Okay, I have to admit that I'm finding myself extremely irritated when I'm around people who don't "get" the love of animals. I don't want to feel this way. I love people too, but I just don't want to be around anyone right now who doesn't understand people who have bonds with animals. I wonder if there is a gene or something, like some people can curl their tongues and some can't - maybe they can't help it and they are genetically, biologically incapable of understanding or loving animals.

I guess that sounds kind of harsh - chalk it up to grief. If my theory is correct, then they can't help it anyway, so why am I complaining...

People everywhere are very complex inidividuals. I include myself when I say that. We all have different perspectives and feelings regarding what it is that we value in live. For those who cannot understand the deep love we have for our furloves, I just feel they have not been blessed in ever having known this kind of love. Therefore, how could they understand?

There are many things that happen to others that I don't understand either. But it is not reasonable for me to expect others to always understand my feelings anymore than I am able to always understand theirs. We have been truly blessed in knowing and loving our furangels.

Just last night I was with a group of women and we were all weaving baskets. Some of these women know me well and some of them I have only met once and they know little about me. One of the women told me how sorry she was to have heard abut Goliath passing away. Of course that prompted me into talking about Goliath. Several of the women that have furloves shared their feelings about how much they love their "family members." Some said nothing at all. And one woman, who I don't know, said "oh well, I guess it was his time."

Now I could have been put off with the "oh well, I guess it's time." My first reaction was to tell her she just didn't understand. But after thinking about it I decided it was better to just let go of it.

The point of me telling you this is as follows:

1) Some people truly understand
2) Other people just don't know what to say.
3) And some just don't know when you keep their mouth shut and say nothing.

No matter what anybody has to say or not to say to me, it will not change how much I love Goliath, nor can the wonderful memories and joy he left me be taken away from my heart where he is well and very much alive.

Forgive other people for what they do not know. Be grateful for those that do.

Much love and comfort to you as you miss your precious Kirby and Kandy. Savor in the happiness and love all of you shared with each other. How lucky are we to have had our furloves that brought so much meaning into our lives for us to cherish forever in our hearts and memories to last us for the rest of our days here on earth. Until we meet again.......................

The simple answer is that people are different. But the problem only arises when people do not respect each others' viewpoints.

To us on this forum, our animals are very much a part of our families; they are loved, respected, cherished, and when they die, they are sorely missed and some people never get over the loss of their pets.

But many people do not understand this bond, viewing animals as vermin in many cases; animals disgust them or terrify them. Indeed, some are completely indifferent to animals altogether, viewing them as simply a commercial product that humans can consume, hunt, perform tests on, wear, bet on, race or use for entertainment or for financial gain.

There are some people who come into my home, and my dogs rush to greet them and they push my dogs away, and order me to "get rid of those dogs" whilst they wash their hands.

And as I usher my dogs outside, I feel very sorry for those people ...

But I think what those people and people like us need to do is respect each others' viewpoints. I'll gladly remove my animals from their presence as they feel that way about them, I won't speak of them as it disinterests them, but what they must do is at best use a little tact when one of my animals dies, or is ill; perhaps they could show a little compassion, which is allegedly a very human emotion ...

That is what they seem to fail miserably to do.

When a human dies, other humans rush to the aid of their families. They ask if there is anything they can do to help, they lend a shoulder to cry on, they speak fondly of the person who died, and if the person who died was under 80, they note that "they were so young". They attend their funerals, they buy flowers, cards, they visit their graves ... They remember them on their anniversaries.

But when an animal dies, other humans do not rush to the aid of the 'owner' of that animal; noone visited me when Bono died.

They do not ask if there is anything they can do to help; my fiancé and our vet were the only people to lend a shoulder or to speak fondly of Bono.

I remember specifically that Bono died on the evening of Monday 16th, and when I returned to work on Wednesday 18th, all that morning, none of my colleagues even mentioned my loss, chatting away about trivia whilst I silently went through Hell, and then at lunchtime, one colleague, probably noticing my silence, awkwardly said these very words "oh yeah and sorry about your dog", and then went on chatting about trivia again. Need I say more?

And even though Bono was only 8 and died of a terminal disease, which cut his life short so prematurely, my father said "he lived a long life for a dog". Is this something people say about a 50 year old man who dies due to illness? Do they say "he lived a long enough life". No; they comment about how short his life was, how tragic it is that he is gone ... For they know it would be insensitive to say anything different!

