I've been doing much beter the last three months. Wit ha a new daughter and a new cat, things have been looking up. I've been so busy playing with my daughter, who's the easiest and best baby ever that between that and time Misty's grief had seemed to have gotten better.

Plus, a new cat that looks just like him showed up on our back porch. She's also very easy and even sleeps on the bed with me.

Despite all this, I STILL miss my boy. I so wanted him to be part of things with my daughter. We are having so much fun with other mothers at activities, and for a few weeks I didn't thik about it. But some days I come in the house and I want to find him, tell him about all the fun we had, etc.

Today we were all out by the pool and it really made me miss him.......he had his own pool raft and loved being by the pool with us.

I guess the otehr emptiness there is that NO ONE cared when he went. I even went to counseling and even after describing my relationship with Misty she kind of blew it off. All friends and family did the same, except a few people.

That compounded the pain, and makes me miss him more from time to time.....HE WAS THERE FOR ME. I moved on with people and I am making new friends through my daughter, but the hole that Misty is not there is compounded since I feel I lost so many others when he died.

I could use a few words of encouragement today. Thanks everybody for listening and caring, I couldn't have made it through Misty being gone in January and February without this site.

Peace, Amy (Misty's Mama)

Question for all: did anyone else have that experience with a counselor?

Hi Amy,

Thinking of you today! I know it must be SO hard some days. Grief is so mysterious.

I was going to mention the counselor situation anyway, then I noticed you asked for feedback on that. I've NOT had that experience with my counselor. If I had, she would have been fired that very second. Not that I'm suggesting you do this, of course, if she otherwise seems right for you.

I don't have people in my life who don't deeply understand and care about my relationship with my furry kids. I should say, I don't have close ties to people if they don't.

When I was going through the loss of my sweet Little Girl back in '04, I ended a 15-year friendship with a woman I had considered my best friend. I have had no regrets whatsoever. When she showed no genuine caring (even though after all those years she knew Little Girl was like my daughter), I knew I did not want her in my life.

Good luck with your situation. Remember that you deserve all the compassion in the world. Misty wants only the best for you.

Kathy

Amy, some people just don't understand the importance animals can have in our lives. I call them love filters. I feel like they take on a lot of our stresses and ailments and in return, give us unconditional love. What a deal! Your counselor is unfamiliar with this concept. Many believe animals are actually great healers, as do I. You have every right to your grief. Misty was a huge part of your life.

I feel your pain. I have a young son who I was looking forward to being as close to my cat, Mama as I was. It's just not going to happen that way.

It is so cool though that a cat just showed up like that for you. What a gift! Also, there is something to be said for having the best baby in the world! Hang in there and know for certain that your precious Misty is not that far away.

Carolyn

Radgirl--
I do so understand---Even my first kitty (Garfield) who has been gone about 10 years is still missed--because of the things he used to do--Everyonce in awhile one of the cats does something that Garf used to do and we will say that--

I think it is good that you got yourself another cat--Misty can never be replaced but there are so many animals out there that need love and care--

It seemed that everytime we lost one--another cat would mysteriously show up--
and I would always say that our kitty left to make room for the new one--

My cats have been a big help with the recent and tragic death of Missy--

And it's good that you have this place to go to--unless someone is in our shoes they sometimes don't understand.

Hugs to you
Mary

Oh my goodness, that is the cutest thing!!

Radgirl, I have read that many people don't understand or acknowledge that the death of a pet is as traumatic as a human, and that this makes the grieving process difficult. Your counselor sounds like he/she did not have first hand experience loving a pet.

Have you called the pet grief hotlines? They are free. They are run by vet. students and it may be hit/miss. I spoke to two different women and found one was better to talk to than the other, although they each helped. Here is the link:


http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?cls=0&articleid=1551

I guess there are triggers (like the pool, a holiday, or whatever) that will open up the wound. When my cat went missing on memorial day, I was dreading that holiday or even couldn't hear the name of it.

Radgirl, I'm sorry your feeling down today. I know it does hurt to come home and not have your furbaby waiting there for you. I thought about how you said your counselor pushed you aside. What a moroun he or she was. But it made me think , do you know how there's a list of questions that you should ask a counselor before you should consider their help. Maybe those of us who mourn our furbabies should consider different questions to be asked. Such as, Do you have a pet? Do you have a bond with that pet? Have you ever lost a pet ? If all three are answered with a yes then that person should understand. If not answered with a yes especially the bond question then that person is of no use. Remember how most of us here concluded that if some people haven't had that bond with a furry friend then they just don't get it. I think that apply's to even the professionals. On the note that noone cared . I know, I was there. Even thou I realize differently now at the time I believed and felt the immence pain that comes with it. I'm truly sorry that you are still going through it. I think that 1 good thing that comes from that pain especially from you is that the pain made you stronger and very... very... kind and supportive to others. You reply to so... so... many post with kindness and encouragement. That rejection you felt from people still stings you with hurt and intense pain, and you make sure that others don't feel that way. You have great empathy for others and you make sure that people don't feel alone. Your turning that pain that you have into something good. Not everyone can do that . That is why I think that it made you stronger. So to all those inconsiderate people with no compassion for your loss. In their face ! Look what you have become. It is their loss and our gain on this site to have you. Take care Amy, Your not alone k9pal

Thanks everybody for their responses......you all really helped tremendously. I have given a lot of thought to that counselor and I don't think I am going to see her anymore. IT was clear to me that she wasn't sincere and didn't understand the loss of someone very important to me that I had for 8 years......makes you kind of distrustful of counselors.

K9Pal, thanks for much for the encouragement and compliments. IT really helped me. I guess I have tried to be there for others and try to offer others what was never offered to me. I so appreciate the kind words, the counselor ( and friends and family at the time it happened) made me feel so dumb for even being upset at all. It helps to get such positive thoughts about myself sometimes.

Feeling a little better over the last few days, grief seems to come in waves like an ocean. Living in the present and enjoying everything I can helps, but the wave of Misty's loss screeps up once in a while.

Thanks everyone for being there!