Hi everyone. I found this wonderful web site after Googling loss of pets or something.So in between the copious tears, I read some of your entries which gave me solace.

When I was working in a place called Logan Holme, my wife and I decided to get another dog. She knew how much I loved Golden Labradors and had booked me one with a breeder for a Christmas delivery. Not a week later, a girl at work was walking with her mother one night and came upon this little puppy on a roundabout. They'd seen this guy holding it and then putting it down and leaving. He siad it wasn't his and walked away. Of course they couldn't do that, so brought it home. The next day at work, Angela, came to me and siad they'd found a puppy,and knowing that I'd been banging on about getting a new friend,asked if I'd like to go check her find out at their place. "I think she's a labrador.. She's got really big feet". Well, I pop around after work and have a look. Yep, I was trapped orright. This beautiful black and tan fluffy puppy(Kelpie cross). I reckoned its' insides were longer than it outsides because its bottom kinda stuck out a little and her feet were huge.. She was so cute and took to me straight away. So I drove the 56klms up the motorway home with this puppy on the passenger seat just looking at me the whole way.
When I'd got home, my wife is in the kitchen preparing dinner. It wasn't late night shopping so I must have been held up in traffic.(I was trying to make it without needing to phone-and lie). The back door was open so I just reached in and put the puppy in the laundry doorway at the end of the kitchen. My wife Tracey looked up and saw this little puppy standing there looking up at her.
Now the fun begins.
What do we call her. We only took about ten goes and named her Ellie-Mae. We were still right into country music at the time and the name ,we thought at the time, was pretty unique. (oh dear..like when you get a second hand car, you see them everywhere afterwards).
I used to worry about what I had to do to make her grow. Needless to say, she showed me with great aplomb. Before long , our neighbours were letting us know that during the day they'd put her back over the 3ft fence a few times that day.. wound up being everday. We also had some dodgy types as neighbours not far away, I was soo worried that Ellie would be taken.
We then spent $1800 on a new 6ft hardwood paling fence.
Storm season came. Ellie began trying to climb the fence..and my beloved Toyota parked in the carport.. which sported a 3 year old paint job.. and now sports 9 year old scratch marks. Poor Ellie is gun-shy and was desperately looking for me, I was taking the train to work by then and the car that she knows so well,usually has me in it.. So ANDREW GET OUT HERE AND SAVE ME FROM THE THUNDER!
Her teenage years were a handful. Several barrow loads full actually. All the normal "pain in the tail" puppy things.. midnight poos&pees on the carpet, chewed furniture, one rose bed, the stem of a native plant that flowers once every 100 years(and this was THE time) , garden hose,socks.. if we'd had anything to do with it or touched it.. fair game..
She'd jump up on visitors,lick them.. We eventually took her to obedience school in the evenings. She won the most improved dog in school that semester.
I'll have to dig it out and frame it. We'd also scored a little foxy/chiauaua(sp) cross as Tracey's dog. So she had a companion. You'd never see such chalk and cheese dogs. Ellie would stand over Leroy and still have clearance. One day Tracey saw him being carried around with his head in her mouth. There was a little jealousy there,but they grew to be very close mates. We all did. Leroy is still a very shy and timid dog(unless you're walking past our house), but Ellie was the one who was always demanding and in our faces.If I wasn't at work, I was with Ellie Moo (the mufty dog). We grew such a close bond. You know when you've got a good one, when you're out on the nature strip pulling weeds and the gate is open.She sits right by you and doesn't run off..
She'd developed a few games over time. Our ###### was "MATRIX CHICKEN".
We stand apart facing each other (this is the chicken part) and then run straight at each other after staring each other down. Just as we meet, we both jump up and spin around (The Matrix part) landing facing each other ready to go again. We'd chase each other anywhere.. in the house, in the yard or out on the wide nature strip outside. neighbours would see me chasing her going one direction and then we'd go past the other way Ellie chasing me.
"Step on Ellie's toes" was another good one. It would drive her silly.. I'd just touched her feet with mine and she'd pull that one back so I'd do to the other.. or all four.
I found that my last pet, Neddie The Cat, talked a lot. I just began talking to it and it started to reply. I did the same with Ellie and she became quite vocal. Not howl, but would do this.. "tim the toolman" oh oh ohh.. So I'd tell her. " Heavy equipment!" Bowoh ohhhhh oohhh. This would become her most loved trademark.
I'd stay up late and she'd get fed up with having to watch over both ends of the house..so she's come to me a softly growl.. "get to bed, I'm tired".

I found myself kneeling down and wrapping my arms around her body and hugging her more and more. She had a nice doggy smell and her fur was always shiny so I'd like to just put my face on her side,or her ears or head. I usually scored a lick on the cheek.That long pink tongue would getcha outa nowhere..

In the last two months, I'd twice woken in tears. I'd dreamt that I'd lost Ellie-Mae. Sometimes whilst awake, the thought would pop into my head. Either the feeling I'd experience of her loss, or that day when I could no longer see her. When this happened, I'd get her asap and give her a big hug and kiss on her fur.
I'd sometimes in recent past, told my wife,Tracey,our Mums and few others how I'd hate to lose her. Id give her a hug asap.
She'd been diagnosed with arthritis in the hip and this would get worse..and winter was coming.I wasn't looking forward to this. But we prepared her with medication and lots of tuna in her diet.

