My cat Glennie died today at the vet's. She has had a hernia for a while and it started to strangulate. The vet had told me what to watch for and I got her into the vet before she really started to suffer. I waited with her while they were developing her xrays and talked to her like I always do. She slitted her eyes at me and swished her tail as she normally would. Yet, we could not pick up her up up because of the pain from the hernia. Then, the vet came back with the xrays and told me that she would die in misery in two days if I did not put her down.

On the one hand, I am very grateful that I was at home today and able to see the signs, which came on quickly. Just last week, I left her for three days, with my nephew coming in to feed her and keep her company. He might not have seen the signs and she might have suffered more. On the other hand, I am in total shock that my best friend for the last 15 years has suddenly been taken from me. This morning, she was lying out on top of my newspaper while I drank my coffee and now there is just an empty space where she used to sit on the couch while I web surf in front of the tv.

I had always said that I would go in wiht her when it happened, but I decided not to. I did not want to see her dead. I said goodbye to her and told her that I would always love her and that I would never forget her.

I do feel guilty (about putting her down and about not being in the room). But, mainly, I think I am in shock, because it was all so sudden. The vet had warned me it could happen like this, but you're never really ready...I liked the piece on guilt. That helped a lot. Also, I have posted a web page tribute to her. As none of my friends have commented on it yet, I would love to have someone tell me what they think of it. It refers to her wanting to play outside because she was an indoor cat, although she always wanted to go out. Here is the web link to my tribute:

http://members.rogers.com/m-smith/glennie.htm

Thanks for listening.

mirsy, you could not have chosen better words for your tribute. you could not have written anything more beautiful. So few words, but what a beautiful sentiment.

Your beautiful cat Glennie reminds me a little of My
Ginger. <--------that is my Ginger in my avatar.

I have had a few other pets in my day (since I am 52 years old) and so I have had to have about 4 of them euthanized. I was never able to "stay". I do not think you made a wrong decision not to stay whatsoever. People are different in that way. My friend who DID stay when her cat was euthanized was traumatized over it! She told me that she would never do that again and that she had felt pressured by the vet to stay--because "staying" had just come into "vogue" as an option. She regretted not listening to the voice inside her own head.

A friend that I made from this website and I talked on the phone for a long long time today. She has had a second tragedy (she lost her bird suddenly right on the heels of having lost her dog). We covered alot of ground with one another because we had never talked on the phone before and also because we both have had quite alot of trouble finding anyone in our "real life" who seems to care about our losses. I sense you may be feeling that a little too. One of the things we discussed was how when a pet is part of your daily life and is no longer there it is like a huge empty void--a gigantic HOLE and it is the most painful part of this process...feeling the discomfort of losing the "physicality" of our pet. For 15 years on a daily basis Glennie was phsyically with you and it is a giant adjustment to make now that she is not. Everyone here knows precisely what that empty feeling is like. My heart goes out to you.

I am so glad that you were there--so that your wonderful companion did not have to go through any pain. You were able to spare her an agonizing end. You have to be proud of that. I would be. You were there when your kitty needed you. Glennie depended on you and you came through. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you.

Anytime you want to come write something else about how your feeling I hope you will do so. Sometimes this type of thing can be an "isolating" experience, but that's why some of us hang out here, so we can share the journey. and it is a journey. There was a time when I thought of Ginger and all I could do was cry. I am currently in the when-I-think-of-Ginger-I-smile mode. You'll be there about Glennie too, but right now its still so new and like one wise person here told me go ahead and cry, because they are "healing tears". Glennie was very beautiful.
{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
love,
Patti

Hi Mirsy:

I looked at your beautiful site for your precious Glennie, and I will say that, "Yes, she is playing outside right now".....

First, let me just say what a beautiful furchild your Glennie was.....

My belief is that "Rainbow's Bridge" exists........So, when our furbabies pass on from this life to the next....
There, they will roam the meadows & the fields..... Look at the birds, chase the mice....
Smell the flowers, play with all of the other furbabies, and all of God's other wonderful creatures who have gone on before.

I am sorry that you had to find a Pet-Grief site, but I am happy, that if you had to find one at all, that you
found Lightning-Strikes.

For me, and I know for countless others, LS has been a life-saver....Really, I'm not sure where I would be if I hadn't found this site about 12 hours after our Ernie-Girl was put to sleep.

Everyone here on Lightning Strike, is a very cherished friend, and I will forever be grateful to all of these wonderful people...
You can be sure that you are among friends here.... It's just like a family!!

All of my furkids, during my lifetime, have always been indoor kitties. I live in a very busy city, and people are always
in a RUSH TO GO NO-WHERE. Ben & I don't really feel safe riding our bikes around....

So, I do understand about having furkids who would love to go outside, but because it's so dangerous, I can't allow it.

