I lost my baby Niles on Thursday the 29th of Nov. He was 8 years old and so, so alive and healthy. Truly he was the most vibrant, good natured little guy. I took him into the vet because he had a little diarrhea. I didn't think it was a huge problem. They felt a mass, went in for exploratory surgery and my baby was eaten up with cancer. He was put to sleep on the table. O God I'm so shocked and I hurt so bad. How do you take your baby to the doctor for what you think is a minor problem and have him come out dead? How is this happening? I keep thinking this is a nightmare and that I will wake up. But it keeps going and going.

Niles was/is a beautiful spirit. My husband and I say he not only had a personality, but "Nilesanility"--a combination of pure love, a manic desire to express that love, and a healthy dose of mischief. I never had a day, even in the darkest of times, where my little guy did not make me smile with his antics and his ways. He is my heart, my joy and I do not know how to live with out him. There is a hole in my heart. He would snuggle beside me and would look into his eyes and we had such a soul connection.

Does this agony ever end? How do you live without your heart?

NILESMOM,

OH MY! I FEEL YOUR PAIN! We lost our Annie (11 years young) on Wednesday morning, Nov 28 quite like you lost your NILES. We had to drop her off at the vet at 7:30 am for exploratory surgery following a Tuesday afternoon visit to vet where fluid on the abdomen was found to have cancer cells in it Of course I dreaded and knew the worst, yet when the vet called around 10:45 am to inform us that her body was "filled with cancer" and could not possibly do anything, she too left us. I know how open your wound is. Mine is too. I am deeply sorry for you.

Come and talk and I hope you find some comfort,
annie's mommy

I am so very sorry about Niles. He sounds like a doll. Many times I took an animal to the vet planning on bringing them home but was shocked to have to put them down and not come home.

There is a lot of pain and agony at this time. You never forget your special friend but the pain will get less over time. I don't feel the same pain today as I felt putting down a friend 5 years ago but if I were to relive that day in my mind, the same pain would appear and I would just cry a mountain of tears. Today if I don't think of that day but look at pictures of my babies happy and healthy I can smile at those good memories and push down the bad ones.

It is too early for you...your pain and shock are too new. Yes, it is like a hole opened up in your heart but at the same time that is just the place where your baby is now.........in your heart.......and he will never ever leave that place. He has a special part of your heart that is his alone.

We all bond with our babies in a special way. We don't know each other's special ones but we understand that bond that develops. It also remains and gets stronger with each memory. You need to cry, maybe to write about your baby and tell some stories of good memories..those are the ways we never want to forget.
One of the moms here wrote, I think, the perfect line: "The pain of losing him will never ever be bigger than the joy of knowing him." reach for the joy. The good memories can never be taken from you. Healing will lessen the bad ones. It helps some to post a picture of their special one, one you can see how happy and healthy he is and that makes you smile. There are so many beautiful ones here in Tributes and in posting. Whatever you feel comfortable with doing should help you to heal but it is a process and not a quick one. It is a terrible loss and we all have been there more than once but then if our special one never leaves...the ones that come afterwards would never have been met. I dearly love my Little Guy in my picture here and I just lost him on 9/10/07 but over the years if my others had been with me as long as I wanted them to....I would never have met and bonded with this baby and I would have missed his special love. Each gives their own in a special way and we are richer for it.
Take Care........and post as you feel like it and cry when you feel like it..........

I am so sorry for your loss. It's especially difficult when a death comes suddenly and unexpectedly to our furkids. The shock makes it harder for us to deal with the loss. May you heal emotionally with time and have only happy memories.

Take care,
Ken Albin

dear Nile's mom, my sympathies to you and your husband, you did a great job of making Niles' personality come through to us, I see what a beautiful magical cat he was and I know how deep your grief is: It is true that we are handicapped after they leave us, something of us is missing, and I think it may well be forever, I still feel this missing my soulmate and I lost my cat and his brother over a year ago. I was a long time unable to feel any comfort about having any other cat. But right now I have 'sheltered' a skinny barn cat who was constantly rejected by his fellow barn cats and he is on my lap as I write to you. It is no subst*itute but it does sort of transplant an artificial heart so that you get back to feeling the emotions, even if your real heart tucked away with your soulmate, it is a sort of patch , one that will perhaps come to seek you in time I know I was only ready to do this now over 13 months after losing my babies. Courage my dear hearts, it will be hard and rough, but in time it will get better, meantime look and listen for Niles, he is singing in the corners of where you heart was, the more you listen the more his song will come to you and you will see that strangely enough his song will make you strong.