On June 12, 2004 I had my 13 year old lab euthanized. She had terrible elbow dysplasia since age 6 (I adopted her at 4 years old) for which we went to the vet every month for Adequan shots which kept her going this long, but last May her spine became arthritic. The last 2 months of her life she developed elbow infections and a pressure sore on her shoulder. She didn't really want to play (she was a fetch-a-holic) and I knew it was time by looking at her eyes. Her vet helped me with this decision, saying it was best for Sonnet but it doesn't make it easier to deal with being alone. I miss her so much. She was always with me in every room and the place is so empty now. I could use support in going through this tough grieving

Dear Sonnet's parent:

I am so sorry for your loss. Even when it is the right thing and we know it, the loss of such a dear friend is devastating. When we had to put down our spitz Freyja last summer, she had also been very arthritic -- which is also hard.

I am glad you found this site, even if its six weeks later. It takes such a long time to heal. I wish we could've been there for you earlier. It's been a year and 2 months since we had to euthanize Freyja, and I am ok 95% of the time -- but I still cry, still miss her (and Saki and Electra who also passed in 2003, too). In fact, sometimes it still feels raw and horrible. But most of the time, I'm ok now.

You were a wonderful parent to Sonnet. You were good to take care of her, to take her for monthly injections for so long, and good to help her on when it was time. Thank you for that. I don't know you, or Sonnet, but I am glad there are people like you who love and care for their furry friends.

Still, I KNOW how unbearable the silence and emptiness of the house can be.

You have my heartfelt condolences...

--Jennifer

I'm so sorry about your loss. Sonnet sounded like a wonderful dog.

I lost my 9-year-old "fetchaholic" on June 4th, although in my case it was a sudden death. I have a 7.5 year old golden who has hip dysplasia, and it sounds like I'll be on the same road as you and Sonnet over the next several years.

This is a wonderful site. It really helps to post amongst such caring people.

I find the grief comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it still hurts almost as badly as the first week.

Take care - Steph

Thank you for your support. I just stumbled upon this site while looking for support. Did oyu feel like you couldn't love another dog again? I know I'm notmready to even think about adopting someone at this time even though it's so lonely and quiet at home. It's amazing how one doggie can fill a house!

I lost cats, but I felt like I could never love ANYONE or ANYTHING again when they died.

Then, one day, it simply becomes unbearable. The emptiness in the house. And even though you may not be healed, you may find that the need for the presence of a puppy will outweigh the sadness in your heart.

I am very sorry for your loss... remember always that we are here for you and that you are in our thoughts and in the prayers of those of us who pray.

I am so sorry for your loss. You did what you did out of love and it was the right thing to do, but now you are left alone. It is so sad. They are family and it is tough, especially for the first while, to not have them in the places we were accustomed to seeing them. The silence is, indeed, deafening. (Oswald used to come to the door to greet me, even when he wasn't entirely well. It was really tough to go home for the first week.) You did a lot for Sonnet and she had a better quality of life because of you giving her injections and love.

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your loyal friend.

Dee Dee

I tried to foster a housetrained, calm and well-behaved 2 year old Dalmatian for a rescue group . She had great house manners, etc, for 2 weeks but I just couldn't continue to do so (let alone adopt her!) because I felt she was getting in the way of my grieving. That's when I wondered if I could ever love a doggie again. I suppose it was just too soon?

