[AND THE TRAGIC ACCIDENT -- THE DEATH OF MY LITTLE BIRD -- BECAUSE I KNOW MANY OF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED TRAGIC ACCIDENTS TOO]
I have been reading all of the tragic things that have been happening to everyone, I have been lamenting the loss of my little Hannah 11 months ago today, and I was lying on my bed looking for a poem to post for Hannah's memorial tonight.

I had moved Babe's cage well out of reach of the new dogs. But I would let him out and he would get on top of his cage. He was in there just whistling his pretty little tune and I had thought of going to get him to bring him in my room with me. All of a sudden, I heard him screaming and I heard the dog. I dashed it there and grabbed him up. He was still alive and I ran over to my neighbor's. He was still alive, but only for a few minutes.

My little bird that I raised is DEAD. I KNEW I was supposed to learn how to appreciate what I still have, yet I still haven't paid much attention to him because I have been so consumed with grief over Hannah and just self-absorbed.

I AM HOLDING THIS little bird that I had raised. I have had him for about six years, but I always loved Hannah the most. That little bird was Hannah's friend, and he loved me very much. I think he may have gotten down on the floor to head in here when the dog got him.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I KNEW that dog was watching him. I tried to be careful. I moved him to a safe place, I closed the latch on his cage every time I left home.

I hate myself, and I hate those both of those dogs now. I should have never gotten them. I really don't know what I was thinking. I can't seem to do anything right these days. My little bird is dead, and I haven't seen Hannah in almost three months. What in the world is happening here? What in the world have I done now? What in the world am I going to do?????

Oh God, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. How could I have put the little bird in such jeopardy? What am I going to do now?

oh marcia!!! I am looking for your phone number!!!
Patti
I will PM you mine!!!

Oh my God Marcia,
After all you have been through, my dear, I wish I could send you a hug. How trrible, when you were just getting your feet wet again with the dogs, Death arrives and everybody gets to go back to being a bloody mess.

Don't kick the dogs out today. Just breathe and go very slowly

Pray to Hannah, IM me if you want to talk and Ill give you my number.

You have been a healer here; let yourself be healed.
We love you
Ariel

Dear Marcia:

I have to "ditto" what Ariel just said.....

I am here for you, and if you would like my phone number, please PM or e-mail me.....

As Ariel stated, "You have been a healer here; let yourself be healed."

Why do these awful, terrible things happen?? I don't know.....
????? In this case, "instinctive"????
I don't really know.....

But, I know that's definitely not enough for your broken heart.
And, I am very, very sorry!!!!

It's awful, it's shocking, it is very, very scary..... But, please, try not to hate your two new furkids....
Really.....
Had they all been outdoors, it is an instinctual thing.

All I can say Marcia, is that I am very, very sorry, and that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Really------this is very hard to deal with...

I hope that you & Patti were able to connect this evening, to talk...
That always helps, I think.....

I hate that all this has happened to you, I really do....
You just got your two new furfamily friends, and now this.....

I am sooooooooooooooooooo sorry......
I don't have the right words to say what I would like to say, and I am sorry!!!!

Please, pray to your Hannah Girl...... She had a lot of answers, didn't she??
You stated that this little bird was Hannah's friend..... Well, you know who met your little bird friend at the Bridge????
It was your beloved "Hannah Girl"....
No question there!!!! I'm sure she was there to greet her special friend!!!!

I recall, in the past in LS, there were a few people whose "animal friends" met a similar fate.
I hope that they are "reading posts", so that they will come on and answer yours; give you some advice....

And, as Ariel said, "We do love you, Marcia"......
You're a wonderful person....

God Bless you!!!!!

Love Always,
Denise

I am so sorry!! As I am grieving our loss, it is easy to have tunnel vision and forget that so many others are experiencing their own loss. You did everything you could for you little friend! As I am learning myself, things happen and we will never understand it but it wasn't your fault! Take comfort that your Babe is with Hannah and they are happy and together again. And thank you for your kind words to me as we are getting through our pain. You are in my prayers.

Oh Marcia, I am so sorry. Your poor little bird. You must be so devastated.

Here is a strange thing: My "sweet lil Luba" killed my beloved budgie shortly after I got her back in '95. It just had not occured to me that she would do this, as the dog that I had before her LOVED the budgie. I was so upset about that when it happened.

Email me anytime.

Again. I am so very sorry.

Hi friends of babyhannahsmom
I did get to talk to marcia yesterday, I don't think she would mind if I gave you a little update.

