We are so heart broken since Sunday when we learned that our beloved cat Burt passed away. We went on a ski vacation to Lake Tahoe and on the way back received a call from petsitter that she found him dead that morning in his box. I was in absolute shock, started crying, could't stop, it was horrible. We left on December 26, Burt was fine, a little sad but o.k. We found this petsitter who made us sign all kind of agreements, and she seemed professional, recommended to me from a reliable source. She said that she will leave a report card for each day. We don't know what happened. On the checklist it seemed that she did everything except giving him treats, which we specifically asked for and made a big deal of, since he was used to that every day. He is just gone, and it is so hard to believe. My husband had him for 8 years, got him when he was very little. We could have never expected this, he wasn't that old. We had a funeral for him on New Year's Eve in Victorville in my husbands parents' garden. It was a very sad ceremony, but we are glad we know where he is. We marked his little grave with Love and Peace Christmas ornaments, and lit a candle.
The only thing we noticed lately, was that it took him a little longer to eat if we offered him a little bit of fish or something, and he would have a bit of a gag reflex before eating, but we didn't think it is anything serious. Scott said that a couple of days before we left Burt was trying to jump on the couch, but missed it, but at the time we didn't think it's a big deal. Anyone knows what any of these symptoms could have indicated?
We are so sad, it's hard to put in words. We just hope he is o.k.
Our hearts go out to all of you who lost their beloved pets.

Senka and Scott

My sympathies to you and your husband, this sudden loss must be very hard on you both. My soulmate cat who I lost had problems getting on the couch and we thought it was arthritis because he was getting old at thirteen but these were signs of diabetes. The problem with cats, even those who we live with and sleep with, is that they really hide their symptoms so well, they are so clever at masking them, by the time the problems come out they are worse than full fledged. I'm very sorry for the pain you are going through, it will get better, whatever you do please don't blame yourself, I have a feeling that these things are completely beyond our control and that whatever one does, one would want to have done otherwise but there is no going around the ugly reality that life ends in death. Take care. It will become easier with time.

I am truly sorry for your sudden loss. Toonie is right. Cats really do hide symptoms until they suddenly collapse. The signs are very subtle and it is easy to write them off as clumsiness or other simple answers. When Casper had his brain tumor the only way I picked up on it was I saw his pupils looked dialated. Otherwise we would have never known until he died. Unfortunately knowing and getting treatment didn't help in his case.

Take care and may time heal your wounds.

Ken Albin

I am so sorry for your loss. When I lost my Big Guy 7 years ago, I was devestated for months. The pain is horrible, I know. I wish I could say something to make it better for you.

Thanks for your replies!

A couple more things we noticed thinking back on his recent behavior changes:
- stayed in his box ( secret hide out bed in the closet ) longer than usual through the day, and slower to come greet us at the door.

- we played with him with a feather toy on a string attached to a stick, like fishing with your kitty, he some times would lose track of the feather thing if you changed direction quickly... this was something new, usually he tracked it very well and quickly.

- when given some human food, he'd have to smell it 3-4 times before he'd try it... though tuna was an instantly recognized treat.

- once in a while at night it looked as if one eye was slightly more dialated than the other - this has been off and on for a longer time.

None of these things by themselves really raised alarms for us about his health...

Any other thoughts you may have concerning these symptoms would be appreciated. I'm thinking something with his brain, seizure, stroke/aneurism...

Even our new pet sitter really thought he looked and acted quite healthy just the day before

Scott & Senka

I am so sorry for your loss of Burt! It hurts me so much that the loss of our sweet angels happens and I figure that it is just "life" but it hurts so much-I know! I guess we all do. Please feel free to share and please know that we understand!

Scott and Senka,

I am so sorry about Burt. He is so cute in his picture. I also lost my cat Bonny on Christmas Eve when I was out of town. The petsitter called me and told me that she needed to take Bonny to the vet and the next day they called me and said she was crashing. I never heard that term before but I think it's really not good. She had been losing weight and I knew she was very ill, but it doesn't make it any easier. I felt so guilty that it happened when I was away. It was suggested to me by other forum members that sometimes our babies choose when we are away. Maybe it is easier for them when we are not there to let go. I am struggling emotionally. I cry everyday. Please cry a lot, the tears actually do help. Once I start it seems I just go and go. My heart goes out to you because I was also in your shoes and it hurts so much. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Bonny's Mom

Hi Bonny's mom,
Thank you for your support, and we are also very, very sorry for loss of your Bonny. We know exactly how you feel and are going through the same thing. Burt was our baby, and now he is gone so suddenly. The moment I picked the phone and got the news was so horrible, I couldnt' stop crying. It was such a shock.
I hope the time will ease the pain for all of us.
Keep in touch and also let su know how are you doing.
Senka

When I read your story the other day, I just didn't know what to say. What a terrible shock to have happen. I am so sorry for your loss and I still can't think of words that would help. I did lose my Little Guy in September and last year I lost his sister. She seems to be getting a cognitive disorder. Similar to some of what you said...she was starting to misjudge jumping up on the couch and would miss it the first time. We believe she got dementia cause she forgot where to do her business and started having problems in that area.

