Hi all.

This week my boyfriend and I lost our sweet baby, Toby, to feline leukemia. Out of the blue his disease silently caught up with him. He had been fine up until last week; he seemed very sleepy and was uninterested in his toys. Then by the weekend he was getting worse. He moved around less and less. Monday morning he wouldn't even eat. He cried in pain when I picked him up and when I offered him some of his favorite treats he just looked at me and cried some more. I know in the pit of my stomach that something was very, very wrong. An emergency visit to our vet confirmed it; his spleen was enlarged, his liver wasn't functioning properly, and his white blood cells were a mess. There was no way he would ever get better, or even live comfortably for a while. We loved him so much that we couldn't possibly prolong his suffering. So Eric rushed out of work and together we went to see our baby one more time. Our faces were the last things he saw, our hands stroking him were the last things he felt, our voices professing our love were the last sounds he heard. Even as I write this the tears are starting to stream down my face. Toby was my baby, my little friend. He kept me company on the nights when I was home alone. He would talk my ear off while I prepared dinner. He was the best cat I ever had. I have had, and lost, many cats over the years but I have never bonded with an animal the way I bonded with him. He really did feel like my child. His face was always there to greet me at the door when I came home. He made me laugh with his crazy antics, even if it meant I had to dig "bee mouse" out from underneath the couch a hundred times a night, or that I am left with holes in all the curtains that he tried to climb. He was so attached to me and Eric. Wherever we were, thats where he needed to be. Right in the middle. The apartment feels so much emptier without him. I miss him so much; miss seeing his big amber eyes peeking at me around the bathroom door; miss seeing the flash of his white boots as he tore around the apartment at breakneck speeds. Eric and I had purposely adopted him because of the feline leukemia; we have an older cat that we took in as a stray who ended up being diagnoised with the disease and we wanted her to have a friend. We both knew that with his condition this day would come but we truly felt that we had more time. He was so seemingly healthy. We only had him for seven months, and he was only a little over a year old. He was a beautiful cat with the sweetest, friendliest nature. I can't even really describe how completely broken my heart is. I've been crying for days now and found this site almost by accident but am glad to have discovered it. It's immensely comforting to read everyone's stories and know that there are people what who truly understand how devestating a loss of a pet is. I hope this site can help me work through this terrible loss and that I, in turn, can help others as well.

I'd like to offer my sympathy to you and your boyfriend for the loss of dear sweet Toby. How lucky Toby was to have you as his parent's. I am sorry that he was only with you for a short time. But in that short time he put his pawprint on your heart forever. He made your life joyous and fun with his silly antics. You took him in and gave him the best care a cat could ever hope for. You were strong when his health failed and you comforted him at the end of his life. I know it was hard to tell your story through your tears. But you've come to the best place for comfort during this difficult time. Please share more stories of Toby with us as you feel up to it.

Welcome, mpetrauski. I wish the cir%%stances were different. I am so sorry for the pain you feel with Toby's passing. I feel a kindship with you since you said that you adopted him because of his leukemia.

"Broken" animals have always found me and I have a special place in my heart for them. I found a stray...starving and beaten but because she was a shepard mix, the spca wanted to put her down as unrehab-able. I kept her and healed her health and heart before finding her a loving new family. My Hailey had OCD of her elbow before she was 1. We paid for the very expensive surgery and all the care her life-long arthritis caused. She crossed over this past December at 11. My Comet was diagnosed with kidney failure before he was 4 (kidneyes too small, not sickly) and with a simple diet change, Comet lived until the disease finally claimed him at 11!

I guess I tell you all this because I truly believe that these special animals find special people who will love them, unconditionally, inspite of their illnesses. Because we chose to help them with their burden (instead of the all too common "quick fix" of putting these "problem kids" to sleep) they are blessed with happiness and love in their too short of lives. They HAVE lives because of us! And in return we are blessed with the most special creatues on earth. We get way more than we ever gave them. I know I lost Hailey and Comet earlier than I would have with a healthy dog or cat but I wouldn't trade a minute that I spent with them.

They were lucky to find us but WE were LUCKIER to find THEM.

I'm sorry that you lost Toby too soon. But it sounds like you packed a lifetime of love and memories into the time you had.

My thought and prayers are with you.
((HUGS)))

My heart goes out to you as you mourn the passing of Toby. It is that gut wrenching pain accompanied by anxiety that imobilizes us all at first. Have faith that over time you will find comfort. It is here that we carry each other until we can once again stand on our own. The sharing and caring that goes on in this forum is phenominal.

I completely understand that "special connection" you describe, as my Goliath was truly the best friend I ever had. We understood each other completely. While I miss him each and every day, I will always carry his happy memories with me for the rest of my life. He was, and is, my God given blessing.

When you are ready, tell us more about Toby. Post pictures if you can. You can share anything that you wish here.

Peace, love, and comfort are sent to you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you all for giving me such a warm welcome. That coupled with a bright sunny day here in Philadelphia (finally!) has really helped raise my spirits. Hailey-Comet, I really liked what you said about special animals finding special people and how blessed we are to have them. Eric and I were talking the other night and agreed that maybe our love and acceptance was what helped him live as long as he did. Although I cry thinking about his sweet little face and sorely miss his presence, deep down inside I'm so glad that at least he had 7 months of bliss filled with toys and treats and constant hugs and kisses rather than, at best, life in a cage at rescue group where he never would have really known unconditional love. I keep telling myself over and over that I need to be grateful that I was given the opportunity to release an utterly joyful and loving creature back into the universe. Maybe there's something to be said for taking a forgotten creature and turning it into a gift of love. Maybe giving goodness back to the universe helps balance the world. Perhaps that is the role that all of us are given, without us even knowing it. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own selfish feelings and think, “why did they have to leave us?" but maybe there are greater forces at work, and greater responsibilities for us than we ever realize.