Hi.

I originally posted in Lost/Missing, but this forum is much more active and I'm moving towards thiking now that my cat, Bennett, is dead.

Bennett, has been missing now 6 weeks. He is an outdoor cat, able to survive, but has never been gone this long. The stress and strain of not knowing is taking its toll on me. In a strange way, I envy those people whose cats have died. I'm sorry to be morose, but at least then you can begin the mourning process. I can not get past the denial stage. It's like each day having to go through the initial stage of 'my cat is gone'.

Even if I try to believe "OK, just accept it; he's not coming back" I can not convince myself. I hear stories of cats coming back or being found after long periods of time, so I'm torn between hope and despair.

I'm so sorry that your cat has been missing for so long. I'm sure you've put up fliers and gone to all the local animal shelters. Someone that I met here through the loss of our cat Scooter one year ago today, and has become a dear friend, just found her lost cat yesterday. Her cat had been gone for just a little over 40 days, and was an indoor cat. She'd put fliers out in peoples mailboxes and called the shelters, and visited them every few days. So, there is always hope. Please don't give up on Bennet yet. I know that some people have contacted animal communicators to help find some kind of answer. My friend here and some others have done this, and had success with knowing. Some happy, some not. I will keep you and Bennet in my prayers that you will be reunited very soon.

Scooters Mom

I can't imagine what you are going through. I understand what you are saying about resenting those of us who have lost our kitty but know what happened. Mine passed away and I found her in my next door neighbor's bushes. It did occur to me that it could have been so much worse if she had gone away to die. It would be so difficult to never know what happened. I pray that your baby returns very soon. I'm so sorry.

Hi Paris, indeed, your grief is worse in the way that you need somekind of closure, you have all that pain bottled up and that must be extremely stressfull. Don't suppress these feelings of frustration and despair. Cry, allow yourself to empty your too full heart. Of course, we all hope that you will one day appear on this board with the great joy of having found Bennet. But at the moment, let your feelings loose, it's the only way to feel better after. Hugs to you, these are terribly trying times for you. Take care and post whenever you want to let your feelings out. My thoughts are for you.

I'm in the same position as Paris. It's so ... confusingweird ... to be of two minds. I don't think Twitch is coming back, I think he's dead. The Animal Communicator gave me a scenario that lets me have 'A Knowing' about what happened. True or not, it's a story I can stick to and visualize, rather than endlessly sifting through all the horrible things that *might* have happened. (And I choose to believe it's true.)

And yet... And yet I still leave the porch light on for him, I still leave his kitty door and food over at Dad's house, I posted on Craigslist today, I plan to put an ad in the paper tomorrow, and contact vets with his photo.

I guess part of it is that I don't want to leave any stone unturned. I'd hate to find out six months from now (or lie awake wondering) if somebody a half mile away found him and didn't know how to get him home. It just feels so strange to be doing things that demonstrate hope, while my heart knows he's gone and I'm trying to move forward.

And yet, AND YET, every evening I look out the sliding glass door about a hundred times, thinking I'll see him. I'm gracious enough with myself to know that I can feel a mix of things, it doesn't have to be 'either-or', but the toughest part is when I almost feel resentful when my hope rises. "No! I don't want to be on this rollercoaster, this limbo anymore!" When somebody tells me they might have seen him, I have a flash of "dammit, don't say that." Dang, it's complex being human......

At least, if he is dead, then it comforts me to know he's back on Dad's lap again.
Kimberly

Hi Sisters.

Thanks for the support Shortrish, kittylove, Toonie & Mink&Willowsmom.

I've been thinking a lot about life and death. Yesterday I went to a cemetary and found it very comforting in a way. Today, I walked through the woods and communed with God. Everything seemed so peaceful: Fruit was growing on the trees, harmless rabbits hopped by, a stream gently flowed and I thought "Bennett is protected."

It is hard, as you say Kimberly, to let go completely, because we still have to keep one eye open and keep attending to lost/found ads, posting flyers, etc. etc. It's like having to sneeze but not being able to!

I understand what you said about having a mental image of what might have happened to Twitchet. I spoke to one of these pet grieving counselors (most are veterinary students). The girl sounded very young and a bit scripted at first, but she did say something that helped me. She said not to think of Bennett as dead, but just that he is not with me for the time being. She said he might be living on a farm with other cats, and there are farms around here. She also said that farmers don't often pay attention to stray cats. Bennett was born on a farm and was raised by his mother until he was several months old. This seems as good a possibility as any, so that is the one I am visualizing.

I hope that you will find your kitty soon--but I do know how you feel as we have acquired outside cats from time to time---they had been with us long enough for us to form an attachment--and then the day comes when you don't see them--and in your mind you imagine all kinds of things--but I always imagined that someone found them and took them in and that's why they didn't come around anymore.

We don't keep our cats outside--and I am not saying that's what everyone should do--

So hold on to the thought--that he is with other kitties and that he is well--I will wish for you--with all my heart--that he comes home to you--soon!!!!

Paris, I'm so sorry that your Bennett is missing that must be so hard for you. I hope that you take some comfort in knowing that cats have such a high survival rate when their on their own. Just think of all the presents that were probably left for you on your doorsteep by Bennett over the years.lMaybe Bennett is on the farm helping in raising a family of his own. Good luck and I hope he returns. K9pal