Hi all! I am new to this site. I found it last week after we lost our beautiful 11 yr Orion on October 20, at 12:20PM. He was the most loving and special kittyson anyone could ever have.
Orion was a tiny baby of 6 weeks when we got him in 1996 and very sickly. He had to take meds from the very day we brought him home. But we fell in love with him immediately and my husband started calling him his *son* from the beginning.
Orion grew up to be a BIG boy. At 25 lbs he was our biggest cat. Then he started losing weight and looking ill. We immediately took him to the vet and he was diagnosed with diabetes. We had our ups and downs with that disease for 8 yrs with him. He did pretty well for long periods of time and then the insulin dose would need to be changed. The last year he was regulated very well and we had no problems with his diabetes. In March of this year, I noticed that he looked like he had retained a LOT of fluid in his abdomen. He was really round and sloshy. I am a Vet Tech and I knew there were probably only a handful of things that would cause fluid buildup in the abdomen. An abcess from a cat bite was not out of the question in our house, but I could not find one. My heart sank. The only other likely cause was cancer.
It was one of the times in my life that I was mortified at being right. He was diagnosed with Mastocytoma of the spleen and liver and the Vet at that time gave him 2-3 months. We were devastated. I knew what the diagnosis and prognosis meant. My husband was in denial because he did not know about how cancer moves so quickly in cats.
We cancelled a vacation in May to Walt Disney World for a month, because we knew if he had only 2-3 months to be here, we were NOT going to be gone and leave him for one second! We prayed and stayed with him and kept up with his insulin and feeding him well. He started to lose a little weight slowly and by June he was still thriving. He could still jump and down from the counter and furniture and he was doing really well. After a second ultra sound, we learned the cancer had not grown or spread, this was wonderful news to us. But he started to throw up after meals, so we had to put him on an anti-nauseal med and give him pepcid twice a day. Our lives wwere consumed with caring for him. We are retired so we were here 24/7 and were able to give him his meds exactly on time twice a day and his insulin exacly on time twice a day.
As the Summer went on, he grew skinnier and skinnier, but still had alot of energy and he was doing really well. We took him in every 2 weeks to have the fluid drained from his belly and he seemed to do well with that.
Then, in mid October, he started to slow down and just did not have as much energy and spark. By that time we were up to meds 3 times a day and we literally had spent the entire Summer in the house with him. I went nowhere the whole year. I am slightly disabled anyway and can't walk very long so staying home with my babyboy was something that was easy for me to do. I was with him every minute. He hung out on the computer desk with me when I was online and slept next to me and curled right in to me on the bed when he was feeling particularly sick.
By the 17th of October, we noticed he was peeing on the floor outside his box. My heart sank, that is a very bad sign, when they start peeing outside of the box AND they have cancer. He kept peeing outside of the box that day and the next and was starting to drink voracious amounts of water like he did when he first got diabetes. He had gone in the Vet 3 weeks before this with dehydration and came back fine and did not have another problem until the 17th, Wednesday.
Friday, the 19th was an awful day. He was literally drinking water, then going to the office and peeing immediately. I knew in my heart, then he was in kidney failure. The water was bypassing his kidneys altogether and going right through him. He never seemed to be in any pain though, the whole time. We got him to the Vet and they drained a liter of fluid from his abdomen, gave him some sub-Q fluids and some pain meds to get him through the night. We had called the vet that was to come to our home to euthanize him here. We set it up for Saturday morning, the next day...
We awoke and it was just horrendous. I could not get hold of myself and we prepared a spot with his favorite blanket and he just did not feel good. He was very sick. I gave him pain meds and we lay down with him on the blanket and just cuddled for a while. Then I took him outside for a little walk and he loved to watch the bees and butterflies and the leaves being blown around by the wind.
The Vet arived and ran us through all the paperwork and it was time to say goodbye.
She administered the life ending dose of meds in his abdomen at 11:50AM and we lay with him until he was gone at 12:20PM.
We took him around in a basket so our other 3 cats could see him and say goodbye to their buddy. That was difficult. The other 3 were just freaked by the whole thing and for days acted so strange.
Orion's ashes came back to us on Thursday Oct 25th and we had a rough time with that. My husband finally let go and could not hold it in anymore. Orion had come home and it was not how we had wanted him to come home.
My arms ache to hold my litle kittyboy again. He would wrap his front legs around my neck and hug me.. I miss his soft, silky coat and his scent. He smelled so different than any of our other cats, he had his own special smell. I miss that. I want to hold him so bad and I know that I will have that chance again when I meet him on the Rainbow Bridge, but I am so lonely without him now. Even with the other cats here, it is not the same place without him. He was one of those special cats you get a few times in a lifetime. I have had cats all my life and I have loved them all. But, there a few who for some reason stand out as a cat you had a special bond with. Orion was this kind of cat. We have another in our house right now as well. My Tawny, whom I have been with for 15 yrs is the cat of my heart and she is a comfort to me right now.
Anyway, I wanted to share my story with those who understand. And it was God's guidance that brought me here, just as it was God who gave us the extra 6 months of life with Orion after he was initially given 2-3 months to live. He lived 6 more months and I had prayed with every fiber of my core for that extra time. God answered my prayers with a miracle and he showed me the way to this site.

