I lost my son Louis last year. He was my life. He had to be put down as he attacked someone. It broke my heart as he just thought his Mummy needed protection. He was so sweet. I had to be sedated at the time. He was so happy to see me but I was taking him to the vet. I failed my son. I have nightmares almost every night about him. I feel like when he left he took a part of me with him. No one understands me. No one understands my pain. I sometimes consider ending my life just to stop this terrible pain and distress and so I can see him again.

Alysse,

I'm so sorry...I'm devastated for you. I haven't exactly been in your shoes, but I have had several dogs who had the potential. So, I do think I can imagine how you feel. Having said that, I'm going to be stern with you... You owe it to Louis and to yourself to find some way to live so as to justify his devotion, and his sacrifice.

Your sweet Louis was courageous...it's time you were. I know from my own experience that the kind hearts of this forum can help you.

Meanwhile, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dayna

Dear Alysse, my heart goes out to you. I have no doubt that Louis was your son, and that just seeing him again is what you most want. I can darn well imagine how it makes you feel more that way when those around you are discounting your feelings After all is said and done, basically, it seems that most other humans around us would prefer us to feel nothing rather than see us feel this kind of pain, if our pain is for an animal, no matter how much we love, they discount it and expect the same from us ... Yet it is through this pain, this horrible great big room of pain that we continue to love our soulmate. We continue to love and in so doing we honour and devote ourselves to the one that those around us simply want us to forget Dedicate your life for that love. Grieve him fully as you must do. I know how you must want to join him, in this, I think you also want to find and protect him from his so sad end. Your poor darling Louis was misunderstood by all others only YOU knew him and understood him and only your love was the best for him, if you leave this earth before your time you won't be able to make something out of this, you must stay and do hommage to him, Louis will guide you, believe this because he will. Know that you will be with Louis again, but that life here on earth is a relative instant, a nano second into eternity. Make use of it for Louis. Dedicate the rest of your life to his memory. It is here that you must show what Louis really was, while you can. You may do it with your memories and stories of you and Louis, for others to hear, and others to know. If all this sounds so difficult, know that it will ease up somewhat. Perhaps even at one point you will decide to give another little soul a chance, although this is not something that most of us can do too soon, but at one point, you may want to have someone join you in your misery and each one of you will bring comfort and consolation to each other; no promises of love , just doing what one can to soothe. Meanwhile please go on, being Louis' torch, lighting his way into your great big heart, sending him your warmth and light, let your heart call out ll to Louis so that his little soul can find shelter in you, in your own soul in your heart. Be that mom for Louis, be that witness for the world to see what a grand soul Louis was and that he can be found within you. When people see the beauty of you, they will see Louis's own touch in there too. Take care, try to keep that love growing, their bodies may be gone but the love is still there to live in, and take comfort from.

we can we must rally together, please join us on this board and let out your sadness and loneliness for Louis where you are well understood.

Alysse, It is horrible to lose a loved pet, through illness or an accident, but to have to have a healthy pet put down under those conditions would be horrendous, no wonder you feel bad.
You must spend as much time at this site as you possibly can, and get lots of support from the wonderful people here, who are so ready to help you, as they have helped me since I joined recently.
You didn't say how long ago this occurred, but you are still traumatized by what happened.
I don't know if you have heard about it, but there is a very good self healing technique available called Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT for short. It is a series of tapping on yourself, while saying something like; 'Even though I feel so guilty for having to put Louis down, I deeply and completely accept myself' or "Even though I feel like ending my life, I deeply and completely accept myself. That is the first bit of the technique, and it is all very easy to learn, and you can do it in minutes, anywhere, at any time.
The web site is www.emofree.com and you can learn the basic technique for nothing, from that site.
It is based on the energy systems in the body getting blocked up when we have stress or trauma etc. in ours lives, and the tapping while saying the words unblocks this energy.
I use it all the time, when I am under stress, sometimes I don't even have to tap, just repeating the words will do it. It is very good at bedtime, if you have difficulty sleeping, because you keep thinking about what happened. I often fall asleep while saying the words, and just imagining the tapping.

This site, and EFT, has helped so much since I lost my Mr Kat four days ago, I was a blubbering mess when it first happened.

Please, if you don't already know about EFT, give it a try, you must try to resolve your feelings of despair, even if you think it's impossible at the moment.
I feel for you, and will be thinking of you.
Katlin48

Alysse,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Louis. I know what you are going through. The pain is almost unbearable at the beginning; but it does lighten up and then you start to feel like a human again. It must be absolutely devastating to go through what you went through. You need a lot of support right now and this is one place to get it. What I have find with losing my daughter Bonny is that I have to cry alot. I find that whenever I write a post I cry some more. That is where the healing occurs. Through the tears the healing will slowly come. Please know you are not alone. We are here for you. You are a precious and wonderful soul and your life means a lot. Louis wants you to live and maybe even save another life. Give yourself time to heal and be good to yourself. Please come back to this site often as it really does help.

God Bless You,

Bonny'sMom

I am so sorry for your loss of Louis, I know how hard it is. I've cried my eyes out since we lost our Burt a little over a week ago. I am physically at work, but he is on my mind all the time. I just hope that time will ease your pain. Our furkids will be in our hearts forever.
I wish you well
Senka

i'm so sorry.