Im sorry I havent been around, we moved house, and got a bit lost in all that.
My heart goes out to all of you that are doing that 1st xmas with your babys gone.
I am struggling so much to keep myself together for the holidays, but each day reminds me of how much I miss my Gizzy.
Hubby and I put the decorations up this week, it was so hard fighting back the tears, Gizzy adored all that, he would jump into all the tinsel and find a bit he took a fancy too, he would drag it around the house. I found the small bit we tied into a loop to put round his collar last year, my heart was breaking. I have wrapped it around the angel's wings. The gifts went under the tree today, he would be so sneaky as he chewed the corners on all of them ! He also new there would be some for him on the tree, and would wait for us to go to bed and climb it, we would get up every morning to find he had opened one. When I think back, I would get angry with him for it, but how I wish he was here to do it now.
I am missing carrying him around the house saying "Look at all the prettys Giz" He loved the shine of Christmas, he would tilt his little head and have that funny smile on his face.
Only a couple more months and it would be a whole year without him. I was told the pain got easier, but I dont think it does. It strange how people have stopped asking how things are now, almost like everyone has forgotten. I am so glad I can come here and have a good cry while typing. Its the one place where I dont feel silly.
Anyway, you are all in my thoughts, and I wish each and every one of you a verry happy Christmas.
Ruth xx

Hi Ruth,
The picture of Gizzy looks like my Pepe when he was young and healthy. I miss him so much.

You are right, the pain never goes away. We just learn not to cry in front of people who are insensitive. I still lay in bed and think about my Pepe, I can remember how he felt and I cry. Now that Aspen is in her final days, I don't know how I will make it another year.

One thing that gives me hope is a verse from the bible....I'll post it seperately for everybody to see.

Dad of Pepe, Aspen, Chevis and Amoco
Adam

Ruth,
I know what you mean. My pain does not seem to be diminishing either. In fact, I am feeling a deep set pain now. It has not yet been a month since I have lost my Annie, but I can tell that world has changed forever. I feel as though I am living half a life. And no one outside of the people here feel that we should be grieving so.

And to you and Adam, my Annie was also a little black cat much like your little Gizzy and Pepe. My heart aches seeing them.

Sincere sympathy
Annie's mommy

Hi Ruth,

I hadn't planned on decorating this year until 2 days ago. I did because my animals have always loved the paper and bows and twinkle too.

Aspen seemed to perk up for a minute when she came home and saw that it was here. I cried the whole time I was putting up their stockings.

This is my second christmas without Pepe and I can still remember how he felt to hold. He loved to be rocked as I said huggies, huggies, huggies. He would purr so loud.

Aspen seems comfortable but I know our time is short without a miracle. With the most holy day of the year coming...I keep praying for all of our babies.

I hope you have pictures of Gizzy that you can get out. Sometimes even though it hurts it's wonderful to remember those special times.

Here is a picture of Aspen when she was healthy, spry and sporting a lion cut.

Aspen and Pepe's dad

I'm glad too you feel you want to come here and cry. Its true there are so many here that feel your pain because they have that pain too. I am one of those whose home is empty at Christmas for the first time and it is definitely very hard.
Your story of Gizzy and Christmas painted a wonderful picture.

It is too bad there aren't enough people on the outside that can at least ask about or acknowledge such a loss. I have a relative who calls my pain being "out of sorts" but then she admits she dislikes animals. She has not asked to speak to me or written to me to at least be sorry for my loss but then to her it is a good thing cause she doesn't have to come by and see any animals and she can insist we visit her cause we don't have to take care of our babies so this is happy news for her. Yes, outside of this forum there are people who make the heartbreak worse.
So come here again and again and as much as you need to and talk about Gizzy.

The pain never goes away completely. If there are new babies who demand attention...that is distracting from thinking and feeling the pain over and over.
If not, the empty time may be filled with pain because of longing to have them with you still..only healthy like they once were. Eventually there is a kind of acceptance that longing does not bring them back. I find that pictures of my babies when they were playful and healthy helps me to smile at that memory. For any one I had in my lifetime the darkest time is always if I allow myself to relive when I lost them. At first, you just can't help it but after some time you can find yourself thinking of the good times, like in your story, and less thinking of what hurts to remember. The pain is part of the last memory and it helps to concentrate on the memories before that. There is no timetable on grief.

I don't want my home empty anymore...it is too sad to look for someone to peek around a corner that won't ever do that anymore. My relative wondered to someone else how I can think of getting another when it sounds like I am in so much pain over losing my Little Guy. I not only had him the longest but his is the worst because for the first time the house is completely empty. I can think of another because I tell myself my chances are good I may have 10 or more years of good memories and playtimes before the pain comes again and I will have given one a good home that will never be abused or unloved.

So you see, we all need to talk it out and it helps to be able to do that here. So I do hope you come back again and get your thoughts and feelings out here where yes, there is understanding because we all share that pain. We are there or have been there and we are here for you. Take Care and come back.