yesterday we had to take my darling Buddy to the vets for the final time , He was 15 years old ... my sweet sweet ambereyes

He had a heart murmur and arthritis in his last two years , our vet was fantastic , though Bud never thought so

Its weird , I cant stop crying , but im not sad , well I am but its more im sad for me , not for him , does that make sense ... I know what we did needed to be done for Buds sake , he stopped eating on friday and wouldnt lie down , just stood there wobbling , we took him to the vet on monday and the decision was made to let him rest tuesday morning (I wanted to give my daughter and Grandchildren the chance to say goodbye) so the vet gave Bud a booster shot ... I dont know what was in it but Bud was great for that last day ... sleeping well and even had the energy for a walk (I've attached a pic of him we took yesterday morning in the field)

I cried solid all day yesterday , today isnt looking like its going to be any different ... My Steve , lord alone knows how he coped , he had to work , even though he is devastated (Bud was his dog , I met them both when Buddy was 1 year old ... I always said I fell in love with the dog , so had to put up with Steve to be with Bud)

I know he's at peace now ... when I tried to sleep last night , I kept seeing him in my mind, wagging his tail , his ears pricked , looking as beautiful as ever
Hugz
Rozlyn

Hello Ambereyes, I know exactly what you're going through. I'm so sorry Buddy passed. Everyone in here has a story to tell, and hopefully we can help each other through the process.

There are alot of good people here, who can help you through the rough patches, and believe me, it helps. I saw Buddies pic, he is a cutie pie. wow, 15 is a long time for a dog, yes?

I liked what you had to say about your hubby, and you falling in love with the dog.
You sound like you will be ok, just let the grieving process take place.

Talk to you soon

I am so sorry for your loss, Rozlyn. At 15, Buddy looks wonderful-that is a great picture of him. He is really beautiful. As many people will tell you, it takes a lot of time to get through this fresh, raw pain and shock and get to a stage where your memories of him can make you laugh out loud. Friday marks seven months for me since I lost my Duffy and I would be a liar if I told you that I don't still bawl at times. But it gets easier, and you are in the right place. The people in these forums understand. Bue's mommy puts it very well-let the grieving process take place and you can start to heal. Feel free to share your memories with us because it does help. And we all love pictures here. Posting and viewing pictures can be very cathartic so when you are ready, you may want to share those memories. I wish you peace.

Take care,
Stephanie

Hi, thanks for the replies ((Hugz))

we were blessed to have Buddy for as long as we did , at least I have my vids and photos of him , they are helping me to get through these difficult days

Im lucky with the family I have , we are all very good at sharing our emotions, we all had a good cry on each others shoulders yesterday , and no-one thinks it strange if im making tea or something and start crying ... I get a hug and then we all carry on

Im so grateful to have found this forum and you all

Rozlyn, your Buddy looks so beautiful he looks like he was made out of 100%love!
My heart goes out to you, it is so hard to go through those first days,then weeks, then months, then year(s)...They never leave us. They continue to live within us. Keep coming to talk here, we are all in the same boat though at different stages in our grief. Take care, we care.

Hi Toonie

Thanks sweets , its definately helping being able to talk about Bud here

Im alone all day , thats when it seems to hurt the most ... at night I have Steve and Jean , my daughter, here to talk to , so this forum is a life saver

Just discovered the avatars ... I chose my fave pic of Bud playing in the snow last year ... he loved chasing snowballs

Dear Rozlyn.................I am so sorry about the sadness and grief you are feeling in Buddy's loss. The depressing feelings we experience after losing a loved one are very difficult to cope with, to say the least.

However, you did come to the right place where you will find comfort and peace of mind as well as understanding. All of us who come here have had a furlove pass away. We help each other work through our grief and also share our hopes and dreams. There are many loving individuals in this forum who truly care. It is through the exchange of dialogue in our replies that helps provide some healing. I have found encouragement, hope and understanding, inspiration, and desire to return to a happier and healthier life since I started coming here. My despair has turned to hope and my sadness turns more toward joy as I remember all the wonderful times Goliath and I had together. Our special bond can never be broken, as his and my heart became one on the day we met. I know one day I will see him again, when it comes time.

May you and Steve be blessed with comfort at this sad time of your lives. Working through a loss is painful and takes time to heal. Be patient with yourselves and with each other. Buddy left you with far more than grief when he passed into God's hands...............He also left you 15 years of happiness to cherish for the rest of your life.

God's peace and love Rozlyn and Steve from my heart to yours.

I'm so sorry it was Buddy's time but I am glad you and Steve had many years of joy with him. I saw your avatar first thing..before I finished reading your post and thought Buddy looked like he was in the snow! Then you confirmed it and I thought he must have had a ball in the snow.

It sounds like you have good family support around you and that is also special to have....getting a real hug when you need it and no judgment when you feel like crying..that is a wonderful environment to be in, especially at this time.