I love you my little kittyboy! Orion, you are mommy's babyboy!

What a magnificent cat ...those eyes, how gorgeous. I'm so sorry you lost him.

We all know how you feel.
Mack and Sadie's mom,
Dayna

Your story brings fresh tears. My heart is breaking for you and your family. Orion is a beautiful boy. Nickels was diagnosed with end stage diabetes at 13. He went incredibly fast. You have come to the only place that has brought comfort to most of us. Your family and Orion are in my thoughts and Prayers.

Michelle

Hello Kittymomma, Let me start out by saying I'm so sorry for your loss. I have been having a hard time myself for about 2 weeks now. Things just remind me of my kitty.
Everyone here knows what you are going through. This is the best place in the world to come to for support, the people here are loving, kind, and compassionate.

I can actually express myself here about the love I felt for my Bue-Bue. So any feelings you have or pics, or anything, please post.

I read your post first while your kitties pic loaded, my eyes filled up with tears for you, and your husband. Once I saw the pic I really started crying, you'll see why

This is my cat Twubby he has been gone for 10 yrs

Thank you so much, all, for your kind words...I knew I had found the right place to come to talk about my sorrow when I read some of the posts before posting myself! Oh my goodness, Bue's Mommy! They really look alike. I love big gray kitties and Orion was so special. I had a rough afternoon today again. The pain just comes up on you from out of nowhere and smacks you in the back of the head and in your heart. I was so depressed and sobbing again and I laid down at 5PM and went to sleep. I awoke at 9Pm! It is the only thing that allows me to escape the pain of him not being here. I just really miss his physical presence in the house. The other three cats we have, have been acting so different. The dynamics between all the cats has changed. Orion was a tough guy, but fair. he would never start fights, but Tinkerbell would always attack him and he would wap her with one paw and they all knew not to mess with him too much. So now there is a scramble for Alpha position. Tawny, my 15 yr old really is the Alpha cat, but a quiet, strong cat who does not prowl the house a lot.
We are talking of getting a kitten or 2 kittens after the first of the year to bring some kitten joy back into the house. Kittens have a way of balancing things at the same time they are making everything crazy. You know what I mean? Kittens would certainly put the naughty Tinkerbell into her place.
I know the pain will come and go. It just is so hard to deal with. The pain can be so sharp, it literally takes your breath away and you have to breathe slowly to get back to normal. I wish I could just hold him again. He loved to be held by *mommy*! He had a way of putting one front leg on one side of my neck and one front leg around the other, he would literally hug me. It was amazing how he did that! And then he would meaow softly while I talked to him and he would purr so loud.... He always came looking for me during the day and would hang out with me wherever I was. And I would sneak him a little treat. He loved that.
Thank you again for being here. This is a wonderful godsend of a place. I will be here to share and hopefully help other's with their pain as well.
God Bless you all!
susan

Here is another picture of my babyboy!

