One year ago today sweet girl, you passed out of this life, and into memory, taking my heart with you and leaving a void in my soul that can never be filled.

I sit here crying, remembering, your little meow
the look in your eyes when you talked to me
the way your precious fur felt as I stroked your belly
the way you wiggled your tail when you pounced
you always came to me when I called you
no matter how far and what you were doing
you came running to me so eager
meowing your little heart out
you always had so much to say to me
little conversations I could never understand

There will never be another kitty like you Alley. You were my special girl. What we had could never be shared twice in one lifetime. It has one one whole year Alley, but it seems just like yesterday I said goodbye. All I have left is one small lock of fur, and nine years of memories. I miss you so much baby girl.

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Author Unknown

Alley's Mama,

what a beautiful tribute to your beautiful kitty. (I must admit that I am a little biased as your
Alley looks quite like my little Annie). We have both lost someone quite dear.

annie's mommy

You know how much I truly feel your pain. If I could work miracles...we would have our babies back. Your words are beautiful but then so is Alley.

Alleys Mama

The year is so hard. This is beautiful, it showes how much you loved your Alley. She was a very special baby. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you both today.

Love

What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl. I am so sorry for your loss of Alley. I am wishing you peace on this tough anniversary.

Bless you Alley's Mom. Each time I receive a response from everyone on this board it's like a big hug. Know we are all thinking of you and the numbers that show how many people read your post are each hugs of understanding. You are precious for loving God's babies so.

I hope the memories of Alley are a comfort to you and know you will see this precious kitten again.

Michelle

Hugs Alley's Mama, that is a beautiful tribute to your baby girl. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

I am sorry about Alley's aniversary. It doesn't seem that long ago, but yet seems like just yesterday for us both. My thoughta are with you, Alley and Riley today..

Love, Amy

I still think about Alley when my black stray cat friend comes around for food. Whenever I see him/her I right away think about your precious Alley.

I miss her so much. I have been around a lot of cats since I started volunteering with the rescue and I've met hundreds of cats since then. It really shows just how special she was. Every kitty is special in their own way, but none of them are like my girl.

Paula...I have been watching for you. I knew this time was upon you. I have been thinking about you and your Baby of late. I know how this is affecting you and what Alley meant to you. I have shed tears for you and your Baby in the past and what you wrote in your post brought on still more. I will be thinking of you and yours my friend. Please take care....

What a beautiful tribute to your baby. The one year mark is so hard. But then, every day is hard, isn't it? I wish we could bring them all back.

Magdalene

Paula,

I'm so sorry it's already been a year for you now, too. These markers (I really still hate the word "anniversary") leave us feeling so helpless in the face of our continuing sorrow and the empty feeling in our hearts. Even though each of our babies are/were special in their own ways, what's even more special is the uniquely-formed relationship we each created between them and ourselves, and while these can't be repeated, they also can't ever be destroyed. Our babies grew in us at the same time that we grew in them and what could be more special than that? You and Alley have your own, unique energy bond and love cord that connects you to each other still, that will never leave either one of you.

That famous grief poem is one of my fav*ourites and is one of the ones that never fails to rip my heart out.....because it's so true to my own feelings, too. Yes, if only......

These last 12 months of pain, and all the sorrow still to come is worth every minute, and I would gladly do it all over again, to have her with me.

I have had no "visitations" or signs from her though, which is heartbreaking in itself. Has she moved on and no longer feels connected enough to send them? Or am I just not seeing them? I wish I knew.

She was truly my other half and I will never be complete again without her.

Alley's Mama, I am sorry that this date has come for you, it's been a hard year for you I know.

I've forgotten now, Paula, if you'd ever read either/or "Hello From Heaven" or "Animals and the Afterlife"? If not, have you ever perused this page from Bill and Judy Guggenheim's website - What Is An ADC? If you're wondering if you've possibly missed some signs from Alley, any of these above resources might help you figure that out, seeing as so many of them are often rather subtle or symbolic, rather than big and full-blown. (they also have a message board there and perhaps reading through some of it will get you thinking about what signs could be around you)

I feel truly bad for you, as even though I believe I have gotten many of the more subtle signs from my Nissa, I'm still left wanting and pining for the more obvious ones, the ones I'm so jealous of from other people's experiences (and of course from my experiences with Sabin's)....though happy for those people, too. So I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must feel to not think you've received any, still. But I also find it hard to believe that Alley hasn't sent something to you, given your loving bond, so I'm truly hoping you have, indeed, just not recognized a sign for what it was, and in which case, it's probably still in your memory and maybe just needs a little nudge to draw out. I hope that's the case, anyway. After all, she must KNOW how much you need something like this from her.

The only thing I can think of that might have been a sign is something that happened a couple weeks ago.

