Just a word to all who like us mourn the loss of our dear ones.
Please be careful which friends you confide your grief to. One of my close friends has, to my shock been very offensive concerning our grief. We lost our two kitties within 18 weeks of each other to cancer. And our friend has responded to our sorrow with remarks such as - Are you still upset about those cats, and the worstwas when she told me that I should accept that maybe it was my fault they got cancer in the first place. As you can imagine our friendship has soured a bit though I beleive that if you expect your friends to be perfuct you will have a lonley life. Her att*itude has still added to our pain. On the up side we have many friends who, though they may not understand our grief have been very supportive. So please if you have a friend who has said inappropriate things try to remember that there are many many people out there who do care and understand even if they do not know how to show it.

How insensitive of them and how sad for you. What kind of cancer did your cats have. My cat Babe has Mammary Gland Adenocarcinoma .........

With friends like that who needs enemies.

A friend who hurts a person at a time they are at their most vulnerable is a friend I would immediately toss to the curb. True friends just don't do that to their friends. When our bunny Sir Francis was very ill with a heart condition (he died a week later) I unfortunately told a "friend" at lunch about his medical treatment and the fact we bought him an oxygen compressor so he could breathe easier. She went into hysterical peals of laughter. Telling her was the best thing I ever did. It let me know that she wasn't a true friend. I still talk to her politely at work but she will never be considered a friend of mine. My true friends helped to console and comfort me when Sir Francis died. The way I think about her, I forgive but I never forget.

Ken

I am sorry for your loss.

Those comments tell you more about her character than yours. I did not talk to non-pet owners about my pets. My old boy had diabetes and I spent a lot of money and time for vet visits, insulin, etc. I had to give two shots a day, one early in the morning before I went to work and one around dinnertime. I had to feed him, then wait for half an hour to give his shots. Most of the time it was convenient. But it also meant that sometimes I had to leave a social event early to go home in the evening to give his shot. I also couldn't sleep in on weekends (or would have to go back to bed after) because his well-being was reliant on the schedule. A few people looked at me like I was crazy. Some even told me to have him put down because he was inconvenient.

Only another pet owner would get it, but your "friend" should be honoring your feelings by not making such hurtful comments.

Exactly! Regardless of whether something brings you joy or sorrow, a true friend will be there to share in it and validate it. Some people, however, are so emotionally stunted that they can't help themselves.

There is this pizza place down the road from me. I used to go there all the time and (thought) I became good friends with the owner. The topic of Simba came up and I told him how he got sick and after $400 of treatment, trying to get him better, it still had to come down to euthanization. The guy looks at me and told me I should have brought Simba to him and he would have charged me 25 cents for a bullet. Then to top it off his brother and wife were behind the counter all laughing like it was the funniest joke in the world.

I ended up telling them where they could stick their pizza and walking out. They looked at me like they just didn't get why I was so upset with them. I haven't stepped foot in that place since and never will.

I have learned also through bad experiences that there are people out there who I cannot share this kind if grief with. I will distance myself from them to the end of my own days. Misunderstanding & minimizing does not know gender either. I have met just as many uncompassionate women as men. Keep the ones you know to trust close to you. Don't throw a "bone" out there to someone you don't know will share your feelings on this subject. You leave yourself vunerable and can be quickly victimized. In my opinion, if a person cannot respect all creatures of this world than it is highly likely they have no respect for themselves.

Having been angered by reading the insensitivity this subhuman displayed in your post, I will waste no more time on it.

Tell us your story. Do not be afraid. We will feel your pain. We will cry as we read your words of sorrow for we have lived our lives in the sunshine of furbabies and when the darkness comes and their time here is over we cry here together for their loss.

You can do that too, because we see that you are one of us

thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. Its so good to know there are others who understand the pain we have been through.
Our little Cleo passed away on Nov. 16th of bone cancer. We had treated her with cortisone and bueprenex. We agreed with our vet that we would keep her going as
long as she was happy and comfortable. When she went blind from the cancer we were told that her pain would begin to increase rapidly so we let her go. Our vet came to the house and Cleo fell asleep in my arms with my husband stroking her face. It was very peaceful and really, I think it was a blessing for her to be surronded in her final moments by love and peace.
Our other kitty, Skanky, (where we lived in England the name meant something black & white and really cool!) went down very suddenly from lymphomic cancer. Just 18 weeks later. She lost half her body weight in three weeks. Again, we tried to treat her but her decline was so rapid there was not a lot we could do, so once again our vet came to the house and she passed as peacfully as her sister and litter mate.
Its a great comfort when in a time like this you can see that you are really truely helping them in letting them cross over. It does not ease our missing them but at least we know we did all we could and that we had a great life with them.

