My name is Mary and today--I lost my oldest most precious cat--thru a senseless accident that was my fault--I just can't understand why it happened and I am so angry--not only at myself but at God--because this cat did not deserve to die this way--
Her name is Mistletoe and we called her Missy for short--we found her--rather she came to us December 1990--
She was what my husband called--" A low maintenance cat"
I took her to the vet a couple of months ago and there was nothing wrong with her--I was told she would be around for a long time--
Lately--she's been going into the dryer and I have always managed to see her--
Today she was not so lucky--the worse part was when I started the dryer up-I heard this noise or thump--I should have stopped it and looked--and I didn't
I will not go further than that--I feel so awful---because she did not deserve to die this way--I can't imagine what she must have gone thru until she died--the girl at the vet's office told me she porbably died instantly from a broken neck--I am going to hang on to that--but that's all--I have had other cats die and have felt awful--this is going to be so hard---I am still in shock and just can't fathom such a thing happening to my Missy--
I will have her cremated and bring her home--but how awful---I just can't explain how bad I feel--

Mary my heart just aches for you but you know what it is devastating to lose them no matter how it happens. We all feel guilty - did we miss something, could we have done more, we should have done this or not done that. It goes on and on around in our heads. I know as I have lost my most beloved dog and I kept her alive 2-3 days longer than I should because I was too weak to put her down. I live with terrible guilt over that. I lost a beautiful cat very suddenly, literally in my arms in 30 minutes, collapsed and died and I nearly lost my mind that I didn't see she was ill and do something earlier. The guilt over the death of our animals is a terrible terrible soul destroying thing and we all do it. Did we put them down too early or too late. When you love an animal like we do there is no good death and that is just the fact. We are never really ready to let go and face life without them so it is easier to blame and beat ourselves up. Today I am facing puting my very precious 14 year old cat to sleep and I have a list a mile long of "why didn't I's" and "maybe I should have's". Its because I can not and do not want to imagine life without him in it. Try to focus on her wonderful life not her end. Most animals die in cir%%stances that are not pleasant. You would never have done that to her on purpose - it was an accident, nothing more nothing less. Kips

I'm so sorry, Mary. You must be so upset...but don't beat yourself up too much. I would be traumatized too, but it really was an accident. You loved Missy so much and did your best to keep her safe. You are only human, Mary, there is only so much you can do.

My girlfriend never had a cat before so about 5 years ago we got her a beautiful grey male cat. His name is Grace because we were mistakenly told he was a she when we first got him, and he didn't seem to mind having a girls name.
Anyway, one day I was out cooking on the grill on the deck and my girlfriend thought it would be nice for the cat, who is an inside cat, to enjoy being out on the deck with me, so she put a leash on him and tied the other end to one of the deck rails. Apparantly neither one of us thought this through because Grace jumped down between the rails, and because the deck was pretty high he ended up hanging by his leash before he hit the ground. Luckily I happened to look over and didn't see him on the deck and knew right away what had happened. I practically jumped over the rail, picked him up to relieve the strain on his throat, and he took in a great gasp of air. He was okay, but it scared the hell out of me and my girlfriend! I wanted so much to lay a lecture on my girlfriend, but it wasn't her fault. It was a senseless accident. animals are so unpredictable.

I only tell you that, Mary, so that you know that accidents happen...unfortunately yours was tragic. You have a hard road of mourning ahead of you, don't make it worse by letting guilt overtake you. It was not your fault!


Take care
John B

Mary, I am so very sorry. I know you are in great pain right now but as the others have said, try not to drown in guilt. It is so easy to do, I know. I have gone over and over in my mind about why I didn't give Mama medication to prevent heartworms. I mean, what a simple thing, right? What an idiot! I can tell you that these thoughts haven't helped me heal in the slightest. What happened to Missy (that was the name of my childhood pet, a white cat) was tragic and it was an accident. A tragic accident. Again, I am so, so, so sorry.

I am so sorry to hear of what has happened to you. I know that you are in incredible pain, but it really wasn't your fault.

What happened to you could have happened to anyone whose kitty, on occasion, napped in the dryer. We all have experienced some tragedy and near misses.

We had a horrible experience with one of our cats a few years ago. He was an outside cat, at times, because he was the quintessential escape artist and because LOVED to go with the dogs on their daily walks.

He stayed so close to the dogs always, even stopping at the curb to wait for the "all clear" to cross the street. One morning when my husband was walking home, there was alot of commotion and I think he got distracted. An ambulance came careening around the corner and hit our sweet boy head on.

