Hi everyone...

This is my first posting. I wrote a little poem when my beloved Pocus died a year ago, on March 9th... Monday, I lost my CB... at 22, she was the oldest furbaby I ever had. I posted the poem on another pet loss last year, this year, in memory of CB, I wish to share it with all of you.


Grief Is The Price You Pay


Grief is the price you pay when you let yourself fall in love.

Grief is the price you pay as a stabbing pain through your heart and soul.

A void of darkness is all you have left when only the love remains.

This is all that is left behind when grief is the price you pay.


SalemGirl

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry about your loss last year of Pocus and your loss last Monday of CB. I think your poem perfectly captures where we can feel we are when our loss is recent. The words..grief..love..stabbing pain...darkness...have meaning to all of us who have lost our special ones.

I can agree that grief is a price we do ultimately pay for opening our hearts and homes to these furbabies... for their loss, when it comes, will bring us tremendous grief that can overwhelm us.

I would like to post to you a couple of sayings people have written that I found comforting and maybe they will speak to you also in some way.

One "mom" here wrote: The pain of losing him will never ever be bigger than the joy of knowing him.

Another I saw on another forum said: One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from them and then we can ask WHY wouldn't we?

I think we can feel at the time of loss that a void of darkness seems to be all we have left. But in time as we think of the memories we have, sometimes over many years, of health and happiness our babies had, the good memories have their own light that when they are foremost in our thoughts..the darkness cannot penetrate that special light and that helps some healing to begin.

I know all I have left of my 3 furbabies (and others before them) are pictures of them at times of happiness, my love that will always remain in my heart for them,
and the memories I can picture in my mind of them. My last one, Little Guy, who is my avatar...left in Sept 2007. He was the oldest I ever had...16 1/2 years. I had 16 years 4 months of beautiful unconditional love from him and the happiness of having him, of hugging him and of loving him. I had sadness 2 months and of course, the grief came when I lost him. But I would adopt him all over again..and all my others..because once I learned and experienced the unconditional love and happiness these babies so freely give to us....I would not want a home without it.
I always felt that since not everyone can love a furbaby, it may be that our voids are created so that there is room in our heart and home for another..who needs to be loved and love back and who needs a home where they are protected and kept safe.
I would never have known my Little Guy if the ones I had before him had not left.

We know if we had our wish...none of our babies would ever leave us. But something else makes that decision...we have no say when it is time.

Forums like this (and this is my first one) I have found really can make one feel they are not alone in their pain, grief, sorrow and all that comes with it. Knowing there are others here who have been and/or are going through their own tremendous emotions regarding their loss....and seeing what has helped them cope..whether it is posting pictures of their furbabies for all of us to see (which helps us smile), and/or adoption of a new one whose being is a distraction from our sadness.

For the furbabies we lost: we will never stop missing them. we will find at times that tears will overwhelm us. Some will find looking at pictures of these babies when everything was okay comforting. Some will write letters and/or poems to their furbabies. Some will tell stories of things their babies did that made them laugh and make the rest of us join in.

I don't know how old Pocus was but you said CB was 22...I had heard cats could be that old and was hoping my Little Guy would be around another 6 years but it was not meant to be. You must have lots of warm, wonderful memories of both your furbabies and probably lots of pictures. You might try posting some pictures and/or stories of your babies and share them with us. When you feel down...share those feelings also ...the replies you will see will show you how much you are not alone.

Take Care and we hope you will post again soon. After 22 years of having that baby, and less than a week since your loss....you may feel overwhelmed at times by the feelings you are going through. Vent them here or just type and cry if you feel like that...I certainly have done that myself a number of times.

Judy

I am so saddened to hear of your loss of CB this last Monday. It is heartbreaking to say the least when we lose a loved furry kid. You must have taken excellent care of CB for him to have lived such a long life. Your loss of Pocus a year ago coupled with your recent loss of CB must be unbearable for you.

