Hi All, I'm new to this board but I'm very glad I found it. Part of me has died. We had to say good-bye to our beautiful black lab, Hailey, 2 days after Christmas. I miss her so much!

My animals are as much my kids as my 2-legged kids are! Actually, Hailey was around before any of them.

As a puppy, Hailey was misdiagnosed with Pano. So, she was almost 1 before we found out that she had OCD (elbow malformation). She underwent corrective surgery but the damage had been done...she already had arthritis in both front legs.

Hailey never let it stop her. I think because she always had pain, it was just a part of her. She loved running, jumping, swimming. She'd take breaks when she needed to, but she never let the pain win.

Afew years ago, Hailey developed a tumor on her back leg. The Vet was sure it was cancerous so we had it removed immediately. Our prayers were answered...it was benign but the incision was painful and she started favoring that leg.

My poor girl. Her hips started to displace and she was in constant pain. Last year we changed her pain meds to a narcotic but after a few months she went into a seizure. He liver was failing from a lifetime of meds.

She slowed down alot. She would still try to play. But she would have to stop after 2 or three minutes.

We noticed that she needed help to get up on the bed. She'd only come upstairs at night and she started to trip down the stairs in the morning. In December, she stopped coming up at all. Actually, she rearly left the kitchen (food, water and back door). She could barely walk. She started having accidents. Hailey was such a proud dog. How it devistated me to see her laying in her own urine. That was the week before Christmas.

Here's the part I can't forgive myself for...I always promised my pets that when they were at a point where they lost the will to live or if they were suffering, I would be strong and selfless and free them from the earthly imprisonment. But I have 3 kids (8,6 &4) and they adored her. Plus Christmas is still magical for them. I was scared that if Hailey died before Christmas, it would always cloud their Christmas' in the future. I was selfish for my kids. A week and a half of misery for my baby. How do I forgive myself?

Two day after Christmas we all took her to the vet. We all said good-bye. The kids played in the waiting room and my husband & I stayed with her until the end. I see her everywhere I look. I hear her bark. I miss her. I miss her unconditional love and support.

Please help. When will I be able to look at her picture and not have my heart shatter?

Best Wishes,
Kelly

When we lose someone we love it is very difficult to accept and get used to their absence. By allowing ourselves to grieve and share our memories we are led toward a healthy path of healing.

Since we are all different, it varies how long a time it may take to accept and move on inspite of our losses.

I can only tell you to keep coming here and and telling us about Hailey.

The more I was able to share with others the more comforted I began to feel. The heart renching pain and sorrow you describe gets less over time. However, the missing part never ends. My baby boy, Goliath, died very suddenly this last November. While he was living he was always by my side or at my heels. In death he is always on my mind and forever in my heart.

Thank you for coming and sharing your story. Peace, comfort, and love to you and yours.

[COLOR=purple]Dear Goliath,
Thank you for the kind words. I am likewise very sorry for your loss.
I'm glad I found this site. It's nice to find people who share so much with me.
Best Wishes,
Kelly

Kelly, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your beautiful lab Hailey. I can tell she had a very special place in your family. She sounds like the typical lab...going strong despite the health set backs. She loved her family and that is what kept her going. Just remember that you did alot for her to make her comfortable through her health issues. It's so hard when our babies start to change their little habits...such as not coming into the bedroom etc. I believe they are starting to pull away from us to make it easier for us when they leave. Although it is never easy to adjust with life without them.

I lost my white lab Lizzy this past Oct. from a malignant tumor that was inoperable. She was only 9. She truly loved life and was the picture of health for so long. She played like a pup and no one could believe she had cancer. I made sure every day was special for her. The cancer spread in a matter of a day and I had to put her to sleep. Even at the end she was strong and I knew she had to leave....didn't want to.....but had to. I cried alot and was so heartbroken. But then I realized how Liz never wanted to see me cry. Soon I began to look at her picture and feel her strength. I'll never stop missing her and hate to think of the day we had to say goodbye. Instead I want to celebrate her life and remember all that she taught me.

I so have another lab Elly who was Lizzy's best friend. We were both so lost without Liz. So, we just adopted a precious little white lab puppy. She's only been with us a week but has brought such joy into the house again. She's sweet but has a bossy side...just like my Lizzy.

Time will heal your pain and the happy memories of Hailey will help you alot.

Dear LuvLabs,
I am so sorry to hear about Lizzy. She sounds wonderful! I, too, am a lab lover and still have a yellow lab, Orion. Hailey was 11 and Orion is 9. But Orion has been blessed with good health. She's had a few lipomas removed and one looked bad, but it turned out to be benign and Orion is fine. Actually, you'd never guess that she's 9. She still runs and jumps like a pup. She will even jump, "superdog style", into our above ground pool to do a few laps!
I'm glad to hear that you have Elle and your puppy for comfort.
We sure are blessed with the animals in our lives!
-Kelly

welcome to the site, glad you were able to make it in.

I am so sorry to hear about Hailey. I had a Black lab growing up and they are such great dogs. I lost my kitty Bonny on Christmas Eve and I was out of town. My petsitter took her to the vet. I feel terrible that I was not with her. I also feel like I probably should have taken her sooner. She just never let on that she was suffering. She was eating and acting normal, she was just losing so much weight.

Just know that you gave Hailey a loving home and that she knows that. I believe that animals have souls and they are still with us. Losing a loved one around the holidays is very difficult. Time does seem to ease the pain, but I know that I will carry my sorrow for a while. In the meantime, cry as much as you need to and write often to help from keep things bottled up. It does help.

Bonny'sMom

Dear MD Cohn & Bonny's Mom,
Thank you for the welcome and the kind words. I'm sorry for the loss of your dear Bonny. I lost my beautiful Comet kitty in 1/06. It was also "sudden" (he was sick for most of his life but I didn't know the end was so near.) He was my miracle kitty.
Best wishes,
Kelly

I am so sorry about Hailey and Comet. I'm glad you posted their pictures.

You asked when would you be able to look at her picture and not have your heart shatter. The closest I can come to an answer to that is to say...when you have replaced your sad memories with the good and happy memories of both of them...which looking at your pictures can help you to do.

It takes time and the amount of time is different for everyone..even though we share the same intensity of pain.

You will be able to look at a picture and smile at her and talk to her and feel her in your heart answering by looking in her eyes. The more often you are able to replace your tears with smiles of what was....the sooner you will start toward the answer to your question.

Take Care and post and share pictures, thoughts, stories, as often as you wish to.

We can share pain together and we can share healing together also.

Thank you, Love them! I look forward to the times you mention. My favorite picture of Hailey is my Avatar. She's so young and healthy. Plus, it looks like she's smiling! Right now I cry when I look in those dancing eyes. I miss her so much.

I'm so sorry about Hailey, Kelly. I bet she even understood why you waited - Christmas is such a special time, and animals can feel the specialness, they know something out of the ordinary is going on. I bet she wouldn't have had it any other way. My heart goes out to you.

Talk to Hailey all you want to in your heart in those moments when you're missing her especially. She listens. She knows.

-Michelle K.

What beautiful babies! Your pictures are just so sweet. I am so sorry for your losses of Hailey and Comet. I just wanted to stop by to pay my respect to them and to offer you my sympathy. I understand what you are going through.