Hello my friends. I really need to talk...
Today we were boating with some family members and having a great time, laughing and joking around. When we were approaching the dock I saw a black lab on the shore. The dog was closely following a young boy, waiting for him to throw a stick.

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I held my daughter up in front of my face so I could cry for a few seconds. A family member said, "Oh, look at that doggie. He looks like someone we used to know." I felt like I was in shock...I couldn't breath or swallow. Everyone then moved around me, tying up the boat and going to the shore. I couldn't move for a few minutes. My husband rubbed my arm.

When I caught up to everyone on the beach I couldn't take my eyes off of the dog. He was about the same size as my Jordan, with very similar fur and even had a bit of gray under his chin. He moved so much like Jordan and played in the water like my boy did a million times during his healthier years. I just stared at his face and quickly realized that his eyes were so different and his nose was so different from Jordan. I wanted him to be similiar to Jordan, though. I wanted it to BE Jordan. It was hard to be so relatively close to this dog without going up to it and really looking, talking to and touching him. I excused myself and just spent a few minutes in the camp alone, crying. I miss Jordan so much. It hurt so much today.
Thanks for listening.
Jordan's mom

Hi,

I know what you mean. I've had times since Little Girl's death when I would see someone who looked a lot like her, or hear a voice like hers, or something else would stop me dead in my tracks.

I'm trying to think of those times now as little visitations from Little Girl---she's telling me in ways I can see, hear, smell, etc., that she's still around me. She's all soul now but can show herself to me in physical forms that her earthly Mommy can see!

I know it's hard. Write whenever you need to. We'll be here!

Anln,
I can only imagine what that much have felt like! I know it hurt very much. Everytime I see a new dog, I look at their eyes. It's so amazing how much a lot of animals resemble one another sometimes until you do look into their eyes. It seems to me that they are really just about as unique as humans are.

I do remember that day two weeks after Hannah . . . when I went to talk to the vet who put her to sleep. There was a woman in there with a little Yorkie. I couldn't even LOOK at that little dog. I was falling apart that day anyway. I do remember how that made me feel. It was just too muc though.

I wasn't going to post this today, but since it relates to your post, I will. I had my first dream I can remember about Hannah last night. I dreamed that my brother (and I think it was my mom too, but my mom's not alive) brought me a little dog, and at first, I thought it was Hannah. It looked just like Hannah, and it even had on a blue halter like hers. When I saw her, I just said, "Ohhh Hannah!" I went and picked her up, and then I realized it wasn't Hannah. The rest is sketchy, but I remember they had brought a card, like a greeting card too. I picked up the card, but for some reason, I couldn't read it. There was a girl there too, who I currently work with. I asked Gail to read the card, and she said she couldn't because she didn't have her glasses. That's all I remember. The strange thing is today at work, I was in the ladies room and so was this same girl. She was standing at the lavatory and someone had left their glasses by the sink. Gail asked someone else in there whose glasses they were, and as she did, she picked them up and put the glasses on. Then, I told her about the dream. Strange, huh?

Anway, I hope you managed to still have a good weekend after such a shock and stinging memories. There are lots of black labs out there, so I imagine that won't be the last time that will happen. Next time, maybe it won't hurt SO much -- I hope. Bless you.

Marcia

hi jordan's mom! you always do a wonderful job of telling your story! surely you are a writer!
I felt like I was there with you wishing it was jordan, finding out it wasn't jordan, --saddened
all of it. You tell it so well.
The little girl that lives across from me is named Jordan. and I think of you
and your jordan when I look at her! oddly enough, she has a new cheasapeake retriever,
a puppy.
sometimes I sense that we are all jordan..all of us! you are and I am and the girl across the street
is and your baby is and your husband is and all the posters here are------jordan! because jordan
is love and love transcends all that is physical. even the dog that wasn't jordan was jordan.
that's my take.
Love,
Patti

Well put, Patti. It reminds me of this poem, and maybe enlightenment is realizing that we are in everything and everything in us. But I still grieve the uniqueness that was my big boy, Oswald. When I see a big black and white cat, it still hurts.

dee dee

Farewell
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond gilt on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry... I am not there... I did not die.
~ Robert Hepburn