I feel so guilty. My beautiful 10 year old tabby, Squeaky, died when my family and I were on holiday. I decided to put her in a cattery thinking she would be safe. When I came home yesterday, my mother told me she had died on Tuesday (didn't want to tell me sooner or else spoil the holiday). She's now resting at the vets' who has said there were no obvious signs of anything wrong. I feel completely responsible. My other cat (they'd been together for 10 years) was in the same pen as her when she died and he's been inconsolable. He's wandered the house and the graden looking for her. I can't bear to go to bed as she slept next to me and her purring hepled me to go to sleep. It's so quiet. I miss her so much. My heart aches with the pain of knowing she died alone. Please help me come to terms with her death.

Purrylady, I am so sorry to hear about your Squeaky. Usually when they go quickly like this there's not much that could have been done for them, so please don't be too hard on yourself. Are you able to have a necropsy done to see what the cause of death was? We're having one done on our boy Othello who died almost 5 weeks ago so we know if there is anything we need to be concerned about with his sister Desdemona. She was very distraught when Othello died too, but she has gotten better, as have I. At first it was hard for me to be around Desdemona because she reminded me of Othello, but eventually I was able to spend time with her more and she was actually a great comfort to me because I felt we were grieving and healing together. I hope you are able to have a similar experience with your other cat. Please come here anytime you need support. This site has helped me a lot.

I'm so sorry, Purrylady. It is so hard no matter what the cause of death was. Please don't blame yourself. It was not your fault. It sounds like a freak thing since the vet couldn't find anything wrong. Also know that Squeaky was certainly not alone when she passed. she had her brother in there with her at the end, and I'm sure that gave her some comfort.

My heart goes out to you and all those left behind because you will be the ones who really feel the pain of squeaky's loss. You are in my prayers as I know how you are feeling.

Be gentle with yourself and know that although squeaky is in a better place, her spirit will always be with you.

Take care
John B

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you and your family and the loss of your beloved kitty. The guilt we experience when our friends go is heartbreaking and made worse for you by not being with her. Please don't blame yourself. Blame is unneccesary without malice aforethought - and clearly, for you, there was none.

Take good care of yourself and her little companion and know that someday, someway, this pain will ease for you.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping that each day is brighter as you work through this part of your journey.

Sahron

Thank you to all who have taken the time to read and reply to my post. Today I've read some beautiful poetry on pet loss, a really lovely one on the next thread called 'They have chosen tears' and its helping me understand a bit that her death wasn't my fault. It was her time to go. Every time I cry I try to remember the good times and smile thorough the tears. I have her picture on my desk to and next to my bed and I've ordered a memorial slate to be placed on her ###### rose tree. I'll have her ashes and collar later this week and will hold a service. The pain will always be there, but I know that her brother and I can comfort each other as we work through it.
Thank you for helping me - you are so kind to think of my purrybaby. x

Dear Purrylady,

I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. I have to also thank you for the kind words you said to me on my post. Even though our stories are different the outcome is the same. Our babies are gone, but you're absolutely right we did what we thought was the best interest for our cats. And they are happy, running free, and loving us at the same time.


Diane

Purrylady,
I'm so sorry for your loss and the way it came about. I know you've been hearing this, but I want to emphasize that these things can and do happen and we never do find out what happened. Did the cattery ever say anything or give you any idea what might have happened? You may have mentioned it in your posts but I didn't see it. At any rate, what's done is done. When my Magic died in Dec 2005, she just went quietly on the couch and I only knew when I went to look for her to give her dinner. I agonized for weeks and months, and found this site as a result, and found comfort when someone - I wish I remember who - told me quite simply "Isn't that the way we all want our pets to go, quietly on the couch in their sleep, instead of in pain or under a car or by themselves?" Magic had been alone, but surrounded by family sounds and on her couch, where I sit frequently and talk to her. I can think of her with a smile now, and know I'll see her again. You sound like a strong person who feels a definite responsibility to your other kitty, so I'm very confident that you can make it through this and be the loving cat-mom that you sound like you are. Not all kitties have that kind of love, your two are blessed to have you in their lives. Take care of yourself and Squeaky's brother (which I know you will) - Barb