vet (already having difficulty breathing) and rushed him to the animal hospital.
When we could visit him later he could hear us and see us but was too weak even to wag his tail. We debated whether we should spend the night but he seemed stable. We called before going to bed that night - same thing. We left at 6:30 Sunday a.m. to visit him - confident that he was still hanging in there since we had received no phone calls. Sadly, that call came while we were enroute. So our anticipation at seeing our baby was quickly replaced with the news of his passing.
I'm beating myself up right now that we waited too long, trusted the local vet too much, should have insisted on bloodwork right away, etc., etc. The flip side of that is that I don't want my baby's memories colored with anger or blame, either toward us or the vet. Yet I feel so guilty right now.
Just want to say that I've been reading some of the posts and just reading them helps already - even though the pain is piercingly fresh right now. Just knowing others have questioned their decisions, have had to recognize that they are only human (still working on that one!), feel the intense ache that I feel to have their babies back - well, it helps a bit.
Someone mentioned in a post that they'd been told their pet would hang around for awhile until he or she knew they were alright. I feel that with my Arnold. We have buried him in my garden. We had our own private little memorial service and cried and cried. I told him it was his garden now and that's what I intend to call it - Arnold's garden. I say good morning to him as I leave for work (I'm waiting for the day I can do that without tears) and I can't wait to get home so I can sit and "think" to him and tell him what's going on in the park he so loved, what kind of day it is, what the neighbor's cat is doing. . .
Sorry this got so long - I just needed to gush out the pain, I guess. And say thank you to the people who created this site and who contribute to it. The short time I've had to do some reading has already helped. I will keep coming back and, hopefully, will be in a place where I can help others with their pain some day.
Full Version: I Want To Hug Him Again
I also still say "see you later" while off to work I go to my dog Sonnet every morning. I've also said good night to her. Glad you got to this site as the people here are nice.
Sonnet
Sonnet
I am glad to see you here - although the cir%%stances aren't what you might wish to have when meeting new friends...
I am very sorry for your loved ones' passing. As you clearly understand, second guessing is what we all seem to do after our loss. Did we wait too long? Did we do enough?
The most important point is that we did something. We tried. It will hurt a long, long time - so be prepared for that. We are here for any and all of your "long" posts - hahaha Love can never be expressed with too many words - so talk as much as you can, as often as you can. About your grief - but also about how wonderful your furry one was - and still is
Grief shared is grief lessened. Joy shared is joy magnified.
I am very sorry for your loved ones' passing. As you clearly understand, second guessing is what we all seem to do after our loss. Did we wait too long? Did we do enough?
The most important point is that we did something. We tried. It will hurt a long, long time - so be prepared for that. We are here for any and all of your "long" posts - hahaha Love can never be expressed with too many words - so talk as much as you can, as often as you can. About your grief - but also about how wonderful your furry one was - and still is
Grief shared is grief lessened. Joy shared is joy magnified.
Arnold's Mom...
I'm so sorry to hear about Arnold's passing. He's with you in spirit and he knows how much you love him
and all you did for him. Keep talking to him - he's listening! I talk to my Buster all the time. It's been
almost six weeks since he passed. It takes time - lots of time to heal so you keep coming here, you're
among friends who know and understand!
Take care,
Hugs,
Karen
I'm so sorry to hear about Arnold's passing. He's with you in spirit and he knows how much you love him
and all you did for him. Keep talking to him - he's listening! I talk to my Buster all the time. It's been
almost six weeks since he passed. It takes time - lots of time to heal so you keep coming here, you're
among friends who know and understand!
Take care,
Hugs,
Karen
I am so sorry for your loss. Guilt seems to be an intrinsic part of grief when it comes to our fur buddies. Please try to let go of the guilt (easier said than done!), and remember the good times you shared with Arnold. Animals hide any illness and it is very tough to determine how much they are suffering since they don't show it. You thought it was something that antibiotics could help, and it was much more serious. It is nice that you had a memorial service for him, and that the garden will bring bittersweet memories when you work in it. I do think they hang around for a while to see if we are doing okay. There is a warmer spot next to the bathroom sink where Oswald liked to sleep (he liked to drink out of the tap there, and it was cool in the spring). I like to think that it is his energy, and that it will move on towards the next level of existence in a while. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your beloved friend.
dee dee
dee dee
Thank you all for your replies and your kind words. I'm at work and should be working right now but just had such a need to reach out and be heard and to hear from others who understand.
DJ - Edgar, Jesse, Tom's Mom . . . thank you for pointing out that the important thing is that we did something. We tried. It is hard right now to go from "I should have" to "I did what I could" but I can see your wisdom in doing that. And I know Arnold is not out there somewhere thinking bad of me that I didn't do more. I know he just still loves me unconditionally as he always did. Funny how we know these things intellectually, but emotionally it is hard to make it stick. All wrapped up in that intense sense of loss, I guess.
