Nightmares are very common for me ... sadly. Every week I'll remember at least 4 dire nightmares. And yet I never remember good dreams, which indicates that I don't have any. I don't know why that is.

When Bono died, I suffered many nightmares in the months afterwards. I had serious issues over having him cremated (but I had nowhere to bury him) and I kept dreaming that he was alive when they were burning him over and over ...

I dreamt that he was alive when he was put in the freezer after he was pronounced dead and was yelping to get out but noone could hear him.

Once I even dreamt that it was I who had to cremate him, whilst he was still alive ... And it's this nightmare that I keep having over and over and over. What the Hell is that all about? I'd never hurt my boy!

My dreams were trully horrible. Within months, the bad dreams about Bono stopped ... I was just glad I didn't have those nightmares anymore ... They're the worst ones ...

But in the past couple of weeks, they've started again, the same horrible nightmares of my baby boy suffering. This morning I woke crying, sweating and shivering, and I could see Bono at the side of my bed in the dark room - his white face illuminated, his big sad brown eyes staring right at me ...

But it couldn't have been him. Hes been dead 17 months now ...

What is wrong with me? Why am I having these nightmares again? Has anyone else been through anything like this?

Dear Gillian...........While I can't tell you why your nightmares have returned or for that matter ever occurred at all, I can tell you that you DO have good dreams too. We all dream and rarely does anyone remember them, unless they are very out of the ordinary. There is nothing wrong with you.

Perhaps Bono was there to comfort you after having had a nightmare that was so upsetting for you. If your decision to cremate Bono was what you needed to do, then believe me Bono accepted that too. When we have a loved furrykid who has passed away the deep grief, agony, and emptiness we feel without them is a huge traumatic blow that we are forced to deal with.

I have had only one nightmare since Goliath passed from my arms and into God's loving hands. It was traumatic enough for me that I swore I would never go to sleep again. The anxiety I was feeling regarding his sudden death seemed to never end. Finally, I started exercising during my lunchtime at work and praying for a restful nights sleep. I also found that long hot baths and relaxation exercises helped me a great deal. But most of all what helped was in coming here and letting all my thoughts out to air. Since then I haven't had any more nightmares.

Have faith that this will pass. Express the positive energy you have with all you have in you. Trust that Bono is peaceful in his rest and that one day the two of you will be reunited til the end of eternity.

You will be in my prayers. May you be blessed with peaceful dreams and memories of your precious Bono.

Gillian,

I notice that we are coming up on what should have been your lovely boys 10th birthday. It's wrong that you should not be celebrating that day together. Maybe, you are dreaming that something has gone terribly wrong, that he was cremated alive etc, is a reflection of that.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I've always been subject to bad nightmares myself. I know how real and how troubling they can be. I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna