Everyone keeps telling me that I'll know when the time comes but I'm not so sure my emotions aren't clouding that decision for me. My dog Sophie has been ill for a long time. The vet didn't think she would survive last winter, but she did. Spring came right at the nick of time as she was no longer able to navigate on the snow and ice and was falling often.
Sophie has been on medication for arthritis since she was 7 -- she'll be 15 in October. She is a 70 pound husky/shepherd mix. She also has dementia which until recently was under control. Now she's starting to show the signs again. And, she has recurring nose bleeds.
Two months ago she lost the ability to stand up from the tile floor and that quickly spread to the carpeting as well. I have to lift her up and put her on her feet most of the time. Every so often she surprises me and gets herself up if she's on the carpeting but that happens a couple of times a week at best. She wakes me up every night crying because she can't get herself on her feet. Sometimes I think it is because she is in pain, or scared and perhaps some of it is the dementia.
To control her pain she is on tramadol, Metacam and Amantadine. She is getting maximum doses of each.
A little over a month ago she woke me up in the middle of the night crying out. When I went to check on her she was trying to get up onto her feet. I reached down and lifted her to her feet at which point she started crying out more. Her front leg was stiff as a board. When I reached out to her to comfort her and to see what was wrong she bit me. I could tell it was out of pain and fear that she bit because she’s not a biter. Later that day she came and put her head in my lap and I know it was her way of saying she was sorry. I was heartbroken. The vet put her on the amantadine and doubled her tramadol and metacom which over the courese of about a week began to control the pain. She still cries sometimes when she puts weight on her front leg but the pain medication helps.
The muscles have atrophied on her entire right side and the front and back leg. She often drags her back legs. She falls frequently when I take her for her short walks. She falls in the house.
I go home at lunch everyday and make sure she gets on her feet so she doesn't lie in the same place for eight hours. And, as I mentioned I'm up every night at least once. A few weeks ago I came for lunch Sophie had gotten sick and had defecated on her self and the floor. She must have been laying in it for hours.
She likes to have her head rubbed but she doesn’t seem to like having the rest of her body touched. She still eats and has an appet*ite. But in my heart I can’t believe she is happy. This dog was a force of nature her entire life, we walked miles every day no matter the weather. Now, it takes us 20 minutes to walk a block and a half. My vet said it wouldn’t be too soon considering she’s maxed out on her medications and still in pain – but then she added “I do see a little life left in her”. What if that life has little quality to it? I'm the sole cartaker. Her condition is taking it's toll on me physically and emotionally, but I try not to let that be a factor in making the decision to let her go. I worry that I'm not really rational about this, that there is just too much emotion.
I would appreciate any thoughts or advice anyone has.
Sophie’s heartbroken Mom

Oh, Heartbroken Mom, you need to say goodbye. It's time. I know it's very difficult. I had to make the same decision myself. But it's the right thing to do for your Baby. Sophie has trusted you all these years to take care of her. She's asking you now to take care of her and do the right thing. She can't talk, but she is speaking to you. Please listen to her.

Sophie's Mom

Only you can make that decision, but it does sound to me like your dear girl is ready to go on, or soon will be. Just follow your heart and do what you think your girl would want. Believe me, I do know how hard that decision is to make. I miss my Alley every day and sometimes wish I could turn back the clock and have just one more day with her, but even if I could, that one more day would have been filled with pain for her and I wouldn't want that.

I know you love Sophie and she knows it too. May you find the strength you need to make this difficult decision.

sophies mom,my heartbreaks for you..no one can make the decsion for you, you have to know it in your heart what is right. i can honestly say i hated the fact that i had to make that choice to put both my girls down two months from each other. my mind told me it was the right thing to do but my heart was saying dont let go.. 15 years, you are so blessed..i think shes letting you know how she feels.. ...she loves you, know that she does,,i wish you peace and i wish i could just reach out and give you a hug...

much love
michelle

I am so sorry for you, but I think you know the time is close.
When my Gizzy was nearing his last days, he bit me, while I was trying to help him stand. I was a little shocked and upset, but I soon realised he wasnt being nasty. He was a very proud cat, and I guess he just wanted to do it himself. That same night after yet another horrid seizure, he looked deep into my eyes, I had never seen him look at me that way, he was I am sure, saying "please mum, let me go" I lay and cuddled him till early morning, I knew and he knew it was our very last day together. I will cherish that day forever, I shut the world out and spent the whole day with him, nothing and no one else.
You WILL know when its time, a loving owner ALWAYS knows. Sophie will and I feel is telling you. Take some time with her, she will talk to you, look into her eyes they will tell you all you need to know.
God bless you both, you are in my thoughts.
Ruth xx