Glennie will ALWAYS BE A PART OF YOU......SHE IS IN YOUR HEART, AND SHE IS IN YOUR SOUL....
And, she will always remain there!!!

Memories, that's the wonderful thing that you will always have!!
They can never be taken away!!

It is difficult, when our babies first pass on to Rainbow's Bridge....
In the beginning, I found myself still calling for Ernie....
I'd look for her, and then I would remember.
Sometimes I thought I'd catch a glimpse of her...... Maybe I did... I'm not sure...

But, she & I, (and then from 3/16/2001 to 2/7/2004, Ben became her dad), had a wonderful life together.....

We don't regret at all having her put to sleep on 2/7/2004. She was in soooooooooo much pain and agony!
We had prayed for God to please take her, in her sleep.
That didn't happen, and we didn't want her to suffer anymore.

For the first few weeks, nothing made sense to me... I stayed on this site, and I just rambled on & on, not sure if
I was making sense to anyone ----- but, the wonderful people here understood everything I was saying.
I will always be grateful!!

One person said to me, "Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain (by having her put to sleep), so that she could finally
be without pain..........."

Nothing made sense to me; I was in a fog for quite awhile!! But that one statement made sense to me!!
I just repeated that to myself several times per day.

If I could give you any advice, it would be to continue coming here to LS, and sharing your feelings.
Use this forum as sort of "a journal". It helps to write out your feelings; at least, it helped me a lot.

We are all here for you Mirsy, whenever you feel the need to talk.

I wish you peace!

Goodnight & God Bless you!

Love, Denise

Mirsy,
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful little girl! Don't feel guilty about not being there
while she went to sleep, she knew you loved her with all your heart. You were a good
mom to her and you did the most unselfish thing you could do - you ended her suffering.
Her spirit will always be with you and time will heal the hurt in your heart.

God Bless,
Karen

Please don't feel guilty. Your beautiful Glennie felt your care and you freed her from suffering. She is playing outside - crouching in the flowers, moving with the tree boughs in the wind. She is eating whatever she wants, whenever she wants and purring. There are warm spots in windows to sleep and nobody moves her off the bed.

Doing the humane thing is so hard and sometimes the guilt creeps in. You were alert to her failing health and acted with love. You were there with her in spirit and she took your love for her with you when she went towards the light, and she waits for you on the other side.

I made the choice to not stay in the room with Carmen - they gave her a tranquilizer and I stayed with her until that took effect. With Oswald, I stayed with him. Neither way was wrong; both were right.

With any shared life, we could have done things a bit differently and we look at that during a transition, but we could not have loved our furbuddies more! And they know that.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Dee Dee

Mirsy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found us here, though. Please post any time you need or want to! This group has been my lifesaver.

Your tribute to Glennie is beautiful... and so is Glennie!

"On the one hand, I am very grateful that I was at home today and able to see the signs, which came on quickly. Just last week, I left her for three days, with my nephew coming in to feed her and keep her company. He might not have seen the signs and she might have suffered .." True! I have thought of that regarding my Little Girl. There were occasions when something could have or almost did happen when I wasn't there.....

Glennie was lucky to have you as her Mom. And you will always be her Mom! You'll be reunited. In the meantime, she's all spirit and is in total bliss (as Denise and I say about our kitties, they're all "having a blast")!

With heartfelt sympathy and understanding,

Kathy

Hello everyone:

Your posts have meant so much to me over the last day. I continue to replay my conversation with the vet over and over in my mind. I have cried a lot. Also, I relive the last time I saw Glen and what I said to her. I couldn't really pick her up and give her a nice snuggle because of the hernia. When I looked into her cage and said goodbye, I felt she was already distant from me as if she sensed she was leaving. The whole thing happened very suddenly. I keep telling myself this is good because it means she did not suffer for weeks or years with her debilitation. Despite her hernia, her quality of life was very good to her very last day. What more could any living ask for?

Yesterday, I talked to a friend on the phone about Glen's death. This friend and I used to be roommates years ago and she knew Glen well. She lost her dog in a car accident when she was away on a trip. I asked her how soon she got her new dog. She said...the next day! She said that her relationship with the new dog is completely different. But, she said, getting a new dog gave her a focus and helped her to handle her grief. My sister and I talked it over yesterday and we decided to respond to a plea from our local humane society. We adoped two little kitties for me. I feel better having another living thing in my apartment. The little kittens are hiding under the couch and have not come out yet. I named them Jazz and Muppy. They are siblings. I am really glad about it because, when I bought Glen at a pet store, I always regretted that I did not take one of her borthers or sisters at the same time. I believe that Glen and I developed a special bond, because it was just the two of us. Yet, I worried when I went away and did not like to leave her alone. The little kittens will always have each other, even if I go away for a day or two. My relationship with them will not be the same as with Glen, but I will have two little someones to take care of and talk to in my otherwise empty apartment.