Toby died almost instantly, in my husbands arms. It was one of the saddest days of our lives. And the guilt was tremendous, like yours. We still carry it although we know that we would have done anything to prevent it.


Please, don't be too hard on yourself.

Mary, my heart goes out to you! I am so sorry about what happened!

Tears came to my eyes as I read your post because I can just imagine how terrible you feel---the guilt and the grieving. !!! As others have said, you are human. All of us make mistakes each and every day---no exceptions. BUT, it just so happened that your mistake, or accident, ended tragically. I have made bad mistakes that could have put my pets in serious danger---but almost always, that danger never happened (and it was usually things like not latching the door completely... and once it was leaving the stove on then falling asleep... horrible things that I couldn't believe I did but then was just SO THANKFUL , and almost in disbelief, that they didn't end in tragedy.

Your situation is not at all more your fault than anybody else's. I'm sure every person who comes to this board (...and it goes without saying that we're all animal lovers) could share a story of a horrible horrible mistake they made that endangered or in some cases killed their precious pet. Such an indescribable nightmare!!! I heard of another case of a woman turning on her dryer with her cat inside, and she felt probably as horrible as you do. Just devastated. (I spoke to her through another pet-loss website that I checked out in 2004 after I lost my Little Girl. I spent time on different grief-supports sites but then settled on this one as my favorite. )

3 years ago, a woman I grew up with was driving to work when she was killed in a head-on collision. The driver, it turns out, was overtired and had fallen asleep at the wheel. He had been up most of the night visiting a sick relative.. He killed a woman (a mother of 2) and he will never be the same. Most of us have driven tired, or been distracted while driving, etc. But usually the consequences aren't tragic. In that man's case, he made a fatal mistake. And he'd give anything if he could turn back time.

I'm sure Missy is in bliss and you 2 will be reunited when it's your time. In the meantime, she wants you to remind yourself a million times a day that it was an accident and the same thing could have happened to anyone. She really is ok. If the roles had been reversed, know that you wouldn't want her to feel the guilt.

Mary, click on my email if you'd like to talk some more. I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers.

I'm sorry you had to experience what you did. I'm just happy you found this site. Please keep in close touch and let us know how you are!!!

Love,
Kathy

Thanks to all of you---it helps to read your messages as I know only pet lovers can understand what we feel when something like this happens--

I just keep thinking about how she must have felt--I can only hope it didn't take long--nothing bad happened to her little body--at least that won't be on my mind--

I know with time--I will feel better--but this feeling I have is so indescribable-- my other cats as their deaths--although sad-were expected and due to illness--the healing process was so easy because I knew they were better off--I just can't believe this happened---

As a nurse--I know I will go thru all my steps of grieving and guilt---that's the worse--I will "if only" for a-while--and I can't get the picture out of my mind when I opened the dryer---

Needless to say---the dryer is being replaced tomorrow-first thing my husband said to me was--get rid of this dryer--and thank goodness for him--as he took care of the dryer to get it back into shape--

What a horribly sad day---

I apologize if I sound foolish--I just have to get these things out!!

To all of you--Thank you so much!!!

Hey you are not foolish in the slightest. We all understand and will be ready to read any thing you need to write (and never judge you for it). Thinking of you and keep coming back here because it really does help - whenever the grief overwhelms you we are all just a click away. This site is keeping me sane at the moment - there are some amazing people out there. For the moment until the worst of this grief storm has passed refuse to let thoughts of her actual death come into your mind - if they start repeat "block" and halt it right there. Later when you are stronger, if you need to, you can work through her actual death but for now you must concentrate on her wonderful long and healthy life that most cats can only dream of. It does work but takes some practice. I learned this off a friend who was dealing with some dark issues and I know take this approach when I start to let dark thoughts intrude. Eventually your brain accepts that block is like a red traffic light. Kips

Hi Mary.

I cried when I read your post. I can't imagine. Your cat did have a long and happy life, and the other posters have said many good things.

My mother had Alzheimers, and when it was in the beginning stages she was still living at home. She had a small cute dog (Maltese). The dog had diabetes. She had hired a dog sitter to take care of the dog and give him his shots, but she forgot (due to her illness) to tell the dogsitter that the viles had changed.....so one vile was now several times the amount. The dog sitter injected the dog with a vile thinking it was the standard dose, and the dog went into insulin shock and died. My mother still had her wits about her to understand that it was her fault and was devastated.