I am sorry for your losses, too. One of the things that has helped me in my short time at this site is the cherished memories people have shared. When you tell of where Oswald liked to sleep, DeeDee - that makes me smile. I can just imagine him curled up all snugly and warm in the sun.
That is one of the images I have of my Arnold. I really think he was part cat as he was always happiest perched on the back of the sofa and looking out a window. When he would fall asleep up there his limbs would just kind of relax down along the corner of the sofa as if he were part of it. Every time I'd look at him I would have to smile.
Thank you all. I know I made the right decision in coming here.
DJ - Edgar, Jesse, Tom's Mom . . . thank you for pointing out that the important thing is that we did something. We tried. It is hard right now to go from "I should have" to "I did what I could" but I can see your wisdom in doing that. And I know Arnold is not out there somewhere thinking bad of me that I didn't do more. I know he just still loves me unconditionally as he always did. Funny how we know these things intellectually, but emotionally it is hard to make it stick. All wrapped up in that intense sense of loss, I guess.
I am sorry for your losses, too. One of the things that has helped me in my short time at this site is the cherished memories people have shared. When you tell of where Oswald liked to sleep, DeeDee - that makes me smile. I can just imagine him curled up all snugly and warm in the sun.
That is one of the images I have of my Arnold. I really think he was part cat as he was always happiest perched on the back of the sofa and looking out a window. When he would fall asleep up there his limbs would just kind of relax down along the corner of the sofa as if he were part of it. Every time I'd look at him I would have to smile.
Thank you all. I know I made the right decision in coming here.
Arnold's Mum. You're not alone here. I did exactly the same as you - I actively searched for a site just like this so I could release some of the pain. It wasn't until I got here and started to read lots of the other posts, that I realised I wasn't alone. I found out that what I'm going through isn't abnormal in any way, that I'm not bonkers to think like this about the passing of a none human life.
Like you, I have a logical mind that insists on reasoning and that part of me knows that the guilt I'm feeling is irrational. However, it keeps getting overridden by the intensely self-defeating emotion whatever I do to try and stop it.
Our pets are vulnerable, we look after them as a parent would a child. We feel ultimately responsible for them so whatever the cir%%stances of their passing we feel we have let them down.
It's quite natural to feel angry at thet vet and at yourself because in our minds there must always be someone at fault. Sometimes though things just happen, and although we may have done things differently given another chance, we did what was right at the time. I thought of something the other day. I would love to have my little boy back and have another chance to make him well, but just supposing I couldn't, or that he had a reprieve only for something much worse to happen to him in the future. See, we never know when it's going to happen and one thing we can be 100% certain of is it will happen however much care we take of them. Whether it was yesterday, today or tomorrow, the pain will be just as great, the sense of denial, anger and guilt just as strong.
Come back and pour your heart out. It's unbarable to feel like this but it is some consolation that we're not alone.
Take care
Like you, I have a logical mind that insists on reasoning and that part of me knows that the guilt I'm feeling is irrational. However, it keeps getting overridden by the intensely self-defeating emotion whatever I do to try and stop it.
Our pets are vulnerable, we look after them as a parent would a child. We feel ultimately responsible for them so whatever the cir%%stances of their passing we feel we have let them down.
It's quite natural to feel angry at thet vet and at yourself because in our minds there must always be someone at fault. Sometimes though things just happen, and although we may have done things differently given another chance, we did what was right at the time. I thought of something the other day. I would love to have my little boy back and have another chance to make him well, but just supposing I couldn't, or that he had a reprieve only for something much worse to happen to him in the future. See, we never know when it's going to happen and one thing we can be 100% certain of is it will happen however much care we take of them. Whether it was yesterday, today or tomorrow, the pain will be just as great, the sense of denial, anger and guilt just as strong.
Come back and pour your heart out. It's unbarable to feel like this but it is some consolation that we're not alone.
Take care
arnold's mom---I am so sorry this happened! I wish I could give you a real life hug.
I too had big hopes that my cat would be spared. He had a surgery and had about 12 transfusions after an accident. He was in the hospital for a week. I was so angry because at this emergency vet they seemed to have all sorts of different vets --I saw a different one or spoke with a different one everyday so in the end when he couldn't be saved I was convinced that part of the reason certainly was having "too many cooks in thekitchen". Add on top of that how much we spent (it was thousands) I was really angry. I still owe them yet another chunk of money and I am having trouble paying it because of how it turned out. As one savvy person pointed out to me, however, I would probably have thrown the emergency vet place a parade if Ginger had made it. true enough. I would have. But because the outcome was DIRE instead I am still angry (but of course not as much as before).
