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It's really true-he's really gone. It's been 2 weeks today. The first few days I tried to block it out, then I posted him a poem. That's when it really hit me. I thought by getting my feelings out it would help. And it has some as far as the guilt of having to put him to sleep. But the pain is still here and I know it will be for a while. I have cried every day for him, and the special thing is GOD has too. There hasn't been one day that has went by in the last two weeks that it hasn't rained.(I live in SE TX) And it has been a comfort in kind of a strange way. I feel like the LORD knows my grief and is letting me know I'm not alone. I have read many of these stories and cried for these precious people that have written them. All I can do is pray that the LORD will mend your broken hearts and bring peace to them. It is such a blessing to know that I'm not alone in this crazy world and I'm so thankful that there are others that love and cherish their pets with the deepness that I do. GOD Bless each and every one of you for doing so.

I'm so sorry about the loss of sweet baby. He knows how much he was and is loved, and he's in no pain---either emotional or physical---in the realm he's in. Only bliss prevails. My heart goes out to you---that's where the pain is. I know you have been hurting.

I just read your poem (hadn't seen it before). It is excellent! It expressed a lot.

I'm glad you have been reading some of the posts here.

Write whenever you want or need to---don't hesitate. You're among friends who really do understand.

thank everyone for all your support every word of encouragement truly helps my healing-I just thank you from the bottom of my heart

You are definitely not alone here We're here for you! Coming here and having the support
of all my "friends" has helped me so much. I would have been lost without this site!

God Bless,
Karen

yesterday was a really bad day-everywhere I turned there he was again-it comes and goes-I even got the little ziploc bag out that has his collar and a few hairs with my poem wrapped around it and smelled his collar(it still smells like him) and cried--all day

I'm sorry about your pain!

This is such a process we all are going through. Some days I'm absolutely amazed at how well I'm doing---smiling often, laughing, doing some fun things... then out of the blue I'm struck by one of "those" days when I'm a wreck and I think I won't be able to stand it here on earth without Little Girl in my arms. I had one of those days last Sunday.

Tomorrow will mark 100 days. I am in disbelief.

Sending you comfort and hugs,

Kathy

It really is a process, this grieving. I am glad that some of the guilt is leaving for you. Guilt is such a messy, greasy feeling, all splinters and rough edges. At least grief is clean and pure, knifelike - the sadness and devastation. It has been 10 days for me, and small reminders set me off again. I, too, am trying to let the guilt go, and truly feel the grief. We did what we did with love. I believe our lovely fur buddies know that. And I believe they are in a good place now, waiting for us.

May you be blessed with pawprint memories!

Dee Dee

rfrederick it is interesting...the way you felt sadness in the rain. I have felt really happy --kind of "awash" with happiness from time to time from something in nature that seems like my buddy "talking" to me.

One time I was crying about Ginger really hard in an upstairs bathroom. The window was open and the big tree right outside the window rustled with wind for a really long time. it stopped me from crying and I watched the wind rustle the leaves for a good long time. The thing is the wind was just in the tree. no where else. was that my buddy and was he telling me he saw me and wanted me to stop crying? you know I have gotten several of these messages--and each time it "feels" like he is saying...."no need to cry".

Hope you get a message too and that you'll let us know.

Rfrederick,

The first days and weeks and months of this process will stir up feelings of loss in us all. Today is the 3 week anniversary of my poor baby's loss. He faught FIP, but it was too strong for him. I can't believe that he's not here. Where is my sweet hunny baby angel Solas? This box of crumbs they gave me feels wierd and icky and not comfoting, the way I was planning. I feel guilty about everything. Did I make the right decision? Have I talked to my young children about Solas enough- or too much?! I really don't have the brain cells needed to respond to questions like;
"Why did you fry Solas?"
"If I die are you going to put me into a really hot oven too, till I'm only ashes?"
"Why couldn't we just put him in the back yard?"

WE CHOSE CREMATION BECAUSE IT SEEMED EASIER TO DEAL WITH- oh well, live and learn

I love the people who come here. You mean so much to me and you all have helped us through this tough time.
Thank You Everybody Ariel

Ariel--so sorry your cremation experience turned out negatively!
I too really did not appreciate the stupid little tea tin they put my cat into.
It was chintzy and ugly! but someone here told me to leave the ashes
in the plastic liner (which I did) and transfer it to something better
(which I did)
In your case maybe you should consider a ceremony to scatter the ashes?
what are you planning to do with them? Maybe someday I will
scatter my Ginger because no one else cared about him (like I do)
and if I die they would probably just toss him out in the garbage.
But I can't decide where I would scatter him--what about you--what
will you do with the ashes?

