I am so happy that Riley will be coming home with me in just a couple weeks. He is such a little monkey and he will be a joy to have around.

On the other hand... today marks six months since I said goodbye to my sweet Alley. I remember it like it was yesterday and I didn't think I would ever stop crying. Well, I don't cry every day now, but there is still at least once or twice a week that just thinking about her has me crying like a baby.

Little Riley has already burrowed his way into my heart and taken up his own space there, but there will always be an empty place where Alley was that can never be filled.

I do, and will, love other cats. But Alley was my soulmate and I will miss her until my daying day. No one could ever take her place.

I read your Alley's story and felt your greif. Don't feel guilty for leaving her with your Mom and Son. That was her home , her safe haven. Plus she also had other furry freinds there. Besides it is quit obvious how much you loved her. I'm happy to hear that you got a new bundle of love. I hope that one day that I to will be able to open up my heart to a new freind. Because like you , I to feel like I have lost my soul mate and my heart is broken. I hope that Reily brings you lots of love and joy.

Alleys Mama

I well know that empty feeling. Like you I don't cry every day anymore. But I still cry a couple of times a week. I'm so sorry you are hurting for Alley and so happy you adopted Riley and are going to get to have him come and live with you soon.

We never forget, and a new baby doesn't make us feel any less empty or sad. They do give us things to smile about, sometimes when we are crying over our lost one.

Thinking of you and Alley, and Riley too.

Love

And nothing ever will take Alleys place. But that is not what love is all about, is it? Love is not about subsitution. We seem to think that love for something might be a measured thing. That there maybe only so much of that love that we have to go around. A "finite" amount of love implies that if you only have so much love to give you would have to relinquish it so you can love something else. That would lead one to conclude (and falsely) that they had to "replace" the love they had, for they love they now wish to give since they only posess a specific amount of it.

We seem to feel the need to "explain" that we are not replacing the forever lost furbaby that we love still today so dearly. We seem to feel the need to enforce the belief that we are not "betraying or forgetting" our babies that brought us so much joy. I think this is another one of guilts many disguises to try and slip back into our lives and return us to the misery of the past. It is an ominous warning that it is always lurking and continually ready to return us to the past and commence complete control of our lives. This aspect of our physche makes us feel vunerable. We are afraid that some vicious attack may be imposed upon us by another using this vunerability. This would surely open up the door for the guilt monster to rush in and begin total domination of our lives.

Paula.....I have read enough of your posts to honestly say that not only do you have a heart of gold but one that is larger than life as well. You never have to explain to anyone that Alley will always be in your heart. It is a re-occurring theme in some your posts in which you talk of your new furbaby "Riley". I have wanted to speak of it for a bit now but was afraid to. I never want to harm anyone like you with what I believe to be true. But we have to try believing in the idea (this includes me too!) that love is not a thing to be measured but a force that knows no boundrys or amounts. So many others have this theme that runs through their posts too and it is so sad that we go on explaining this thing to each other when really to all of us it should be so obvious! It seems ingrained within us that we need to reassure others because of this percieved "notion" we have, that a new furbaby will some how be construed as forsaking the furbaby we came here with in the first place. We appear to be convinced that through loving another creature, the furbaby of past is now doomed to the forgotten nevermore. This is simply the biggest lie we could ever tell ourselves. It is just plain wrong...it is the hideous face of guilt.

You are one of the keepers of the Creators great creatures. You have been given this gift because it is understood by Something far greater than ourselves, by Something that sees through our fears, by Something that knows YOU to your very core, that your love knows no bounds.

Hi Alley's mama,

I haven't been around the site much as Maisie has been ill but I was happy to read about Riley. You both deserve all the love you will give each other...and I do believe that he is Alley's gift to you. I also believe that Riley is taking "Riley's Place", not Alley's place - and that he is here to show you a different kind of love at a different time in your life. There will never be a replacement for Alley.

I can't believe it has been six months for you. When I joined in February it was still so fresh for you, yet you were there to support me every step of the way. I'm really so thankful for that. And I completely understand the feeling that hits you out of the blue - a little less often, but still as powerful - that reminds you of what you had and what you lost. It happens to me when I am least prepared for it and the pain is overwhelming sometimes.

I wish there were words that would take the pain away on this awful "anniversary". I know there aren't, though, to take away heartbreak. Just please know that my thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you and Alley, and I'm sending a big, warm welcome to Riley.

Thank you everyone. Your support means so much to me.

John - you always seem to know just what I am feeling. I guess I have been suffering some guilt over adopting a new furbaby. I know that he is every bit as deserving of a loving home as Alley is and he will definitely get that with me. It just seems so unfair that I had to give up one, to gain another. I guess I'm selfish but I want it all. I want him AND Alley, together.

I am still hoping that someday my girl will be reborn and find her way back to me. I just wish that in the meantime, I would have a visit from her or a pleasant dream instead of the nightmares that I usually have.