Ruth is totally correct about the reason we feel such guilt. It is because we were responsible for every single solitary need that our pets had. You did everything for Arnold--you fed him and watered him and you were the one who allowed him the nice view. You probably brushed him and cuddled him--you did everything he ever needed so it stands to reason that when the end came you would feel "responsible" for that too--because you were responsible for every single solitary thing in his entire life. I can assure you, no matter how Arnold passed away you would have felt it was somehow your fault. My cat was a daily outdoor cat. I never wanted an outdoor cat because of all the hazards--but he had been a stray and could not be happy stuck inside--so I let him out everyday. He could have perished many times and no matter if he died from the neighbors ant poison (that was a possibility) or if he had gotten inadvertedly stuck in a garage, or if the lath house would have fallen on him, or if the dog on the other side would have killed him--in any of those scenarios, I would have felt it was MY FAULT. Because he was "my baby"
If you don't mind a little aside about Ginger..he was the neighborhood bully (a bully to people and other pets) he actually was so sure of himself that he would indeed go a couple rounds with the bull mastiff (a HUGE dog) next door. But Ginger also knew how to relax totally --he was a very long cat when stretched out and would sunbath in the yard on his back. He would fall asleep like that and It was kind of "black humor" but we often wondered if the mastiff had ko'ed him and tossed him over the fence where he landed there like that. lol.
So now my post is the wordiest. lol. You never have to worry about how long or short your posts are here. We all learn from each other and grieve together. You and I are unhappy about our pets but your Arnold is in a wonderful place now--he is at the rainbow bridge --he is young and playing and cavorting like a youngster. He is a beautiful boy having a wonderful time romping and waiting for the day when you'll be together once again.
{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}
I hope you will post a photo and a tribute about arnold.
I am thinking of you
love
Patti
I too had big hopes that my cat would be spared. He had a surgery and had about 12 transfusions after an accident. He was in the hospital for a week. I was so angry because at this emergency vet they seemed to have all sorts of different vets --I saw a different one or spoke with a different one everyday so in the end when he couldn't be saved I was convinced that part of the reason certainly was having "too many cooks in thekitchen". Add on top of that how much we spent (it was thousands) I was really angry. I still owe them yet another chunk of money and I am having trouble paying it because of how it turned out. As one savvy person pointed out to me, however, I would probably have thrown the emergency vet place a parade if Ginger had made it. true enough. I would have. But because the outcome was DIRE instead I am still angry (but of course not as much as before).
Ruth is totally correct about the reason we feel such guilt. It is because we were responsible for every single solitary need that our pets had. You did everything for Arnold--you fed him and watered him and you were the one who allowed him the nice view. You probably brushed him and cuddled him--you did everything he ever needed so it stands to reason that when the end came you would feel "responsible" for that too--because you were responsible for every single solitary thing in his entire life. I can assure you, no matter how Arnold passed away you would have felt it was somehow your fault. My cat was a daily outdoor cat. I never wanted an outdoor cat because of all the hazards--but he had been a stray and could not be happy stuck inside--so I let him out everyday. He could have perished many times and no matter if he died from the neighbors ant poison (that was a possibility) or if he had gotten inadvertedly stuck in a garage, or if the lath house would have fallen on him, or if the dog on the other side would have killed him--in any of those scenarios, I would have felt it was MY FAULT. Because he was "my baby"
If you don't mind a little aside about Ginger..he was the neighborhood bully (a bully to people and other pets) he actually was so sure of himself that he would indeed go a couple rounds with the bull mastiff (a HUGE dog) next door. But Ginger also knew how to relax totally --he was a very long cat when stretched out and would sunbath in the yard on his back. He would fall asleep like that and It was kind of "black humor" but we often wondered if the mastiff had ko'ed him and tossed him over the fence where he landed there like that. lol.
So now my post is the wordiest. lol. You never have to worry about how long or short your posts are here. We all learn from each other and grieve together. You and I are unhappy about our pets but your Arnold is in a wonderful place now--he is at the rainbow bridge --he is young and playing and cavorting like a youngster. He is a beautiful boy having a wonderful time romping and waiting for the day when you'll be together once again.
{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}
I hope you will post a photo and a tribute about arnold.
I am thinking of you
love
Patti
Dear Arnold's Mom:
Hi! I had just (almost) finished "adding a reply" to you, when I inadvertantly clicked on another button,
which caused me to lose the whole thing.
I'm sorry about that...
Given the time, I will definitely write you a longer letter tomorrow......
I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers....
I am very, very sorry about the loss of your BEAUTIFUL Arnold......
He was sooooooooo extremely precious!!!!