I am feeling a little better today--but boy--it is so noticeable that she is not here--and we have a houseful of cats--but each one of them has their own special att*itudes and behaviors--and she had hers--so I am very aware that she is no longer in this house--

I am trying very hard to cope with the way it happened and it's difficult--I did find some pictures of her so that is making me feel better--I have posted it so you all can see what she looked like in her younger years--

I had to laugh when I took her to the vet's because she had lost weight and her fur had thinned out--she had lost her "fluffer"--but they couldn't find anything wrong with her except that she was getting old--

I will miss her terribly and again--thank you all for your support--

Mary

Mary, I'm so sorry for your lost . I felt so bad for you when I read your post. Please don't be to hard on yourself. Accidents are called accidents because that is what they are accidents. Alot of us here suffer from the guilt from losing our beloved friends. So keep posting so you don't have to go through this pain and guilt alone.We will be there to try and help. Take care K9pal

Mary, I'm touched by what a loving and supportive response your husband had about *immediately* replacing the dryer. Bravo to him.

Last year there was another kittymommy who lost her cat the same way, front-loading washer, if I remember. Her story stayed with me ever since, such that we now have the Baby King rule in our house. Before each washer or dryer load, I sing-song to my kitties as I check the machine barrel, "and now we honor Baby King by checking for one kitty -- two kitties -- and three kitties! And now they're safe because of Baby King!" I not only check the machine, but physically locate each cat before starting the machine. Your experience has reinforced that all over again for me. Sometimes I roll my eyes at myself for so being so overly cautious each and every time, even when I *know* the cats are in another room, but your story once again reminds us that a moment of assumption can lead to heartbreak. So thank you for sharing that with us.
Kimberly

Oh Mary,

My heart is with you. I am so sorry. Mistletoe was so beautiful.

I love Kimberly's suggestion...from now on, I will do a role call prior to laundry time, as well. Never would have thought of it........but this could have happened to any one of us. Peaches also had a fondness for warm places like the dryer.

Please know that I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you found us. You have a place to come to, here. Your husband sounds like a great guy.

Take care, and I am thinking of you.

Kim

Mark was wonderful thru the whole ordeal as I had completely lost it---and that's unusual for him as he just doesn't tolerate that kind of pain well--and I know his pain is as sharp as mine--but he was more concerned with me--

She was a pretty cat and a gentle cat---"Momma" to all the kitties we had--and I miss her so much--

The tears still come and go---especially at nite when I am trying to sleep---Thank goodness I have my other kitties I can hug---that does help--

I still find it so hard to comprehend--all I keep thinking about is what I should have done--and I think of her in that dryer---I had a cat who did that a very long time ago--and he came out lucky becuase I checked the dryer when I heard the first thump--Red never went near that dryer again---

I have thought about getting another kitty--that looks like her--maybe there is a kitty out there that Missy made room for in this house---

Thanks to all of you --you cannot know what your words mean to me---

Mary, I totally understand. I miss my kitty, Mama so badly at night. It's so hard when you are used to having them in bed with you and they are not there. I'm still crying every night and it's been over 3 weeks.
I'm glad you have other kitties to turn to. I don't have any other pets. I would like one but my husband is not ready. I hope your pain lessens soon.

I am so sorry for your loss in such a tragic way. Please don't beat yourself up. Our Mist was around the same age and died of cancer in December last year. He suffered fir a few months looking back on it. I beat myself up for a while, asking myself why I didn't take him to the vet or do something when he started acting strangely. I was supposed to be his advocate, right?

But we all do the best we can, we all loved as much as we could, and we do our best. Accidents happen. It sounds like you gave so much through the years and did all you could to offer a home filled with love and care. Don't beat yourself up--

There is no right or wrong--you did your best. Expect the next 4-6 months to be difficult, but I promise it does get better, I promise you.

You may want to look into a pet loss support group and of course definitely keep coming back here. We've all been where you are and want to help.

Hugs, Misty's Mama

I just wanted to stop by--having a little bit of a difficult time right now--I am doing laundry and everytime I go into the garage--I look to see if she is there--knowing she won't be--

I felt if I just put this down--instead of holding it in--I would feel a little better--
I miss her and just feel so bad---but I know she's with her other brothers and sisters that went to Rainbow Bridge before her---so she can love them up again--
like she always did in her younger days---

I do feel better--the pain is not as intense--but the ach in my heart is with me all day---I think about her and I smile and I think about her and I cry---

Thank goodness for my other kitties--and for this group----

Hi Mistletoe,

Laundry is going to be so very hard for a while.