Hi rfrederick:

I read your beautiful/heartfelt poem - tribute, that you wrote to your very special Harley...I can hear so clearly, through your words, that he was such a big & beautiful part of you - YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

You are sincerely among friends here, at LS...... Please, don't ever question that...

We all understand, all too well, what you are feeling, and what you are going through... This site, I have always believed, ever since I became a "member" in the very early hours of 2/8/2004, that THIS IS A FAMILY!!!!!![U]

A family made up of very wonderful & loving people- who understand it all!!

I read your post written 7/1, in the afternoon, finding Harley's ziploc bag, with his collar and a few of his hairs.. It is very emotional... I remember when I first saw Ernie-Bird's brush, with all of her beautiful soft fur in it.... And, it smelled just like her....

But, I know that she is at peace now.................she is not suffering....she is in no pain.....And, she is not violently retching anymore, like she was the last couple of months of her life....
She has a brand new body that is perfect, and she is just PERFECT....
I truly know that the same is true for your Harley!!!!!

And, he wants you, his dad, know that he is just fine..... Harley is over Rainbow's Bridge, where he is with lots of new friends, and he is even greeting the new "babies" that have just passed over....
We have to remember that our precious kids are "just fine now", and in the care of St. Francis and God.....
At least, that's what I always like to believe....

Please, keep writing, keep coming here...............and, if you don't feel like writing, then come & read everyone elses posts............ I did that for awhile...
It really helped to heal my soul...
Knowing that I wasn't "the only one feeling such unbelievable sadness"!!!!

One day, you'll be very, very surprised.............the tears & heartache that you are feeling right now...... one day, the corners of your mouth will turn "upwards" and you'll hear yourself start to laugh....
It's so incredible....
To know that you haven't lost the capacity to laugh, to feel joy.....

Harley would want that for you!!!! He doesn't want his daddy to be sad!!!!

God Bless you!!!!!

Peace,

Denise

I just want each and everyone of you to know how much I truly love and appreciate you all.
No on that loves their babies like you do could ever be a bad no matter what and I truly believe that GOD puts that tenderness in our hearts, that compassion to love so unconditionally so it helps us to get a tiny glimpse of the love,compassion, and grace that he has for us and the love that we are supposed to have for each other. This little website with all of you wonderful people here proves that.

You are all in my prayers.
By the way my name is Rebecca and its a pleasure to meet you.

Dear Rebecca:

Hi! It's Denise, (Muffins), Ernestine's mom....

And, I must apologize.....

My post, 7/2 @ 10:51pm.....AFTER the last Pink Happy Smiley......I said that, "He doesn't want his DADDY to be sad"......

This is the 2nd time I made this type of mistake....(This is the 1st time with you, Rebecca!!!)

Sorry about that!!!!

Love, Denise

I just read through the poem you wrote ... it was absolutely beautiful. I wanted to tell you that I am deeply deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Snoops to a brain tumor but thankfully we had almost 8 months with him before we had to let him go. It is true what they say ... the pain does get better but after 10 months the pain is still there and I still cry but it is not nearly as sharp. A friend of mine told me right after it happened that when the pain got to be too much and you think you just can't take it anymore to try and remember the funny things Harly did that made you laugh .... some memory that will bring a smile to your face. This will help with the pain ... it is not an easy thing to do at first ... but over time it does help (and as an added bonus it helped me to remember some of things I had forgotten).

Feel free to post whatever you need to say. You are "safe" here ... everyone on this list knows your pain and understands it. You will find nothing but support here ... I don't know what I would have done those first few weeks if I hadn't found this site.

Hugs,
Beth

Thanks Beth and I'm soooo sorry about Snoops-that's really the cutest name!
and I bet he was just the sweetest thing, because you know that our pets personalities reflect our own in a lot of ways. Just thinking about him jumping my fence and looking at me to see if I was going to get on to him or not makes me smile. If I pretended not to pay attention and ignored the fact that he was out of our yard he would jump right back over and come back inside, but if you told him to get back in the yard he would take off running with this big smile on his face with his fat tongue hanging out , make the block to see one of his other girlfriends(a chocolate lab)that lives right behind us, and come back as if he was the King of the neighborhood. Thanks Beth -I needed that