Last Sunday, I'd erroniously given both dogs a bone each from my wife's soup. She'd left them out to take off the soft ends for them and dispose of the actual bone bits. Not being a cook, I thought that they'd be okay(they'd been put in the same conatiner as their coming breakfast).. so they munched on them. We noticed Ellie was bleeding a little from the gums later in the morning. Wasn't too bad and I'd got rid of the remaining bones when realised our horrible error. I washed Ellie and we'd played Matrix Chicken outside on the path. She did seem to tire a little,so we went back inside. Sunday night her gums were still bleeding. Booked in with vet for Monday morning. Tracey took her over and they gave her a jab of probably vitamin K and some pain relief tabs. She was expected to clot and be "dry" by Tuesday morning. If not bring her in. Brought her in.
They were very concerned and asked to leave there for the day for tests and observation and they'd call me about 4pm.
I stayed home from work all day..hoping they'd call and say come pick her up she's ok now.
4pm. The tests have come back and I must get over there immediately and take her to the specialist at Albany Creek.
I began to cry. I drove over in peak hour traffic,the two girls at the vets carried Ellie to the car and told me not to drive harshly as it would upset her. So the little Corolla was floored in 3rd gear instead. I'd not known of this place before where the specialist were and got lost. I found a woman walking her Lab' and asked for directions.. she suddenly realised that the street I was after was right behind her.. so down this road in suburbia Brisbane.. all the commercial properties had given way to residential.... this place can't be here!! Okay, well I do remember some places at the very end.. I look at the "we are here" map on the card (way out of scale etc).. and I look up.. that looks like the place! Poor Ellie was looking pretty bad. I'd looked over my shoulder along the way and saw her crawl forward and be sick. Just blood. I get there and carry her in as gently as I could.
Tracey was not far behind me. I was already on my knees crying like a baby with our little mate. A vet took her in for a scan and xray. 45minutes went like seconds.. my head was pounding from lack of food and water and the whole situation..
She came back out and lead us into one of the little rooms there. She expained on the white board what they found.
No platelets, near zero red blood cells and no protien..that was from the tests earlier..but the scan showed a colouration on her liver and a thickening of her stomach. As much I'd like her to say there's a chance..I knew instinctively... I knew what was coming. She'd need blood transfusions every couple of hours, marrow transfusion.. and they can't do any exploritory surgery becuase she'd bleed nonstop once sown back up. If she had just one of the symptoms, we stood a fair chance of getting through..but all three.. She just didn't stand a chance.
We could of done all sorts of things but in the end, she'd be half the dog she was,and need constant attention and weekly vet care/tests.
The vets prepared another room for us to be with Ellie. There she was..very groggy. She was with two other staffers making her comfortable. We were then left alone with her. I just laid right there on the floor next to her,telling her how much I love her and I'll miss her so much. I could feel her breath out her nose. It was so faint. The lady vet who was helping came back in after a little while with the dish of things. I just kept my face up close to Ellie's as she very gently administered the hardest decision of loving person's life.
I was holding El's head when it became heavier and then heavy. I saw the life fall away from her eyes as I mournfully gazed into them. I looked up at Tracey and she was a mess. When I came back, Ellie's eyes had dilated.
I cried like I've never cried before. I've cried and wailed,begging for her return ever since.
We are having her cremated and her ashes should be back with us shortly. I feel that when this has been done and we have her out the front in a sunny spot that I will feel her presence. I feel this the same way I felt that although I must try at all costs to get her to the specialists,that this wasn't going to be good.

Ever since, the drive home on Tuesday night, I have kept thinking of Garth Brook's "The Dance". I can't get it out of my mind.

Leroy is here and is slowly adapting..more quickly than myself,that's for sure.
I've been off work since. I hope to get into the saddle on Monday. I talk to people on the phone looking after motor claims. I hate it when they've hit a 'roo or other animals. So many people don't even check to see if it was a mother with a joey in it's pouch. One reason I want to leave this job. But otherwise my bosses are very very understanding of my situation.

The place just ain't the same. Ellie is everywhere.. she moulted all the time,so when I said at the vets' that she's everywhere at home, I wasn't kidding. I'll vac' and clean as per normal. I've brought in her toys,lead,collar and bowl and put them on her bed where she used to sleep.(right under my side of our bed).
I jingle her collar sometimes..that so familiar sounds of joy.The way the house would shake as she trotted in or out.. big happy smile.
I think I might search out a see-er.. a proper one.. one that wears normal clothes and does it to help rather than profit. When my Dad passed away, he gave a couple of strong signs afterwards. So I like to think I have a good chance of "tuning in".

I can't contemplate another pooch.. I know I'll be looking for another Ellie and unless I fluke a good re-incarnation, I'm not going to. I'll see how I go.

Thanks very much for reading this. I know it's very very long,but I just had to get this out and share it with others "who know".

kind regards to all.

Doggy Daddy. (Andrew)