She was very upset as you can imagine. She said after she and I finished talking she would go over
to her friend's house (even though it was late, her friend is apparently a person equipped to console
at any hour, thank goodness!). I was really glad to hear this because above all else I really wanted her to get a hug!!

We talked about the whole incident and despite the fact she is in shock and devastated, in typical
babyhannahsmom style she said a few things that comforted ME! (right in the midst of her personal tragedy!)

We were both wondering why DO these things happen??....does the new pet taking the life of her other pet "serve a purpose"? Is there a plan? or do these things take place just out of some sort of cruel randomness?
Right there through her tears marcia said:

" I know that there are things we can't see with our eyes that are still there...like the wind, you can't see wind but you know it's there. and love too, you don't see love --you FEEL love...so I think there is "spirit" --because we don't see something with our eyes doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Every soul, people and animals alike, unfold into an energy that surrounds us all"

She was saying all that while looking at her lifeless bird! What a beautiful and positive thing to say especially right then. Suddenly, my thoughts shifted to my Ginger. I love what marcia said.

I hope to talk with her again today..but I just wanted to fill you in and I don't think she would mind that I did.

Marcia, I agree with what the others have written. I am so sorry for your latest loss. I don't have much to add, but just wanted to offer some support!

Dee Dee

Thank you all again and especially my dear friend Patti for all the time she spent talking with me and sharing my sorrow and her sorrow. I can't believe I had to go all the way to Oregon to find someone to "hold my hand" and be willing and caring enough to spend so much time talking to me, especially after all she's been through.

It's 2:00 in the morning. I went out tonight and had a few drinks. Last night and today, I talked to so many people that I've known for so long, but nobody really understands except you guys. I got home and only one person who I had just left a message for called me today, except for Patti, although one of the ladies I have been working with trying to save some feral cats sent me an email sympathy card.

I am glad Patti updated you all, because I have been lost today, except for her. I will try to really respond to you all tomorrow. Of course, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for caring and understanding.

I still have the two little dogs. I forgave the little poodle right away. I know she didn't mean to kill my baby bird, and I feel so sorry for her still. She has already been abandoned for some reason, and I cannot and will not abandon her. I only hope and pray I can forgive myself. My heart is certainly broken and were it not for you all and again, especially Patti, I feel utterly alone. I know I was trying tohelp and I did not mean for my little bird to be sacrificed.

I must have talked to at least ten people today, including my dear brother, but none of them have called back to check on me, I am heartbroken.
But I did talk to a psychologist friend of mine, and she said maybe I should start by forgiving the dog and forgiving the friends who have not been there for me. That sounds right to me. I know I was trying to do something good and right, and it just hurts so that it all seems to have turned out so wrong right now.

My two little friends -- gone in less than three months. I am heartbroken. I am so so sad. No baby girl Hannah, and no bird to sing his beautiful little songs to wake me tomorrow -- only an empty cage on my porch.

I'm sorry. I'm so tired. I will write again tomorrow when maybe I can make some sense. Thank you my friend Patti, and thank you all so much.

Please do one thing for me -- if you do have an animal with you still, go love it and thank God for them. I KNEW I should have just let it be me and Babe for awhile. He loved me, and he needed my love, and in my grief for Hannah, Ishort-changed the little fellow. I never meant to hurt him. I was trying to do the right thing and a good thing, but it turned out so wrong for my little innocent trusting bird.

I love you all for being so good to me and so caring and for taking your time to respond to me.
Thank you so very much.
Marcia

gladly done marcia--I hugged my Ruggles cat and gave him an extra squeeze.

It was wonderful to talk with you yesterday. You are one awesome person, and like I told you I think your personal support system is sorely lacking!! When I lost Ginger I did at least have a few people to lean on. geezzzz it would have been rotten to have faced it totally alone.

I know it is back to work for you today--but check in and let us know how it went today if you can.

You told me Babe and Hannah more than tolerated one another, they seemed to like one another. It is a pleasant image to think of them being together again at the rainbow bridge, your Babe riding on Hannah's back.

your pal,
Patti

babyhannahsmom,
I am sorry for your loss . . . it must be devistating. I don't think your little bird thought he was short changed. He loved you and you him. I know it is hard but we all go through this in different degrees. I feel the same about my Indy. Please just try to grieve and not be too hard on yourself. You did your best. I hope this helps a little and maybe one day I'll take my own advise. Give yourself some you time as well. This was just an accident. Good Luck and you are in my thoughts.
ChrissyW

MARCIA,

I just read your story through tears!!! I just sent you an email.

