This is my first post here, though I've been reading the board quite a bit over the last week or so. I'd like to thank everyone, as it's been very helpful for me, and I'd also like to offer my condolences to all on the loss of your friends. I've lost a brother and my father, both well before their times, but losing my Chipper has been more painful in some ways, so I know how hard it can be. I think maybe it's more like losing a child or something.
I had Chipper put to sleep on December 1st, after 3-4 years of her general health going downhill. I think it was in '04 that her last vet found her heart was enlarged and guesstimated she may have 6 months left. The last vet didn't really suggest doing anything to prolong her days, but then I moved and took her to a new vet who found high blood pressure as well as the heart disease, and prescribed meds (atenolol and amlodipine) as well as vitamin formulas. They got her blood pressure down and maybe helped keep Chipper around until this December 1st.
Things continued to go bad for her in many ways though. One day about 2.5 years ago, her back legs began failing her. She just started falling over to the side every time she tried to walk. The vet didn't find anything but thought her heart troubles were restricting oxygen supply to her hind quarters. Chipper regained her ability to walk all by herself, but she was much slower and couldn't jump onto anything over 10" or so. I put boxes on both sides of the bed so she could get up.
Maybe 6 months later, I noticed she was keeping her right eye closed. When she opened it, I saw that her pupil was fully dialated. The vet said it was glaucoma. Maybe 8 months later, the same thing happened to her left eye, so she was now blind, and her hearing was gone as well.
Some people asked why I didn't have her put down back then. But she was my best and closest friend, she still enjoyed eating, sleeping and getting attention, so I felt she still wanted to be around. It's been a big hassle for me, having to give her meds/vitamins 4 times per day. I haven't gone on a vacation in over 2 years because I didn't want to board her (she was really unhappy the last time I left her at the vet's. When I picked her up she was doing this raspy meowing, like she'd been thru such an ordeal). But it was totally worth it, if it meant keeping her around longer.
So that's a bit of her health history. Her little body was getting old. I'm not sure exactly how old Chipper was, since I'm her 3rd owner and have only had her for about 8 years, but the vets guessed she reached her mid teens.
Chipper also developed some bathroom problems, mostly over the last year. She'd almost always go tinkle in the box, but she started leaving her droppings outside the box more and more, and often had problems passing stools. Sometimes she would do distress type vocalizations when she had to go #2, and would wipe herself on the floor or in the box when she couldn't get it all out. I don't know if the vet(s) missed anything on this, but they never made a deal out of it. Chipper had regular stool sample tests as well as many others.
Late on friday night, November 30, Chipper began having a big problem with her bowels. She was messing around in the box for some time, then I heard her throwing up. I went in to see her, and she seemed to be having some diarrhea. I then noticed poor Chippy was basically leaking from her bowels. It was a slow leaking and had a watery mud-like consistency (sorry to get graphic, just want to describe her symptoms, you know). I tried to get her to go back in the box and get it out, but she couldn't and continued the leaking all thru the night and into the next day. She was really having difficulties.
I stayed up 'til about 4 in the morning with her, but then decided I'd better try and get some sleep before calling the vet in the morning. Chipper woke me up several times and I tried to coax her into using the bathroom. The leaking wouldn't stop.
I finally got up around noon and called the emergency vet, since it was now saturday. They said bring her in at 2. I took a shower and got Chipper's meds together in case they wanted to keep her overnight. While we were waiting to go, Chipper let out 2 very sad cries. I'd never heard her cry like that before, and I knew she was in really bad shape.
I had no idea this would be her last day on earth. I've been dealing with Chipper's troubles for so long, she's been "hanging in there" for years and I thought this was just another bump in the road, another vet bill. I figured I'd get her to the emergency vet's and she'd get some meds, maybe stay for observation etc. and be back to her "normal" self, but the vet didn't see it that way at all.
When we got to the vet, Chipper's temperture was 95 (I've read normal is 101ish). She was a smallish cat, she'd been weighed about 2 weeks earlier at her normal vet and was 5lb 14ozs. Now she was down to 5 even. She was still leaking after 12 hours. The vet said her spine was protruding abnormally, that she may have cancer and that the bowel thing may just be her system shutting down.
Chipper's demeanor was really bad. The vet felt she was telling us she wanted to go and I couldn't disagree with her. Chipper was just laying there with her head turned down into the warm blanket they'd put around her. I agreed to have her put to sleep.
Since then, like so many others, I've had guilt and several big regrets.
I've felt really bad about Chipper's last night. I was so tired and ready to sleep when her troubles started that night. I put her in the bathtub a few times because she was leaking, and I hoped she could get it all out in there. I doubt she liked that I poured warm water over her paws and rear to clean her off.
My building was having heating problems and it was only 58 degrees in the apartment. Because she was leaking, I didn't want her on the bed. I moved the box away so she couldn't get up, put her on her pillow next to the radiator and put a warm shirt and towel over her. If only I'd known it was her last night, and her temp was so low, I would've just put a towel under her and held her close under the covers. She always preferred being next to the radiator whenever it was on, but during most of the year and whenever the radiator shut off in the winter, she'd always slept under the covers next to me.
I wonder if that bad decision was part of the reason her temp was so low. Maybe she just had some diarrhea that would've passed and she only seemed so 'ready to go' at the vet's because she was really tired, and they put her on a heating pad in a warm blanket. I know it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry I didn't choose to be present when they put her down. Chipper was blind and deaf, so I'm not sure she'd even know if I was there, but I don't know that everything went smoothly and that she died peacefully. I'm sure the large majority of these procedures are very peaceful, but I've read accounts online about some pets having difficulties, crying or struggling or having seizures and things.
I told the vet that a previous vet said Chipper may have problems being put to sleep because of her heart problems, and that during her last checkup, just a few weeks prior, the tech had some difficulty finding a vein and drawing blood. The ER vet said they could give her a shot to put her under first, and then find a vein for the second injection. I just hope it went smoothly.
I guess there are some other things that have bothered me, but I've gone way long already. I'd appreciate any ideas about what was going wrong with Chipper's plumbing, if anyone has had a similar experience or whatever.
It's been 12 days now, and I think I'm 'over the hump' so far as the pain of the loss goes. I have cried the last few nights, but I'm getting used to being alone. I think it's been easier for me than many of you, because I really saw it coming for a long time. The first week was horrible though.
I found some pictures I'd taken of Chipper about 3 years ago. When I first saw them it helped because it was pretty clear how bad she's gotten since then. I've included one of those pictures, and will try to add a more recent one if I can figure get the code right. I may do a tribute to Chipper in that section later on.
Thanks for reading, sorry for going on so long, and again, I'm really sorry for all of you going through the loss of your loved ones as well.
