[ANOTHER ONE OF MY OLD POSTS -- THIS ONE MADE AFTER I HAD ADOPTED A COUPLE OF LITTLE DOGS FROM THE SHELTER, AND ONE OF THEM KILLED MY LITTLE BIRD BABE]

Sorry, Another bad, bad post. I feel like I am surely dying here -- and not slowly. No peace still in my heart, and no peace in my home. The puppy is driving me absolutely mad. I have done nothing that I want to do in the last several days I've been off. I have arranged and re-arranged furniture. I have moved things high up, and he still finds something to ruin. He won't leave the other dog alone, and he won't leave me alone.

I just came in from going out and trying to take a break -- watering plants, which I love to do. Then again I come into another mess and a dog that won't stop.

I was trying to do the right thing. I know I must be focussing on the bad. I am so up and then so down. I wanted so to work on my list of dangers and the poems. I wanted to sit in the shade, lie in a pool for half an hour.

I seem to be encountering pain everywhere I go. Today I went out to get something to bring home to eat. There were two little dogs in the middle of the street -- long haired, precious little Laso's or something (don't know how to spell that). I knocked on a door and said these dogs are in the street -- are they yours -- they are going to get run over. One of the dogs had walked up with me and she let him in the house, said thank you and shut the door. The other little dog was still in the middle of the street. I went and picked him up and knocked on the door again. She said, "will you put him down right here? I don't touch them. They are my daughter's dogs. I don't like dogs."

The world seems cruel and heartless and apathetic. Who I am to help? How can there possibly be enough people to help and how can we stand it trying to take this horrible mess on our shoulders? One lesson I have learned is how overwhelmed all the people are who are trying to make a difference in the lives of animals. And see, just like what happened to Babe, you try to do good and right, and then you are just bombarded with all sorts of bad things. And yes, I am feeling awfully sorry for myself, for everyone, for the world, for God even. This place is such a mess. I feel like giving up. I am so, so tired. I miss my babies. I miss my old friends, Hannah and Babe. I know, once again, poor poor pitiful me, but I am sorry, I am just so despondent, feeling so inadequate, so alone again.

I always wanted so to be a bright light, a beacon in the night, a helper, a friend, but I guess I'm just not. I apparently don't have it in me to be consistent.

I did look into the sky while I was outside. I heard a little bird, and I said, "Hey Babe, Hannah, Ginger, Luba, Little Girl, and all your babies, and all the babies and friends and relatives I've lost. Thank you people. Please don't misunderstand me. I am just lost right now -- so lost. Just a really, really bad day -- just a really, really bad attitude, I know. Lord, I shouldn't even post this, but I'm going to. I think I sound like a really crazy person, and I feel like it right now. Lost, lost, lost -- wondering why everything seems so sad and hurtful and why I can't see the good -- in my heart, I know it's there, but I am blinded somehow by something. I don't know what in the world I'm supposed to do. I don't know what is happening here.

Let me tell you something Baby Hannah's Mom- I love you and I just want you to know that for whatever it means-you have helped me in my healing just like so many others here- you have such a warm and tender heart. I've learned that no matter how many times I stop on the side of the road to buy a hungry little kitty or dog some food that there will always be another one out there starving or hurt, or needing love. But I am only 1 person, and so are you and there is only so much we can do for all those babies, but it's just never enough. If only everybody loved their babies like we do the world would be a totally different place. And I'm soo sorry about babe and hannah and all your other babies that you've lost in the past, but God Loves us and you can never ever ever give up hope -especially in him and when you need him most of all. He will help you through anything. Psalm3:2,3 God Bless you and may your babies (and mine ) rest in peace.
Rebecca Frederick

Dear Baby Hannah's mom,
You are not alone. We all care very much about you and what you are going through. I wanted to let you know that you have helped me many times while I've been dealing with the loss of my Jordan. I hope that you can help yourself as I am worried about you. Please take care.
We all love you.
Love,
Jordan's mom

I so thank you with all my heart. I know you are right. I will read the Psalm tonight before I go to bed. You understand so much what I feel, and that helps a lot. I talked to my brother tonight for a long time, and he essentially said the same thing. Thank you for your love and care -- thank you because it means so much to me to read your understanding, supportive responses before I lay myself down to go to sleep tonight. I pray for a better tomorrow for us all. I pray, that even though we are in the scheme of things and the size of this world, a very strong, caring group of people, and somehow we will be able to make this world a better place. I pray that I will come to understand that I cannot do it all, and that if I keep on feeling the "burden" of every hurt I see, I will be paralyzed and unable to help at all.

I thank you and I thank my dear brother for helping me get through this overwhelming sadness and helplessness I have felt today.
Love,
Marcia
Little Baby Hannah's Mom
and
Beautiful Precious Songbird Babe's Mom
How I wish I could hold my babies tonight! I know you know that feeling too.