As many of you know I have a foster cat Akasha. She is nervous, timid and not so easily adopted out. My boyfriend asked me if we were going to keep her. I remember thinking to myself "if I keep her, then I won't have room for another cat in case I find Alley again..."

well, before I could even answer him, right then one of Alley's pictures fell off the wall. It didn't break. The nail didn't come out, it wasn't bent. There was NO reason for it to fall. I hung it back up after and it is still in place.

I remember wondering if that was a message from Alley to make sure I kept "her" spot free for some reason. I can't help but think if it was a sign that she DID want me to keep the foster cat, it would have been a more positive message, rather than her picture falling, which to me seemed to be screaming and emphatic "No!".

What do you all think?

Oh man, Paula! If that isn't an ADC, I'll rip my lips right off! (but I really feel like saying....of COURSE that was Alley, girl!!) While I can't tell you exactly what she was trying to impart to you (that kind of thing has to come from within your Self, usually), to my mind, that was NO coincidence. Pictures moving or falling over or out of a wall are VERY common signs! Alley ROCKS! But as to whether she's saying No, don't keep her or simply I'm here, too, or Yes, keep her and I'll come through her for you, or even I'm already BACK, in this Akasha form!, I certainly can't say. This might be one of those times when you have to search your own heart and try out each and every possibility and see how your heart FEELS to you with each possible meaning, to find the one that seems to sit most easily with you....and that will be your answer. Just keep staying open to whatever might come through. OR, you can ask Alley to try to clarify just WHAT she was trying to let you know. But at least thank her for this visit, so she'll know you've started to recognize the different ways she might come through to you, and so encourage more of them.

In a similar vein, the night that my husband heard what sounded like Nissa clawing the carpet behind his bathroom door (she used to sit there, waiting at bedtime, for her 'Daddy Playtime' before bed), when we then got into bed shortly afterwards, a picture I had of her (unframed, though) on the dresser suddenly fell over after we'd been marveling about her clawing sign. So there ya go.

I'm SO happy for you! And for Alley, for finally getting through to her mom!

FK's mom,

When it happened it REALLY felt like Alley to me, but of course then I wonder if I was just reading too much into a coincidence. I think in the absence of any solid signs, I've started to discount, and perhaps not even notice any little signs that may be happening.

I definitely haven't had any "me" time lately, to just sit and relax and let my mind flow free. So that will be my promise to myself, and to Alley, for this 1 year marker, to make time to sit and open myself to her. After all, I can't expect HER to do all the work right?!?!

AlleysMama:

I read what you said happened and what you wondered if Alley was trying to tell you something. I have had some experience with feelings about things that then come true and while I can't say what what happened meant, I can say the feeling I got from what you wrote is this:

It was Alley. She was communicating with you. What she was saying to you was:
I am already here with you now and forever.

Wouldn't it be just like her to say that if she was able to talk? You were wondering about "in case I find Alley again". I think she just reminded you that she has never left you.

Just my thoughts but they felt strong enough to put them down here for you to think about.

Hugs from me and Little Guy to you and Alley. Taking some me time like you said sounds like a wonderful idea. What we wouldn't give to hold them in our arms again....

I am so, so sorry that it has been one year since you lost your Alley. What a beautiful tribute to her!!! I know she was your special baby.

You are a fantastic, loving mama to ALL your sweet babies. I will write more soon, I worked way too much today & need some zzzzzzz. Right now I need you to know that I am thinking about you, and am sending love.

Kim

I guess I just forget sometimes. I miss her so much and I start feeling so lonely (Riley and Akasha aren't snugglers) and sometimes she just seems unreachable, untouchable, so very far away, so ........ gone.

I am definitely going to take some time to concentrate on myself and on her. Over Christmas, I'll be going home to Oklahoma for the week, so I will be able to visit her grave and to be there, where we spent our last years together. I always feel so much closer to her when I'm there, rather than here, in a place she never came.

Have a good trip my friend.....I sincerely hope you find what you are seeking...

Take care...John

Alley was trying to contact you, I have no doubt. My visitations from Peaches have all come when I was sleeping or shortly after I woke, which made me wonder whether they were really her or coming from my wishful dreams of her. But you got a tangible message, while you were fully awake. What I wouldn't give for that! I don't think for a second she is sending you negative messages about adopting Akasha. I think Alley was simply reminding you that she's still right here & no matter what decisions you make as to future pets, you better darn well remember her & love her to pieces. Like you need to be reminded.....!!! But maybe she's just double-checking. That's my thought.

I am very glad you will be visiting Alley's resting place this Christmas. I pray you find comfort during your visit. Let us know how you're doing when you get back, when you get a chance.

Love,
Kim

Here is a picture of Cole from the SPCA site in October. They have so many they do change pictures each week or so. I will ask about him the next visit. Just wanted your reaction to him...probably the same as mine.

OMG, how beautiful is he?
Hugs loveThem

Cole is beautiful! How could someone give up that gorgeous boy I think you should visit him and see what he is like.

I'm leaving saturday, so in a few days I'll be with my girl. I have some beautiful flowers picked out to place on her grave.