I don't think it gets better with time. It just changes. People keep telling me it will get better. That it won't hurt so much. That I'll be able to think of the happy memories and it won't hurt so much. But the good memories hurt too, because those good times are gone. I don't know if that makes sense. There are no memories that don't ache. The pain is no longer sharp, at least most of the time. It's become a dull ache. but it aches all the time. And often, I miss that sharpness. I feel sad that it's faded. I want her to be fresh in my mind. So that is a new pain to deal with. It's not better. It's just different.

Magdalene

Dear Magdalene,
I so agree with you, the pain is constant. But I also worry that I am forgetting the unique way that Furry did things, the little gestures, like the way her ears waggled. Do you find that too?
Judith

It's almost 11 years now since I lost my best friend and kittycat, Butch. I have to say I don't think it really gets better, it just changes like you said. I've always said I just learned to live with the pain.


I still can't talk about him without crying.


Love

I have to agree with this 100%

It has been almost 7 months since I lost Alley and I don't think it will EVER get "better". It does change, but it just changes to a more subdued sort of grief, and it will never go away.

Like Judith, I too worry that I will forget things about Alley. Not necessarily things she did or things that happened, but just the look on her face when she talked to me, the way her little meow sounded, the way she looked when she walked and waddled across the yard to greet me. I wish I had her on videotape. I treasure my pictures of her, but they just arent' enough. Nothing will ever be enough, because she isn't here.

Yes I would have to concur...It does not get better. This may not be what you want or need to hear but it seems to just be "what is". The folks who have posted prior to me are outstanding people who have helped me much in the forum. Please remember, there is a way but you simply cannot attach the word "better" to it.

Life will always be different, for you, for us. The furbaby that has graced your life has changed it forever. You can never expect to be the same. This is the starting point. Now reality dictates that you live in a "new reality" without that which you cared so much for. As I write these words I am taken back to the beginning when the sorrow began. This whole ordeal for me began on a cold November day last year. It has been near 7 months since I lost my first furbaby, nearly 3 since the second loss. Life moves forward but my thoughts will still go back in time to those two things I loved so very much.

I learned to live with the pain. It does not dominate my life as it did in the beginning. I will move forward and care for my two new furbabies I have been gifted with. They are each their own furbaby, but every once in a while I will look into their bright shining eyes and see the "others", then I pick them up, hold them, and cry, sometimes very hard. It seems to be part of the healing, oddly enough.

I must accept the fact that life will be this way for sometime, maybe all time. I cannot predict that. What I do know is that acceptance to me is living with the reality my babies have perished, and I will feel that sorrow each and every time I go to visit that place in my mind. I have accepted that, it is an unerring fact and that is "OK". Does not happy thoughts prevail when you think of the wonderful times you had with your furbaby? You must expect sorrow to intervene when you think of those final moments as well. When we accept more of the loss as time goes on our minds seem to "train us" not to go back to the end of their days. We ponder more of our happy times we had than the sad end of their days. That is acceptance weaving its way into your life.

You can always visit the "end of their days". I had to do it here to write this post, and I cried like it just happened. This is why I have had reservations in responding to this post. But if people like Lori Paula & Judith could do it....well...I just had to try.

Please be kind to yourself. I think some peoples view of acceptance is that one day you will wake up and remember all the good things about your furbabies but forget the final day. Fantasy...sheer fairy tales. That's just not realistic.....search yourself and you will know this to be true. You must "accept" your pain for what it is and then live with it. You must focus on the memories that you have when your furbabies lifelight burned bright. We are human, what more can be expected of us...

Take care my friend...
Come often and write much....
Pour it out here.....
And we will live our pain together and gain strength from each other

magdalene,
I know I'm in the minority, but I believe it has to get better. I'm not saying you'll ever stop missing your baby. I'm not saying it will always be easy or you won't cry and long for your baby from time to time, but to say it won't get better than it is right now is very depressing. It will get better. In some cases much better. I miss my Sadie Mae more than anything or anyone I have ever lost, but even after 4 months it is way better than it was.

In my mind it has to get better or we would all lose our minds. It is not natural or healthy for human beings to stay in a perpetual state of sorrow and mourning. Once again I think it will get better than it is right now...otherwise who would ever want to go on?

That's my opinion for what it's worth, although I may be looking at it from a differnet angle.

Take care
John B

I think I'd like to make clear that what I and most of us here are talking about is not that first "OMG my baby is gone" feeling. That stunned place we go in our heads. That first horrible day, that first awful week, that first month of pain. Of course that gets better. We couldn't and wouldn't want to live that way.

It's after that, at around 4 to 6 months for most of us. It's a place where we keep hoping for, well something. The great pain is gone, dull. There are even times when you can forget for a while. For me a couple of years and there were even whole days when I didn't think about him. I think what I'm trying to say is that it got to a point and didn't "ease up" any from there.

From that point it doesn't really ever "get better", not for me. Almost 11 years for Butch and 8 months for Moose. Of course Moose brought all the feeling for Butch back up too. I live without them, with the pain, everyday.

Does that mean I find no joy in my life or can't love and appreciate everything I have? Of course not! They were the lights in my life and my life is a bit darker for not having them. You can live very well in a bit darker life.

Love

Thank you for clarifying for me. I totally agree.

It's been almost two months since I lost Max and I don't think it's getting better. I think I'm just getting better at conceling those feelings. Some days I feel decent and then other days I'm devistated. I still have that empty hollow feeling inside. Like now my life is so irregular, adnormal. It's so strange living life without having your furbaby by your side. I don't think it will ever get better, I think that we just have no choice but to adjust to life without our furbabies.

K9pal....keep coming here and be with us. We are stronger together. What strength we might lack when we are alone with our thoughts we can gain from others here. I understand completely how you feel. You have not beem a long time without your furbaby. Two months is very recent! Be kind to yourself.Come often and write much.
Take care..........

Well Mag, I don't know if I can add anything further on this subject that others haven't already eloquently pointed out, I add only that I agree it never "gets better" not really and truly better just that dull ache becomes part of your being, and really its like accepting that it sucks and yes it does suck being withour your baby...you just learn to live with the sucky feelings, see I am not as eloquent, ha! but I understand your feelings. for sure, I don't know where I would be without these people for me, it all started on Christmas morning for us, and that seems like like a lifetime ago, I sure miss my boy and the heart will always ache for him, and I try to focus on the blessing he was in my life and that its a reality that our fur friends will not out live us, its a hard thing to remember, now when I see older dogs now, it brings back that ache and that fear again, I can temporarily not think about with a new puppy but it rises again when I see these families feeling those same feelings of fear and heartache...Bless you honey, I know its hard and just know we are all there for you, one big cyber hug, Take Care,

Tory, Hrudey, Frank and baby Auggie's Momma

Hi, I am new here and don't really know much about everyone but, I know we all have one thing in common. Loss.

Getting better? I don't know really as if it does. Maybe it is a fitting way to put it, maybe it isn't. I think the real point we are asking ourselves through mourning, no matter how we word it is this.

How do I adapt to life now on a daily basis without this pet being a part of it?

That I think is what we are all truly trying to ask ourselves.

Not bad Oakshil not bad! Your intuitive powers are correct. You have already learned that you must live in the "new reality". It's not pleasant at times but it is reality. You can do it.... WE can do it together....