Dear Sweet Marcia:

I just read your post from earlier this evening (7:52pm), and I am very sad that you are sooooo sad!!

You stated that you "so want to be a bright light, a beacon in the night, a helper, a friend............."

What do you think you are to everyone here at LS????????

It's my feeling that YOU ARE THAT AND SOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY MUCH MORE, MY DEAR FRIEND.....

Rebecca stated that "I am only one person, and so are you".........and, "so am I"....
In this mixed up world of approximately 6 - 7 billion people!!!! 6 - 7 BILLION!!!! WHAT A NUMBER!!!!!

IF YOU HELP ONE PERSON IN THIS LIFETIME, THEN, I THINK, YOU ARE THE RICHEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!

I am ecstatic that you and your brother spoke on the phone for a good long time tonight..... That made me very happy to hear, Marcia!!!

I was much happier to read your second post, my friend.......

Tomorrow WILL BE A BETTER DAY FOR YOU......I am praying for that to happen!!

*******Your quote****** "I PRAY THAT I WILL COME TO UNDERSTAND THAT I CANNOT DO IT ALL, AND THAT IF I KEEP ON FEELING THE "BURDEN" OF EVERY HURT I SEE, I WILL BE PARALYZED AND UNABLE TO HELP AT ALL".....

May, I reply, "Amen".... Your quote is actually something wonderful that we should all say at night - I will.....
And, I thank you for that!!!!

Baby Hannah and Babe......They will ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, MARCIA!!!

As Kathy always says, "they are in 'bliss' right now..........No time/space".... And, after we all have lived the wonderful and beautiful lives that God has given us, we will then be re-united with our families......
Hannah wants that for you, as does 'lil Babe!!!!!!

Please, you have to believe that Marcia!!!!!


YOU ARE A VERY, VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO LIGHTNING STRIKES, MARCIA.....
YOU HAVE HELPED ME, AND YOU HAVE HELPED SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY COUNTLESS OTHERS ON THIS SITE.....

THERE ARE A GREAT NUMBER OF PEOPLE, WHO "HAVE LOST THEIR BELOVED FURBABIES, (FEATHERED, SCALY, ETC....), BUT DO NOT YET FEEL LIKE THEY CAN COME ON AND TALK ABOUT THEIR LOSS".

BUT, THEY DO READ ALL OF OUR POSTS.....

AND, THEY HAVE READ YOURS..........

You have helped soooooo many people; countless others who "check this site"......
And, that's one of the greatest gifts..........

"To be able to help others in their time of need".

You do that, Marcia!!!!

Goodnight & God Bless you!!!

I wish you only Peace

Love, Denise

I wish you peace, too. You have had a huge impact on a lot of people, just like the other posters have said. You are here for everyone new to the board, and it means a lot.

I am sorry about the stupid woman with the two dogs. She sounds like a real jerk and it is a shame that her attitude brought you down further.

I believe that Babe and Hannah are in a much better place than we are. I am sure that they don't want you to be distressed. They didn't want to leave you, but have been freed into the realm of spirit. I am sure they are still with you.

As for the new pup, I think we forget how much energy they have and what puppies are truly like. I know that I had senior cats for years and when I got a young cat after 20 year old Carmen went to the Bridge, I had forgotten what young cats were like. It was hard to keep from getting frustrated with the plants ripped up, things knocked off the counter and broken, shredded 33hose and scratched hands, etc., but I tried to find joy in the fact that a paper bag was a marvellous toy and the two eyes peering at me from under a cushion on the couch. I think I also resented that she wasn't the "right cat". However, after three years, she has settled down and we have bonded. No, she isn't Carmen, but has become another "right cat".

Give yourself more time to bond with this new doggie and cut yourself some slack for feeling dismay at the antics. Don't feel guilt for not having a bond happening now - this is very early in the relationship with the two new dogs - it takes a while to form any real attachment to them. You are probably taking good care of them, even though you feel like you are just going through the motions. You are in the middle of grief again and nothing is easy now. Be good to yourself and be patient with yourself. Be as good to yourself as you have been to many of us on the board. Because you deserve it.

dee dee

You have a right to be hurt, sad, depressed, angry, lost and guilty. You have a right to share those feelings with us and vent, vent, vent until you can't vent anymore.

Puppies are exhausting. So try to play with him until you are exhausted. Just look at the puppy - surely you can see how ridiculous and silly they are. He doesn't know you are grieving and he's all wrapped up in puppy mind-set "play with me, feed me, piddle, play with me more".

We can learn a lot from a puppy. Sometimes all we learn is to stop thinking and play. Even when we're crying, laughter is only an inch away.