I have read as cats get older they lose some of their sense of smell and that's why their appet*ite changes. It's said to get them real smelly food at that time so they will eat.

It sounds like you noticed other things that had changed...but it doesn't sound like anything would have been a clue for you or a vet. I have come to believe that when they are going to be taken away from us...we really will not have a choice to save them. It is a painful loss and so difficult to bear, especially when there is a Holiday which is supposed to be a happy time but then again, I think the choice will not be ours to make.

We can only appreciate the time we are given for them to spend with us. I'm glad you were given a number of years to receive that beautiful unconditional love.

Scott and Senka, I am so sorry to hear of Burt's passing. Our four leggeds are truly family and I too know of losing them. We never understand why and we will always wonder. They are so innocent and without sin it is just not fair. I wish I could do something to help aside from my feeble words to bring comfort. In my case, when my Tigerpaws went to the bridge, I knew two things. One, a new kitty would come to me when it was time and Tiger would not want me to go on without another cat to love. Lily came to me about a month after Tiger's passing. I wasn't sure if I was ready but in thinking about it my readiness wasn't important. It was her time to come to me, and that has made all the difference.
I wish you well

Mark

Thanks to all of you for your replies and kind words of comfort. It means a lot. I haven't even known how much I love Burt until he was gone. He was Scott's cat, I joined in their world when Scott and I got married in 2006. Burt was always more affectionate with Scott, didn't let me pet him much, but I always tried, played with him, gave him treats. And now that he is gone, this pain is so horrible, I have meltdowns through the day, can't sleep much, he is on my mind all the time. Everyone is telling me that we should adopt a new cat, but I don't know, it is so hard to go through pain of losing them. Scott is open to the idea to get a new pet, I think it's too soon.
I hope Burt is o.k. at the Bridge, he is all I can think about.
Senka

I understand where Scott is coming from. I lost my Little Guy in September and as time passed and especially the Holidays, I realized I did not want the house to feel empty anymore. My husband said he wanted me to do what made me happy and I went looking and felt I bonded, brought this new one home from a shelter, and he is all over the both of us all the time. He looks very close to my baby and when I see him lie by a window looking out, it just feels right.

He is not a replacement as that can never be but he is one who really needed love and a home and by our baby being taken from us....we have an opening and a need.

It really has helped me a lot ...the distraction keeps the sadness from being 24/7.

We each decide what we are comfortable doing...maybe my story helps you.

Hi Lovethem,

I like what you said, and am a little more opened about adopting a new kitty when the time is right. It is still so early, we had a really rough weekend, I cried, and we talked about Burt almost all the time. It is hard to do anything else, everything around us remind us of him. I guess we'll have to take a day at the time. I just hope that he is o.k.
Senka

Scott and Senka, I hope you don't think I meant do not grieve your loss, by all means you must. When I said when the time is right I meant that it may be the right time for a little one to come to you, meaning the little one's time. They are in my mind the reason we exist and their time is what I think is most important. But yet you must be willing.

Be Well

Mark

Senka,

I hope you are doing better today. I'm getting stronger but I also have meltdowns. When I have a meltdown it just takes over and I can't stop crying. This weekend I went to PetSmart and looked at adoptable kitties. One the way home I found the local animal shelter. It was weird. I decided to go down a different street and there it was. I had no idea. I feel that I was led to it. Bonny came from the animal shelter and had only three days left. Now I know that I am supposed to adopt a cat from that animal shelter. There are two that I like a lot and now I am confused because I was only planning to adopt one. I have one adult kitty at home. I don't feel guilty about planning to adopt early because I know that a kitty adopted is a life saved and Bonny would have agreed. But now I'm confused because I've never owned three cats; only two at a time.

You'll know when the time is right. Take care and keep coming back and writing posts. I have found that through support each other we help each other heal from our devastating losses.

