I am broken and do not know how to go on. I hope to find some comfort and friends among you.
thank you
annie's mom

Dear Annie's mom, my sympathies to you and to your dear husband, I am so sorry that you have to go through this today, you have come to the right place we will share our grief with you, come and talk about your hurt as we have done, we all understand and it's like a small town here as someone once remarked, we all know each other for the grief that we feel when we lose a special soulmate, one with who the relationship has progressed beyond that of loving a pet, one who is a personality as much as we are personalities. And it hurts like nothing ever hurt before when this happens.
But know that Annie will always stay by you, hope you feel her message of love and hope.

I saw your description of what happened in PrettyKitty's thread. I am so sorry for your loss. You mentioned "suddenly". You might want to read my thread in this Section about How do I Stop Crying? about feeling something suddenly...you might not feel so alone with that shock. That's about my Little Guy. I didn't rush him to the vet to not bring him home. I just wanted them to help him. Not permanently!

Like you I have had more than 1 animal and have gone through this pain before.
This is a good place to talk about Annie. Tell us what made you smile, how old was she? What kind of dog? It helps to talk things out. What you are going through is very overwhelming because it was just last Wednesday that you lost her. I know too well that cancer is one battle you can't win and save your baby. It is so sneaky and when there are symptoms....it is usually too late and as you found out, it can come on so suddenly it literally ROBS you of more time with your baby. I still feel with all the research that some cures can be found..I just think the companies who make the drugs make too much money on "treatments" to seriously want to actually develop a cure.

I had a German Shepherd..sweet girl..who all of a sudden stopped eating one day. No other symptoms at the time. I took her to the vet for a checkup. He took an xray and found tumors in her lungs, by her heart, and by her throat. She had a clean x-ray 12 months before that. I had to decide to let her go right there and then. Talk about sudden. That is so much pain. I understand what you are going through and coming here and talking will help you. If you talk about things then they don't get bottled up inside you which can kind of make you feel as though you are paralyzed. Take Care. Don't hold back tears or whatever gives you any kind of relief. And it will feel good for you and your husband to hug each other tightly and know you are sharing the pain and are not alone. Then there is this forum.....

I know exactly how you feel. I still keep looking for Orion and I have trouble somedays even climbing out of bed. Writing emails to friends, if I mention Orion, I burst into tears still. It was 24/7 the first couple weeks and it has lessened some now, we lost Orion on Oct 20th. I still am lost and don't know what to do with myself. I agree with what you said about being older and knowing more. I feel things so much more poignantly now than I did when I was young. I am watching my other cats like a hawk and I still have my parents, bless them, and they are still together after 64 yrs and they are 85 yrs old. I know whay is coming and it frightens me. But after coming here I know that there is great support here and everyone feels the pain we have felt and it is such a loving place to come. This site has goten me through some hard times and when I feel particularly bad, I can come here and try to help someone else or post a picture of my baby and I know I will be welcomed. There is no way out of the grief, except through the grief and we will get through it. It takes tiime and we need to heal our broken hearts. They will heal in time and with love from many others who have been where you are. I send warm hugs to you and pray for you to find some peace in the storm you are going through.

Susan

Dear toony, lovethem, kittymomma!

thank you all so much for your response!!! I know that you have your losses too and yet you take the time to comfort me. I appreciate it so..

And to all your pain, I send my sympathy. I will think of your little loved ones along with mine.


Thank you so
annie's mommy

Annie's Mommy: Thanks for visiting my post on Little Guy. I didn't realize your Annie was a kitty baby. There is a mommy in this forum who has a lab named Annie who just underwent surgery and we haven't heard back from her yet. I think the name Annie was connected in my mind to her dog. I'm glad you came back on and told us more about your Annie. 11 years.........you must have pictures. We love pictures here. I can send you on another stroll in the forum to the Tributes Section. I have some pictures and stories in 2 posts.....1 about Little Guy and 1 about him and his Sister....it seems to help others too to see pictures knowing those were healthy, happy times. I'm sure you will find at least one will bring a smile to your face. I was glad to see it sometimes encouraged others to post pictures and they too could look into their baby's eyes and smile and feel good for a while.

I would love to see pictures of Annie. As you look through posts here you will just see the most gorgeous babies...of all kinds. I didn't know you do have 2 cats at home now so you are not animal-alone. It looks like Annie was a favorite...the way I felt about Little Guy..of the 3 I had I loved them all but he had pneumonia as a small kitten and he fought it and survived to be with me 16 1/2 years..healthy until about 8 weeks before I lost him...eating started bothering him. We found out he had a painful tooth and he went through recent surgery, started to eat a little better then the last couple of days he would go and lie down by his water dish and look at me at my desk cause I could turn and face where his dish was. I thought that was so odd. But then he would be gone when I looked again but he NEVER laid down there before. Your mention of Annie's water dish reminded me of that strange action. His twin brother was a doll but cancer took him at age 10. His sister was a Queen but we had to let her go in 2006 at age 15..Alzhimers we think. You need time to recover but don't hesitate to hug your others...they depend on you and love you too!

i am so sorry for the loss you and your husband are sharing as i mentioned in my other thread one of my prior kitties had cancer, we had it removed as much as they could (mouth cancer)...and were told he would live only a few weeks and he lived 5 months, but was in alot of pain and had trouble eating. I think you showed your love for your annie by ending her suffering, as hard it is to live with that decision.