dear sonnet's mom (or dad?),
You are smart to want to work through your feelings and this is a great place to do it!
Here you are among friends. We have all keenly experienced the quiet, lonely, empty house and yard.
From what I can tell individuals really handle their grief differently from one another. I have seen posts where someone went out and got two kitties right away (and apparently she did very well doing this)--for me I wouldn't be able to handle things in that way. I do not think it was "wrong" by any stretch--I just know I would be more inclined to go ahead and feel the feelings, along with all the discomfort that goes with it. And it IS uncomfortable, isn't it?? It has been a good month and 1/2 since I lost my cat Ginger and I think of him every day and most especially whenever I set foot outside. He was the king of the forest in our yard. When I see a neighbor cat in our yard it makes me mad, I think how Ginger would never have allowed that cat to sit there!
I have another cat (an indoor senior) and I thank goodness I have him to comfort me. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you--I bet your sonnet did fill up the house! (my cats are/were both impressively big and they "fill" their space too!)
You didn't really ask for advise but I felt so miserable when Ginger died I went swimming. it did not "heal' me but it sure was good for me. If there is a way you can get out and do something very physical I strongly suggest you give it a go. You know, anything that will make you exert yourself would be good. Even some really brisk walks--it will be lonely (in the physical sense) but you'll have your sonnet with you in your mind and in your heart from now on. Sonnet is scampering around the rainbow bridge, all full of youthful vigor and life, and he'll be there waiting for you when your day comes to be re-united again.
thinking of you,
love,
Patti

Thanks for your advice. I do run but uit's hard to get out of bed many times in the AM to do that. I do walk "our walk" after work adn before bedtime as Sonnet adn I always did. That makes me feel better.
Thanks for all of your support. It certainly helps.

Love does not die with the body.
Nothing can keep those who love apart.
When you go on your walks or runs your sonnet will be there with you every step.
Thinking of you.
Patti

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, sonnet. Grief can be crushing and I'm glad you at least you found your way here. I stumbled on this site last week, shortly after having to put one of our two cats to sleep. So painful!!! Be gentle with yourself. I know, easier said than done!

Chuchelo's mom

Hi!

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious lab, Sonnet.

I am sad that you had the need to find a pet grief site, but I am very happy that if you had to stumble upon one, that somehow you found your way to Lightening Strike.
On Aug. 8, 2004, it will be six months that our beautiful girl, Ernestine has gone to Rainbow's Bridge. I can't believe that it has been soooooo long.... The time has just flown by.

But, I will say, in the beginning....the days lasted forever.

You certainly sound like a very special & dedicated parent, to have brought Sonnet to the vet every month for her
Adequan shots.
She was able to have so many pain-free years, because of your love and devotion. I know that your Sonnet loved you so very much for that!

And, I know the pain that you felt on June 12, 2004, because I too felt the same pain. But, some wonderful, wise person on this site said to me....
"You took on Ernestine's pain, so that she could be without pain."

She wasn't suffering any longer......... No more painful, horrible retching - several times a day.... No more losing weight -- from being hyperthyroid, and in the end from her kidney disease. She had weighed, in her healthy years, a nice, robust 16 pounds, but in 12/2003, she was 8.2 pounds...then 6.85 pounds, and finally 5.9 pounds.

It is sooooooo difficult to have had a furbaby for such a long time - a family member - a daughter, and then one day, physically, she's not there anymore.
But, her spirit and her soul....they are with you.

Coming home to an empty house was very hard for Ben and I.... There were times that I KNOW I saw her, out of the corner of my eye......
In the beginning, I just remember crying & crying.... And, I'd come onto this site, and keep writing.... I don't even think I made sense 1/2 the time...........but, I needed to write out what my heart was feeling.

My heart was broken into a trillion pieces....It felt like someone took a jagged knife and stabbed me. I couldn't breathe - I couldn't eat...

And, I am grateful to every single wonderful person on this site for listening, and understanding.
No one understands better, than someone who has or is going through the same thing.

I swore up & down that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER GET ANOTHER CAT, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!

Just the thought made me ill....... To love and then to lose.... "I wasn't going to go through that again."

But, after about 2 & 1/2 weeks, though I was still crying, and my eyes still puffy & red.....
I was thinking, "The silence in this house is deafening".....and, it was driving me crazy!!!!
Ben was feeling the same way.....
He and I have had cats all of our lives......it was "just the way it was"....