m!! this is wonderful! I am happy for you---!!!! People have differing views about replacing a pet--but as you say it is never an actual replacement...that can't be done!
For myself I am not going to get another kitty (right now) I still have my indoor kitty and I am so glad I do!! I love that you got the "siblings". --maybe some time you can post some photos of them--!!
as for how long it takes to really "get over" Glennie--you'll never "get over" her!! You'll just continue to focus
on the positive when you look back--that seems to be how it works for most.
Don't feel bad about your last look at your kitty--we humans tend to project our own feelings (sometimes incorrectly) onto what we think we sense. Glennie loved you from the beginning, throughout your entire 15 years and still does.

Patti

CONGRAT'S MIRSY, ABOUT JAZZ & MUPPY!!!!!!! You're going to have so much fun with
your new furkids, and I am happy that you adopted two of them!!!

After having your precious Glennie, for 15 years, I understand.....

The silence in your house was most likely, "deafening".......

I know that the silence was JUST TOO MUCH....... I never, ever thoughts I'd want anymore
furkids, after our girl was put to sleep.........but, my heart changed....

It took Ben & I one month to the day, that our girl went to Rainbow's Bridge.
But, we went to a shelter and adopted Lucy and Mr. Yoster.

Lucy is 6 and Mr. Yoster is 7 years old.

Ernestine still lives within my heart, but our hearts are HUGE ENOUGH to expand & grow to
find much more room to love our newest furbabies!!

God Bless you!!!

Love, Denise

Dear friends:

Jazz and Muppy are still hiding in the apt. so I have not been able to really talk to them yet. I feel sad and empty without my Glen. But, I have always loved other cats. My sister has two cats and I am good friends with them. I already love Jazz and Muppy. My friend helped me a lot by telling me that the relationship you will have with the new pet is different than the one you had with the old one. Patti, thanks for your point about projection. It is so true. I did not really know how to say goodbye to her. My main concern was not to linger as I knew she would become more and more anxious, the longer she was at the vet.

Click here for Jazz and Muppy's first pic....It is not very good, but I did not want to freak them out with the flash. Jazz is on the left and Muppy is on the right. Jazz is the leader and Muppy is very, very shy, according to the humane society.

http://members.rogers.com/m-smith/Jazz.htm

Even with all the wonderful people on this site, the great friends, spouse and family I have - the BEST thing in my healing process and the most amazing thing was....

Waking up to my new kitten patting my cheek gently so that I would lift up the covers and allow him to cuddle up to me in the morning.

I hope you have many of those healing and beautiful moments with your little ones. Cherish them and enjoy them - they are precious and miraculous little beings.

oh my!! does muppy look like ginger?? I think so!! what beautiful kitties!!! love the names jazzy and muppy!!! what does muppy mean? so cute!! they sit together like peas in a pod!

Jazz and Muppy have just come out from behind the couch and walked around past me to get to litter/food/water. Jazz leads the way for Muppy. Once Jazz has done, it Muppy follows. I used to always speak to my Glennie (I did this from the first day); however, these cats meow to each other as a means of communication. If Muppy gets lost or Jazz moves too far away, Muppy meows, seemingly for Jazz to come back or wait up. I tried to talk to Jazz but she backed off so I dropped my voice to a whipser, which she seemed to find less scary. These little kittens have a complex relationship, which is fascinating to watch.

Jazz is the name of a friend's cat. I liked it because Jazz is the "lead" of the two and has a bit of edge. Muppy was the nickname of a friend of mine when he was a kid. I thought it was a great nickname and a good name for a little kitten who is shy. When I called the vet to make an appointment for their vaccinations, they told me they had quite a few dogs named Muppy, but no cats.

I have found myself reliving my first days with Glen and wrote a long note in my journal today about what Glen was like as a little kitten. Although it is fifteen years ago, it seems like yesterday.

it is so cool to read this!!! they sound so dear!
I have never had a kitten--all my cats came to me fully grown
I bet it is fun to watch them grow up!
I bet it was bittersweet to relive your first days with Glennie--
but it is so great you have your new little ones right there
to keep you company

I love what folks name their pets! jazz and muppy are great names!

I am happy for you and your two new owners. You will have such fun with them. And I am sure that Glennie is smiling to see you with them.

Congratulations on Jazz and Muppy!

I very much agree with what everyone else here has said...

Oh, and I too appreciated Patti's comment on "projection." Reading this helped me with some of my guilt thoughts over "saying goodbye" to Little Girl at the vet's when she was put to sleep.

Keep us posted on things. I haven't looked at their pictures yet, but I will!

Glennie is pleased---and proud of her Mommy for giving a home to these 2 kids.