Hi all!

I just don't know what to do about my Babe. The tumor under her arm is huge, and I noticed last night that it looks like it is oozing some pus in a couple of places - and the fur is matted over it. She is still eating, drinking, demanding attention, jumping on the bed, and using the litter box. I am just beside myself. What do I do? The vet said that as long as she is eating, etc., then she still has quality of life.....I'm just worried about the tumor. Am I just prolonging the inevitable? This is what I have dreaded for so long. I'm so depressed. Almost 18 years with her is still not long enough!

Boogi

Hugs Boogie3, the only thing I can say is to treasure the time you have with your Babe. As long as she is eating, and using the box, it's all good.

When Bue ate, and used the box he was ok. Maybe the tumor is just draining itself.
Please keep me informed about any changes, my heart goes out to you.

Take care

<Hugs> I think you will know when it is time to say goodbye. As long as your furkid seems to be enjoying life I would just try to forget about the future and enjoy each day. Spoil Babe mercilessly and treasure these times.

Take care,
Ken Albin

It has been months since I've posted but I've missed my friends here and wanted to reply to your post...

All I can tell you is that you'll know when the time is right. I dreaded Mo's passing for months before it happened, and although he was covered with tumors that had begun to ulcerate, I still wondered how I would make the decision while he still had life in him, as they say. It turned out that the decision was made for me - one day the signs were clear and I knew in my heart when it was time.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I'll keep you in my thoughts..

Jen

Dear Boogi.

I know, it hurts so much now, you are faced with a decision you never wanted to make. I know that for me, I couldn't let go of Peaches without knowing for sure that her vet nor I couldn't do anything else for her.....this decision was made pretty quickly (actually Peaches made it).

I think you should listen to what Babe is telling you. Only you can know......you love her with all your heart. She loves you, and she trusts you. Love her up, smother her with kisses.....savor every moment with her. When the time comes, I think she will tell you. Please know that in your heart you gave Babe the best life she could have possibly had.


I am praying for a good outcome for you & Babe.

Lots of love,

Kim

Dear Boogi, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I agree with all who have replied, love up to Babe, treasure your time and know you both were blessed to have each other. Your Babe knows you love her, and because she loves you she will help you make that horrible decisiion. She will tell you in her own way that the time has come. She has trusted you for 18 wonderful years, and this time you will have to trust your Babe on this. I wish it wasn't this way for you both, I know 180 years wouldn't be long enough. Just know everyone here carries you and Babe in their hearts and prayers.

Be Well

Mark

Hi Boogi,

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I know exactly what you are going through. I debated when was the right time to put my dog, Touch, to sleep. He still enjoyed his walks and followed me around, showing me he was alright for the time being. But, the time did come, and he showed me. Touch eventually stopped eating, and the night before the appointment, he tried to crawl into dark corners and under tables, which he usually never did. I knew it was Touch's time.

Because you and Babe share such a loving relationship, just like all others have said, I also think that you will be able to tell when Babe is ready. Talk to her, listen to her, love her everyday like it will be the last with her, as I am sure you are already doing.

The many years with our pets always seem to have gone by too quickly. Just remember that throughout those 18 years with Babe, you have both loved each other so very much and are both blessed to have had each other.

Take care,
Crystal

Dear boogie3,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Babe .

I know exactly how you feel. It's so hard to know - and I don't think we'd ever know empirically anyway.... We can only follow our heart and our instinct.

Hmm... for the oozing , I wonder about some homeopathic or herbal preparation that would make her more comfortable? Maybe even warm compresses, it might reduce swelling. If I come across anything in my travels, I'll let you know.

You say she's still doing her usual things, eating, drinking, playing, sassing you - I don't think you're prolonging the inevitable right now.

Unfortunately, as you know, it may change in an instant but for this moment, I say that although this is a really tough place in your journey with her, you have a little while, enjoy her.

