It's 10 months today since Furry passed away - I wish I could say that it's easier now, but I haven't got to a point where I can think of the happy times yet. I'm still wondering if we could have saved her, if there were any other treatments that would have prolonged her short life. I also worry that by letting her go out in the garden with us & catch a mouse the week before she died brought on that last attack, that I should have stopped her from exerting herself & her heart might have kept going for longer. I know it's useless to think these things, but what can one do, when all I want is to have her back with me. Whenever I come in from work Bella (the rescue cat) comes to greet me now, but I just so want it to be Furry. Today is going to be hard. I will light candles for her, & try to watch the one & a half hours of her on DVD, which is all I have, but I haven't been able to watch it for months.
Judith

Dear Furry's mom, I am sorry that it is your tenth month mourning Furry. Though the first months are poignant, reaching the tenth month must be just as hard because the pain continued over and above time, stronger and longer than we might have expected, makes for a really rough ride. It helps me to look at photographs of my cats, it reminds me that they lived very happy lives ; when I see the pictures of the last years I can see how they had aged and it tells me that there is very little we can do to keep them longer than their life spans: 10 for some, 15 for others and 20 years for a lucky few....If we could have them back, we would pay any price for that. But there is no price, no way to bargain there is only this wound so slow to heal--- even then, when and if it does ever heal we will always have the great big scar that tells of our eternal love for them. A hard time for you Furry's mom, today, I will light an incense stick for you, send the scent up in the sky in prayer of support for you and all of us who are hurting so to be away from such beautiful loves. Take care all of you wonderful caring people.

Judith

I know how you feel so much. The "if onlys" still plague me night and day. All I can say is that I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope that someday, you can think of the happy times with your girl. As for the sadness, that will always be there in part. I know it will for me.

Thinking of you.

Paula

Dear toonie & paula,
Thank you i can't see to type for the tears. I watched dvd tonight of Furry it has broken my heart all again she was so beautiful & so happy & so strong apart from her heart it's so unfair she didn't deserve to die why couldn't it have been me instead then she could have lived on with my husband he doesn't work so she would always have had someone here i will never stop loving & missing her she is my best beloved forever & ever the pain is unbearable

It is so hard, isn't it? I don't have any video, but it always hurts me to look at pictures. At the same time, she is so beautiful, I love seeing her again.

Your Furry looks so pretty.

Magalene

You have made the journey back to the beginning of the grief process. I sense "anger" and "guilt" from you. I too have gone back to those feeligs from time to time. I think it is normal to a degree. We just sometimes repeat parts of the process through no fault of our own. However, I spend less time with those two monsters each time I go back and visit them. I hope you grow weary of them quickly too. They consume our energy and they keep us in the past where they like us. They are detrimental to moving forward. You know from other voices within you that you did what you could and you loved them with all of your soul. Search yourself. That voice IS there. That is the voice you should listen to. It is the voice of your furbaby inside you. It is the one true voice.

Take care my friend. I will be thinking of you.

Furry's Mom,
Furry loks so happy and content in the garden. Don't worry, the day is coming when you and Furry will be together again in the most beautiful garden of them all.
Bless you,
Steve

I am so sorry sorry about Furry's 10 month anniversary. I know how close you were, it sounds like she was so lucky to have you for a parent. Please post some more pictures of her.

Don't second guess yourself......you know in your heart that you did all you could and offered the best home possible for her. Don't beat your self up, you were the best parent ever to her. I am glad that you were able to watch the DVD, I am jealous that you have one, we don't have any videos of Misty and I sure wish we did.

Hang in there, I know it's tough and certainly know how it feels to not have your best friend at your side. I am definitely thinking of you.

Hugs, Amy (misty's Mama)