And as many of you have said we did find out who our True Friends are. One dear lady who lost her own daughter to diabetes two years ago told me the sweetest thing. she said we should " Remember what we had, not what we had lost. We had for 14 years total, complete, unconditional love" And aren't we lucky to have had it"

thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. Its so good to know there are others who understand the pain we have been through.
Our little Cleo passed away on Nov. 16th of bone cancer. We had treated her with cortisone and bueprenex. We agreed with our vet that we would keep her going as
long as she was happy and comfortable. When she went blind from the cancer we were told that her pain would begin to increase rapidly so we let her go. Our vet came to the house and Cleo fell asleep in my arms with my husband stroking her face. It was very peaceful and really, I think it was a blessing for her to be surronded in her final moments by love and peace.
Our other kitty, Skanky, (where we lived in England the name meant something black & white and really cool!) went down very suddenly from lymphomic cancer. Just 18 weeks later. She lost half her body weight in three weeks. Again, we tried to treat her but her decline was so rapid there was not a lot we could do, so once again our vet came to the house and she passed as peacfully as her sister and litter mate.
Its a great comfort when in a time like this you can see that you are really truely helping them in letting them cross over. It does not ease our missing them but at least we know we did all we could and that we had a great life with them.

And as many of you have said we did find out who our True Friends are. One dear lady who lost her own daughter to diabetes two years ago told me the sweetest thing. she said we should " Remember what we had, not what we had lost. We had for 14 years total, complete, unconditional love" And aren't we lucky to have had it"

I'm so sorry for your lose of your kitties and the lost of your freinds trust. Your post really hit close to home with me. Not because of inconsiderate remarks of others((thou I did experience some) but because I feel like I was abandoned by a close freind. I understand the hurt you feel, in a way the betrayal. I'm not going to go into the details because I don't want to make this post about me and my feelings. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Take comfort in knowing that you formed new bonds with freinds that are understanding, caring, and sympathetic of your feelings. Because during this time for all of us who lost our furbabies we need people who are compassionate, that truly know how devistated we feel, and are willing in helping us cope.

What a beautiful and true thing to say! God bless that wonderful woman!

-- Michelle K.

How rude, arrogant and inconsiderate our own species as a whole can be. Fortunately my experience hasn't been with any people like this, though I have known for the longest time they exist. It is a no wonder our furry friends are easier to deal with and easier to understand.

And as far as that pizza parlor, I'd have told them the same thing. Who are these people to make mean jokes and condescend what is an inconvenience to another. Just reading about it makes gets me livid.

Those kind of people miss out on alot by being so shallow and ignorant. I always wonder about people who disregard other living creatures. I always wonder about people like that because in my opinion, chances are people like that has arrogance that extends to many other issues, not just about animals.

Coming across people like this is painful and often unexpected and brings on a feeling of betrayal and confusion if you don't expect it or understand it. But it's also a learning experience, although it's often an unwelcome and painful one. We can learn from these people how NOT to react to people who've lost a beloved pet, or for that matter, any beloved member of the family. The most sympathetic and easiest thing to say is "I'm so sorry" - how hard is that for anyone to say? No one needs to add their opinion on how or why an animal passed, especially if it's an unsolicited opinion. Unfortunately the comment about the 25 cent bullet sounds all too familiar, and probably happens more often than we know.

I am sorry for your loss, and sorry for the unfortunate reaction which you've received from some ignorant people who don't understand the grief you're going through. There will always be people like that, unfortunately, but at least you know now what this woman's true feelings about animals is like. She may still be someone you have to interact with, and if that's the case, of course you have to be civil to her, but you know her "true colors" now. But don't worry, there are still those of us out here who go out of our way for our furry ones, just out of love. Come here and vent when you need to - most of us have experienced this sort of thing before. Please take care - Barb

I'm so sorry you had to go through this with a so called friend. Anyone that knows me, knows I love my cats. So it stands to reason if you talk ill of my cats, you are no longer in my life. I feel it tells you alot about the people you're friends with. Most of my friends have been understand, and compassionate. I doubt this person could give you the same well being as your kitty cat did. Please just think about the good times with your kittycat, not the idots who don't understand along the way.