I started looking on the computer at different shelters, and there were SO MANY BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS FUR-KIDS LOOKING FOR HOMES!!!
I could not believe the numbers of kittens/cats/seniors looking for adoption....

On 3/6/2004, we went to a shelter, and came home with 2 cats.....
Lucy (Ms. Lucy) is 5 & 1/2 years old and Yoda (Mr. Yoster) is 6 & 1/2 years.

We'd never had "two" before, but we thought it best this time to adopt two....that way, they'd have a friend....

I know that, within my heart, that our girl Ernestine led us to these two babies....
No question in our minds......

Every person is different, in their grieving process - when it's time to get another fur-kid.....or not.
Time is the healer. Tears definitely help to heal!!

It is sooooooooooo individual, that's for sure!!

What's right for one person, is not right for the other.

I've also heard, from someone on this site, that:
"For every year that you own your cat/dog/any animal friend.....it takes about one month/per year to grieve".

Sure, we miss Ernestine, but we're grateful that she is without pain!!!! She's at Rainbow's Bridge, and she's having a wonderful time, playing with her friends up there.........Everyone's "animal friend" (I was to include everyone's kids.....
whether they're the furry kind, winged, scaly kind, fins, etc.....), from here at LS....

Ernie-Bird is in wonderful company, until such time that Ben & I are called home, and go to Rainbow's Bridge to meet up with our girl....

I sincerely hope that you find all the support that you need, right here...... Please remember, that you are always among friends.....

By the way, I love the name "Sonnet".... Was she named "Sonnet" when you adopted her, or did you choose it for her??

Thinking of you!

Peace & Love,
Denise

I am a bit useless at the moment offering any advice - still a bit raw from losing my own kitty but I just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are in the best place for support - this forum board. Everyone here is just lovely.

The best thing to do is cry......lots.......it helps believe it or not. May you find condolence.....

Jamie x

I know what you mean about the silence. I know there must have been times when you're Sonnet wasn't making a noise, as there were times when my Duke wasn't making a noise, but somehow it seems so much quieter during those times now. Even the little things like them stirring in their bed, yawning or stretching become some much a part of our subconscious that when they're not there any longer the silence is deafening.

Well I was sort of OK Friday evening but then again another wave of grief hit me, and I haven't been able to really sleep well. Could be because I dreamt of Sonnet both Friday and Saturday nights. First time I've dreamt of her since she's been gone. She was named Sonnet by her former owner who was a musician and since I thought it such a pretty name and she was so responsive to it I kept it. I'm trying to figure out how to get a picture of her on this site. Hopefully soon so you can all see how beautiful she was. I like what was said here about Sonnet being with me when I take those walks. That was comforting to hear! Thanks. Yesterday was 7 weeks since she was last here. I also think I see/hear her. The vet said they stay with you until they knoiw you're alright. I had also mentioned to the vet that I had thought of not getting another dog again but she said I needed to since I was single and all but it's just not time yet. People tell me I'll know when that time is.
Sonnet

Well I got Sonnet's picture here now so you can see her smiley, happy face. She was a smiler and tail-wagger (actually on a lab it should be called a bat!) The pic gets a bit distorted as it's compressed as you know.
Sonnet

what a wonderful new avatar! what a beauty!!
I like very much what your vet said--that is a really NICE thought!
and what was said about "you'll know when it is time" seems right on the money too.
Sonnet is a beautiful name for a very beautiful dog!
I hope you will be feeling better soon! sometimes it seems like progress is
one step forward and two steps back--but that is still a net gain of one step!
feeling lonely and sad for your best companion is a journey filled
with many steps!
Every single time I come up my walk I wonder --someday will I be able to walk down
this walk and not miss him? I kind of doubt it actually, but at least I don't cry everytime now.
That's progress, right!?
thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts!
Patti

Sonnet is beautiful! Yes, her face is smiley, as you said.

Keep sharing here as you go through this process. As someone else here said to you, I wish we had been able to be here for you from June 12th on. I'm just glad you're here now.