I know that losing a beloved furbaby hurts, and "it hurts like hell, really!!!"
I have felt the pain....and, I am sorry that you have to feel any of it....
Please always feel free to post as often as you want, and your posts can be as long as you need them to be.
I know that I typed & typed through soooooo many tears.... (Thank God I took typing in high school, because if I
hadn't, I'm sure that my fingers would not have fallen on the correct keys!)
I rambled forever, not even knowing if I was making sense.
But, the people on this site are absolutely wonderful....
Without them, (and, of course, my Ben...), I really am not sure where I would be right now....
Please know that your baby Arnold KNEW THAT YOU LOVED HIM IMMENSELY!!!!
And, I love that your garden has a name..........."ARNOLD'S GARDEN"....
I am sure that he would highly approve.....
In your last sentence of your 1st post, you said something like, "you hoped you would keep coming back, and will be
able to help others who are in pain....."
Please, Just know that by BEING HERE....POSTING AS YOU ARE.....You already are helping countless people, really!!!
Some people do get the help that they need, by reading what we post.... and, I think that that is wonderful!!!
I will write you a longer post tomorrow......Right now, it's 2:34am, and I have to try to sleep...
But, you are among friends here..... I just want you to know that---and also, know that we all care about you very much!!
Goodnight and God Bless you!!
Love, Denise
Hi! I had just (almost) finished "adding a reply" to you, when I inadvertantly clicked on another button,
which caused me to lose the whole thing.
I'm sorry about that...
Given the time, I will definitely write you a longer letter tomorrow......
I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers....
I am very, very sorry about the loss of your BEAUTIFUL Arnold......
He was sooooooooo extremely precious!!!!
I know that losing a beloved furbaby hurts, and "it hurts like hell, really!!!"
I have felt the pain....and, I am sorry that you have to feel any of it....
Please always feel free to post as often as you want, and your posts can be as long as you need them to be.
I know that I typed & typed through soooooo many tears.... (Thank God I took typing in high school, because if I
hadn't, I'm sure that my fingers would not have fallen on the correct keys!)
I rambled forever, not even knowing if I was making sense.
But, the people on this site are absolutely wonderful....
Without them, (and, of course, my Ben...), I really am not sure where I would be right now....
Please know that your baby Arnold KNEW THAT YOU LOVED HIM IMMENSELY!!!!
And, I love that your garden has a name..........."ARNOLD'S GARDEN"....
I am sure that he would highly approve.....
In your last sentence of your 1st post, you said something like, "you hoped you would keep coming back, and will be
able to help others who are in pain....."
Please, Just know that by BEING HERE....POSTING AS YOU ARE.....You already are helping countless people, really!!!
Some people do get the help that they need, by reading what we post.... and, I think that that is wonderful!!!
I will write you a longer post tomorrow......Right now, it's 2:34am, and I have to try to sleep...
But, you are among friends here..... I just want you to know that---and also, know that we all care about you very much!!
Goodnight and God Bless you!!
Love, Denise
[QUOTE]Please know that your baby Arnold KNEW THAT YOU LOVED HIM IMMENSELY!!!!
Thank you Denise for these words. I have to keep reminding myself that Arnold had a very loving life with us and that our decisions, timely or not, right or wrong, were made only for the best of reasons - to help our little babe.
Today is harder again - I go up and down. David and I are trying not to cry so much at home but every little thing in our lives is a reminder. Last afternoon after work I opened the trunk of my car to put something in it and as I was doing so remembered that the last time I opened it was on Sunday morning, to place Arnolds wrapped up body in it to take him home. That was hard enough, but when I opened it I saw his little collar. I had forgotten about that. Talk about a lance to the heart! It was like someone had hit me! Whew. Hard times.
Thanks again everyone for listening. You are all truly awesome.
Thank you Denise for these words. I have to keep reminding myself that Arnold had a very loving life with us and that our decisions, timely or not, right or wrong, were made only for the best of reasons - to help our little babe.
Today is harder again - I go up and down. David and I are trying not to cry so much at home but every little thing in our lives is a reminder. Last afternoon after work I opened the trunk of my car to put something in it and as I was doing so remembered that the last time I opened it was on Sunday morning, to place Arnolds wrapped up body in it to take him home. That was hard enough, but when I opened it I saw his little collar. I had forgotten about that. Talk about a lance to the heart! It was like someone had hit me! Whew. Hard times.
Thanks again everyone for listening. You are all truly awesome.
That kind of thing will hurt for a while. Every time I did something that would remind me of Oswald, I would start to cry - using the can opener, for example (he seemed to know when it was something interesting and would come running), bean sprouts (he liked them, crazy cat!), and finding cat hair on the sofa.