I'll be thinking of you during this tough time and hoping things go easy for you and your girl. I'm right behind you sister!

Take Care, Sharon

Hi boogie3,
I'm sure you must be so distressed. At least in my case with Sadie there was no time to anticipate the worst. It sounds like you still have some good quality time with your Babe. Enjoy it to the last when you will eventually have to do what it right. As hard as it is try not to spend too much time worrying. Live in the moment like Babe does for as long as you have. I pray that you have much more precious time together.

Take care
John

Thank you all for your kind posts (as usual) The tumor is oozing more, and it is in such a weird position that I can't get bandages to stay on it. I talked to the vet the other day, and he said to just gauge it day by day with her. She still has some quality of life. He said to try and pour peroxide on the tumor. It seems it's not working though because her hair is so matted to it. I am so stressed out. This is just the most horrible thing. I've noticed in the past couple of days that seems more weak - like when she walks on the kitchen floor, she slides and almost falls. Today at her food bowl, she fell into it a couple of times from her legs sliding. The vet said we know what the outcome will be no matter what and that I should not feel guilty if I end up having to take her in. I know I will feel guilt no matter what and this is just eating at me. I don't want her to suffer. I honestly don't know what I should do - go ahead with it since I know what is coming, wait until she gets worse then feel guilty that I did that? I don't know!

Boogi3,

I feel so bad for you and Babe. This is such a hard decision. If you did want to spare her the pain, misery, and loss of quality of life no one would blame you. When I found out that Sadie had a very short time before she would start suffering because of the kidney failure, I knew what I had to do and it was literally the hardest thing I ever had to do.

No matter what you have to do remember that it is ultimately for Babe's welfare.

Take care
John B

Honey, it's time.

Yes, she still has some quality of life because she loves you and you love her. Letting her body go won't change that. She'll still love you, and you'll still love her. Easing her away from her weak and oozing body will be a relief to her. And to you. Her spirit -- the part that makes her *her* lives on without a moment's blinking. We are all light, and our souls wrap themselves in these skin suits for a brief trip through this lifespan, but before we got here we're light, and after we leave we're light, only the skins have been shed.

Animals don't have a sense of future, they live right in the moment. She wakes up happy to see you, she goes to bed happy to snuggle next to you, and when she wakes up again, she's happy again. But there's no sense that she wants to "make it to the weekend," or "hang on for one more day." That future-sense is a purely human invention.

You will hurt, but you hurt now too. From experience, I can say the anticipation was far more grueling than final act itself. I had to euthanize two kitties in two years, and agonized dearly over the first, she'd been with me 18-1/2 years. I put it off and put it off, not knowing when, when, when. I kept waiting for her to tell me, but she didn't have the heart, because she didn't want to disappoint me. Only after I finally made the appointment, did she affirm for me that's what she wanted too.

Looking back, my only guilt is that I waited a wee bit too long to help her through that last phase. The following year, when Cheddar was dying, I was able to time it better, not put either of us through as much final-days-misery.

My heart really goes out to you, I know this is a heart-wrenching decision. One last piece of advice? When you finally say, okay this is it and call the vet to make an appointment, make it for that same day if you can. With Tin I opted for an appointment the following morning, and it was one of the longest, saddest, most heart-breaking nights of my life. With Cheddar, they had an opening that afternoon, and it was so much easier to just keep moving right through that day on autopilot to the appointment and have it done.