I also understand your thoughts about life being short and your family members going through more pain with future deaths. I often think about my parents and how they are not likely to be around more then 20 more years (they are 64 and 65, had me quite late) and this makes me sad. I wish they could be around longer then that, but i treasure the time i have with them. I think we have to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones whether they be animal or human.

I was reading some stories on here about signs from the afterlife (i cannot remember the exact name of the thread) and i found it quite comforting. I feel that my nicki will send me signs someday once i am open to seeing them. I am sure she would want me to enjoy life and to share my love with other animals in the future. I believe that we will meet again one day and that when we do she will be happy and healthy and just as loving as she ever was. I truely feel we are fortunate to have met our loved animals and shared the years we did with them. Remember the times they were healthy and happy to be alive, not their last moments of pain. Together we can get through this.

Annie's Mom, I'm so sorry for your loss. TY for coming by Bue's thread. I think we feel helpless when our kitties have cancer, I know I did. I have never had a animal put to sleep, so I'm not sure how to help you with that awful pain. I know that by coming here it can help in so many positive ways. I have had some furry family members pass also, reading your story sounds so much like mine.

I think as we get a little older we appreciate what they add to our lives. As a child I always thought they would be around, so I think I may have taken them for granted. I have 3 surviving kitties, but they are 11,9,7. What I try to do is not focus on if they pass, but all the love I can give to them now, because dwelling on what may happen will rob you of precious time with your remaining babies.

Talk to you soon

Annie's mom, I'd like to offer my deepest sympathy in the loss of your beloved Annie. Having a fur baby become ill is so hard. We always hold out hope that they will bounce back and be with us...just a little longer. We try everything to make them well..but so often it is just their time to leave this earth. I believe they come into our lives and have a lesson to teach us while they are here. They offer their unconditional love. They comfort us, console us and they make us smile every day. Losing our babies is incredibly sad and we each deal with the grief in our own way. But we are all here with a purpose...to help each other through the grief. Visiting this board and helping other's makes me feel better. I hope that we can bring some comfort to you during this difficult time.

Nancy

Thank you Nancy

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Annie. I know how deep the pain is because the loss is so great. I think the best way I can describe it is you feel dislocated or displaced....it's hard to figure out how to go thru the day because something is VERY off....the day is wrong....because something very important is missing.

I'm afraid there's no way around...we have to go through the pain.

I used to come "home" and now I just come to my house. There's a difference..Cicio made it HOME for me and now it's just empty...someplace I sleep and eat.

Give yourself time...because that's what it will take. They will always live in our hearts and memories but we have to get used to the fact they're not with us on a physical plane.

Hugs to you,

Donna

I know how lost you are without your soulmates: I remember last year at this time it had been just one month for my loss; although we have lived in this house for over a quarter century I just felt lost without Yukon there, I really felt like nothing was the same, that I recognized nothing, I had to keep a front on my face on New year's eve tradition has it that we always have people over, but deep down inside I felt like someone who has amnesia or Alzheimer's, I was so lost.
Hugs to you all, it isn't easy, it gets better but what a significant journey it takes you on. Courage all of you, it will ease off and you will find that that grief has cemented your love in your heart and soul and you will know then that there will be a resolution,a repit*ition, one day you will both be together again, meanwhile you are still together, only the physical has gone.

Toonie,

more thanks.

Annie's mommy

Hi Annie's Mommy,
Welcome! Sadly, it is through all of our sadness and grief that we all found each other but we do help each other immensely because we understand, which is more than most of the planet. I am so sorry for your loss of Annie. You are in the worst stages of grief but time does make it better. When you are ready, share more memories of Annie with us. We will appreciate them and enjoy them and it will probably make you happy when you remember the happy memories.
Hugs to you.

forduffy,

thank you for your thoughts. I have seen your duffy, what a sweetie. I can tell you miss him so. I am sorry you lost him. I have had two doggies in my life, and when I saw duffy's picture he reminded me of their little souls. One was a springer spaniel mix, the other a border collie mix. I hope your days are getting better. I read about the butterflies and your wanting a message from him. I call out every night and search daily for a small sign, to reasure me that my Annie is "okay".

Miss them all,
annie's mommy

I am so sad. My husband called to say the vet called and our Annie's ashes are here to be picked up. How can we? It hurts so bad. I bought an engravable ornament today, a gold kitty with a bell. I engraved her name on it, along with "we love you". My heart is broken, I do not want Christmas. I want my Annie, my heart.

Your words brought fresh tears to my eyes. We all cry with you. I agree with what you said about Christmas....My Little Guy will not be with us this time. He left on 9/10. We are crying together.

Thank you for your kind words for Duffy. I know how hard it is to pick up Annie's ashes. When I took my Duffy's ashes home, I got home and collapsed, crying while I held the urn. But you know what-I am relieved today that he is home where he is loved. That ornament sounds beautiful and it perpetuates your love for little Annie. She remains alive and very much loved in your heart.

Lovethem and forDuffy,

thank you for your nice comments. Your support means everything to me. It is hard to keep up with all the losses, especially when our own is on top. I really appreciate any and all responses. Yesterday was a very sad day for me, as well as today (1week only), but I know we are all having bad days and it is good to know that others will reach out to send us strength. Thank you and I hope your days are getting better.

annie's mommy