I agree that Arnold knew he was loved. He had a great life with you!
dianne
I agree that Arnold knew he was loved. He had a great life with you!
dianne
We packed up Arnold's bed last night, his dishes and his collar. I had put his dishes out of sight already on Sunday, after we buried him, but couldn't think about packing his bed away quite yet. But the last two mornings it was just too hard to see it there, empty, so I had to do it. I'm feeling really angry right now at the vet. I think about when I took Arnold in on Thursday and he was still able to walk on his own and the vet just gave him a shot of penicillin and sent us home. We should have insisted on bloodwork then but we, too, thought it was just a bug. I really really am angry tho that when the Vet did do bloodwork Friday night he didn't call us that night or earlier than the 11 a.m. on Saturday that he finally told me how serious Arnold's condition was. So much time wasted. I know, I know - water under the bridge. And no guarantees. But if Arnold had been stronger, as he was on Thursday - well, who knows.
I did read the article on guilt and I know - it doesn't help to say "we should have found a beter vet" - but that is hard to internalize right now. Still blaming ourselves right now. David mentioned this morning how he thinks of when he was holding Arnold in his arms as we raced him to the hospital, both of us thinking we were getting him help to get better. Neither of us realizing we were taking him there to die.
Just sad today.
I did read the article on guilt and I know - it doesn't help to say "we should have found a beter vet" - but that is hard to internalize right now. Still blaming ourselves right now. David mentioned this morning how he thinks of when he was holding Arnold in his arms as we raced him to the hospital, both of us thinking we were getting him help to get better. Neither of us realizing we were taking him there to die.
Just sad today.
I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beloved Arnold. I am glad though that you found this site and that the posts you have read have helped. Yes, we have all been through pretty much the same thing, the same feelings, the guilt, the second-guessing, the utter desolation, the "just wanting our babies back."
Of course, you certainly did everything you could possibly have done. Of that, I have no doubt. The following paragraph in Ruth's response to you really struck home with me:
[QUOTE]It's quite natural to feel angry at thet vet and at yourself because in our minds there must always be someone at fault. Sometimes though things just happen, and although we may have done things differently given another chance, we did what was right at the time. I thought of something the other day. I would love to have my little boy back and have another chance to make him well, but just supposing I couldn't, or that he had a reprieve only for something much worse to happen to him in the future. See, we never know when it's going to happen and one thing we can be 100% certain of is it will happen however much care we take of them. Whether it was yesterday, today or tomorrow, the pain will be just as great, the sense of denial, anger and guilt just as strong.[QUOTE]
I have thought of so many different scenarios --"If I had done this; if I hadn't done that; what was I thinking?; Was I thinking at all?; Why didn't I . . ."; Why did I . . . " The list goes on and on! And then I too realize and KNOW (sometimes) that it is true, IF we had done things differently, we still don't know how they would have turned out, and maybe something worse could have happened. And the bottom line, is there is no good way, no good time to lose them.
Someone is always here on this site who understands and has "been there," so keep coming here.
By the way, I have begun to "talk" to Hannah and Babe sometimes too again. Lots of people would really raise an eyebrow about "talks" with these animal children even while they're here and alive, much less now, but it really seems to make me feel better and still close to them. I give Hannah's picture a big kiss every night and sometimes in the morning or during the day too.
Bless you and David, Arnold's mom. It hurts so very much for so very long, but I know none of us would have traded that very special love for anything in the world and we would all do anything if we could have them back healthy, but sadly, we cannot. They now live in our hearts and memories and minds, for always.
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom
Of course, you certainly did everything you could possibly have done. Of that, I have no doubt. The following paragraph in Ruth's response to you really struck home with me:
[QUOTE]It's quite natural to feel angry at thet vet and at yourself because in our minds there must always be someone at fault. Sometimes though things just happen, and although we may have done things differently given another chance, we did what was right at the time. I thought of something the other day. I would love to have my little boy back and have another chance to make him well, but just supposing I couldn't, or that he had a reprieve only for something much worse to happen to him in the future. See, we never know when it's going to happen and one thing we can be 100% certain of is it will happen however much care we take of them. Whether it was yesterday, today or tomorrow, the pain will be just as great, the sense of denial, anger and guilt just as strong.[QUOTE]
I have thought of so many different scenarios --"If I had done this; if I hadn't done that; what was I thinking?; Was I thinking at all?; Why didn't I . . ."; Why did I . . . " The list goes on and on! And then I too realize and KNOW (sometimes) that it is true, IF we had done things differently, we still don't know how they would have turned out, and maybe something worse could have happened. And the bottom line, is there is no good way, no good time to lose them.
Someone is always here on this site who understands and has "been there," so keep coming here.
