Hi I'm new here and this is my first post. It was a month yesterday that I had to make the decision to put my best freind Max to rest. I'm devistated and I feel so guilty. He was a 9 year old yellow lab that was healthy through out his life ,then out of now where he became sicker and sicker. He started with a slight limp on his back left leg. I brought him to his vet,she thought it was his knee, maybe a sprain, Gave me inflamitory pills and sent me and said if he's not better in a week call and make another appt. So within that week I did everything possible to care for Max. I closed off the steps, the coach was off limits, and playing catch with his favorite ball was put on hold. But he got worse, now he wouldn't even put his leg down. nor would he lay on his left side. Worst of all he started crying out in pain. If he laid on his bad side he would yelp the most horrific high pitched cries and I would hurry up and turn him on his good side. I knew something was wrong, he had sprains before and he never acted like this. Monday came and with extreme guilt I went to work. The minute I got there I knew I would be leaving early. I called my vet and they couldn't get him in, Tuesday was the earliest they could get him in, I practicly begged them to see him that day, ( I still have bad feelings towards them.)But Tuesday it would be, I reluctantly made the appt. My gut keep telling me something was terribly wrong so I made a appt. with a vet that some people recomended. I got the appt. that day and I told them I wanted x-rays done on his leg and hip. His hips were always a little tender after long walks exc. I thought it was just natural he was getting older. Well anyways the vet said that he had arthritis in his hips and that his left hip didn't look right. He up the dosage in inflam. told me if it isn't better in a week call he'll check and maybe set up a appt. with a othipedic surgen. He even gave him a pain shot. Brought Max home and now both hips hurt him. I didn't think he could cry any louder or worse but he did. Crying out in so much pain on pain medicine? How can that be? this isn't right. I blamed myself for bringing max to a different vet. Maybe the vet was forceful with him during the x-rays. When I brought him home he would not stop crying so I got some hot water and a towel and keeped it on his hips. It seemed to work he layed silently but if I left him he would cry. The couch became my bed that month Max always slept up in the bedroom he never slept through the night alone before. So if he couldn't go up the stairs to be with me, I would go to him. I couldn't bare him suffering alone. Max actually seemed to get a little better he walked on his back leg now but still not nomal. Came home from work one day during that week and there was poo and pee in the downstairs bathroom. I live in a split level Max stayed in the main level so I had the steps that led upstairs and downstairs blocked off with chairs. Somehow he went down and back up the stairs without moving the chairs, I still don't no how he did it. But being the good boy that he is he didn't want to go to the bathroom in the main section of the house and doing so he went back to suspending his leg in the air again. Of corse I blamed myself for putting the chairs there., I should of bought gates. I called my regular vet and the other vet and asked for a recomendation on a orth. surgen. They both gave me the same name so that is where I brought max. Surprise , surprise, jugging by the x-rays i brought him it may be cancer. Cancer! what! Are u sure it's not a pulled muscle, hip dissplacement, anything? He's unsure by the ex-rays very seldom is he unsure? Here is some more pills and a higher dose in painkills come back in a week not doing better may have to do a biopsy. Bring my poor dog home another week of pain now his leg is swollen. Sorry let me back track a little. Do you know how dogs get elephant skin from lying on the same spot well during this whole month on maxes front right leg it started bleeding. All three vets told me they couldn't do anything for it (wrap it) becase it would restrict max from walking and being that he nursed his back left leg. So during this whole period Max front leg was always bleeding and i new it bothered him So I went and got pads and put pantihose around it to try and keep it in place To try to stop the bleeding and to give max more comfort because he had no choice but to lay on it because it was his back left hip that was bad. Anyways the week went by the whole time max was in pain the meds did help some he slept more. So Friday brought max back to the orth. surgen. Max leg swollen why? Lack of use was the response. His front leg is still bleeding . Can't wrap it. Come back next week schedule him for a biopsy. Is the biopsy going to be painful for him I ask. Well during the surgery he won't feel it but after yes. He has to make a bigger insision then usaul because its the hip and he has to go deep down. So thats the end of this visit! nothing accomplished again, nothing done for my dog again! jesus the dog is in pain ! What do they care it's not their beloved pet suffering and crying night after night. Make the appt. for wed. 5 days away. During which Max is going down hill he's eating least but still eating he just couldn't resist porkchops, hamburger, and steak .His peeing is irregular and uncontrolled. Sunday my dog is blindand terrified he's afraid to walk to do anything I have to stay by him and touch him or he cries. Emergancy hospital, No i didn't bring him tommorow I will bring him to a vet. Monday May 7th I went to work I hate myself for doing so but the whole month I called off and left early so often. Left work early max appt. is for 3:45. I got a appt. with my moms dog vet. Me and Max took a nap. Woke up and my sister came over to help carry max in a blanket outside. He went pee it came out real slow and in spurts. The day is beautiful max loves lying in the sun. Max sister comes over(she lives next store.) They give kisses and she lays down basking in the sun with max. Time to go to the vet we get Max on the blanket and put him in the car. At the vet they help put him right in a room. First time I'm at this vet the place is beutiful it's not your typicl vet hospital. We are in this room that is like a sun room with windows all around. I open up some windows it's very warm Max isn't nervous at all he puts his head down and snuggles it in his blanket. I ask for some water for max and they bring him some. I'm so happy he looks so comfortable. I tell them I want the works done everything! Please find out what it is . Why is he blind? Does he have cancer? What! what! What please he's in sooo much pain. Max e-rays are at the orth. surgens I did not bring them. I have to know whats wrong I don't want him to suffer through a biopsy. If he's in so much pain now? how will he be afterwords. Is he strong enough to get a biopsy. He went blind maybe it is something other than cancer. Vet ask if I want to get x-rays done. I'm undecided and told them how painful the others where and that I don't wan't him to have that pain again. He's very nice and explains why there was pain. Then i think I have to know, what if it is something else maybe just maybe. They pick max up to carry him away I can't go to the x-rays with him ,he looked scared his neck was streached out and his eyes looked like they where popping out . I feel so guilty. My sister came to the vet with me and when they took max she went outside. the vet has animals gated in I watch my sister through the window pick grass and feed them to the goats. Then all the animals come rushing towards her she runs from the fence. I laugh and yell out the window to her that she's a chicken. she comes over to the window and we laugh about her running from the animal. The vet comes in and tells her to come inside. I say it's o.k Max is my dog I thought he didn't know if max was mine or hers. I don't remember her comming in the door . I just remember her being by me when I started crying. The x-rays showed how max hip was dissinigrated and fractured a tumor was underneath his hip bone and it was pushing the hip outwards. I couldn't beleive my eyes this much happened since his last x-rays 4 weeks before. The tumor had something to do with him not going to the bathroom properly it was pushing on his inside organs or something. He siad he won't get better and that he is in terrible pain. I told him I read about that cancer on the internet and the success rate was not good it only prolonged their life and usally came back in other areas. He said yes and that if a tumor was found on a dogs limbs( ankle ,knee) The whole limb would half to be amputated. I didn't even ask about Max being amputated because like where would u start the ampitation. the cancer was in his hip. I mean is it even possible? He thinks there was another one starting in his chest. I knew I couldn't let him suffer no more. It was now around 5:00 my husband would be home. I called and cried I wanted to give him the choise to see Max again or should I put him down. He to did not want to see him suffer and we agreed to say good bye to Max. The vet wasn't possitive why Max went blind he said his blood count was low and that could be why. So many questions I didn't ask because I was to distraut. Can my new freinds please help me? Like how long did Max have this cancer? A couple months before Max leg got bad he would whimper here and there. I thought he wanted attention because I would pet him and he would stop. Now I'm not so sure. After he would eat he would wine a little . I let him out to go the bathroom. Then I thought it was his food unfortunitly i feed him natural choice dry mixed with nutra max wet(recall). Could that of contributed to his cancer. On the net it said osteosarcoma formed on lower joints or inujred. I never once read about it forming in the hip. Do you think he had a hip injury I didn't know about that brought on the cancer? If I didn't bring him from vet to vet do you think one of the vets would of caught the cancer berfore it formed the tumor? I just don't understand how it all went down hill so fast. What happened? Thanks for listening, I'm sorry this is so long i'm just so confused and angry. Wasn't there any tell tale signs for these vets that the cancer was there,If so maybe I could of caught it in time and Max would be with me. thanks , bye.