OMG, it's like we were separated at birth, I have 3 other kitties at home also. I have always loved grey cats too.
If you get a chance check out my thread Susan, they dynamics in my household changed too.
Bue was the calming figure in the house, when he passed it upset the balance. Now my little girl Zena goes around beating up everyone.
Sometimes Nibblez beats her back, and then she stands next to me. She knows he will not go after her if she does that, lol.
Your Orion is so dam handsome, regal looking. My current kitty ages are Puddin app 11yrs, not sure because she is the only family member that I did not adopt as a kitten. Zena 9, Nibblez 7.
Please post more pics of your babyboy, they will always be with us in our hearts Susan.

Grey one Puddin, Tiger Nibblez, Money Cat Zena

Okay we have 3 in our house right now...Tawny who is the cat of my heart. She is 15 and I have been with her longer than I have been with my husband. She is my best friend and confidant and has to go to the vet again today, because she is having intestinal problems again...I am so gun shy when they go to the vet now...She is having pain in her abdomen and is scooting on the floor on her butt. She had this same thing about 2 months ago and it's back . I am praying so hard that it is not the Big C again. It was an infection before, but a recurrence is not good.This is my Tawny:

I could not find an edit button to add to a previous post so I guess I will just add another post...This next cat is our naughty kitty, Tinkerbell, who beats everyone up. She is 4 this year and a holy terror! She nips at us and our feet as we go by and she loved to *try* to beat up Orion. She could not, he was too cool and tough for her. He just needed to sit there while she attacked him andf then would put out a paw and wap her hard. She just never learned, kept coming back for more, she is something else, pretty but naughty as all get out!

Tinkerbell, or as I call her Stinkerbell!



Just found the modify button....

I will need to find a picture of Oliver. He is our 10 yr old Flame Point. He is very shy and does not like to be held or even be around us much. He is a very solitary cat and we let him do his thing. Sometimes he comes and sleeps with us now that Orion is gone. He was VERY sad to lose Orion, they were best buddies. Oliver is very meek and I don't really know why, he has been with us since he was a baby, and was okay for a few years, then started to get real shy. I will find a pic and post it later.
Bue's Mommy, your cats are very pretty. Isn't it wonderful to have a house ful?
I am the crazy cat lady and hubby is the crazy cat man! We love cats and will always have them in the house. I feel a house just is not a home without cats in it! I am looking forward to after the holidays bringing another cute kitty petchild home! There is always room for more in this house and we have so much love to give here.
I had a bad afternoon yesterday, I was talking with my hubby about picking up some scrapbooking items and just burst into tears and started crying. I could not stop and I hurt so bad for Orion. I got really mad, not AT HIM for dying, but at the unfairness of him dying. He was an innocent little cat who just loved everyone, Why did he have to get so many illnesses to fight when there are heinous criminals out there that just get away with murder and other crimes and don't ever seem to be punished? I don't know if I am making sense or not, but I was mad that Orion had to leave us earlier than he should have and those who are awful don't get punished! I know God has reasons and I guess, I have to trust those reasons. But I just miss my baby so much. It is a physical pain, like my heart is breaking and I cannot stop it when it comes. Then it goes and I am calm again and can think about Orion without crying. I feel crazy and I know that is a normal thing. I have gotten many of the books that are recommended for grief and they make sense, when nothing seems to make sense in how I am feeling. I feel okay after reading them. I know that my heart and head are all mixed up and I have to go through it to get to the other side. Just like Winter, you have to get through the cold and snow to see the fresh green buds of Spring...I know it, but it still hurts. I went to bed at 5PM because sleep is the only respite I have from the pain. I awoke at 9PM and felt a little better, but empty still. I had nightmares last night and napmares yesterday afternoon. I know I am in for a long haul, but I know that the love was worth having to go through this pain. My life is richer for having had Orion in it!
Thanks to everyone here and God Bless this site!
It is saving my sanity!
Susan

Susan, have you seen Furkidlet's Mom's kitty, she looks just like ours, lol.
I'm hoping this site will help you through your journey, as it has helped so many.
Orion treated Tinkerbell the way Bue treated Zena, my rambunctious female, lol.

Let me just say Tinkerbell is a princess, lol omg she is beautiful. I came to the realization that if my cats were the ugliest kitties on the planet, they would still be beautiful to me.