Goliath, what you said about the woman's comment "it was his time" is interesting, because that's something a couple of people said about Bono, to which I remember saying "No, it wasn't his time. He died before his time". Isn't it ironic that it is only ever a human's "time" when they are extremely old? Would a human say "it was his time" if a 30 year old died of heart disease? No ...

Noone bought gifts or cards for me ... And I was the only one to remember Bono on his anniversary.

And yet, to this date, of all the deaths I have endured, be they friends or family members, Bono's death was the hardest, for I loved him best of all ...

And all because he wasn't human. And yet, I believe it was because he wasn't human that I loved him so much, for a human would never have stood by me through thick and thin, forgave me so readily for my mistakes, offered comfort for the little things and the big ... Ironic ...

Yeah, the simple answer is that people are different.

Thanks, both Gillian and Goliath's mom, for answering a controversial question with such grace. You are right that "non-animal" people (as they usually call themselves) are not blessed (in that area anyway), and even though we feel so much more pain because of our blessings, the pain does not even minutely compare with the joy our furloves bring us in their lifetimes.

Gillian, you said - I believe it was because he wasn't human that I loved him so much, for a human would never have stood by me through thick and thin, forgave me so readily for my mistakes, offered comfort for the little things and the big ...

you are so right.

Goliath's mom, thanks for reminding me about forgiveness - I am definitely grateful for the people here and now in my heart I need to forgive the thoughtless comments of others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not running around ranting at people - I have never mentioned this except on this board. But yesterday I was with a friend who lost her dog last week. I loved that dog, too, and I cried a lot when I got the news. However, when I talked to her, she minimized her own grief, saying that so many people go through tragedies and she has not a problem in the world compared to them. I immediately felt my own grief discounted. As you all know, our grief is REAL and palpable and can be tormenting at times.

I will count all of my blessings, my wonderful family, living in America, and many more, but somehow that doesn't make the hurt of my dogs' passing any easier. I guess that's the flip side of my theoretical question that I started the thread with - maybe I'm hoping that I am genetically incapable of pushing off my grief and pretending that it is not excruciating to lose a pet.

Perhaps she wasn't minimizing her own grief at all but chose to comfort herself in looking at tragedies others have endured. For every heartbreak we have in life there is always someone else who has been forced to cope with far more than I have. It isn't what happens to me that matters, it is what I learn from it that does. There is so much to come yet in my unknown future and I hope and pray I am not forced to deal with multiple tragedies or a fatal disease, or another death anytime soon. I am grateful that I am not starving and that I have a roof over my head. Many people are losing their homes due to the status of our economy and divorcing over the stress it is causing. I am blessed to have a job while many others don't. So you see? Many people do have it much better than others do.

Her comment may have been her way of expressing thanks for what she has. Though you felt she was minimizing your grief, that may have not been her message at all. And IF her intention was to minimize YOUR grief...........then shame on her.

Your loss is new and you are still very raw. That means your sensitivity in your feelings are going to be easily stirred. As time goes on and you continue to heal and grow you will find that your feelings won't be quite so sensitive. It takes time to work it out and get to a place of acceptance and comfort.

I am thankful for all of God's blessings, especially for the love He allowed Goliath and I to share during the years we had together.

May you be blessed with comfort and love. Hang on to the beautiful memories you and Kandy and Kirby made together, for those memories truly are a God given gift that we have to chersish forever and ever.

I used to feel irritated also until I realized that those people are missing so much. Now I feel sorry for them.

Daisy's Mommy

History shows over and over that there are people who are incapable of loving humans, also.
They will live out their empty miserable lives and suffer more and longer than any of our animal friends.
That is their punishment.
They are not worth knowing, because you cannot teach someone to "Be Human".
Only an animal can do that.

PROOF:
I have a friend who is a successful attorney. We call him "The Reptile". He lived without a shred of human emotions. Everything was lived from a script, from the Brooks Brothers suits onward. He had a prior marriage that failed. We introduced him to a happy lady lawyer with a good disposition, in what we called "Our Lawyer Breeding Experiment".
One day, she brought home a little black kitten, a Bombay.
Despite how he felt, the kittten attached himself to the lawyer...Played with him, chased him, ambushed him from under the bed and from dark corners.
In a while, The Reptile melted. He would be on the floor playing with the cat. The cat moved himself into the bedroom, "Without authorization or invitation". The Reptile trained the cat to fetch, and began to laugh at the cat's capers and tricks.
He developed a warmer personality and sense of humor.
The cat made a human being out of him...a very GOOD Human Being with FEELINGS.
Maybe he always had them, but the cat showed him they were good things to have.