Bonny'sMom

Senka & Scott,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Burt. I am sure this is much harder for you since you were not at home. I was a pet sitter for many years. And one time I did have to take a client's pet in to be put down. The dog had not been doing well and the vet did not tell the folks that the dog had cancer. I remember how hard it was for the client's to come home from their trip.

With certain illness's the symptoms often take a quick turn. Also our pet's do hide health problems very well. A vet once told me this is a survival instinct.

As far as adopting a cat I think you will both know when the time is right. If you feel it is too soon...wait. You want to be able to give all of your attention to the new baby.

I just adopted a lab pup and she looks alot like my Lizzy when she was little. Although she is not a replacement for Liz she has brought joy back into my life. She was the last in the litter to find a home and I fell in love at first site.

Just take one day at a time and cry and talk about your beloved Burt. There are alot of caring people here that will help you through the pain.

Thank you all for your support through this time, it means so much that someone can relate and understand. I had another big meltdown last night, I cried my eyes out. I am getting ready to go to work, I hope I'll survive another day....

Luvlabs, yes, you are right, it made it so much harder we were away, I just can't stop thinking how he died alone, and we were skiing not knowing what's going on.

Mark, I understood what you meant, all I have is appreciation for your kind words and understanding.

Bonny's mom - good luck with making the decision about adopting new members of your family. What you feel in your heart is the right thing to do.

Senka

I've had a really hard couple of days, I had to call in sick yesterday. I've never cried this much in my life, I feel so depressed, just can't believe that he is gone. Is it ever going to get easier. His water and food is still untouched, his pet grass still there. Scott removed his toys and bedding.
One of Scott's clients offered us a couple of cats, but I am just not ready. He wanted me to go see them, and I didn't. I miss Burt so much I can't put it in words.
Senka

It only gets easier when you allow yourself to not let the sadness overwhelm you. That's what time allows you to do. Nothing brings our babies back but in time we have no choice but to allow ourselves to find peace with that thought, no matter how much we resent it. We never forget them...we love them every day... but sometimes the emptiness can be filled somewhat with another who wants to be loved and needed just like we all do. It's always worked for me over the years. We each have to do what feels right to us. Scott and you must talk about your feelings together and help one another through this. My husband was hurting just as much as I was and it upset him to see me crying so much .... the new baby is loving and helping him as well as me.

You might consider seeing those cats Scott wanted you to see. We never know if our babies are sending someone that we find we are connected to, to help us not being overwhelmed with our sadness and pain. When I looked at new babies I would think does this feel right and if not, they were not the ones. I could look at them and not feel obligated to take them without a feeling of some bonding, even though they needed homes but I didn't feel mine was the right one. We can't give them all homes but we can look into their eyes and see what happens. If it feels right, then we do what feel right, no matter which way we decide.

When I saw Lucky my new baby at the shelter, I looked into his eyes and saw my Little Guy. Now I don't cry everyday. I look at my baby's pictures in frames in every room and smile at him, wishing he were here so I could hug him.

I now have a 2 year old, healthy baby racing through my home just so full of joy to have a home..he just can't be sweet enough. He makes me laugh. I need that.
To be overwhelmed with sadness over something we can't change just creates more and more sadness. I won't let the sadness be 24/7 anymore. It not only hurts me but also hurts my husband because he cares so much. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Take Care.

It will be a month tomorrow that our little guy Burt went to the Rainbow Bridge. It is still so hard. We visited his little grave the other day, and I cried a lot. We miss him terribly. and are not ready yet to have another cat. I look occasionally at animal shelter websites, but we didn't go to see any yet. I think it's too soon, we need time to heal.
Thanks to everyone for your support and for listening.
Senka

I totally understand. It's been just over a month and I still cry. Not buckets of tears like the first couple of weeks, unless I really need to. Sometimes I just need to cry buckets of tears. I still have not picked up Bonny's ashes. I know it will bring on another wave of grieving.

I can't believe I did it, but I did. I adopted two kitties. I was actually sent to them. I believe that Bonny might have helped point me in the direction. I was on my way home from PetSmart and I made a split second decision to go a different way home and ran straight into the animal shelter. Had no idea it was there. I got there a half hour before closing on the weekend and found the kitties that night. I adopted them the following week after giving it much consideration. I told myself that night that I can't make an impulsive decision so I would think about it over the weekend. I couldn't get the kitties out of my mind and couldn't decide between two that pulled at my heart strings. I ended up adopting them both. One is about a year old and one is four or five months. They are great company for each other because my other cat is a bit older. I didn't think I was ready but it just happened. They have been so fun that it's been great therapy for me. You'll know when the time comes. It just happens.

My thoughts are with you.

BonnysMom