Hi Marcia, I hope you are feeling better today.
Hats off to you Marcia for all your attempts to rescue the innocent and defenseless ones.
Your great big heart is why you have two dogs instead of one. As you told me over the phone it was probably too early for such an undertaking. But even after you lost your bird you didn't pack them up and take them back. That sure speaks to your strength and moxie. You've hit a bump in the road but your tenacity is showing. Others in your place might have taken one or both of them back a week ago..you didn't. You have to give yourself alot of credit for hanging in there and toughing out these difficult times. I admire you. You are doing the best you can!

Thanks again so much -- each and every one of you. YES, today was a much better day. I had to go to work at 2 pm, and got out a little early. When I got home about 8:30, the only thing the little rascal Max had gotten into today were some coffee filters and an empty milk carton I use to water my plants! The two of them greeted me with much enthusiasm and have already quieted down. Thank goodness!

Your support, your praise, your belief in me, and all your understanding mean so very much to me. Thank you once again. You all know me pretty well now! I do get emotional, that's for sure. I'm going to keep trying to do my best. Big hugs and lots of love from me to all of you! Special thanks to my friend Patti for supporting me and talking me through this on the phone last night. Bless all your kind, loving hearts.

Love,
Marcia

Dearest Marcia:

I was soooo happy to read your post from this evening!!!!

God Bless you Always, my friend!!!

I am very happy to hear that today was a better day for you AND, that you got to leave work a little early!!!
(that's always fun!)

I forget what it's like to have a kitten, since Ben & I adopted two "older kitties".......
Ernestine was a kitten, way back in April, 1984......and, I was much younger then....
So, I can only imagine the energy that your little Max has!!

They missed their mom.......they love you....And, it's a beautiful love....
Something so very "unconditional"!!!! Our babies never ask much in return at all.. Just some food, water and
a little attention....

Just to quote DJ..........."surely you can see how ridiculous and silly they are"....
And, God, that's soooooooo true....
Just like a little toddler!!!

I am so very happy that you and Patti spoke last evening...... I was very worried about you....but....something told
me that Patti was going to be there for you....and, I was ecstatic to hear that...
God Bless you both!!!

Patti said something once, in one of her posts, and I definitely cannot quote her exactly....but, perhaps she can
say it again for all of us....because, I found it to be extremely helpful....
It was something about why we, humans live a long life (in terms of years), and our little animal families live their
lives; whether it be 1 year or 20 years.....

Patti said it was that "we are learning a lesson..." Or, something like that.... But, what she said really "sounded sooo perfect......The way "it" was "meant to be"".....

Patti, I know that what I wrote isn't exactly what you said, but, I would absolutely love it if you would write it out for
us again..................I tried to look in your older posts, but I probably didn't go back far enough.... I'm sorry.

I am very happy that you are better today..... It is so hard, with the highs and the lows............ But, one day, the highs will definitely outweigh the lows; and you will smile so much more than you have tears.....

Hannah and Babe, they are always within your heart and soul.... They haven't "gone anywhere"..... Physically, yes, but in Spirit, Hannah and Babe are in every single beautiful thing in this world that you see!!!!

May Peace be always with you, Marcia, and with all of my friends on LS......

If you are reading our posts, but not yet posting yourself, please know that our love and prayers are with you as well. One day, when you feel the time is right, we would all be happy to hear your story......... We are all a big, wonderful family, who care desperately about one another....And, we care about you"....

Goodnight & God Bless you, Marcia!

Love, Denise

Hi,
I've been having a couple of rough days as well...
Sending my prayers and love.
We're all in good hands here. Compassion reigns. We'll be talking more about what we can do to help in this cruel world.

Hey Marcia,

I'm glad that you are feeling better.

Isn't it something how are emotions can be so varied from day to day, as we go through the grieving process. I'm the same way.

Oh, and thank you for saying "Hi" to my Luba when you heard the little bird the other day.

Denise--I can only guess I was repeating what I heard a young man say: That a pet's life seems abbreviated because it is not as long as ours, but if our domestic pet's life and our life matched year for year we would never absorb the lesson. The lesson is that animals never place conditions and restrictions on love. His idea is that animals were given to us to teach us to try to love one another with the same unwavering devotion and unconditional love that our pets lavish upon us.

nice idea....isn't it! ?

Marcia! glad you are feeling some better--whenever I talk with you I feel better so if I can do the same for you that makes me glad!

Dear Patti:


THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

Yes, it is a great idea!!!!!!

I think that is was definitely worth repeating, and I appreciate it very much, that you did!!!

God Bless you,

Love, Denise

you're very welcome Denise


The boy who is credited with this "idea" had some sort of terminal illness and I think he has since died. He was on a program like 48 hours or something. He was about 11.


incidentally, I thought what you wrote (to anyone who is reading and not posting--)
was very thoughtful!

Marcia, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for the comfort you have given me and please, be gentle with yourself.