If you are looking for something to occupy you during the day..you must have lots of pictures of Buddy. You might think about putting some together of your favorite moments and posting a Tribute topic to him in the forum Tribute section. You have probably already seen some of them there. Posting pictures seems to really help us when we are grieving. I guess because in those pictures our special ones are healthy and happy and we felt their joy when we snapped that picture. It is these good memories that make us smile when we are feeling sad. They are what is strong enough to push the sadness down at least for a while.

It does help to post here and learn that you are not alone and that everyone here has been or is going through the pain and grieving...somehow there is always comfort in that. Buddy is a beautiful boy and I am glad you found this forum as a place to share him with us...we are always here to listen.

Take Care and I wish you peace and healing.

here I am again ... using you fine people as my venting place , im sorry but I just need to write what im feeling

I just saw Steve off to his night job , for the first time since we lost Bud , and while he could see me I was putting a brave face on things , but as soon as id closed and locked the front door I went to pieces

Normally Buddy would be there, never have I seen Steve off to work in all these years that Bud wasnt there waiting for his hug from Steve and then we'd trot upstairs and he'd jump on the bed and we'd watch tv or go to sleep ... in these last few months , id taken to lying down with him in the hall (cos he couldnt make it up the stairs) where he had his duvet and blankets infront of the radiator , and we'd 'talk' for maybe 15 minutes or so ... You wont believe how hard it hurt ... I never even thought about it, it was just one little ritual me 'n' Bud had together that was as natural as breathing for me ... I basically just collapsed on the floor where his bed used to be and had to stop myself from screaming

this afternoon was bad too , but not as bad as tonight ... after collecting Louie from school , I opened the front door and there was no Bud there greeting me

I guess im gonna find lots of these little things that I took for granted when he was here

I phoned the vets today ...when we left Bud there on tuesday I guess we werent thinking straight ... cos we didnt get his collar ... and id started panicking that they wouldnt remove it from Bud before he was cremated and I really need to have his collar
The lady this morning was lovely but didnt know and said she'd find it for us ... by teatime I knew I had to phone back or id be a basket case all night ... anyway they had found it and were keeping it safe for us til we go on saturday to collect our Buddys ashes... Steves gonna let me keep it ... now dont laugh ... but ive bought a border collie stuffed toy and im gonna put Buds collar on it and keep it with me in the bedroom ... , I know it isnt him , Its hard to describe why I want to do this , am I pathetic or what !

I found this piccie of my baby when I was searching thru all my discs

Not pathetic at all what you are doing others here have done (they can tell you )gotten stuffed animals to take to sleep with them and to soothe one tiny little bit. Also I cant' think of a better place to put Buddy's collar than on a stuffed toy, it will all make sense to you the more the time goes by. What I did when I had just lost my soulmate was to allow myself all these little quirks which did end up helping, just a tiny bit. At this stage all we can hang on to are all these tiny bits. Take care and know we understand, totally.

I DO understand very well why you fell to pieces when you saw Steve off to work and closed the door. Our spouses presence helps us to feel less lonely and sad. Also, when the 2 of you are together you try to protect each others feelings.

I can remember once , shortly after Goliath died, my hubby and I had to go to the outlet mall. My hubby went to another store and told me he would be right back. I sat on the bench and waited and waited. The longer I waited the more panicked I felt until I finally crumbled into a heap crying. Jim finally walked up and said, "What's wrong honey?" I collapsed into his arms and said, "Don't leave me Jim." I sobbed all the way home. When we got there he poured me a hot bath and heated some soup for me. Never before in my life was I so scared to be alone.

When you speak of the "ritual" you and Bud shared I cried. Because Goliath and I had a bedtime ritual we went through every night. To this day I cannot let my eyeglasses make a clicking noise when I close them for the night. It is at night when I miss Goliath the most, where we held each other in quiet comfort and trust and safe keeping. I had always held him while I said my prayers at night in thanks. It took me quite awhile after Goliath died to be able to even sleep in my bed again.

I am glad that Bud's collar was found. What a great idea putting it on a stuffed toy doggie. That should be nice and soft to help comfort you. Hugging brings a feeling of peace and security.

Goliath's urn is kept in our bedroom in an open cabinet and has a light that shines on him. His collar sets atop the urn. With him is a teddybear angel with wings that a dear friend game me after his death. A picture of my hubby and I sit there with him too. Small framed pictures with inspirational sayings are in his place of rest. My heart is at peace when I look at his area and then I close my eyes and allow myself to remember the many memories we made together and give thanks.

NO Rozlyn you are not pathetic at all..............You are a magnificent person who was blessed to have had a love named Buddy and tell about it.

May you be blessed in comfort as you, Steve, and Louie recover and love together.