I can not answer your many questions regarding the health of your pet. I do see a trend in those many questions that I think does need attention. I will start by asking you one question. If you had the answers to all of these questions do you think that this will change anything right now? Of course you don't. The answer is simply, no. I had to have my 8 year old baby commited to "rest eternal" not knowing what was fully wrong with her. What I did know is things were happenning very fast and her quality of life began to flicker and decrease rapidly. I was absolutely devastated. Now she is gone. Writing that makes me cry. But that's OK. You however are getting stuck in the typical early quandry of the grief process. The "what ifs". These can never be solved. It does you no good to sit and ponder them. I did that and caused myself undue harm. Please it isn't worth it. Max is gone and you must attempt to move by the "what ifs". These two small words are the disguise used by guilt to keep you in the past with your now gone furbaby. This sickening monster will consume all your thoughts and energy if you let it. You must spend no time in this state of mind.



Already are apparent the initial stages of grief that deserve no time. Anger, guilt, its all there in just that one statement. I know how you feel. I lost two babies within three months of each other and after the second loss I spent way too much time on guilt and anger. I paid the price through declining health. You will too if you stay in that state of mind.

You MUST grieve the loss of your best friend. It is painful. I am scared to death of that kind of emotional pain. It manifests the deepest sorrow we as a species can ever know, but it is necessary for us to heal and move forward so we can remember the positive things about our furbabies. I am finally here with mine. Talking about this however brings me back to the sorrow stage. I cry for my babies once again. But that is OK. Sometimes we will go "back in time" with grief. We just can't stay there. You must proceed to the "sorrow' part of this grief and mourn your baby so you can begin healing too. It is the only way. Please believe me. I understand exactly how you feel.

Come here and vent your anger and guilt through posting. Get rid of it. Be done with it. Then cry that river for your baby and begin to heal your soul.

Take care my friend. I will be watching for you.

Thank you xrayspex for your reply. It helps to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.