I promise you that your little bird does not want you to hate yourself---for anything. In the realm he's in now, he understands everything. He definitely understands how grief-stricken you've been over losing Hannah. It is understandable in your grief to not have been totally "there" for Babe. That doesn't make you a bad Mom. YOU ARE HUMAN and you have been trying to get through the excruciating pain. And about the poodle's instinct taking over and getting Babe... as Chrissy W said, it was an accident. Accidents happen every day, to everyone. Many are minor, but there are many also that can major, and the people who feel they are at fault would do almost anything to turn back time. But it was still an accident. If the roles had been reversed and it was you who had been killed, you would not want Babe to hate himself. You would want him to be able to forgive himself.

I appreciate what Patti said: "It is a pleasant image to think of them being together again at the rainbow bridge, your Babe riding on Hannah's back." They are both 100% spirit now, while you're still made up of mind, body, and spirit. Unfortunately, you're still subject to pain. But Hannah and Babe will never know any kind of pain----not emotional, not physical. Instead, it's all bliss. And when it's your time, you'll all be fully reunited. In the meantime, there are other children, whose souls are still living in bodies here on earth, who need you and who are lucky to be able to have you as their Mom. You are needed here to do some more motherly work. Hannah and Babe are proud of you for this.

We will talk again soon. I'm sending prayers your way.

With love and support,

Kathy

Marcia dear girl--I tried calling you back you left a message for me but maybe I have your number written down wrong because it didn't work--so call me when you can ok??
Patti

Marcia,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your bird... when I lost all three of my furbabies in a 6 month period, at times I felt truly paranoid, like I was being punished for something....

You have been on this board long enough to KNOW (intellectually, at least) that no matter how they pass over, we feel guilty. You did NOT put your bird in jeopardy. This was not your fault....

You said the birdie and Hannah were friends. Maybe they WANTED to be together. --?? ...

I've only been visited by any of my fur babies once. Saki passed over June 19, 2003... Electra went Dec 23. A couple of days before that (12/23) though, I was lying in bed, watching TV and I felt Saki get in my lap, like she always had. It startled me, and I sat there for a second, saying "Saki????" Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I sat up to look. Of course, I couldn't see her... anyway, I know she came to get Electra, to show Lec the way to the bridge. ..... It was so devastating losing all three of them (Freyja passed May 28, 2003), but they had always been together, and perhaps they needed each other on the other side, too...

I hope you DO forgive yourself, the dog, and the people who don't understand. Furbabies are good teachers and one thing they are best at is forgiveness. Hopefully, we can all learn that from them.

Love,
Jennifer

I think you are absolutely right Jennifer, Babe and Hannah needed to be together. Marcia, please don't blame yourself. You are such a good mom to your babies and your new babies need your attention too. I was reading your other post on here and you said the puppy was biting and chewing.....the puppy is trying to get your attention! Animals are so smart and so in-tuned to "us". They know when we are troubled and that little one is reaching out to you. The other one is reacting a bit differently and being withdrawn......you have a lot more love to give your new furbabies so you hang on - they need you!

Take care and God Bless,
Karen

In retrospect, I got my Luba too soon after my previous dog died. She was biting, chewing, doing all of those little puppy things, but I was not quite ready to handle it. Then she got my little bird too. I got quite annoyed with her, and with myself for getting a new dog too soon.

The flip side here is: she became my best buddy, so in the end I did not get her at the wrong time. I would do it the same way again, looking at it now, after having lost her.

Just do your best Marcia. Open your heart to the new little lives in your life.

It's something that I have to consider over the next few months myself, as my Falkor is in bad need of doggy company, and I think I may get him a buddy in October or November.

Good luck!

Oh little Babe,
One year ago I lost you too.. I miss you my precious sweet little Babe and your big sister Hannah. I am sorry Babe, and I pray with all my heart that you and Hannie Annie O are flying high together waiting for mommy. I love you beautiful bird.

Dear Marcia,

I remember the first time I read this thread about the tragic death of Babe. My heart just ached for you.

I'm sure that today Babe and Baby Hannah are running and flying and having a great time.

I'm thinking of you and little Babe on his one year anniversary.
Love,
Kathleen

Marcia, I am SO, SO sorry to hear about the terrible event and the awful pain you are feeling.
It was NOT YOUR FAULT. You MUST remember this ALWAYS.
There are no words that I can say that haven't already been said by your wonderful friends on this site. With that in mind, I just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts and my prayers.
Take care, sweetie -
Love,
Amanda ***x