I am glad I found this forum. I thought I was doing OK but as time goes on my sadness is getting worse-not better. My Yorkie, Sassy passed away at home Oct 19th. She had over come Cancer of the spleen 2 years ago, the doctor telling me she was a miracle dog for even surviving the surgery. Then 3 months ago I was told her cancer was back, this time on her liver. I had a hard time trying to decide whether to do exporatory surgery, possibly ending her life then or let her live as long as she could without pain. The vet advised, not to do the surgery. Sassy has been my companion for over 10 years, even going to my office everyday! It has been so hard to see her go down hill these last few months. She was not in any pain but she was not herself. I pampered her even more and gave her anything she wanted. I feel so guilty because the day she died I was out of town at a doctor's appointment for my son. I feel like I let her down because I was not there for her. When we got home my husband found her all stretched out on my son's bedroom floor, like she had decided to take nap while waiting for me to come home, laid down and died! I didn't get a chance to say good bye. . .

It has only been a few short days since you lost Sassy. You have a lot of healing ahead of you, and noone and nothing will ever be able to fill the void that Sassy left. She is in good hands now, and things will get better for you, but in other ways you will never

Poor Baby, she looked so cute. I know that you loved her and did all that you could. Don't feel guilty. It's natural to want to blame yourself but there is nothing you could have done. It was just her time.

I think that Sassy probably thought it was the best time to give in to the final sleep. Animals are smart that way.

Be patient with yourself. You are just in the beginning of this grief wave.

Take care
John B

Thank you John B for your words of comfort.

Dear Yorkie Lover, Please don't feel guilty, all the care and love that you have showered on your darling over the last two years, the last few months, the last few days I truly believe that as John said and what you did throughout her life, in sickness and in health, you were always [/U]there for her, because she knew you loved her and that you were with her, in thought, in spirit, in love and that's all she ever needed from you and you delivered! Not that it will be easy but be ready and open to feel her with you, because she is there for you, now and forever.

Dear Yorkielover, I'm very sorry for your loss. I love Sassy's pic she is beautiful. You were such a caring, compassionate mom to Sassy and I believe that your love was her miracle. Please don't blame yourself for not being there. Do you know how our furry friends always would think of us before themselves. How when we would be upset, they would do just about anything to cheer us up. Just a thought , but maybe Sassy couldn't bear to leave w/ you present. Maybe she found peace within herself by knowing that you weren't there. Once again, I 'm very sorry for your loss and please let us know how you are doing. Take carek9pal

You need to be good to yourself, kind to yourself. Do not "rush your your grief"...a lesson I have just recently learned. You have very little time between the passing of your Baby and the present. In my humble opinion you are in the most sickening part of the grief process. As morbid and as gut wrenching as this all feels inside it is apparently normal.

We must speak of guilt. This lowly appariton will taunt you for the rest of your days if you let it. We all go through it. If you had not gone out of town that day rest assured something else would have happened to allow the guilt monster in to try and posses your soul. Guilt seems to be "part and parcel" when it comes to grief. YOU MUST FIGHT IT!!! Search yourself deep inside...you know you have done nothing wrong and loved this creature with all your heart yet you are persecuting yourself based on your perception of one small incident. Does that make any sense? No it it does not. Do not let this monster prolong the pain you must get through to see the light at the end of all this. Yes there is one, but it requires a little work, faith, and a whole lot of tears to get to it. You will rejoice Sassy and laugh when you think of her fondly in the days to come but guilt will keep you in perpetual darkness 'till you are ill and then there is no defense against it.

Come here, talk much and write often. You are in the company of some very great people that habit this place. I cry everytime I come here and read their heartfelt & uplifting posts.

Take care my friend and be kind to yourself.

Thank you so much everyone. It is so nice to have a place to come where others understand what I am going through. I too cry when I come here. I cry for my own loss and for the losses that you each are mourning. Thank you for the strength and kind words of encouragement.

My heart goes out to everyone here and thanks for all the comforting words.

I have been dropping in almost every day to read the posts and to cry. My sweet Sassy girl has been gone for 26 days now. Some days are worse than others, today is a bad day, I miss her so much. Just like she used to watch at the window for me to come home, I know she is watching and waiting for me now. . .

