I know guilt is one of the stages of grieving and I still feel guilty. My 13 year old kitty had been losing weight and started to refuse food. I live on a mountain and had been less than thrilled with the vet care where I live so we decided to take her about 1/2 hour away to a cat only specialist. Plus my husband could visit her from work if she had to stay longer.

She was diagnosed with kidney disease and given IV fluids. She appeared to get better for a few days, but then the vet said she started to have shortness of breath and was given a diuretic. Oddly enough the kidney disease resolved - most likely because her heart was already failing and this was an acute renal episode rather than CRF.

She also stopped eating again. She said we could take her home and syringe feed her and we could give her medications, for a recheck in a few days.
She apparently had CHF and the fluid was most likely too much for her failing heart along with the stress of the longer car trip. She made it home and died very shortly thereafter with panting,shortness of breath, etc.

I felt and still feel horrible. What if I had brought her to the closer but not preferred vet? Would she have survived at least long enough for us to put her to sleep nicely?

I know in my heart that she most likely had underlying heart disease and she has taken car trips in the past of longer duration without damage but she died in a bad way, most likely because the car trip worsened the already weakened and fluid overloaded heart. She hated being in the car and completely would get stressed out.

I don't blame the vet at all, I just blame myself.

Anyways, goodbye Infinity, we miss you already.

I am sorry for your loss. You know deep down that you did the best that you could do. If Infinity was to have any chance of life, the cat specialist was the person to go to for treatment. The only alternative was euthanasia and I am a firm advocate for that if nothing is left to do. It was impossible to know that Infinity was in such a poor state of health until the cat specialist discovered it, so you did everything to try to keep Infinity going. That means a lot so there is really no need to feel guilty. What if you had taken Infinity to the other vet and then decided to euthanize? You would have always wondered whether taking Infinity to the specialist might have extended her life and that you had not tried everything to save her. Now that is a reason to truly feel guilt. I don't know how much sense all of this is making, but you should be proud that you did everything humanly possible to save Infinity. None of us can see into the future. We can only do the best we can with the knowledge we have. Take care and don't be so hard on yourself. Again, my sympathy for Infinity leaving you. I hope that with time the wound caused by her leaving will heal.

Dear Featherz,
I am so sorry about your beloved Infinity. Please do not blame yourself. I agree fully with Ken, you did the very best you could for her. You are not alone in your grief. I lost my much loved cat to a predator 3 weeks ago, and I still cry everyday for her. This is such a wonderful place because all here know and understand the love of a pet, and the terrible sadness experienced when they're gone. You will always find tender hearted, and caring people here.

April

Dear Featherz,
I am sorry for your loss--and no matter what we do--we are always second guessing ourselves when it comes time for us to make that decision--

As previously stated--this is a good place to come--everyone understands---
take your time to feel your grief and it does get better---I lost my Missy on 7/9 to a terrible accident that was my fault--I beat myself up for days---cried myself to sleep at night---it is better now----and the pain is not so intense---

Mary