By the way, I have begun to "talk" to Hannah and Babe sometimes too again. Lots of people would really raise an eyebrow about "talks" with these animal children even while they're here and alive, much less now, but it really seems to make me feel better and still close to them. I give Hannah's picture a big kiss every night and sometimes in the morning or during the day too.
Bless you and David, Arnold's mom. It hurts so very much for so very long, but I know none of us would have traded that very special love for anything in the world and we would all do anything if we could have them back healthy, but sadly, we cannot. They now live in our hearts and memories and minds, for always.
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom
Hey,
You posted just before I finished my post and posted it. I know how hard it was to put his things away. I kept Hannah's things, food, etc., out for several days. I got all of her pictures together and put them in albums. I put many of them up on the wall in a frame and one 8x10. After a week or two, I just had to put them away again. I still have the 8x10 out, but I can hardly bring myself to look at the albums or visit the memorial sites I created for her, or re-read the things I have written. The 8x10 was by my bed. I moved it to the living room and there's one on the refrig. Some days, I think I might need to put them away again for awhile. It still just breaks my heart to look at her there, like I could reach out and touch her, as I so wish I could. Somehow, I have to start looking toward the future again. But you, you are just beginning this awful sad journey. You will have many ups and downs, and just when you think you're feeling better, something just hits you hard like running head first into a brick wall. I know for me, and for many others, and I also read somewhere, that the 2-week mark is one of the worst -- just so you will know. It helps to know a little bit about what you might expect.
The guilt "thing" has been just awful for me too. In your cir%%stances, you just could NOT have known! I would be angry at the vet too for not letting me know sooner. I don't think that is right at all. But that's not your fault. Maybe after a time, you could write him a letter and think about sending it. I still think about writing letters to the last three vets Hannah saw, and I may one day if I still feel the need to.
There are some good books out there about all the guilt we feel no matter what the cir%%stances. You might want to check it out at Amazon.com. I have several, and I guess the best I have gotten so far one is "Grieving the Death of a Pet," by Betty J. Carmack. I think you can get to Amazon.com through this site, and the proceeds go to to help either this site and/or other animals -- I'm not sure.
Again, I am so very sorry. Please take care of yourselves!
Marcia
You posted just before I finished my post and posted it. I know how hard it was to put his things away. I kept Hannah's things, food, etc., out for several days. I got all of her pictures together and put them in albums. I put many of them up on the wall in a frame and one 8x10. After a week or two, I just had to put them away again. I still have the 8x10 out, but I can hardly bring myself to look at the albums or visit the memorial sites I created for her, or re-read the things I have written. The 8x10 was by my bed. I moved it to the living room and there's one on the refrig. Some days, I think I might need to put them away again for awhile. It still just breaks my heart to look at her there, like I could reach out and touch her, as I so wish I could. Somehow, I have to start looking toward the future again. But you, you are just beginning this awful sad journey. You will have many ups and downs, and just when you think you're feeling better, something just hits you hard like running head first into a brick wall. I know for me, and for many others, and I also read somewhere, that the 2-week mark is one of the worst -- just so you will know. It helps to know a little bit about what you might expect.
The guilt "thing" has been just awful for me too. In your cir%%stances, you just could NOT have known! I would be angry at the vet too for not letting me know sooner. I don't think that is right at all. But that's not your fault. Maybe after a time, you could write him a letter and think about sending it. I still think about writing letters to the last three vets Hannah saw, and I may one day if I still feel the need to.
There are some good books out there about all the guilt we feel no matter what the cir%%stances. You might want to check it out at Amazon.com. I have several, and I guess the best I have gotten so far one is "Grieving the Death of a Pet," by Betty J. Carmack. I think you can get to Amazon.com through this site, and the proceeds go to to help either this site and/or other animals -- I'm not sure.
Again, I am so very sorry. Please take care of yourselves!
Marcia
I printed out a couple of pictures last night and we put one in the family room - right next to his favorite spot, and one at the bottom of the stairs to go up to the bedrooms. Last night it felt good because we were both so aching for something, anything, and I could give "him" a little kiss before bed. I can see that there may be times it is too painful to see them. It does make me ache to run my fingers through his fur, though. What a cuddly pup. I would just gather him up in my arms and love him and he would be so content. Mom is the only one he'd stand that from for long periods of time! Thanks for all the encouragement and validation. Much needed right now.
Nanci
Arnold's Mom
Nanci
Arnold's Mom
Nanci--just looking at your avatar makes me think arnold was so "cuddly"- what a doll! I loved picking up Ginger because even though he was such a big ol tom cat he would go limp all over when I picked him up --like a rag doll. I loved it because he loved being cuddled like that--I would just squish him and kiss him over and over on his head. LOL the neighbors stomachs must have been turning with all the sticky sweetness of it. but it is my fondest memory.
how did you happen to name him "Arnold"?
how did you happen to name him "Arnold"?