I also realized that when compiling their pictures, that is the only time I saw their ages. When ever I look at my babies I see the kitten in there faces. Is Tinkerbell a Himalayan, or Siamese. I had a Himalayan named Ian that I adopted from a shelter when he was 5yrs old.

Please let me know how your vet vist*it goes, ok?

The Vet visit was fine, whewwwwwww....It was just her &%^ glands again....It has only been 2-3 months since she last had a problem with them, so I don't know why she keeps having issues there. Age maybe! I am relieved and still melancholy about Orion...
Stinkerbell (LOL) is a tri-color DLH, no pedigree, just a brat! I have heard tricolor long hairs are very naughty and have LOTS of cat*itude! She sure does! She has started chasing down Tawny the last couple days. She better hope that Tawny does not turn and fight her. Tinkerbell will lose. Tawny is a mellow cat and likes her privacy and calm, but mess with her and she is one of the meanest fighters I have ever seen. She can get vicious! Scares me. I have only seen her a couple times like that and those were when Tink tried to corner her. A No-No for Tink to try to corner Tawny! She comes out claws flashing and I don't want to be part of that. For the most part our cats get along, except when Tink gets it in her head she is bored and tries to start something. None of the other cats try to start fights, they would rather be left alone...Tink just has this crazy streak.
But my beautiful Tawny is okay and I am relieved. I look forward to kittens that will terrorize Tink! She will get a taste of her own medicine!
Thanks for being here. I am okay today so far, but I know it comes and goes and you never know when and it is still so fresh in our minds. I look at Ori's picture and it just makes me long for him. He was the cutest, most lovable boy. He just loved being held and cuddled and would wrap his furry *arms* around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder and purr and meow to me. Those were treasured moments, I will never forget. It makes me smile today to think about it.
susan

I cried again today...and yesterday...It just creeps up on me and I never know when I am going to feel the pain. It has only been 2 weeks since we lost our beloved Orion and it is going to seem an eternity til we see him again. I just NEED him sometimes to hold. He was my snuggle cat, none of the other's want to to cuddle up with me, they are all too independent. I miss burying my head in his neck while he laid his head on my shoulder and his scent. The scent that was his only...My heart is just aching tonite. I don't want to hurt like this any more. I can't take it. I love him so much. He really was my babyboy. Like I said, since we had no human children, our cats ARE our children and that is how strongly we love them. That is how strongly I am hurting. I lost one of my beautiful children.





I love you my babyboy, Orion, mommy misses you so much!

This is a picture we took on his last day in his earthly body...




You're momma's boy, Ori...

Here is a picture of our third cat Oliver...I can't get good pics of him because he hides and runs if I try to take a picture...He was Orion's best friend and misses Ori so much. He has been crying for him and looking around the house still. When we took Orion's body in the basket after he had passed to all the cats to sniff and say goodbye, Oliver laid his head ion the basket next to Orion's head and his eyes filled with tears and he cried. I saw it! He loved Orion so much and Orion loved him and always took care of Oliver. They slept together when they were very young and they slept near each other as they got older. Oliver would clean Orion and Orion would return the favor. They would lay in the sun together sharing the same patch of sun on the floor in the dining room in the morning when the sun's warm rays streamed through the window and warmed them up! They were such good buddies. Oliver is despondent and very shy as well. I have tried to catch him before he runs under the bed and cuddle with him everyday, but he still is so solitary of a cat. Maybe getting kittens after the first of the year will help him. I don't know how to ease his pain of losing his best friend, except to hold him and cuddle and talk to him gently. He still runs like the devil is after him when I put back down. Just a very shy and solitary cat, he is!

Here is another picture of Orion BEFORE he got sick...He was a BIG boykitty!



and a picture of him with his favorite wittle bear...