Sophie's mom, I'm so sorry about your Sophie's declining health. I recently had to make that choice because my furry friend had cancer. I decided to let him go and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. The main reason I let him go was to stop the constant pain that he was in. I knew that he would not get better and that he would only get worse. His quality of life was obsolete. I just had to take away his pain. Ask yourself thes questions. How is Sophie's quality of life? Does she have more bad days then good? Is she in alot of pain and suffering? The answers may help you in answering your question Is it time? Take care and keep comming here, because we careand understand what you are going through

Dear (((((((Sophie's Mom)))))))

Reading your post was extremely heartbreaking, and it brought me back to early February, 2004, when my husband and me had to make that very difficult decision to help our precious girl Ernestine go from this life to the next.



Only you know your precious Sophie best. It sounds to me that in your heart, you know that she can't be happy with her quality of life.

We had our beautiful girl put to sleep on February 7, 2004. I will say that this was the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life. But, Ernie was suffering & was getting progressively worse with every passing day. She was losing weight, and was violently retching every single day. It got to the point where we knew that she wasn't having fun anymore. Her comfort and her happiness was all that mattered to me.

Soon after I joined Lightning-Strike, a wonderful & caring member said to me:

"Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain so that she could finally be without pain."

That made so much sense to me. I loved my sweet girl more than anything and of course, I would have done ANYTHING to help her.
Giving her the gift of peace was the only thing left that I could do for her.



Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and with your sweet girl at this very difficult time. Come here as often as you want & write out whatever is on your mind. I found that writing in a journal (or, right here on LS) was very helpful. If you need a friend to talk to, please feel free to PM me. I am here for you - we all are.

Wishing you much comfort & peace,

God Bless You & Sophie ,

Love, Denise

Thank you all so much. It's been therapeutic to read everyone's thoughtful responses. I guess in my mind I know that we have reached that point. But in my heart...
I tend to take each bad episode and separate them rather than look at the whole picture. I'm clouded by little moments such when I help her up and she walks around the kitchen trying to get her balance and get her legs working -- as she staggers around the room she still manages to stick her nose in the garbage can just in case there's something she can snatch. That's when I know there still a little of my mischievous girl there.
I don't think I realized I could love my muttly so much.

Sophie's Mom,
so sorry to hear of the declining health of your baby. I myself had to make that choice 1 yr ago yesterday. Only you can make the choice and the very time you think this is it they do something like trying to retrieve food from the trash, Animals will put up with more pain and sickness than we humans will. I know I was hoping Raggs would just go to sleep on his own and I would not have to make that decision. My Ginger the dog before Raggs died in my arms (14ys old) the night before I was to have her put to sleep. That was a blessing and I wish it could have been the same for Raggs. It is a hard decision to make and even after it is over you question yourself for a time if it was right. I just could bnot stand to see Raggs so sick and not for sure if he was hurting but then again I wander what right I have to call it qiuts but in my heart I always knew it was right and my beloved Vet who loved him almost as much as me said "it is time to let go" but atill must be your decision. Thinking of you because I know you are so worried about her.

Joanne (Raggs Mom)

Sophie's Mom,

I'm so sorry. I know how it feels to be there. I watched my sweet boy decline and finally leave me in February of last year. He was fourteen, old for a big dog. My girl is fifteen now and fading like your Sophie.

We did find though that her inability to stand at times was due to some inner ear issues; it looks like a stroke/seizure or an inability to stand. She's on meds and is doing better. Is that something you've talked about with your vet?

(I don't want to cause more question/grief/pain but the diagnosis was something like... "does it look like she's reading the paper and trying to get up"? It did, he prescribed, he's good that way. He's old fashioned and he trusts me).

A kiss to your old girl and love and strenth to you.

I feel for you. In 2002 and 2003 I had to make those decisions for my elderly kittygirls. I'd had Tinsica from when I was 24 years old, and at 42, she'd been with me through *everything*. Finally, my dad looked at her and said, "Kim, she looks like she's just searching for a place to finally lie down."