Were it not for the cat, he would have lived on as he always had, an attenuated life in shades of grey. In a sense, the little cat gave him a life he never would have had.

He dd pay terribly in the end, as we all do. They lost their cat after six years, and he had Human Feelings to handle. Yes, they "Hired" two new kittens.

GIBRAN :
...
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. ...

What an amazing story. Sixteen years ago, my dad didn't want any cats. He wasn't a "cat person." But my mom went and got two calico kittens and brought them home anyway. One disappeared a couple of years later (they were outdoor cats during the day), but the other one, Purrina, melted my dad's heart. He was a great guy, not like The Reptile (pre-kitty) by any means, but in a high stress career. I think Purrina probably brought down his blood pressure, and she sat on his lap every evening while he watched the news. He really mellowed out. He passed away suddenly in 2000 which was devastating. That's another forum, though. By a crazy twist of events, I ended up with Purrina and she is so precious to me. As difficult as it has been losing Kirby and Kandy, Purrina is my connection with my dad. She sleeps snuggled up to me every night, purring me to sleep. I can't bear the thought of losing her. I just try now to soak up all of her love and enjoy every moment. I did this with Kirby after Kandy was gone and I'm so thankful.

thanks for sharing this, it is just so beautiful...

This may sound crass, so I apologize in advance!!! LOL!!

Here's what I usually say about/to people who don't have any love or regard for animals:

"When I drive my car and have a choice between hitting a parked car or an animal, I'm hitting the car. If it's a choice between an animal and a pedestrian.... !"

I think you all know who wins on that one!!!

That said, just watch out for me in my Honda, pedestrians!

It's been my experience that people who lack the understanding for love of a animal arent really worth my time or energy.

I could never trust a person who didnt like animals , or one that an animal didnt like
Hugz
Rozlyn

I believe my tagline says it all

Be Well all of you

Mark

I used to think it was how we are raised. But my parents didn't have much time for animals, and my sister hates them. I, on the other hand, adore animals so much that I'm a vegetarian and keep 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds and 3 fish.

I think you're born a certain way, but it can be encouraged. I'm confident that my baby son will love animals given that he is being raised around them.

But if you don't like animals, it won't mean I have no time for you. I just won't understand why.

Some people say "I don't like dogs because a dog bit me once" or "I don't like cats because one scratched me". Why is that? If another human attacked these people, would they turn against all humans for the rest of their lives? No ...

It is so good to be among all of you blessed animal lovers. I used to always believe that devotion to animals was like an awareness-a conscience that certain people are just born with. Certain members of my family had it and I was born with it. Lately, I have been coming across people who were not born with it but had developed it through a special relationship with a furbaby in their lives. My husband is one of those people who was not born with it but who has that awareness now. Trust me, we would not have gotten together otherwise. My husband was always passionate about human rights, though, so that compassion was there and he found that it easily translated into compassion for animals.
So I guess that could be along the same vein. It is that compassion that I can see as being genetically passed down.

I must admit that I do have a hard time with people who are not animal lovers. I try to rise above it and practice forgiveness, as Goliath suggests, but there are times that I am at a loss for words with them. I also have been finding an impatience with them recently since I lost Duffy. I think my grief exacerbates my feelings toward them. I do make it clear in just about every social setting where I stand and I don't care what they think of me for it. In business, this can get tricky but I find that people who don't understand it do respect it most of the times. Hey, they have to choose their battles with me and this is one with which I am unbending.

If someone has never allowed themselves to receive the special unconditional love these babies give us, how could they ever imagine what they are missing?

I have found "natural animal lovers" and met "created animal lovers" and have seen different beginnings leading to the same end...that of a love for these babies and when one then experiences the magic of their unconditional love...well, we just become hooked on that, don't we?

We will never experience that anywhere else in our world because it does not exist anywhere else. What is so special about that unconditional love? I guess that it is "unconditional". They never judge us but accept us as we are, faults and all, because humans are not created as a perfect being. That is something people cannot always do with each other and so we are thankful for the gift of these beautiful babies and why it is so very painful when they are taken away.

So, Sheltiecalicolover, I believe there are many answers to your question and not really one main answer but you are right in surrounding yourself with those who understand what you are going through. I don't think you can as you said..pretend it is not excruciating pain to lose a pet...because deep in your heart you would know it was a pretense and when you truly love these babies..you absolutely cannot avoid that pain no matter what you do. As for those who don't understand..it is better to discuss other matters that they do understand and discuss your pain with those you know understand what you are going through.