Its really kind of strange. David got Arnold from an ex-fiance at about 1-1/2 years. It was meant to be a 3-month situation. Arnold was already Arnold at that time. I was ****** David at the time and Arnold appeared to be the "dog from H!!" We would leave him with my Golden Retriever, Fuzzy and when we'd get home, invariably there would be a hole ripped in a screen (in summer of course) and the little one would be outside somewhere, and the house would be a mess - lamps tipped over, things scooched off of the tables, etc. I think I recall David telling me there had been a short period in his life when he had been somewhat mistreated, as well. At any rate, I didn't like Arnold at first. But - we finally discovered that if he could lay on the back of the sofa and look out the window he was sweet as pie. He and my golden became fast friends. In fact, when Fuzzy left, it was a long time before Arnold stopped looking for him when he came over.
Anyway - after David and I moved in together Arnold quickly became almost more my dog than David's, which made David very jealous. David was Arnold's "guy" buddy - if he wanted rough play, a run in the woods to chase down rabbits, etc., David was his man. But in the house - Arnold followed me from room to room (he'd even push on the bathroom door if I was in there; couldn't stand not being near me). He'd greet me at the door when I'd come home from work with his squeaky froggie or squeaky bone in his mouth, wait for me to put down my stuff and give him a little lovin', then just watch me to see where I'd go. Only when I sat in my favorite chair in the family room would he feel it was safe to sit in his favorite spot in the family room.
Oh! But back to the question. I don't know why they named him Arnold but I will say this. When you scratched him in just the right place, he grunted just like a little piggie - like Arnold on that old TV show (name escapes me right now).
Thanks for letting me share a few memories. I'm smilin' right now
Anyway - after David and I moved in together Arnold quickly became almost more my dog than David's, which made David very jealous. David was Arnold's "guy" buddy - if he wanted rough play, a run in the woods to chase down rabbits, etc., David was his man. But in the house - Arnold followed me from room to room (he'd even push on the bathroom door if I was in there; couldn't stand not being near me). He'd greet me at the door when I'd come home from work with his squeaky froggie or squeaky bone in his mouth, wait for me to put down my stuff and give him a little lovin', then just watch me to see where I'd go. Only when I sat in my favorite chair in the family room would he feel it was safe to sit in his favorite spot in the family room.
Oh! But back to the question. I don't know why they named him Arnold but I will say this. When you scratched him in just the right place, he grunted just like a little piggie - like Arnold on that old TV show (name escapes me right now).
Thanks for letting me share a few memories. I'm smilin' right now
great description Nanci! I am smiling too!!
It is funny sometimes how someone else gives a pet a name and you are "stuck" with it and yet later you can't imagine any other name. When I was 13 my mother and I got a 1 year old standard poodle. (man was he a handful!) His name was already established, it was Andre'. My mom wasn't wild about the name at first but later it seemed so perfect.
I love how Arnold became your shadow. Here at this house (where I have one remaining cat) my significant other and I "fight" everyday over whose cat Ruggles is. "he is MY cat" I say --"no he is not, he is MINE!" he'll say (this is our little joke that we have engaged in for years). Truth is Ruggles does seem to prefer the S.O. sometimes --though I would never admit that (AND--he IS MY cat) LOL
did you say Arnold was a ~~zu? he is the first "blonde" one I have seen. I had a Llhasa Apso, my last dog, she was white and orange-y, her name was "Pumpkin"--named for the orange-y color and, as my then husband said, it seemed like a fitting name for a two pound puppy.
It is funny sometimes how someone else gives a pet a name and you are "stuck" with it and yet later you can't imagine any other name. When I was 13 my mother and I got a 1 year old standard poodle. (man was he a handful!) His name was already established, it was Andre'. My mom wasn't wild about the name at first but later it seemed so perfect.
I love how Arnold became your shadow. Here at this house (where I have one remaining cat) my significant other and I "fight" everyday over whose cat Ruggles is. "he is MY cat" I say --"no he is not, he is MINE!" he'll say (this is our little joke that we have engaged in for years). Truth is Ruggles does seem to prefer the S.O. sometimes --though I would never admit that (AND--he IS MY cat) LOL
did you say Arnold was a ~~zu? he is the first "blonde" one I have seen. I had a Llhasa Apso, my last dog, she was white and orange-y, her name was "Pumpkin"--named for the orange-y color and, as my then husband said, it seemed like a fitting name for a two pound puppy.