Here's the nugget I want you to know: the anticipation is worse than the doing. Knowing it's coming, putting it off, not knowing when is the right time, wondering when? am I doing it too soon? am I doing it too late? is all SOOO much more stressful than the act of doing it. Sure the grief is there, but once you get to the other side of your decision, you'll realize how much it's been weighing on you every day.

I was also comforted by having taken photos of her right before I took her to the vet's. Some time later I looked at the pictures, and could starkly see how thin and weak she looked. With Tin I waited a little too long; with Cheddar the following year I think we timed it about right.

Your Sophie lives in the moment. She wakes up, she's happy to see you, she goes to sleep, she wakes up, happy to see you... She has no concept of tomorrow or next week, so she doesn't have the sense of "maybe I'll make it until August" or "one more weekend." She won't have any sense of having "missed out" on anything if you help her move on this week versus next.

I wish both of you the very best. Once she's released, she'll be running and frisky in no time.
Kimberly

You are all so kind. I hope you know how helpful your thoughts have been these last few days. Sophie was in pretty bad shape on the fourth of July. Right now she is laying on her bed starting to drift to sleep. She even managed to get herself up on her feet -- no help from me -- when she smelled scrambled eggs and realized my other pup ,Sadie, might get them. So, I thought today might be the day, but she seems a little more peaceful today so I got a reprieve.

To Kimberly -- thank you for the words of wisdom. I know how much this is weighing on me. Yesterday, I found out others know it too. Someone described the physical toll this has been taking on me. I didn't realize it was showing on my face. Having this forum has helped me feel like I'm not so alone in this decision. I moved to a new city a few months ago and don't have my friends around to support me through this.

Hi Heartbroken Mom,

I am so sorry for Sophie's decline, we understand our Hrudey was in very much the same shape, but lost him last Christmas morning, it was Dec 23rd when he took a turn for the worse, and refused to get up at all and panted in a very erratic way, I still wonder if we waited too long, he as your girl was doing "okay" on and off for the past probably several months if I really look at it with clear memory, but its so hard there is no hard and fast rule, and they don't just go, which you wish they would,( I told him he could just go if he wanted too...) but I know its terrible, in my dogs case he had a large tumor in his lung, it had returned and we didn't know and was actually causing him great difficulty breathing, the emergency vet who PTS said it was like slowly suffocating, I feel terrible that we didn't know sooner, but also am thankful for every second I had with him. BTW, my daughter's name is Sophie and I will tell you the truth, we had a neighbor dog named Sophie when I was growing up and thats how I began to love that name. I understand your pain and you are obviously doing all you can, your vet knows when the time is best, but also go with your own gut feelings too, yours are the most important..You and Sophie are in my prayers...Much love, Tory, Hrudey's Momma

Hi I can feel your pain as I am in the exact same position as you except it is a beloved cat. He is so tired and weak tonight and yet today we had some time warming ourselves in the sun together - probably our last day. I have tears rolling down my face as I think about both of us facing this horendous decision. I have cried so much - I just ache inside and everywhere. I just dont want to face a day without him in it and yet the thought of him in pain haunts me. I know he has inoperable cancer but I am still going "what if". I guess you are the same - not sleeping, not eating, unable to focus........It hurts like hell - hang in there and know you are not alone. Kips

Dear Kips,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. I also can't imagine coming home and not seeing my dearest friend. I think that is playing a large part in keeping her around. That, and a lot of denial.

When I adopted Sophie the vet had a sign in her office that read "Your dog may mean the world to you; but to your dog you are the world." That always stuck in my head, for better or worse, that whatever happiness or joy she experienced it was because I made it happen and that is a huge responsibility. I suppose making the decision to give her some peace is part of that responsibility too.

I hope today is not your last day together, but if it is I hope you both find peace.

I almost cried when I read your story, you sound so similiar to my husband and yself with our Misty. We gave fluids from an IV bag for renal bag for 4 years, along with two other meds. Like you, we came and checked on him at lunch, I even worked second shift so he would only have a small window of time alone each day. So, I know the love you are demonstrating in such great caretaking.

IT sounds like she is not happy with the pain and is no longer to enjoy her activities. Like others have said, you may want to consider euthannasia at this point. We went through it 7 months ago, so we totally understand all the emotions you are feeling.

But letting her suffer may not be the best option. I will keep you in my thoughts and please let us know how you are doing.

Many hugs, Misty's Mama