What absolutely beautiful pictures of Orion! I hear all your thoughts, about the hugging and purring and all of it. We didn't have children either so, yes, the pets we have had mean so very much to us. I feel your pain. I still cry everyday and I am crying as I type this. My babyboy "Little Guy" had a favorite little throwrug by my computer desk. He loved to mess it up by grabbing it until it lay in ripples rather than flat. He will never play with that again. It is here for him but he is not here. Oh, I can't write anymore. Yes, the pain is very great because we loved them so and we were never ready to have them leave us. we just are not given the choice but I am thankful for 16 years and when I hear of cats in their 20's, I wanted that also so no matter how long we are given, it is never long enough. My dogs were always taken around 12 so I never expected the kittens who were born in our backyard to be around so long. We had put down our last dog and were not going to get another until after we moved to another State. So our quiet yard was where a feral momma cat decided to have her kittens on Memorial Day 1991. We wound up with 3 of them and the last was Little Guy.

Dear Lovethem! I feel your sadness and I sit with you, my arm about your shoulders and we cry together for our little boys. It IS so tough without them and no matter how well I do one day, it seems the grief just comes back on another. Up and down, back and forth, I come here and read the posts and get the tears out and put up some more pictures of Orion. I still just want that furry little body on the desk here with me, where I just reached out my left hand and could scratch him behind the ears or plant a big smooch on his head. He talked to me while I was *computing* LOL! He somehow knew where the escape key was, so that if he put his paw on it, it would erase my screen and I would have to talk to him. I would never get mad, just laugh, cause he was so funny. He would try to lay on the keyboard itself. He just wanted me to focus on him. I did so much. I don't get out of the house much due to a very bad painful back and so, Orion and I would hang out together. The other kitties just like to be left alone, they are much more solitary. Orion had his moments too, when he wanted to be alone, but mostly he wanted to be around us. In the kitchen, as soon as he heard that refrigerator door open, he would come running! LOL! He would wind through your legs around your feet and you had to watch out or he could take you down! He was always hungry! From the time we got him he never could get enough to eat, so he developed pica, where they eat odd things. I would find a pair of gloves with one of the fingers missing from one, I would find a blouse with a bite out of it. My husband HAD to put his shoes up, or Orion would eat the laces. Poor hubby went through so many shoelaces...LOLOLOL! He finally stopped that habit of eating clothes later when he got big and fat, 25 lbs of him. That is when he developed diabetes. We had a lot of work keeping him regulated, but for the past yr, he really was well regulated and we did not have any real problems with his diabetes. The diabetes made it very difficult and impossible to treat the cancer in some ways. We could not give him Pred for the fluid buildup because of the diabetes. We really could not put him through surgery to remove his spleen because of the diabetes. And so we prayed and we got 6 months from God. Our vet, Dr Santen from that show "Emergency Vets" on Animal Planet was amazing. He knew and I knew, being a tech that cancer moves pretty quickly, so he prognosed 2-3 mths, but he was so happy to see that Orion made him into a liar. He laughed and said Orion was a tough cat and that he would show Dr. Santen that he could live longer than 2-3 measly months! And he did!
I paise God and Orion every day, God answered my prayers and Orion was tough and did not want to leave before he was ready. When he went, he was so calm and peaceful. I looked at him and knew he knew he was ready. He was amazing that way. He always took care of my sadness and moods. And I always kissed hinm and hugged him every minute I could. I will miss his furry little body and the way he smelled and felt in my arms forever, but I know he is here. My hubby says he has talked to Orion and that Orion tells him he is fine and knows we will be there someday. I have yet to hear Orion, but I know I will. I have been too noisy and busy to take the time to stop and listen. I think it is because if I allow myself to quiet down and listen, then I think I will just cry again and never stop...
Our beloved babies are waiting for us and they are as patient as they were on this planet with us. They know we will be reunited with them again and they want us to know that too. So I cry with you, together we hug each other and share our tears and our joy at having known and loved them and having been loved by them. Be at peace my friend, it is okay to cry. It cleanses the spirit and helps you to move toward the peace that is coming.
susan =^.^=

Here is another pic of Orion...



and another cute one, one of his favorite places to take a snooze...LOL! He would fall asleep with me holding him and his head would fall and there ut would stay.

Susan, What wonderful stories you have and those pictures of Orion are so touching and beautiful. You replied in my topic of How Do I stop crying and asked to see some pictures of my Little Guy. He only got to 16 pounds, not like Orion. The bigger they are, the more there is to hold and love. Today I posted about 7 pictures in the Tribute section so I thought maybe you would like to go over there and take a look. I didn't know how to put 2 pictures in one post to I just added a reply for each one which worked out well, cause I was able to tell a little story about each picture, which helped me to talk.