You described perfectly how I felt when I lost my Goliath 4 months ago. I fell into that deep dark hole of saddness and overwhelming grief and despair just as you did. I didn't find this forum until 2 months ago and I am sooooooo happy that I found it. The people here are wonderful and we all will help you through your pain and suffering and you will help others as well.

Goliath was my true blessing in life. LoveThem is so right when she says our loved furry kids leave us so much more than grief. They leave us happy memories of the years we were so lucky to have them. Goliath is a permanent part of me as he continues to live in my heart and in my mind.

As I allow myself to remember all of the happy memories Goliath and I made together, my grief and sadness lessens just a little. So, I continue to come here and find a source of comfort to help me continue on my journey of healing.

Keep coming back and you will find out that this network of loving people make our losses just a little easier to deal with and get to a place where we can remember our furry loves with happiness and joy.

Peace, love, and comfort to you

Thank you, LoveThem and goliath, both for your welcome and your kind words. I knew that those here would understand and hopefully take comfort in my poem.

Sadly, I didn't have CB for all of those 22 years. She was a kitten when she first appeared at my door and I fell in love at first site with her jet black fur, and called her Tabitha. I had her for but a half hour when the phone rang. It was our neighbor across the street. Her husband had thought she was a stray and knew of my love of cats and that she'd have a good home, but the people who had her lost her and were looking for her. I sadly gave her back, but she came over all the time and visited and of course to be fed. Soon, I never saw her anymore and was worried, but she wasn't technically mine, so I was helpless, but never stopped looking for her. About 9 years later, her 'owners' (I use this word loosely) were gone, their apartment was empty and CB was on my porch, holding her left paw up. She came into our house and never once wanted to go back outside. She was now officially mine and I named her CB, short for Cry Baby, because of her loud crying. The vet said that she had probably been hit by a car and the people never took her to a vet, so her paw set like that. He'd have to re-break it and re-set it to fix the leg. Since she would not be going outside and was getting along well with the leg (she semi-walked on it until she got older) there was no reason to put her through that.

Pocus I had from birth, a litter of 6, she and her brother and sisters were born in my living room in 1993. Sadly, all I have left of her is her twin sister, Hocus and Sheba, who is the spitting image of their mother, Baby.

Salem

Salem:

I'm glad to hear you did have CB for the years you did. It sounds like you were meant to be together. I love the names you chose for all your special ones. They make me smile.

You mentioned having Pocus from birth and having a litter born in your home in 1993. My Little Guy was the last of a litter born in my backyard by a feral cat that I was feeding. Mine were born in 1991. I am happy to hear you still have Hocus and Sheba. Oh, I see you mention Hocus was a twin sister. Well, Little Guy was a twin brother.
First time I have seen twins and I loved them. There are a couple of pictures of the twins in Tributes in my topic..Little Guy in Pictures..His brother was named Keeper.
And it really was almost impossible to tell them apart from a distance. Sometimes even up close.

Do you have any pictures of any or all of your little ones? Especially the twins? I would love to see them. I kept 3 babies..the twin boys and their sister, who loved to sit in my lap but really was a "diva". But then the boys were not always nice to her...so she taught them to leave her alone. I lost her in 2006, Keeper in 2002, and my last one, Little Guy in Sept of 2007. He was sick as a kitten but survived a pneumonia and lived to be 16 1/2...the oldest special one I have ever owned. I was hoping he would go into his 20's but that was not meant to be.

They are a joy to have as long as we are allowed and when, one by one, they are taken from us, we experience that piercing pain, one by one.....but I do not regret any I have had and I would do it all over again with each of them if I could.

Take Care and post as you feel. Posting can be a distraction from the distress that can overwhelm us when our loss is so recent, and even when time has passed, we can still be overwhelmed with sadness when we remember what has gone out of our lives.

Judy

You did have CB for all of those 22 years salemgirl. From the very beginning CB stole your heart when she showed up at your door as a kitten. While she was away and you were looking for her she was on your mind and in your heart. Then when she returned holding her paw up at your door, she had returned to her real home, where you took care of her for the rest of her days.

It sounds to me as though the two of you were destined to be together, forever joined by each others hearts.

Hugs