Oh, Nanci
I have read some of your letters and they feel just like me too. I also, brought my baby Max to the vet and he walked in to have his rash looked at and died while it happened. I feel like I brought him to his death. I didn't actually bring him. I was away on a selfish vacation. My husband took him in. When his vet came to the house in the end of July, we told her he was drinking soooo much water. We thought it was unusual. She did some blood work but did not test for Cushings Disease. He was itching and itching so bad and crying. We took him for an oatmeal bath, but that didn't help. I wish I had known about Cushings Disease. Why did I wait until he was gone to look on the internet. I too am filled with the should haves and could haves. I try to convince myself that he knew he had Cushings and didn't want to go through any more surgeries, medications, tests. He already had lost a kidney when he was 5 and has had 2 surgeries already for that. Special prescription dog food. Very low protein diet. He couldn't even have his favorite pupperoni. I found the gnawsomes and he loved those. I hope he was happy with them. Max looks so much like Arnold. I know I have told you that before. Patti has so nicely offered to put a picture up of Max for me. When you see it, you won't think it looks like Arnold, but he had just come back from the groomers. The pictures I have from the weeks before he goes to the groomers look just like him. Max also loved to fall asleep on the top of the sofa. I wish I could hold him again. He was always so warm and cuddly. But only to me or his dad. He didn't like strangers! Thanks for letting me go on and on. Today is a really bad day for me.
Love, Carol
I have read some of your letters and they feel just like me too. I also, brought my baby Max to the vet and he walked in to have his rash looked at and died while it happened. I feel like I brought him to his death. I didn't actually bring him. I was away on a selfish vacation. My husband took him in. When his vet came to the house in the end of July, we told her he was drinking soooo much water. We thought it was unusual. She did some blood work but did not test for Cushings Disease. He was itching and itching so bad and crying. We took him for an oatmeal bath, but that didn't help. I wish I had known about Cushings Disease. Why did I wait until he was gone to look on the internet. I too am filled with the should haves and could haves. I try to convince myself that he knew he had Cushings and didn't want to go through any more surgeries, medications, tests. He already had lost a kidney when he was 5 and has had 2 surgeries already for that. Special prescription dog food. Very low protein diet. He couldn't even have his favorite pupperoni. I found the gnawsomes and he loved those. I hope he was happy with them. Max looks so much like Arnold. I know I have told you that before. Patti has so nicely offered to put a picture up of Max for me. When you see it, you won't think it looks like Arnold, but he had just come back from the groomers. The pictures I have from the weeks before he goes to the groomers look just like him. Max also loved to fall asleep on the top of the sofa. I wish I could hold him again. He was always so warm and cuddly. But only to me or his dad. He didn't like strangers! Thanks for letting me go on and on. Today is a really bad day for me.
Love, Carol
Hi Carol. I'm looking forward to seeing a picture of your Max. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. It has been nearly four weeks since Arnold died and for some reason this week is really tough for me all over again, too.
I think I know what you are feeling, having taken Max to the vet to be "healed" only to never bring him home again. And I, too, went through those "I'm so selfish" feelings - we went to bed that night instead of spending the night at the hospital; we slept til 6 instead of getting there earlier - etc., etc. Everyone here, though, has had similar feelings for whatever reason and the bottom line is that I can say, without hesitation, that my little Arnold had a WONDERFUL life; was a very happy dog; knew without a single question that we loved him soooo much . . . and I am starting to be able to tell myself that is enough. He had a very good life. I helped him to have that. We loved each other unconditionally. There is no question my dog was happy. Amen.
It is obvious you can say the same thing about Max. You wouldn't be here if you hadn't loved him so very much. He knew that. And you were simply living your life when you vacationed - for heavens sake, as I recall you took separate vacations just so someone would be with Max, right? How giving that is!!! I hope you can find a way to see that you were a wonderful mom to Max and Max knew it, knew how much you loved him, led a happy life. Take care, Carol.
Nanci
I think I know what you are feeling, having taken Max to the vet to be "healed" only to never bring him home again. And I, too, went through those "I'm so selfish" feelings - we went to bed that night instead of spending the night at the hospital; we slept til 6 instead of getting there earlier - etc., etc. Everyone here, though, has had similar feelings for whatever reason and the bottom line is that I can say, without hesitation, that my little Arnold had a WONDERFUL life; was a very happy dog; knew without a single question that we loved him soooo much . . . and I am starting to be able to tell myself that is enough. He had a very good life. I helped him to have that. We loved each other unconditionally. There is no question my dog was happy. Amen.
It is obvious you can say the same thing about Max. You wouldn't be here if you hadn't loved him so very much. He knew that. And you were simply living your life when you vacationed - for heavens sake, as I recall you took separate vacations just so someone would be with Max, right? How giving that is!!! I hope you can find a way to see that you were a wonderful mom to Max and Max knew it, knew how much you loved him, led a happy life. Take care, Carol.
Nanci
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