When I hear stories of each one's special friend, I feel as if I get to know them also and can miss them along with their owners. So many wonderful pictures I have seen and many of them show actions I remember my Little Guy doing also.

Take care and keep in touch.

Judy (Little Guy's Mom...forever)

Kittymomma,
Orion is such a big, beautiful kitty. I had one who looked like him that we named midnight. I'm so sorry that you lost him, he looks like such a gentle guy. It's so hard to let them go. I hope you find peace during this sad time.

Thank you so much LoveThem and Fuzzysmom! Orion was a special boy and he knew it! He always had a sly way of getting treats from mommy when daddy wasn't looking and he just made you want to give them to him. He was a charmer, that is for sure. My hubby had a really rough day yesterday with his grief. I have been going off and on, it is almost 3 weeks now and I miss him like crazy. My hubby's stepmom asked us if we had gotten another cat yet to replace him. They don't understand animal people. They have never had the love of an animal so they just don't know what it is like. I could get angry, but I know it is only because she was raised with no pets, ever.
We are thinking of starting to look for a kitten or two after the first of the year. I like having a houseful of cats. They liven the place up and give so much to us. We still have our 15 yr old (the cat of my heart) Tawny and 10 yr old Oliver and 5 yr old Tinkerbell. I think it would be great if we could bring home another kitten or 2 WHEN we find ones that we connect with. I will always have cats in the house. I love them so much.
Here is another picture of Ori after getting one of his treats, he really isn't sticking his tongue out at us!
Orion, you are a well loved angelcat! Mommy and Daddy are thinking about you every single day!

I think it is time for me to add a tribute to Orion in the Tribute section. I am feeling like I can talk about him without bursting into tears everytime. I still have those dark moments that sneak up, as does my husband, but it does get easier with each day. I love my little Orion, he is in my heart and head and no one can ever take that away. I want to give him a fitting tribute and memorial. I will start to work on which pictures and stories to add there.
You have all helped me so much here. It is an honor to be here and help others as they come to us with their stories of loss and pain. I have learned from this site how to help heal myself by helping others in their grief. I thank all of you here and will continue to post and come here daily to build Orion's tribute and help others if I can.
susan

I have been thinking about Orion today and I am crying again...I miss him so much. I have been looking through pictures of him to do a memorial and it hits me; he is gone. I can't hug his furry little body anymore and I can't kiss his soft head. I can't hear him *talking* to me in his little meows and purrs. All I have are my memories and I want HIM back in my arms.

I had been doing very well for days, looking at his pictures made me smile...for some reason it makes me cry today. It has been 3 weeks. I miss him so much and I just want to go lie down and sleep so I won't remember he is not here. It is a beautiful sunny day here and Orion would have loved to go outside with me for a walk. He never went outside, only when I took him for a short walk. There is too much danger for outside cats here in our neighborhood. He would be lying in the sun right now and purring so loud.

I just wonder how long this will last, this horrible depression. I know that I tell clients as a Vet tech what they need to do as someone who loved their pets. I tell them to get some good books about grief and to go through the grieving process with honesty. I have the books, I go through it. It is all well and good to intellectualize the process, but it is not an intellectual pursuit. It is an emotional one, that takes you to the deepest depths of your soul and then up again and back and forth.

I know I will miss Orion until I meet him again. That will be a day of joy for me.
I keep looking at my other cats and imagining when they leave, especially my Tawnygirl who is 15 now. I cannot shake this. I know it is torture to think about it, but I fear the pain again when the next one goes.

I am fortunate enough in life to still have both my parents who are still married to one another after 64 yrs and are 85 yrs old. I have not ever experienced the death of one so close to me. I have lost other cats in the past and dogs when I was younger, they never affected me as strongly as Orion's death did. I was saddened by the loss of my other pets and cried and grieved but not in any way as strong as I have for my little boy, Orion. We had that special connection you have with some creatures. We love them all, but somehow there are a few who get into us and we are one with them. Orion is a cat like that. He is still a huge part of me. Even without his physical body here.