Yorkielover,

I would like to offer my sympathy in the loss of your darling Sassy. By looking at her picture I can see that she was very loved by you. How fortunate you were to be able to take Sassy to your office. I know she enjoyed spending lot's of time with you. You were so lucky that she beat the cancer for 2 yrs. Yes, you were granted a miracle...more time with your fur baby.

I also understood when you said that Sassy wasn't herself for awhile. My Liz was the same way when she was ill with cancer. They so want to stay with us that they'll fight as hard as they can. We are never ready for them to leave us..and we never know when that day will come. Please feel better knowing that Sassy has her wings now for she is an angel watching over you.

Oh YorkieLover,
I am so sorry that you had to come home and find Sassy that way. That must have been so hard. I know it would have bothered me but it bothered me to watch my baby being pts. I think that John is right that that old horrible guilt monster would pop up under just about any cir%%stance. he's right- be kind to yourself and go easy on yourself because this grief really does such a job on us. The pain is so fresh right now and it's important to take care of yourself. Little Sassy was a beautiful little Yorkie with a very big personality who was able to fight cancer at one point in her life-not many beings can do that. She knew you loved her-there is no doubt in my mind. You are in my thoughts and please know that you have a shoulder to cry on here.

More tears. . . thank you for your responses. It is a comfort to know that I have a place to come where others understand my pain. I hope that one day I can be a comfort to someone as all of you have been to me! Thank you

Dear YorkieLover,
We too experienced the heartbreak of cancer of the spleen and liver, though both at the same time with our dear sweet Orion. He fought the good fight as well, as these beautiful little furry loves do. My heart goes out to you. I am still having trouble getting through the anguish of losing our baby. I send you hugs and prayers that you may find some peace of mind. I hold you in my heart and wish for you better days ahead.
susan

YorkieLover: Your baby looks so precious! I am sorry for your loss. We are given the special joy and love of these wonderful friends that is followed by the pain we feel when we lose them. I am glad you had 10 precious years..I know no matter how many..it is never enough. My last baby, Little Guy, left me Sept 10th so I too am in the pain of it being too recent.

You can come here and post as often as you like for there are many here who watch and understand and for those who are a little further in coping....they are here to reach behind and take the hands of those who are in the beginning part of their grief. Together a bond is formed. Nothing can erase what you have to go through but crying, talking, telling stories....this can help distract some of the pain.

I have had so many special friends taken by cancer, when I read someone else has lost to the same disease, I hate it all over again. You did not know when it was going to happen and neither did Sassy. It was just meant to be for that appointment...there is nothing there to feel guilty about. I know how you feel about not saying goodbye at that particular moment because when I make a decision to have the vet take my babies, I can't say goodbye because I am crying so hard I get hysterical at the thought of losing them and I do not want them to get upset by seeing me upset. That bothers me but I can't help that. I wish I could say goodbye. It always seems to be I take them to the vet and plan that they are coming home but once there I am confronted by something that forces the decision. Sassy fought a good fight but now she is tired and is at peace. She has just become an angel to watch over you with love. Bless those 2 extra years!

Hi

Don't let yourself feel guilty about not being there in that final moment. My cat Missy had liver cancer a few years ago and faded away in a matter of a couple of months. I knew she was dying and there was nothing I could do. Finally, she was laying under my daybed and looked like she was in a coma. Suddenly she started convulsing - I walked away for a moment to look up the symptoms on the internet, and in that moment she died. I felt so bad for leaving her during her final moment when she finally let go of her body. But what I believe now, is that she was moving away from her body long before this final moment. Also, like people who pass, sometimes it is harder for pets to let go when they are with their people, and prefer to do this in their own quiet solitude. Missy kept wanting to hide in the shrubs and I knew she would likely die there so I wouldn't let her. She passed in her own quiet way, in her own time.

I feel your pain, and I totally understand the guilt! I'm there with you!

Jan

You are all so wonderful and kind. I can't thank you enough for your words of comfort. We all share the pain of losing a fur baby. It is hard but especially hard when your baby is dying and there is nothing you can do. Sometimes I felt like Sassy was saying "please help me" but there was nothing more I could do for her except love her.

I don't ever want to forget about the special little things that Sassy did and the precious moments that we shared. There was a magical bond between us and at times I didn't even have to speak out loud and Sas knew what I wanted or what I was going to do! I will never forget the love in her beautiful brown eyes. . . .I only hope that she knew how much I loved her.