I can understand people having a lack of understanding about the meaning of pets in our lives. Some folks just aren't blessed with the gift of knowing the depth of love a four-footed kid can bring. I feel sorry for what they're missing. But what I CAN'T understand is why these people don't have the sense to keep kindness in their heart and their MOUTH SHUT. Oh my heavens we don't all have to think alike -- there is such a wide variety of human experience -- but basic human kindness should be so fundamental. It costs nothing to take that extra half-second and think about how your words will affect someone else, and it boggles me how mindlessly insensitive some folks can be. Anyway, I'm glad we have this place to "be with our own kind," the ones who 'get it' that our pets are full-fledged family members.

Rekindling this topic was timely -- I've decided to hire a K9 search team to find Twitchit's body, and have been reluctant to tell any but a select few -- and you. (You can find my story under Lost and Missing Pet thread.)

Dealing with death really does sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to friends. I lost my best friend when my mom died, and just recently I lost another friend when my dad died. Painful to go through, but coming through the other side knowing who my friends are is the silver lining. ~Kimberly

It is hurtful, to have your pain belittled, as if the feelings your had for your pet were unimportant. It is great we have found a place here were we can lean on one another for support when it is needed. Thank You everyone, for being there for those in need of support that we sometimes cannot find else where. I to have had to hide my greif arround insensitive people. You find out who your friends are. When Serson died I didn't confide in my neighbor, and to my surprise she showed up on my front porch with flowers and hugs of support, that I hadn't even recieved from my family.

One of the easiest and least expected things to do, I've found, and yet so welcome, is to send a sympathy card to someone who's lost a pet, especially if they're far away. It takes so little time, and people really appreciate it. I've never regretted doing it, ever. Take care - Barb

Unbelievable.

Wow, I can't believe anyone would make remarks like the ones being recounted in this thread! What must they be thinking? I've been richly blessed to have friends and family members who are very sympathetic to my loss. I had an aunt even send me a sympathy card, like Barb mentioned, and it made me feel very supported. Don't dwell on the horrible things people say - instead, do as your friend mentioned and focus on what you had with your two kitties. I find that thinking of good times with my boy Othello always makes me feel better. He was certainly a more understanding cat than a lot of people, and it sounds like your Cleo and Skanky were too.

I belong to a book group, and right now we're reading "The Best American Essays Of 2006". One of the essays was a little more like a personal memoir that the writer wrote, about the death of the family dog, George. The essay was called simply "George". It was a lovely recounting of how they got George when the kids were little, and how the kids grew up with George, but how George never became that important to the writer until the kids had left home, and now there was just him, his wife, and George. He'd walk with George in the woods every day, and there developed a wonderful bond between the two of them. And then of course, the inevitable -- George stopped eating much, was drinking way too much, and a vet visit confirmed he had cancer in his mouth. Rather than put him through a lot of treatments, and because he was so old, they made the difficult and very personal decision to let George go peacefully into the good night, without treating the cancer.

The discussion that followed in our group eventually got around to people we knew who had spent a lot of money on their pets to try and make them better as long as they could be kept reasonably comfortable as well. Most of the people in our group couldn't believe the amount of money or effort would be expended for an animal. Then came the inevitable distinction between animals and people, people being "worth more", of course, was the general consensus. Now, I want to make it clear that these are wonderful people, funny and warm and intelligent, and I like all of them very much. But there's just this disconnect concerning pets and animals, I guess.

There was one other person at the meeting who I made quiet eye contact with during the discussion, and we understood each other. We understood each other without having to say out loud, "I love my pet, and I'd do anything for him/her - anything." But neither of us said anything, because people either get it or they don't. And that doesn't make them bad. They just don't get it.

I still like them, though. They're wonderful in so many other ways.

-- Michelle K. (Lucy & Josie's mom)