I was feeling bad and needed to get it out, so I came here. This place has been a place of comfort to me.
susan

Oh Baby, I love you much! I miss you with all my heart!

What a sweet boy and beautiftul too! I understand the need to just say something. That's what this forum is all about. I feel about my Little Guy the same way. I call his name wondering where that little soul is. He would never leave me. I was the one who took him out the door to the vet, never to return. Oh, gosh, now I'm breaking up.

Keep communicating and finding more pictures of Orion.

Take care................

I am going to finish up my thread in this forum with a picture of Orion and start working on a memorial/tribute for him in the other forum.

Orion, the supacat!




susan

Orion was very majestic looking. Those eyes are intense. What a great member of your family. And to second everyone, I'm very sorry for your loss. I am finding that being here does help, if only a little at first. And that's something I think we can all find valuable right now.

If you're like me it's hard to look at photos right now. I really had to work up some courage to post the pics of Nova in the other thread. But it does help when others get a chance to meet your children.

Before you move to a new forum, I wanted to come by and pay my respects to your beautiful little Orion. What a regal name. His coloring is gorgeous! I am so sorry for your loss. I know how every so often, you get a punch in the stomach and it hits you as the grief comes flooding back. It's so hard. My thoughts are with you.

OMG the pics are just oo cute of Orion, I thought I was the only one who's male cat used my boobs as a pillow, lol. I really love the one of him winking.

In my mind the pics help us to understand the bond between us, and them. I'm so glad you have so many pics, looking at Orion reminds me so much of my Twubby.

I realized that most of my life I have had a grey kitty in the household, even as a kid. Barnabus was a female that my mom adopted, she was really mean, but we loved her anyways. she lived until she was 23yrs old.

I love looking at your pics, it makes my heart feel good.

This is a pic of Clohe/nickname Ka-Ka, you guessed it, she used to urinate in my bed, and poop at my front door. I adopted her because someone dorpped her off where I used to work. she had lumps in her belly, and was malnourished, but I got on the trolley, and took her to the vet, and she became healthy. I'm not sure how old she was when I found her on the grounds, but I had her for 13yrs.

Talk to you soon

I want to end this thread with a picture of Orion...He will see you at the Tributes Board!!!

I honestly thought I wanted to close this thread and move on to a tribute/memorial thread, but I find myself in deeper pain now than 2 weeks after we lost Orion. I just can't put up a memorial right now. I did not think that the pain would get worse. I thought I would somehow feel better. Orion is the first cat that we ever called our son. I believe I am feeling what a mother goes through when she loses a child. I have never had such empty and painful holes in my heart and my other cats don't seem to be helping when I hold them. I want to hold HIM! I cry and long for HIM! He was a cat like no other and I miss him. Everyday I awake to fresh tears and go to bed at night crying more tears. I could not believe when the pain came roaring back to me after a couple of weeks of being able to talk about him and even smile when we spoke his name. Then for whatever reason, about a week and a half ago, this terrible pain came back and I cannot shake it. I miss him more now then ever. Maybe because he has ben gone for longer now and I kept telling myself he would come back from the vet as he did so many times when he would go in for Ketosis or Hypoglycemia or dehydration. He would sometimes spend weeks there and then come home. We would visit him and knew he would be back with us soon. But not this time. He is gone, his ashes are on a beautiful mantelpiece with his memorial and pictures and whiskers and fur. I touch the fur everyday, hold it to my cheek and cry. It smells of him and I am having a really hard time understanding why he had to die so young. 11 yrs old. He could have had more yrs like some others. I just want him back so badly. So I will continue to come here back to this thread where I first came and cry and post and hope that I can find some peace myself.

susan

Oh, how I miss you babyboy...

He is so beautiful, kittymomma.

He reminds me of a cat at the shelter I work at, Mischief. He has the same piercing eyes and handsome coat. I am sure you miss him terribly. He looks like he was such a sweetheart. *sends you a hug* I can't imagine all of the hurt you are feeling, especially since he was so close to you for so long. Please comfort yourself with the good memories. Try to remember his purring and sunbathing, and all of the things he did that made you and him so very happy. You gave him a great life and a warm home, and I'm sure all of the love in your heart.

-Daisysmom13