I cant explain how much all of you who have posted advice and words of comfort here mean to me ... the warmth you all offer whilst still feeling your own grief is astounding and I thankyou all from the bottom of my heart

((Big Hugz))
Rozlyn

OK- I have bought two Border collie stuffed animals-a big one and a little one-I have named both Duffy and I sleep with them when I miss him which is at least once a week and this has been going on for the last 7 months. My husband has gotten used to it....I think. I never thought about putting Duffy's collar on mine- now there's a thought-hmm...

Laugh at you?! Are you kidding?! I completely understand. Although this is the first time I have divulged that secret. I have even found Border collie socks.

What a beautiful face Buddy has! He is just so handsome. I love your pictures.

A big hug to you. Buddy sure was a handsome guy. I'm so sorry for what you are going through and I feel for you. Somehow letting it all out will help though. The dark days right after losing our babies are just a sad reality in this whole thing. I hate it and I'm sure our pets would hate our being so sad. But we can't help it. You are not alone!

Forduffy ... im glad to know im not alone ... ive scoured the net in the last few days just looking at all the BC merchandise there is , I debated the socks , so your comment made me smile

sheltiecalicolover ... thanks sweetie , knowing Bud he'd def hate seeing us sad , especially over him , but I hope he understands its ourselves we're sorry for , we're glad he's now painfree and having fun at the bridge

To you both ... im so sorry you lost your furbabies
I hope your pain eases soon and the memories of them bring you both much joy

Hugz
Rozlyn

I saw a double rainbow last night
It was beautiful , the first time ive ever seen one , clear as a bell , two rainbows , one on top of the other

I going to believe it was a sign from my precious angel that he's happy
Hugz
Rozlyn

How wonderful for you Rozlyn! Many more hellos will come with time from Buddy. Goliath's hellos bring peace to my heart and add fullness to my smile.

In my Goliath's Blessings thread in the memorial/tribute section there is my account of a hello that I too believe came from Goliath. Please read it as it you may find it comforting.

When we are able to keep our eyes wide open as well as our hearts and minds, we are in balance with ourselves and can see much more. LISTEN closely and you will recognize and receive the answers to your prayers.

Much love and warm hugs to you Rozlyn Beth

Beth
I read your Goliaths blessing thread
how wonderful for you , and how well you can put your feelings into words ... I struggle trying to get across how I feel ... usually I just let it flow and hope it makes sense
Hugz
Rozlyn

Ah what a beautiful picture of Buddy on his last day - he still looks so young, and you gave him a brilliant last day, where he was feeling better, and had the walk, which is always so important to dogs.

My thoughts are with you. x

Thanks sweetie

I also have a vid of him wandering round the field that day

A pressie from Bud ?
The vets phoned to let me know we can pick up Buddys ashes tomorrow morning , and that made me think about how I wished id cut some of his fur to keep ...

Steve came home later and I was telling him this as he sat down in the kitchen , he just smiled and handed me a small clump of fur and part of Buds claw he'd just found in the hall
I just cant believe its coincidence ...

Hugz
Rozlyn

Ka winkie dinkie? Sometimes wishes come tru Roz.

Hi Roz..............I have found myself thinking of you often and wonder how you are.

Hoping to see you soon.........Beth

Hi Goliath , you are a sweetheart for thinking of us

We're all doing ok , though I still find myself crying myself to sleep some nights ..... there were a few tears this last weekend ... we recently decided to buy a Lodge at a holiday park , and were planning on finalising the deal and visiting it with Bud this weekend just gone ... well the deal went well and we now own it , but the celebration was a bit muted as both myself and Steve felt a few pangs cos Bud wasnt there to enjoy it with us as planned
I was even going to take Buds ashes away with us , but Steve said I was being silly and that Bud would be there in spirit anyway , Ive said it before and i'll say it again , im pathetic huh , lol

We've also had fate step into our lives recently ... we have a new puppy , also a Border Collie , he's adorable , and also explains why I havent been online much , but this is my Buddys thread so i'll probably post more about Toffee in another section of the site

sometimes I feel guilty about little things though , silly things like when we went away this weekend I changed my mobile phone screensaver to a pic of Toffee cos I was missing him ... but felt awful that id changed a piccie of Bud to do that (now we are home Buds back on my phone again)

Bud will always be my baby , will always be my amber-eyes , and i'll miss him til the day I die ... I hope he knows that and realises I have a lot of love to give and this puppy needed love

Oh Roz.......................Bud not only realizes how much love you have to give, he probably had something to do with Toffee's arrival in your life. Those we have loved never forget how happy they were with us and want that special kind of love and happiness to go on and on in our hearts. There is no way possible for a bond so strong to ever be broken.

As you remember your sweet Bud with the fondest of memories have fun making new and happy days to remember with Toffee.

Much love to you and your family.
Beth