YorkiesLover: There are very few things in life we can be sure of but I have to say this: I can guarantee your baby knew exactly how much you loved her...never doubt that for one moment! I believe that is one sense given them that means so very much.

I had a terrible dream . . . I dreamed I looked out into my yard and there was Sassy playing with my son! I was so excited to see her, I called her and she came running into the house, smiling and so happy to see me. Then I woke up and for a brief second I thought it was real. . .and then I realized she really is gone~
it hurts so much

Dear yorkielover,

I can truly understand your disappointment (extreme grief) following that dream. I have had dreams quite the same about my father who passed away suddenly 22 years ago. To this day, when I awaken from such a dream, I am confused and in tears that he is not really here. I have yet to see my annie who I lost last Wednesday, but I beg her to come to me daily and nightly so that I can see her, if only in my dreams. Perhaps your dream is your departed yorkie's way of "coming" to you. I like to think this. I know that it is not the same, but maybe it is her only way to show you she is still around. Hold on to this thought in your sadness. I hope it will help.

annie's mommy

I am so sorry that this has upset you, you are still in the worst depths of grief at this stage. I re read your posts and found that you were away with your son when your Sassy Baby girl died. Perhaps she came to you in that dream, first playing with your son then greeting you and showing you her love to show that she is all healed now and still full of love for you and yours. But of course, all the emotions of it seeming like just a dream....... but then the message What a super sweet sassy baby girl she is, my heart goes out to you.

I know- grief plays such a mind game. But when you really think about it, it must have been Sassy stopping by to smile and let you know that she is happy and ok. That's why it seemed so real. I firmly believe this. Most of my dreams of Duffy have been of something else and he is alive but there is no acknowledgement on either of our parts. When the dream comes that feels like a reunion, like yours, I will know that he is trying to communicate. I think your little Sassy gave you a message.

Yes, I totally agree. I think these totally "real" dreams are visits. I have had a few that were so real, I could see, feel and smell my old dog. I was assured by those dreams that he was okay. I hope for a dream like this from my Zita just to connect with her again.

Jan.

I am so sorry for your loss. I too know how hard it is to cope, and i too have had those dreams where they come walking in the back door just as if nothing happened. and i do believe that is our furry loves telling us it is ok. And that they are ok now. No pain, no sickness. . . they are happy and healthy again and waiting for you up above. there is a poem that really touched me when i had first lost my murphy. It is called the rainbow bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Thank you so much for helping me look at my dream in a different way--it was terrible to wake up and realize it was just a dream BUT after reading your posts I can look at it differently, in a happier way.

Now, I too believe Sassy was coming to me to let me know she is happy, healthy and still smiling! Wow, what emotions surfaced as I read the latest posts. I miss her so much.

My heart goes out to all of you. I thank all of you for your words of wisdom, caring, kind and understanding words. I hope that some day I can be as much comfort to someone as all of you are to me! Others do not understand the grief at the loss of a fur baby. I have been told that I should be "over it" by now, it has been almost 2 months--they just do not understand the bond. . .

Let no one tell you that you should be "over it" by now. How dare they! I know that I will never "get over it", my loss of my dear little Annie. Nor have I gotten over my other lost pets any more than losing my father. Your intense love, no matter for human or animal, is what makes it hurt so. Hopefully you and I, will in time, learn to live again without their physical presence in our days. Only with my memories and the hope that I can one day "see" them again, is this even a possibility for me. The sorrow we are experiencing now is OUR OWN and they cannot feel it, as they did not share the love we did. Just know that others here completely understand. Each love is individual, so is each loss. I am trying daily to get by. I hope soon that it will get easier, but I do not intend to get over my Annie. You have company in your pain.

annie's mommy

Dear Yorkielover , we are so sorry for your loss Sassy is adorable we to have had the love of this special little breed ! we just lost one of our babies Freddie we still have his mother ,father ,sister's one from the same litter and his twin brother we have been the luckyest dad's to be part of such a wonderfull family of yorkies !
Have you any photos of Sassy we would love to see some more of your little girl she's a stunner Freddie and the rest of our family would of loved her . Just thin there probably somewhere rightnow playing together Freddie will take care of her !