When I would walk past "the spot" and see the folks waiting for the train who so loved our "animal parade" with the funny little "dog cat", I would tear up, still do sometimes, years later.

Like you, I needed to walk past it to get to my car to go to work and you can't walk around in stinky clothes!

I'm being a bit irreverant but I hope you know it is with love and understanding.

Love and strength to you your sweet little kitty wishes you the same.
sharon

We did the exact same thing for a few months. Misty used to wait in the garage for my husband, it took him 4 months to stop looking for him there. I still get that feeling from time to time when open the door from the house to the garage, but now it's just an occasional thing.

What you are feeling is totally normal. This intense pain won't last forever, hang in there and please post again and let us know how you are doing.

Today has been one week since that awful accident--I am doing much better than I expected--but there is not a moment that goes by--that she is not on my mind--I go to sleep and my last thought is of her and when I wake up--there she is---and all I can say to her is that "I sorry! I didn't mean to do this!" And I know she forgives me---

It is hard for me to go into the garage and do laundry--I will always remember what happen--there is no escaping that--I still look for her and as I am doing laundry--I am finding clothing with her fur on it--as she loved to sleep in those baskets--

I have been lighting a candle for her, everyday, and that has helped--it goes without saying, that if it hadn't been for this group--so that I could get all my thoughts and feelings out--I may not be at this point--this is not something I could have bourne alone---

She will be with us again--this Friday--as I pick up her remains--and I know that it going to be difficult--but she will be home----

Thanks to all of you for being there for me--

Mary

I'll be thinking of you Friday as you pick up the remains. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Please hang in there, the first few weeks are terrible. And you have the added grief of an accident, too. Please don't beat yourself up...you obviously loved her very much and I KNOW that she knows it.

Please keep posting and let me know if I can help in any way.

Hugs, Misty's Mama

I brought Missy home yesterday--and it wasn't easy--I cried from the vets to the house. I have her in a black sleep cat urn that sits on my shelf of my computer desk--

I am feeling better to a degree--night time is the worse if I don't fall asleep right away--so I wait until I am really sleepy before I go to bed--

I am still angry and unforgiving at the fortunes that allowed this to happen--it will be a long time before that goes away--it was an awful death for a kitty who never hurt a living soul---she was always sweet and loving----

But I am grateful to this group--I don't think I would be in this place if I didn't have somewhere to go to put my feelings down and know they would be understood.

Mary

Dear Mistletoe,

I just read your post. I wish I could take some of your pain away. The experience you went through sounds so traumatic, but I'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel better. There are so many times that we wish that we could rewind the clock; please try and think of the happy memories. You sound like such a caring person, and I wish you all of the best.

Sincerely,
Daisysmom13

This tragedy happened to me last night as I also lost my sweet Baby Kitty. I am devastated and feel all alone. I cradled her in my arms and kept telling her I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t she stay in the basket with the clean whites where she had been sleeping when I went to check that last load? Why didn’t I check the dryer before I turned it on?

I tried to work this morning after I buried her under the crepe myrtle tree in the front yard, but could only stay there until 11a. The house is so empty. I keep waiting for her to drape herself across the top of the monitor to nap as I worked on the computer or for her to jump onto my chest for her nap.

She was my devoted companion/child for 12 years and she definitely ruled the roost with a steel claw. She leaves a void in my aching and broken heart that will never be able to be filled.

txstargazer, I am so sorry to hear of the traumatic way you lost your precious baby. I wish there was something I could write here to ease your pain. But do know that we are all here to help you through this most difficult time in your life. We have one thing in common as we have all lost fur babies. I hope that you will find some comfort here and that your pain will lessen with time.

Dear Mary and txstargazer. My name is Warren, we too just lost one of our babies in a tragic accident .I to go over what if? but this does me no good. Just more heartache, you didn't mean anything to happen to your baby just like me, we loved our kid's and when they're taken in such a way it is traumatic at the best of times. Just don't blame yourself, Mistletoe like Freedie, loved us and would never blame us. I know exactly the pain your going through my heart goes out to you. Be good to yourself, our babies wouldn't want us to be sad.

Warren and Chris missing and loving Freddie forever ***xx

Here are my new three Kitties
"Weena" on top
"El Niño" in the middle
"Miss Kitty" on the bottom Click to view attachment