Dear Goliath...........Though it seems like yesterday, tomorrow marks 3 months since you and I parted when you passed away so suddenly and quietly in my arms. The memories we shared are so vivid in my mind and heart when I think about you and the treasure chest that is so full of memories you and I made together.
My soul has reawakened and I can now completely bask in the happiness you and I brought each other. So, if you see me cry.....they are tears of happiness and grat*itude for the love you gave me so freely.
I want you to be happy too Goliath, and I know you want me to be happy, healthy, and to feel alive again. The deep, dark, and empty hole I fell into after you passed away had completely immobilized me for some time and I realized that as long as I stayed there I was not any good to Daddy, Gidget, or myself. But, more importantly, by staying there I wasn't honoring your legacy and what you brought into this world to teach.
The other day, as I looked out the big side window, there was a bright pink reflection across the lake. It looked like a path of bright pink glittery diamonds as it stretched across the lake. I couldn't figure out what the reflection was from. As I turned toward the middle window, I saw another stretch of glittery diamonds and they were bright yellow. The beauty of these reflections peaked my curiosity, so I went to look out the big window in the grate room. Lo and behold there was yet another beautiful display of color stretching across the lake. This one was teal. As I stood there in complete and utter awe, I went upstairs to get Daddy to show him what I was seeing. When I asked Daddy what it was, he said it was you and that you wanted me to smile and be happy again. As we turned toward the window by the woods, we saw a beautiful red fox preparing a den. He was so beautiful with his full, healthy, winter coat as he dug out a den to prepare for the family he will have there come March. The fox had come full circle just as you and I will someday.
I got your message Goliath loud and clear. You were reminding me that we have a treasure chest full of beautiful memories that we filled together. You were also telling me that as long as I stayed in that deep dark place I was missing meaningful opportunities to make new and meaningful memories and that I needed to take in the beauty of this world and to count the blessings you had given me. Even in your death, you managed to find a way to touch me with your love. I only have love left in me to share with the whole world. Once I was able to let go of anger, resentment, and disappointment in others, I felt free and happy again. I couldn't live with myself if you thought that all you left me was deep grief and sorrow, because you left me so much more.
So it is because I love you sooooooooo much that I will always look into our treasure chest when I need comfort. I promise I will not fall back into that deep lonely place again and will open the lid of our chest and savor all the beautiful memories we have shared together. Even in your death you have found a way to reach me and have shown me that your love is neverending. You truly hold the key to my heart.
Thank you Goliath for your message. Ask God to keep my mind, eyes, ears and heart open so that I can fully recognize all the opportunites that are in store for me for the rest of my livng days. It is by staying open and aware of what is going on around me, as well as days gone by, that I can become a better and more loving person.
You have put back the smile on my face, the sparkle in my eyes, and freed the love in my heart for all of God's wondrous and magnificent creations.
I will love you til the day after forever my precious angel. In God's arms is where you belong, if I can't have you mine, because He is the only one that loves you even more than I do. You truly are my blessing and not my loss.
All my love and hugs to you Goliath.........Love Momma