It will be sad. It will be very sad. But the stress you're going through now is no less hard on you. There will be relief with 'the other shoe finally dropping.' It's like finally exhaling after holding your breath. I'm so sorry this is where you are with Babe, but this IS where you are. It's her time to go. With every fiber of my being I can hear you asking for confirmation of this -- permission perhaps -- so at the risk of offending you or others here, I'm going to gather my courage to say what I think you're asking to hear, what I hear you saying so clearly and with so much pain in your words. My thoughts are with you both, and we'll get you through this. ~Kimberly

I agree with Mink and Willows Mom... I think it is time to let go. I know for me it happened in a matter of two days, and when the vet told me my Tinky had advanced kidney disease and there was really nothing we could do for her I was devastated. She was only 10. I asked my friend who rescues and fosters kittens what to do and to speak to the vet. When she told me to let her go I knew it was the right thing to do. And as someone else said, once I made the decision Tinky seemed to confirm that for me. I did make the appt for the same day, and as I waited at home with her she was lying in the bathtub. Something she had never ever done. I do believe you need someone to help you make this decision...so I too and saying let her go, I think it is what you and Babe both want. I will also say that my dear friend reccommended I not stay in the room with her, that she would do it to save me the grief but I absolutely would not leave my girl to go thru that alone, and I do not regret for a second being there with her. Good luck to you sweetie and come here often, it will help you get thru the pain. Hugs and prayers for you.

Deb

I completely agree. My big regret with Tin is that I wasn't holding her. The vet had placed an IV catheter in her arm beforehand, then injected the drugs into the catheter for the euthanasia. I hadn't realized This Was It, and I didn't pick her up off the table and have her in my arms when she died, and that's always haunted me a bit. (Holding her was one of our joys, our communion.) But I was with her, and that's what matters.

With Cheddar, her veins were so difficult because she'd gotten so dehydrated from kidney disease. (Despite me giving her saline infusions at home.) So the vet gave her the injection in her stomach, which stops the heart more slowly. He left the room, and Cheddar and I spent the last few minutes quietly alone together, her purr slowly quieting as she drifted to sleep then slid softly away. It was as gentle and serene a passing as I ever could have wished for her.

I was considering doing it tomorrow, but my vet is out until next Friday. Is this a sign? I will probably do it next Saturday. How will I ever do this? I am going to totally lose it. Yesterday at work, a couple of people put alot of fear in me with this.......what if the tumor is oozing some type of bacteria that could make my baby sick? I've never thought of that and now I am worried even more. This is just the most terrible thing. I feel like I'm going to puke!
Sheri

Sheri,
If that was a possibility your vet would have told you. You have enough to worry about without those people at work adding to it all. Shame on them!

John B

Is there no other vet covering his practice until he returns? Once I'd decided, waiting for the appointment was brutal.

As for 'losing it,' I found myself strangely numb at the vet's. Sad, full of a deep sense of dread, but in a public place there's a lot that helps you go numb to get through it. Even for the drive home. (Though if you can get someone to drive you, that would be better.)

Have you decided what you want to do with Babe's body after she's released from it? I buried my kitties, so I brought them home. Once I got home, sitting with them quietly was very helpful. I realized how little they'd wanted to be petted at the end, and I got to pet them and pet them until I was ready to let them go. If you're going to have time before taking her, and you choose burial, you might want to ask her to pick out her spot. Then you might choose to dig the hole ahead of time. (I went about 18" deep.)

With Tin, they gave me a little cardboard coffin box, and I laid her in a piece of her favorite blanket inside. My mistake was putting the box in the plastic bag they provided also. In the years since, it's bothered me that it's too hermetically sealed for the earth to reclaim her, though I've comforted myself with knowing I couldn't have sealed it that tightly. With Cheddar, I just lowered the box into the ground. With Mink, I didn't use a box at all, just wrapped him in a favorite Kliban kitty beach towel ("Love to eat them mousies, mousies what I love to eat, bite they little heads off, nibble on they tiny feet.") Of the three burials, Mink's feels the most "honest" in terms of most easily returning him to the earth. But that's such a highly personal preference. Lots of people cremate, though I've seen on postings here you need to ask whether it will be a solo or group cremation.

Oh Sheri, you WILL get through this intact, and ohmygoodness I send you hugs and wish you ease. ~Kimberly

Its four years since I lost my last furbaby. My heart goes out to you and all my love. Your precious friend will always love you and will be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge. Love and hugs Trish xx