You did the right things! I know it took courage. Everything you did, and now your grief---all show how very much you loved Sonnet.

Sonnet is still with you---and you will be fully reunited when it's your time.

Sending you prayers of comfort and healing,

Kathy

Thank you all for your understanding and support. It does seem like it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back but hopefully that means it's slowly but surely going forward. Some days it seems like it's pretty hopeless and sad and then there'll be a day where it's better. Ups adn downs, I suppose is normal for this.
Sonnet

What a beautiful dog! You can tell Sonnet was much loved and very, very happy!

Karen

Sonnet does look very happy and I know you made her happy as much as she did you.

Yes, this horrible feeling is a rollercoaster of emotions isn't it. You're thinking to yourself, hey I'm not doing so badly here, then suddenly you think something, you see or hear something and you're down again. Common sense tells me that the troughs won't be so deep in time, and they'll easier to scramble out of but it's hard to belive sometimes.

I wento to the anglebluemist link posted by DJ on another post and it just made me cry and cry... I miss Sonnet soooooooo very much it's unbearable sometimes-like right now. I'm still crying
Sonnet

Sonnet is so beautiful and has a great smile! She must have been a wonderful friend. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes you just have to let yourself cry and cry, I think. I know I do that on my way home from work because I have to try to hold it in all day long. (Not always successful at that). How can you not be sad when there was so much love between you?

Sometimes it's hard to believe she's not here anymore. I also thought I heard her last night while I was trying to get to sleep. I thought I heard her breathing in the livingroom in her sleep.
Sonnet's mom

That will happen for a long, long time. I just thought I heard Jesse talking last night - for the first time in over a year... I almost cried until I realized "I can still remember his little meowing voice!!"

I am glad the link made you cry - we all need a good cry now and then to ease the pressure and allow us to heal

HUGS

Thank you for not letting me think I'm crazy for hearing or seeing Sonnet. In fact, I still say good-bye to her when I leave for work and I see her standing there as she always did as I left.
Sonnet's mom

I "see" Ginger too--in the yard, on the porch--he used to hang on the screen and peek in the dining room from the porch. I "see" him there everyday and I guess I always will.

Dear Sonnet Mom,

I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful picture. The gregarious smile! Who wouldn't want to come home to that each day?

Every day is different. It does feel like a 'cosmic bunny hop' at times, but I know we are all heading in the right direction.

You are so welcome here. These folks take you the way you are; happy or sad, and everyone lends an ear to listen.

I still see Solas out of the corner of my eye, so no, you're not going crazy.

All the best,
Ariel

Today feels like it's going to go better so I'm just going to enjoy the reprieve. I really had trouble sleeping last night. Normally that's not a problem for me but it has been since Sonnet and I went to the vet for the last time. Are any of you also having trouble like that?
Sonnet's mom

sonnet's mom I slept fitfully for a week at first because Ginger was in the hospital and I kept going over what happened. Then when he died I often got up in the middle of the night to go cry downstairs and not wake up Dave. Then about week three I think I started sleeping better. Of course, things are a bit different for me because I do have an indoor kitty that I rely on for purring and petting. It would be a whole nother cup of tea without him.

Sonnet's Mom - I'm afraid you're going to be rather envious of me. I'm one of the lucky ones that sleeps like a log when their days are an emotional turmoil. My mother has the same thing - maybe it's genetic! I don't so much sleep as pass out. It's as if my mind can't cope with any more thinking and just shuts down almost immediately. It's a strange thing, but I regularly recall my dreams, but even the dreams are either too painful to remember, or buried to deep to revisit.

I know I am extremely fortunate to be able to do this as it gives me a much needed reprieve from the pain and I do feel better in the morning. I'm sorry that you are having trouble sleeping. It's hard enough trying to cope with all this without being tired on top of it.

You're not crazy at all for seeing Sonnet. I thought I felt Duke jump onto my bed one night. I talk to my little lad, sometimes for ages and I like to say goodnight to him. It's something you did for years, so that's not going to change overnight. Some of the things we did are so instinctive that it hardly took any conscious thought to do them. For instance, every night the last thing I'd do was get three small treats from the cupboard for him. It was to let him know that it really was bedtime and after he'd ate them he'd usually follow me upstairs. Once or twice that instict has returned and I've almost headed towards the kitchen to get his treats.

Take care

It's been 8 weeks ago yesterday when Sonnet left and I'm still having sleeping troubles-I wake up in the middle of the night wide awake for about 2 hours ever since. But I haven't been depressed since late last week so I suppose that's progress? Several steps forward perhaps?
Sonnet's mom

YEP! that is progress for sure!
I can see why you miss your sonnet so much--what a lovable character..her photo is perfect!

Thank you! I think she was perfect too! She loved to play fetch and had me well trained to play fetch while doing something else at the same time. One of my friends called her an automatic toy return as she would catch the toy, bring it back for you to throw while she already started to run to catch it again and again and again...
I'm starting a memorial scrapbook of her to include her beginning obedience certificate and blue ribbon she won the last day which they held as an obedience show, her intermediate class certificate (no show at that class), her Canine Good Citizen certificate, Dog Camp stuff with all her awards she earned there and of course many pictures which I burned to CD's with pages of thumbnails so I'll know which pics are on each CD.
I'm even thinking about starting to look for a new doggie soon. I don't want to rush into things so I'm going to take my time and wait for that "connection" to happen.

Sonnet's mom

Sonnet's mom-- It is wonderful to read a post that has such positivity and hope! You are honoring your wonderful friend with all her tangible certificates and photos while also pondering the future. I like what one poster here wrote about how when a person has been specially touched by the life of one unique animal those are the eyes you see looking back at you when you look at your next pet. Not to say that you will try to replicate Sonnet--only that because you loved her and she loved you you will take that love and build upon it.
I wish a cat would just "show up" like my Ginger did...but I know even if that were to happen I could never have the same cir%%stances ever again. But my heart does have room in it.
Your post makes me smile!

Patti

The scrapbook's a lovely idea.

Tell us about the Canine good citizenship and Dog Camp. I'm afraid I don't know what they are, but I'd like to hear about it. I'm imagining Dog Camp as a band of dogs sitting around a camp fire telling tall 'tails' late into the night before retiring to their tents. You'd better put me right!

I used to play fetch with my cat. He ran after the toy and I fetched it back. I got more excercise than he did. Did you have a special ball or toy that you can keep with the scrapbook?

I'm glad I made you smile with my last post. Canine Good Citizen Award is from the American Kennel Club. Your dog has to pass 10 steps to get it. It shows your dog is a well behaved citizen and you can take them anywhere and know that if they passed this test, they'll be well behaved in public anywhere you go with them. It's an encouragemernt by the AKC to have dog owners train and work with their dogs to be well behaved. They have to pass things such as a timed sit-stay, a timed down-stay, they stay with a "friendly stranger" while you are out of their sight for 3 minutes without their freaking out, they must walk nicely on a loose leash, you can approach someone else walking with their dog and they don't get in a huff, you walk by and a sudden loud noise happens and they don't freak out, someone plays the "vet" to see they behave during a quick "vet" exam and 3 other things I can't remember right now.
As for dog camp they have to bring their person. It was a fundraiser for the San Bernardino Dog Search & Rescue team. They held activities like swimming, hiking, agility, flyball, dog first aid, etc. You participate with your dog. The staff for the camp was the Sheriffs' on the rescue team and they went to Ground Zero as well as Oklahoma after that guy bombed that building to help look for survivors/bodies so it was a great camp and a very worthy cause. We had campfire one night (it was a 3 day weekend in the mountains) and we did have smores but that was for the peole, and they had snacks for the dogs too. It was very fun and you got to be with others who really truly loved their dogs as family.

Sonnet's mom